Tuesday, July 29, 2008
Summer
Hasn’t it been hot and sunny for a few days now? It is great if you are not working. Sunday was the best day I spent in days but Monday was unbearably hot at work. It was lovely to come home and sit in the garden in the evening though. Today was nice.
Got problems at work. When I am stressed “Sickie” gets stressed without even knowing anything about it. On top of that we are being indirectly forced to transfer the G.P. We moved in a new home many months ago. It is only a couple of miles away so I kept the care and service same until now but because the bungalow is in a different council area consultants and hospitals need to change. Seeing a new Consultant made “Sickie” a little unsettled. I was dreading a backward step in his health but luckily good weather and comfortable surrounding has kept him upbeat.
I had bought and stored a swing/hammock in the garage for months. I love the contraption! It was making “Sickie” upset that he could not assemble it for me.
On Sunday a friend and his wife came up and we put up the swing/hammock. “Sickie” was one happy man! We had lovely time with them in the garden all day. While doing the BBQ Mr. Sickie was sitting on his hammock giving instructions on how to do things. He can’t do anything himself but he will drive you made by telling you how to do things! It is great to have friends who offer understanding, help and support. Of course they get the same in return.
M…..Thank you for the comments. I have not sent you a message but have tried to keep up. Wish things start to get better for you.
You are right in picking up an upward tone in me – for now anyway – so making the most of it.
Back here again if I don’t melt away in this heat!
Saturday, July 19, 2008
You say it best when you say nothing at all
because then I can read your mind and hear what I want to hear.
Oh My God, It has been so long that I even forgot my log in name and password!
Many things have changed but then again many have stayed more or less the same. Am I the same person? No I don’t think I am. Then again may be I am….LOL…see, as ever stable and decisive??? Or not…..LOL
Let’s think now.
Although the home has moved I still have the old place.
Although work has changed I still have the old business.
Although he has immensely improved I still care for my old “sickie”.
Although new people have come along I still have my old friends.
Although I never wrote a new diary I still have my old blog.
Although I lost my lovely doggie I still have my loving mum.
Although I never got what I wanted I still have what I had.
So…can I say things have changed? Or should I say things are the same?
Only thing different is that I am posing this.
What about you?
Thursday, July 12, 2007
Thunder Thighs
On trial:
the thigh-slimming tights that bust your cellulite
They're the tights that promise to reduce the size of your thighs in five days.
As the Mail revealed last week, Marks & Spencer say wearing the £5 SPA Legcare Slimming tights for eight hours a day, for just five days, can make two out of three women's legs thinner.
They contain marine algae extracts and plant extracts of Ginkgo Biloba, to help stimulate microcirculation, increase blood flow and aid detoxification, all of which helps slim the thigh.
M&S claims each pair continues releasing the ingredients for up to ten separate wears.
Aren’t you surprised that I haven’t rushed off to M & S and bought entire stock of SPA Legcare tights they own? No, I haven’t, despite being the top contender of Thunder Thighs competition.
My parents lost their first child when she was only a few months old. I arrived soon after. They were so happy to end up with a “healthy” and alive daughter that they could only see only the perfection in their creation. Thus my thunder thighs went unnoticed.
When I went to school and college I was very obedient, sweet, active, studious, happy, humorous and popular. Thus my thunder thighs went unnoticed.
My young man was so mad about me that he was blind to all my faults. Thus my thunder thighs went unnoticed.
Since no one else noticed them I pretended that they were not there.
Years later the rose coloured tinted glasses came off. Thunder thighs were noticeable. They were still there. My thunder thighs were sticking by me through thick and thin just like faithful friends! They just would not leave me no matter what I tried. Eventually I gave up trying to shake them off.
Now why would I believe M & S can reduce them when other attempts were unsuccessful?
the thigh-slimming tights that bust your cellulite
They're the tights that promise to reduce the size of your thighs in five days.
As the Mail revealed last week, Marks & Spencer say wearing the £5 SPA Legcare Slimming tights for eight hours a day, for just five days, can make two out of three women's legs thinner.
They contain marine algae extracts and plant extracts of Ginkgo Biloba, to help stimulate microcirculation, increase blood flow and aid detoxification, all of which helps slim the thigh.
M&S claims each pair continues releasing the ingredients for up to ten separate wears.
Aren’t you surprised that I haven’t rushed off to M & S and bought entire stock of SPA Legcare tights they own? No, I haven’t, despite being the top contender of Thunder Thighs competition.
My parents lost their first child when she was only a few months old. I arrived soon after. They were so happy to end up with a “healthy” and alive daughter that they could only see only the perfection in their creation. Thus my thunder thighs went unnoticed.
When I went to school and college I was very obedient, sweet, active, studious, happy, humorous and popular. Thus my thunder thighs went unnoticed.
My young man was so mad about me that he was blind to all my faults. Thus my thunder thighs went unnoticed.
Since no one else noticed them I pretended that they were not there.
Years later the rose coloured tinted glasses came off. Thunder thighs were noticeable. They were still there. My thunder thighs were sticking by me through thick and thin just like faithful friends! They just would not leave me no matter what I tried. Eventually I gave up trying to shake them off.
Now why would I believe M & S can reduce them when other attempts were unsuccessful?
Sunday, July 08, 2007
The End
The End
Are these sharp shards of broken glass
Or has my dream come to an end?
Are these worn and beaten old tracks
Or has my journey come to an end?
Are these knives buried in my back
or has my blind trust come to an end?
Are these chameleons in camouflage
Or has my innocence come to an end?
Are these books full of blank pages
Or has my story come to an end?
Are these aching dark shadows
Or has my vision come to an end?
Are these rivers swollen with tears
Or has my smile come to an end?
Are these strangers invading my life
Or has my memory come to an end?
Are these moments of truth emerging
Or has my illusion come to an end?
Are these signs of a new beginning
Or has my love come to an end?
Are these sharp shards of broken glass
Or has my dream come to an end?
Are these worn and beaten old tracks
Or has my journey come to an end?
Are these knives buried in my back
or has my blind trust come to an end?
Are these chameleons in camouflage
Or has my innocence come to an end?
Are these books full of blank pages
Or has my story come to an end?
Are these aching dark shadows
Or has my vision come to an end?
Are these rivers swollen with tears
Or has my smile come to an end?
Are these strangers invading my life
Or has my memory come to an end?
Are these moments of truth emerging
Or has my illusion come to an end?
Are these signs of a new beginning
Or has my love come to an end?
Wednesday, May 30, 2007
Back to the Square one
What is it with some relationships that they just go round and round, get nowhere and end up in the same way?
You know that it is never going to change and you still keep falling in the same traps. You go through 1 to 10 and decide that it isn’t worth your efforts. You have ended up where you are – no where. Then a little while later something starts again and you are at number 1 again. You put the past at the back of your mind and enjoy your step 2, 3, 4, 5 and so on but lo and behold you are there again – on the downward spiral.
Why do I let myself still be sad and upset? I just haven’t got the strength to end it and call it a day. Why though? There isn’t a lot to end really. What have I got? Not a lot really. Then why am I stuck and can’t let go? Why am clutching at straws? It is not desperation. Even if I have options, my heart is still drawn to 1 to 10 cycle. Why?
There I thought 3 months self exile had cured me and bang! One word and we are back to the square one.
You know that it is never going to change and you still keep falling in the same traps. You go through 1 to 10 and decide that it isn’t worth your efforts. You have ended up where you are – no where. Then a little while later something starts again and you are at number 1 again. You put the past at the back of your mind and enjoy your step 2, 3, 4, 5 and so on but lo and behold you are there again – on the downward spiral.
Why do I let myself still be sad and upset? I just haven’t got the strength to end it and call it a day. Why though? There isn’t a lot to end really. What have I got? Not a lot really. Then why am I stuck and can’t let go? Why am clutching at straws? It is not desperation. Even if I have options, my heart is still drawn to 1 to 10 cycle. Why?
There I thought 3 months self exile had cured me and bang! One word and we are back to the square one.
Monday, May 28, 2007
Not a good day
In a way lot has happened in the last 3 months but I will catch up with that as I go along. In a way, though, nothing has changed! How can that be?
I thought I was going through a bad patch of depression. Normally it is a day or two here or there but this time it continued for several weeks. Not that I have ever been diagnosed or have taken any medicine for it but I know myself that it is not how I should be feeling. All day I would be functioning normally but at the end of the day I felt as if I am completely empty. Nothing is there, nothing is real and nothing can change anything. Even if things could be changed I didn’t know to what.
At times I don’t realised how strong I am. I seem to go through situations and bounce back – just like my old doggie. At times I have noticed that people I have relied on for being stronger have broken before me. Or is it a case that looking at things from outside keeps you to keep your control and offer advice and help but when it comes to your own self it is hard to handle?
Anyway I came to find out that my brother has been ill and been depressed for a few days. I am not surprised that he is ill with extra stress he has taken but it never occurred to me that he will be suffering from a depression. Almost everyone suffers from depression once in life for something or the other but he has always given the impression that he can cope with stress. The biggest stress is of course my mum and my sister-in-law. My brother is torn between both of them. If they don’t back off – especially his wife – they are going to be sorry. I am very worried about him.
I dragged Sickie to the pictures tonight to cheer ourselves up. As he is always cold he had the zip of his jacket right up to his neck. As we sat down he wanted to take the zip down but it got stuck. I tried but I couldn’t do it either. All the time during the film he kept messing around with his jacket and still not managed to undo it. I just couldn’t concentrate on the film.
As we came out I noticed that the case of my mobile had disappeared. I only bought it yesterday so I went back to check under the seats. It was dark and scary in the empty auditorium. Eventually I got the steward with a torch and we found the case. It wasn’t worth the effort as it seems to be torn anyway.
Not a good day.
I thought I was going through a bad patch of depression. Normally it is a day or two here or there but this time it continued for several weeks. Not that I have ever been diagnosed or have taken any medicine for it but I know myself that it is not how I should be feeling. All day I would be functioning normally but at the end of the day I felt as if I am completely empty. Nothing is there, nothing is real and nothing can change anything. Even if things could be changed I didn’t know to what.
At times I don’t realised how strong I am. I seem to go through situations and bounce back – just like my old doggie. At times I have noticed that people I have relied on for being stronger have broken before me. Or is it a case that looking at things from outside keeps you to keep your control and offer advice and help but when it comes to your own self it is hard to handle?
Anyway I came to find out that my brother has been ill and been depressed for a few days. I am not surprised that he is ill with extra stress he has taken but it never occurred to me that he will be suffering from a depression. Almost everyone suffers from depression once in life for something or the other but he has always given the impression that he can cope with stress. The biggest stress is of course my mum and my sister-in-law. My brother is torn between both of them. If they don’t back off – especially his wife – they are going to be sorry. I am very worried about him.
I dragged Sickie to the pictures tonight to cheer ourselves up. As he is always cold he had the zip of his jacket right up to his neck. As we sat down he wanted to take the zip down but it got stuck. I tried but I couldn’t do it either. All the time during the film he kept messing around with his jacket and still not managed to undo it. I just couldn’t concentrate on the film.
As we came out I noticed that the case of my mobile had disappeared. I only bought it yesterday so I went back to check under the seats. It was dark and scary in the empty auditorium. Eventually I got the steward with a torch and we found the case. It wasn’t worth the effort as it seems to be torn anyway.
Not a good day.
Thursday, April 19, 2007
Bad News
Coming back with a bad news – not that I had gone anywhere! My mind, focus and energy have been a little slow lately. Perhaps I had one or two diversions to distract me from writing my thoughts. On the other hand blogging also felt like talking to myself. Why should I type on the keyboard when I am just talking to myself?
The bad news – a friend of 18 years was cremated today. She was found in bed by her son who lived with her. The son checked in the morning and saw her in bed. When he returned late afternoon she was still in the same position. What a way to find someone you love! Still it is good for the one who goes. That is a good way to go – without suffering and lingering. Although this friend had been ill for the last 8 years there was no immediate sign of deterioration.
A while ago I mentioned this friend who was a fighter and would not give in to a brain tumour. Eight years ago she was given 6 months to live, paralysed neck down, but she stayed on another seven and a half years and walked and cared for herself. The irony was that when she managed to take a few steps, after 2 years of paralysis, her healthy husband died of a stroke overnight without any warnings or symptoms.
I am sad that I lost a friend but I am more sad that the last few years I didn’t give her much of my time. I took on two businesses, changed my lifestyle, took on more challenges and generally kept too busy to reach out to someone who really would have appreciated my time. For my own guilty feeling I am glad that I phoned her only a couple of days earlier to apologise that I cancelled our last two meetings but we will meet up next Friday. That Friday came but she wasn't there. To my suggestion that she should come up to my place sometimes she asked when am I there - never - she laughed.
This makes me think that everyone should do everything they want to, at the time they can because tomorrow it may not be possible.
The bad news – a friend of 18 years was cremated today. She was found in bed by her son who lived with her. The son checked in the morning and saw her in bed. When he returned late afternoon she was still in the same position. What a way to find someone you love! Still it is good for the one who goes. That is a good way to go – without suffering and lingering. Although this friend had been ill for the last 8 years there was no immediate sign of deterioration.
A while ago I mentioned this friend who was a fighter and would not give in to a brain tumour. Eight years ago she was given 6 months to live, paralysed neck down, but she stayed on another seven and a half years and walked and cared for herself. The irony was that when she managed to take a few steps, after 2 years of paralysis, her healthy husband died of a stroke overnight without any warnings or symptoms.
I am sad that I lost a friend but I am more sad that the last few years I didn’t give her much of my time. I took on two businesses, changed my lifestyle, took on more challenges and generally kept too busy to reach out to someone who really would have appreciated my time. For my own guilty feeling I am glad that I phoned her only a couple of days earlier to apologise that I cancelled our last two meetings but we will meet up next Friday. That Friday came but she wasn't there. To my suggestion that she should come up to my place sometimes she asked when am I there - never - she laughed.
This makes me think that everyone should do everything they want to, at the time they can because tomorrow it may not be possible.
Thursday, March 15, 2007
Lurking
Just a quick visit to see if all is well with everyone. Once in a while I have checked up on you all.
Thank you all for the birthday wishes - texts, phones, blog and emails.
I haven't been keeping up with my blog but I haven't moved on either. Sooner or later I will start my rambling again. In the mean time when I am here it feels like I am visiting my second home.
Keep well and see you soon.
Thank you all for the birthday wishes - texts, phones, blog and emails.
I haven't been keeping up with my blog but I haven't moved on either. Sooner or later I will start my rambling again. In the mean time when I am here it feels like I am visiting my second home.
Keep well and see you soon.
Thursday, February 22, 2007
Yesterday is History -22.02.2007
Yesterday is History,
'Tis so far away
Yesterday is Poetry
'Tis Philosophy
Yesterday is mystery
Where it is Today
While we shrewdly speculate
Flutter both away
…….. Emily Dickinson
So today is the start of another year in my life. Was last year significant? I am sure it was – I am here, aren’t I? But without trying to recall I can’t even remember what happened in my life during last year. Time is passing by. Years are going fast. Is that a good sign or bad? Don’t they say that is the sign of getting old?
I think I have a lot to look forward to in the next year. Next week I will know the result of something I have taken part in. If I win there will be more time taken up from my life. Is this an escapist route that I am taking? If you stop long enough you might have a peek in your life and in your mind. Am I frightened to see what is there? Perhaps not entirely true. I think I need to have something more than just usual day to day life to keep me going.
Today I am not going to think “what if”, “how” and “whys” of my life. I am going to enjoy my birthday. I am going to be the centre of attention (oh it’s no different to any other day then!..lol) and have a good time. OK, it has started from the last week-end. I have something special every day of the week.
Here is to 22nd February 2007. Join me on my birthday for a celebration. x
'Tis so far away
Yesterday is Poetry
'Tis Philosophy
Yesterday is mystery
Where it is Today
While we shrewdly speculate
Flutter both away
…….. Emily Dickinson
So today is the start of another year in my life. Was last year significant? I am sure it was – I am here, aren’t I? But without trying to recall I can’t even remember what happened in my life during last year. Time is passing by. Years are going fast. Is that a good sign or bad? Don’t they say that is the sign of getting old?
I think I have a lot to look forward to in the next year. Next week I will know the result of something I have taken part in. If I win there will be more time taken up from my life. Is this an escapist route that I am taking? If you stop long enough you might have a peek in your life and in your mind. Am I frightened to see what is there? Perhaps not entirely true. I think I need to have something more than just usual day to day life to keep me going.
Today I am not going to think “what if”, “how” and “whys” of my life. I am going to enjoy my birthday. I am going to be the centre of attention (oh it’s no different to any other day then!..lol) and have a good time. OK, it has started from the last week-end. I have something special every day of the week.
Here is to 22nd February 2007. Join me on my birthday for a celebration. x
Thursday, February 15, 2007
Silence
Quote:
If you do not understand my words,
You will not understand my silence.
If you do not understand my words,
You will not understand my silence.
Wednesday, February 14, 2007
Single's Day
Are you doing anything special for Valentine’s Day? It doesn’t have to be something too extravagant. Any small gesture to let your loved one know that it is their day doesn’t go amiss. They are your priority tonight (except of course the dog, who wants to go out the minute you serve up your Valentine supper!).
I agree that just like Christmas, Valentines Day is also too commercialised. People go overboard, perhaps at times showing off. I think some bosses may be peeved off by loss of work time if all the girls start getting flowers and heart shaped balloons at work! (In my case it is sour grapes now that I don’t get them in my slightly (only slightly) mature days,)
Then there are some who say they don’t believe in Valentine’s Day. Don’t you think it is just a cop out? Why shouldn't a day be a special day when you show your appreciation to your partner? We don't have many festivals like some other cultures do and having something special boosts the morals and the spirit. It is like any special occasion but better because there is social togetherness with other people doing the same thing. Festivals are something to look forward to and divert your attention away from day to day life.
Only problem to this is when you don’t have or don’t want someone special to share it with. When everyone else around you is doing couple things it is quite annoying when no provision is made for single people who want to celebrate too. Why don’t we have a Single’s Day as well?
I agree that just like Christmas, Valentines Day is also too commercialised. People go overboard, perhaps at times showing off. I think some bosses may be peeved off by loss of work time if all the girls start getting flowers and heart shaped balloons at work! (In my case it is sour grapes now that I don’t get them in my slightly (only slightly) mature days,)
Then there are some who say they don’t believe in Valentine’s Day. Don’t you think it is just a cop out? Why shouldn't a day be a special day when you show your appreciation to your partner? We don't have many festivals like some other cultures do and having something special boosts the morals and the spirit. It is like any special occasion but better because there is social togetherness with other people doing the same thing. Festivals are something to look forward to and divert your attention away from day to day life.
Only problem to this is when you don’t have or don’t want someone special to share it with. When everyone else around you is doing couple things it is quite annoying when no provision is made for single people who want to celebrate too. Why don’t we have a Single’s Day as well?
Tuesday, February 13, 2007
Happy Valentine's Day - 14.02.2007
"What is the difference between your love and my love?"
Answer :
My love is a bird flying in the sky
Your love is a bird singing in the cage.
Life in a Love
Robert Browning
Escape me?
Never—
Beloved!
While I am I, and you are you,
So long as the world contains us both,
Me the loving and you the loth,
While the one eludes, must the other pursue.
My life is a fault at last, I fear:
It seems too much like a fate, indeed!
Though I do my best I shall scarce succeed.
But what if I fail of my purpose here?
It is but to keep the nerves at strain,
To dry one's eyes and laugh at a fall,
And baffled, get up to begin again,—
So the chase takes up one's life, that's all.
While, look but once from your farthest bound,
At me so deep in the dust and dark,
No sooner the old hope drops to ground
Than a new one, straight to the selfsame mark,
I shape me—
Ever
Removed!
Answer :
My love is a bird flying in the sky
Your love is a bird singing in the cage.
Life in a Love
Robert Browning
Escape me?
Never—
Beloved!
While I am I, and you are you,
So long as the world contains us both,
Me the loving and you the loth,
While the one eludes, must the other pursue.
My life is a fault at last, I fear:
It seems too much like a fate, indeed!
Though I do my best I shall scarce succeed.
But what if I fail of my purpose here?
It is but to keep the nerves at strain,
To dry one's eyes and laugh at a fall,
And baffled, get up to begin again,—
So the chase takes up one's life, that's all.
While, look but once from your farthest bound,
At me so deep in the dust and dark,
No sooner the old hope drops to ground
Than a new one, straight to the selfsame mark,
I shape me—
Ever
Removed!
Saturday, January 27, 2007
The Last King of Scotland
Soon after I recovered from my chest infection I met up a friend I had not seen lately. It is always a dilemma about what to do if you are not too keen on a drink or a meal. Luckily it was the first day the film “The Last King of Scotland” was released so we went to see that.
I have never been to Africa but Sickie often talks about it. I know quite a few people from Africa and I have heard many stories about Idi Amin so I knew I would like the film.
When Amin came to power in a coup against Milton Obote people thought he was going to bring in the new age, peace and prosperity. Once Amin took control of Uganda he showed his true self as a dictator who would use horrific violence and intimidation to stay in power.
The film is based on a fictitious story but the incidents I have heard are not too far from the story. The last part of the film was nail biting and the violent scenes froze my blood. Of course there are more violent and chilling thrillers and horror films out there but this film made more impact on me knowing that it was all true and people I know have gone through the terror of escaping from Amin’s regime.
Forest Whitaker has given a brilliant performance as Amin. For a minute you forget that Whitaker is acting. You can feel Amin’s intensity, fury, hatred, humour and his charm and you can see his weak insecure mind one minute and a complete monstrous act the next. Other roles were just as good. I really enjoyed the film.
I have never been to Africa but Sickie often talks about it. I know quite a few people from Africa and I have heard many stories about Idi Amin so I knew I would like the film.
When Amin came to power in a coup against Milton Obote people thought he was going to bring in the new age, peace and prosperity. Once Amin took control of Uganda he showed his true self as a dictator who would use horrific violence and intimidation to stay in power.
The film is based on a fictitious story but the incidents I have heard are not too far from the story. The last part of the film was nail biting and the violent scenes froze my blood. Of course there are more violent and chilling thrillers and horror films out there but this film made more impact on me knowing that it was all true and people I know have gone through the terror of escaping from Amin’s regime.
Forest Whitaker has given a brilliant performance as Amin. For a minute you forget that Whitaker is acting. You can feel Amin’s intensity, fury, hatred, humour and his charm and you can see his weak insecure mind one minute and a complete monstrous act the next. Other roles were just as good. I really enjoyed the film.
Thursday, January 25, 2007
Is anyone there?
It has been a long time again, hasn’t it? Dark nights, cold weather, too much work and stress get together to bring on the apathy. When it all gets you down you think is there any point to this? Is there anyone out there who is bothered if you are here or not? Then slowly your mood picks up and you realise that you do this for yourself. It doesn’t matter if anyone else is there or not, you are here and that’s what counts.
We have had a tough month with the repair work when some idiot decided to pull off and take away the drain pipe from my front wall and another idiot decided to drive into the other end of my wall and then just drive off. Police are not interested as it must be reported within 24 hours. The fact that you were out of the country wasn’t relevant.
On top of that I ended up with a very bad chest infection and felt so ill that I had to be off work. I am better now and in a way it was a good lesson to learn. Once in a while I get a shock like this to remind me to look after myself. If something were to happen to me then there would be a chaos around me. No one has a clue about anything in my business or the house. Sickie certainly will not be able to cope. I must put everything in order and organise things so it is easier if I wasn’t well. My dog was the biggest worry when I was ill. Since she has to go out almost every 3 hours it was hard to drag myself out of bed to go downstairs and out.
Things have been calmer and controlled for a long time since I pulled away from being emotional with “The most annoying person in the world”. Although It makes me wonder if I actually have got the control over myself like I thought I had. The most annoying person in the world has got it made. All the arguments used to be when it was pointed out that one person was always taking and not giving anything. Now that I don't expect things the life is straight forward. Although when the cap is on the other head there are many complaints.
Even though you know that someone is never going to change why can’t you give up on them? If someone is acting selfish and uncaring towards you then why should you always be there for them?
You communicate with someone almost every day and one day you tell them you are very ill. You don’t get in touch for more than a week. When you do the person gives a full list of how bad their week has been but never asks you how you are then don’t you think you have got a right to doubt their friendship?
We have had a tough month with the repair work when some idiot decided to pull off and take away the drain pipe from my front wall and another idiot decided to drive into the other end of my wall and then just drive off. Police are not interested as it must be reported within 24 hours. The fact that you were out of the country wasn’t relevant.
On top of that I ended up with a very bad chest infection and felt so ill that I had to be off work. I am better now and in a way it was a good lesson to learn. Once in a while I get a shock like this to remind me to look after myself. If something were to happen to me then there would be a chaos around me. No one has a clue about anything in my business or the house. Sickie certainly will not be able to cope. I must put everything in order and organise things so it is easier if I wasn’t well. My dog was the biggest worry when I was ill. Since she has to go out almost every 3 hours it was hard to drag myself out of bed to go downstairs and out.
Things have been calmer and controlled for a long time since I pulled away from being emotional with “The most annoying person in the world”. Although It makes me wonder if I actually have got the control over myself like I thought I had. The most annoying person in the world has got it made. All the arguments used to be when it was pointed out that one person was always taking and not giving anything. Now that I don't expect things the life is straight forward. Although when the cap is on the other head there are many complaints.
Even though you know that someone is never going to change why can’t you give up on them? If someone is acting selfish and uncaring towards you then why should you always be there for them?
You communicate with someone almost every day and one day you tell them you are very ill. You don’t get in touch for more than a week. When you do the person gives a full list of how bad their week has been but never asks you how you are then don’t you think you have got a right to doubt their friendship?
Thursday, January 04, 2007
Struggle
Let me start the New Year with the doggie talk. First thing in the morning on the 1st January 2007 I was prodded with a wet cold nose and a smelly lick on my face. It was the ruler of the house demanding to be attended to her needs. She hasn’t been eating properly and is losing weight. Although she is supposed to be on special food because of her bad kidneys the vet says it is better she eats something or anything rather than totally rejecting the renal food so I surrendered readily to her choice of left over turkey.
There was the usual contest. I shove down the medicine in her throat and she spits them out. After several attempts I won. Off we went for our walk at the back of the house. That little pond I mentioned long time ago where she used to have a special bread eating match with the ducks is being tidied up. Some of the re-generation money is being spent on the areas where the vandals have made their colonies, in the hope to deter them. There were slabs and concrete all over the place. They are building a nice path round the damn and some seats for the fishermen. The dog forgets that her legs do not keep with the rest of her body these days. I like her to have a bit of freedom so she was off the lead. Next thing I knew she was on her back in the little ditch between the slabs. She couldn’t get up despite frantically waving her legs about. I kept calm, unlike my normal reaction, and that worked because she stopped struggling until I got her up.
That gave me an insight to my short comings. Instead of frantically trying to get what I think I want, why don’t I stop struggling? Note I said “what I think I want”. In the end it might not be what I wanted anyway. Once I convince myself I don’t want whatever I was struggling for, it is easy to come out of it. But will that not be giving up? Will that not be crushing your real desires, wishes and hopes?
There was the usual contest. I shove down the medicine in her throat and she spits them out. After several attempts I won. Off we went for our walk at the back of the house. That little pond I mentioned long time ago where she used to have a special bread eating match with the ducks is being tidied up. Some of the re-generation money is being spent on the areas where the vandals have made their colonies, in the hope to deter them. There were slabs and concrete all over the place. They are building a nice path round the damn and some seats for the fishermen. The dog forgets that her legs do not keep with the rest of her body these days. I like her to have a bit of freedom so she was off the lead. Next thing I knew she was on her back in the little ditch between the slabs. She couldn’t get up despite frantically waving her legs about. I kept calm, unlike my normal reaction, and that worked because she stopped struggling until I got her up.
That gave me an insight to my short comings. Instead of frantically trying to get what I think I want, why don’t I stop struggling? Note I said “what I think I want”. In the end it might not be what I wanted anyway. Once I convince myself I don’t want whatever I was struggling for, it is easy to come out of it. But will that not be giving up? Will that not be crushing your real desires, wishes and hopes?
Sunday, December 31, 2006
HAPPY NEW YEAR - 2007
HAPPY NEW YEAR
I hope 2007 brings us, If not all, some of the things we want.
Most of all I wish health and happiness to all of my friends and family in the New Year. Hey I have forgotten myself! Go on - I will let you do that for me. X
I hope 2007 brings us, If not all, some of the things we want.
Most of all I wish health and happiness to all of my friends and family in the New Year. Hey I have forgotten myself! Go on - I will let you do that for me. X
New Year Eve - Last day of 2006
Buenos Dias.
Oh yes, since we have been to Lanzarote we have been going a little Spanish! Not gone very far but at least it’s a laugh.
This late morning I am still in my new pyjamas I was given as a Christmas present. Don't feel like having a shower or changing attire.
The effect of downing a bottle or two of something with a friend or two is now coming to surface. It has turned all my movements in a slow motion effect. On the plus side my hearing capacity is turn up to full - drop of a pin sounds like a foot step of King Kong. Staying up till wee hours in the morning hasn’t really caused the problem. The problem is the old lady – Senora Doggie. She woke me up a couple of times in the early morning after I just had dropped off. Because of her age and illness all her habits and necessities are changing. Her moods are like that of a menopausal woman and she needs to use the loo several times a night! Not having a garden means I have to take her out of the front door. That means I have to be decent. Once she is out it not just the case of getting down to the chore we came out for. It is a performance of standing there looking around feeling the freshness of the weather to our skin for several minutes. Then it’s the inspection of the ground with full concentration. If she could sniff out treasures I would have been a millionaire(ss) by now. Boy she could sniff! Her nose is never above 1” of the ground. Any noise in the meantime will distract us from the procedure and the whole ritual has to be re-performed. Talking about her nose on the ground, I had to cut off the bunch of hair from the end of her tail because her back is now lowered down with arthritis, the tails would drag on the floor if it had a plait of long hair.
Anyway, I was only writing to ask what you will be doing tonight. If you are happy to have a mad party to let the new year in then I hope your party is madder than you imagine but if you are having a quiet evening at home then I wish you a peaceful time to enjoy the entry of the new year.
Oh I nearly forgot – Hasta manana!
Oh yes, since we have been to Lanzarote we have been going a little Spanish! Not gone very far but at least it’s a laugh.
This late morning I am still in my new pyjamas I was given as a Christmas present. Don't feel like having a shower or changing attire.
The effect of downing a bottle or two of something with a friend or two is now coming to surface. It has turned all my movements in a slow motion effect. On the plus side my hearing capacity is turn up to full - drop of a pin sounds like a foot step of King Kong. Staying up till wee hours in the morning hasn’t really caused the problem. The problem is the old lady – Senora Doggie. She woke me up a couple of times in the early morning after I just had dropped off. Because of her age and illness all her habits and necessities are changing. Her moods are like that of a menopausal woman and she needs to use the loo several times a night! Not having a garden means I have to take her out of the front door. That means I have to be decent. Once she is out it not just the case of getting down to the chore we came out for. It is a performance of standing there looking around feeling the freshness of the weather to our skin for several minutes. Then it’s the inspection of the ground with full concentration. If she could sniff out treasures I would have been a millionaire(ss) by now. Boy she could sniff! Her nose is never above 1” of the ground. Any noise in the meantime will distract us from the procedure and the whole ritual has to be re-performed. Talking about her nose on the ground, I had to cut off the bunch of hair from the end of her tail because her back is now lowered down with arthritis, the tails would drag on the floor if it had a plait of long hair.
Anyway, I was only writing to ask what you will be doing tonight. If you are happy to have a mad party to let the new year in then I hope your party is madder than you imagine but if you are having a quiet evening at home then I wish you a peaceful time to enjoy the entry of the new year.
Oh I nearly forgot – Hasta manana!
Lanzarote
Hola!
I haven’t been able to write since my week off in Lanzarote. I did manage to have a good time and surprisingly Mr. Sickie didn’t have any flip to make me panic either. There was a panic though when the news of bad weather in England and the news of cancelled flights came in. Luckily we made it back on time.
It is an island worth visiting if nothing else then just for its volcanic make up. It is quieter there and I managed to talk to one or two ex-part. living there to find out how they like it. The love the beauty and the peace. Having all white three story or lower buildings with green windows and doors you could appreciate the ocean from everywhere in the island. I liked that but for a small and quiet island there was a lot of graffiti. I found that strange. I have some lovely photos but I don't know how to download them on here.
What I didn’t find strange on my return was to see my house vandalized. On the front whole of the drain pipe upto the first floor was missing and the side wall to the yard had been bumped into with a vehicle. Next door neighbour’s car was stolen – I wonder they used it to break down my wall.
No place like home. I agree there isn’t!
Adios!
I haven’t been able to write since my week off in Lanzarote. I did manage to have a good time and surprisingly Mr. Sickie didn’t have any flip to make me panic either. There was a panic though when the news of bad weather in England and the news of cancelled flights came in. Luckily we made it back on time.
It is an island worth visiting if nothing else then just for its volcanic make up. It is quieter there and I managed to talk to one or two ex-part. living there to find out how they like it. The love the beauty and the peace. Having all white three story or lower buildings with green windows and doors you could appreciate the ocean from everywhere in the island. I liked that but for a small and quiet island there was a lot of graffiti. I found that strange. I have some lovely photos but I don't know how to download them on here.
What I didn’t find strange on my return was to see my house vandalized. On the front whole of the drain pipe upto the first floor was missing and the side wall to the yard had been bumped into with a vehicle. Next door neighbour’s car was stolen – I wonder they used it to break down my wall.
No place like home. I agree there isn’t!
Adios!
Monday, December 25, 2006
25.12.2006
MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE
Thought of the day
7:1 Judge not, that ye be not judged. 7:2 For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged: and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again.
-- Matthew, 7:1-7:2.
Thought of the day
7:1 Judge not, that ye be not judged. 7:2 For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged: and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again.
-- Matthew, 7:1-7:2.
Saturday, December 09, 2006
Train to Tornado
I was hoping to make my visit to London an all rounder one; social as well as business. I planned to set off on an earlier train so that I can get it all done on Thursday because Friday was an all day meeting. My plan was to get a bit of shopping in, spend a few hours with someone I have been promising to see for the last year and a half, get my short meeting over before catching a theatre show in the evening. Perfect itinerary I thought.
As things go, there was a chaos at work first thing in the morning so I had to stay and sort it out. I started later than I intended. As the train left Manchester I thought my plan could still work. I got stuck into reading the papers for the meeting. About an hour later the train stopped. First no one knew why we stopped. As time went by there was an announcement that there were some problems ahead and we will be delayed. More time went by without any information. I had a text from my office that BBC news said there was a mini tornado and hale storms in London. I thought that fits in the jigsaw puzzle. Someone in the compartment downloaded the news on their mobile and confirmed. What was most frustrating was the lack of information on the train.
Generally it irritates me when hundreds of meaningless mobile phone conversations are going on in the train but in this instance it was helpful to have a mobile. Nevertheless don't you agree life was peaceful a few years ago without all these mobile phones? (says the one who has a phone hanging on her neck 24/7).
Canteen on the train was virtually run out of everything with bored people eating and drinking to keep warm. Eventually we were told that some overhead cables have been damaged further on so we need to conserve electricity and the lights and heating was turned off. We sat there for three hours. No lights, no heating and no toilets. Someone managed to prize open the sliding door to one of the WC and there was a queue as long as the train to use it. Don't forget the flush wouldn't work without the electricity either! There were two later trains also stuck. There was no relying of information, no planning of any sort or any kind of organisation for the rescue.
Later we got told that they need to pull the last train back to Rugby, then the second train and then ours. Guess was that from Rugby they will put us on road coaches. Then the rumours came that from Rugby we will get a train to Northampton. From Northampton we will get coaches to Milton Keynes and from there a train to London. My worry was the next day. If the repairs were not expected to be completed then I would have come back home. I had to come back Friday night in any circumstances. There was no one who could answer any questions.
In the end I arrived in London at 9 pm.- some 11 hours after I started from home. I missed my social engagement, I missed my meeting and I missed my show.
I entered the hotel and heard a colleague say “When I came out at Heathrow the news bill boards said Tornado hits London so I thought you must have arrived!” “How dare you compare me to a Tornado” I said. "If I wasn't tired by travelling round the country I would thump you" I said.
Luckily Friday meeting was not too bad. Many train services were still disrupted so most trains were full. When they announced Manchester train was on the platform there was a stampede. I joined everyone else in a game of running over other people's toes with the wheels of your suitcase and poking everyone with your brolly. Isn't it amazing how your goodwill and manners get thrown out when it comes to your survival? If you don't then you get left behind to suffer.
As things go, there was a chaos at work first thing in the morning so I had to stay and sort it out. I started later than I intended. As the train left Manchester I thought my plan could still work. I got stuck into reading the papers for the meeting. About an hour later the train stopped. First no one knew why we stopped. As time went by there was an announcement that there were some problems ahead and we will be delayed. More time went by without any information. I had a text from my office that BBC news said there was a mini tornado and hale storms in London. I thought that fits in the jigsaw puzzle. Someone in the compartment downloaded the news on their mobile and confirmed. What was most frustrating was the lack of information on the train.
Generally it irritates me when hundreds of meaningless mobile phone conversations are going on in the train but in this instance it was helpful to have a mobile. Nevertheless don't you agree life was peaceful a few years ago without all these mobile phones? (says the one who has a phone hanging on her neck 24/7).
Canteen on the train was virtually run out of everything with bored people eating and drinking to keep warm. Eventually we were told that some overhead cables have been damaged further on so we need to conserve electricity and the lights and heating was turned off. We sat there for three hours. No lights, no heating and no toilets. Someone managed to prize open the sliding door to one of the WC and there was a queue as long as the train to use it. Don't forget the flush wouldn't work without the electricity either! There were two later trains also stuck. There was no relying of information, no planning of any sort or any kind of organisation for the rescue.
Later we got told that they need to pull the last train back to Rugby, then the second train and then ours. Guess was that from Rugby they will put us on road coaches. Then the rumours came that from Rugby we will get a train to Northampton. From Northampton we will get coaches to Milton Keynes and from there a train to London. My worry was the next day. If the repairs were not expected to be completed then I would have come back home. I had to come back Friday night in any circumstances. There was no one who could answer any questions.
In the end I arrived in London at 9 pm.- some 11 hours after I started from home. I missed my social engagement, I missed my meeting and I missed my show.
I entered the hotel and heard a colleague say “When I came out at Heathrow the news bill boards said Tornado hits London so I thought you must have arrived!” “How dare you compare me to a Tornado” I said. "If I wasn't tired by travelling round the country I would thump you" I said.
Luckily Friday meeting was not too bad. Many train services were still disrupted so most trains were full. When they announced Manchester train was on the platform there was a stampede. I joined everyone else in a game of running over other people's toes with the wheels of your suitcase and poking everyone with your brolly. Isn't it amazing how your goodwill and manners get thrown out when it comes to your survival? If you don't then you get left behind to suffer.
Wednesday, December 06, 2006
Hibernation
In case you look me up and not find me here I thought I just let you know that I am going through that “I can’t be a.sed phase”. Too many hospital visits, although things are not that bad on the surface, too many vets visits, too much to do at home and too busy at work – something has to give and so my blog gets pushed aside.
A few things have happened. Several things I wanted to talk about. Some of my people are going through tough time and I feel for them. Some people have returned while some will be parting. In a way life keeps changing and us, our hopes, fears and requirements change with it. I want to talk about it when I can straighten my thoughts. Do you sometimes feel that you don’t have time to think? Just like house work the thoughts gets left behind and you just ignore them.
I am off to London for a couple of days for a meeting. Next week will be very busy at work. It is also my last week to sort out all my Christmas things- gifts and the cards because we go away to Lansarote the following week. I booked this holiday on a whim. Busiest period of the year socially and business wise, flying so soon after Sickie’s stroke and leaving the dog while she is not 100% well - are the reasons make me doubt if I have made a right decision but I may as well take a chance.
Now I had better get my case packed for London. Till next time then……
A few things have happened. Several things I wanted to talk about. Some of my people are going through tough time and I feel for them. Some people have returned while some will be parting. In a way life keeps changing and us, our hopes, fears and requirements change with it. I want to talk about it when I can straighten my thoughts. Do you sometimes feel that you don’t have time to think? Just like house work the thoughts gets left behind and you just ignore them.
I am off to London for a couple of days for a meeting. Next week will be very busy at work. It is also my last week to sort out all my Christmas things- gifts and the cards because we go away to Lansarote the following week. I booked this holiday on a whim. Busiest period of the year socially and business wise, flying so soon after Sickie’s stroke and leaving the dog while she is not 100% well - are the reasons make me doubt if I have made a right decision but I may as well take a chance.
Now I had better get my case packed for London. Till next time then……
Wednesday, November 15, 2006
Freeze Me
As soon as the temperature drops mere 1 degree butterflyuk household central heating programmer gets turned to maximum. Mr. Sickie suffers from poor, very poor blood circulation - number six on the list of "how to keep NHS busy". There are no layers of fat to keep him warm (unlike someone I see in the mirror regularly) so he is always cold. I suggested that he makes himself available for Cryotherapy to cure his aches and pains but he refused saying he would rather have what little supply of blood he has flowing instead of freezing it. I on the other hand am very keen to try it out. After all it is said to reduce cellulite. Who will not endure torture if it offers even a slightest chance of curing the biggest enemy of womankind
Monday, November 06, 2006
Sat. Nav.
I have again left a long time to keep up with the blog. Since my last post we have had a few more visits to the hospital with the Sickie and to the Vets with the dog. Few more appointments are already in pipeline for both.
I have been trying to purchase a Tom Tom. When we ventured to the maze of Sat. Nav.s I couldn’t make my mind up but Girlie friend 1 who originally was only accompanying me, ended up buying one. I flapped around for a day or two to GF 1’s utter disgust that I didn’t spend my money. Eventually I was persuaded to get a Garmin. Now we have a power struggle. Hers is a low spec Tom Tom. Mine is a higher spec Garmin. She proclaims that hers is the original Sat. Nav. Just to keep up with her I insist in calling mine a Gam Gam but she still is adamant that hers is a better one. Since it is a new toy it is being tested out at every opportunity. It is programmed to direct me to every single journey even if I have travelled that road four times a day for the last 15 years. It is a mad house in my car if she is with me (of course she carries hers in the handbag). Two boring voices telling you where to go and when to turn while my car can travel that journey alone by itself if it was a horse. Generally my Gam Gam is a second quicker than her Tom Tom in giving instruction so all is well and good! How childish can you get?
We have seen clocks change (I hate it. Why can’t they leave things alone?), Halloween come and gone and Bonfire night just ended. My poor old dog is so frightened that I was stuffing the cotton wool in her ears and tying a scarf on her head to drown the bangs. Nothing seems to work. Each year she is getting worse. I would have thought that being old she would lose her hearing but no she can hear the fire works 5 miles away.
I have been trying to purchase a Tom Tom. When we ventured to the maze of Sat. Nav.s I couldn’t make my mind up but Girlie friend 1 who originally was only accompanying me, ended up buying one. I flapped around for a day or two to GF 1’s utter disgust that I didn’t spend my money. Eventually I was persuaded to get a Garmin. Now we have a power struggle. Hers is a low spec Tom Tom. Mine is a higher spec Garmin. She proclaims that hers is the original Sat. Nav. Just to keep up with her I insist in calling mine a Gam Gam but she still is adamant that hers is a better one. Since it is a new toy it is being tested out at every opportunity. It is programmed to direct me to every single journey even if I have travelled that road four times a day for the last 15 years. It is a mad house in my car if she is with me (of course she carries hers in the handbag). Two boring voices telling you where to go and when to turn while my car can travel that journey alone by itself if it was a horse. Generally my Gam Gam is a second quicker than her Tom Tom in giving instruction so all is well and good! How childish can you get?
We have seen clocks change (I hate it. Why can’t they leave things alone?), Halloween come and gone and Bonfire night just ended. My poor old dog is so frightened that I was stuffing the cotton wool in her ears and tying a scarf on her head to drown the bangs. Nothing seems to work. Each year she is getting worse. I would have thought that being old she would lose her hearing but no she can hear the fire works 5 miles away.
Political Correctness
I am a little unsure of the laws on reproduction of articles and copy rights so as a typical wimp I won't put down here the "joke" I am talking about. It's a poem titled Illegal Immigrant which if you look at light heartedly then is quite funny. Although I can see that it could offend if you take it the way it is read.I have put a link to the news article about the "joke" in question gone out of hand.
Are people just too touchy? It is a sad society if someone can't even make a joke about something. How can you prove that you were just have a healthy giggle and didn't intend to offend?
When is a joke is a joke? How long can you be at the receiving end of a joke? I agree that majority of the times the examples show "political correctness gone mad" syndrome. We are just too cautious to say anything that may be represented as racist. Most of us try to convince that we have minority friends hence we cannot be racist. Most of the times people affected by the joke - may the subject be Irish, Jehovah witness, Indian, Pakistani, German, French, Obese people, bald people, short people or whatever - also laugh with us but there must be a limit when they don't find it funny. Perhaps we should imagine ourselves in the situation and think if we would like it happening to us. There must be some belief in the content of the joke for someone to think it?
I think jokes in small dozes are accepted and taken light heartedly but when it gets too much of a routine then it is not pleasurable especially if you are at the receiving end. What do you think? Am I being defensive?
Are people just too touchy? It is a sad society if someone can't even make a joke about something. How can you prove that you were just have a healthy giggle and didn't intend to offend?
When is a joke is a joke? How long can you be at the receiving end of a joke? I agree that majority of the times the examples show "political correctness gone mad" syndrome. We are just too cautious to say anything that may be represented as racist. Most of us try to convince that we have minority friends hence we cannot be racist. Most of the times people affected by the joke - may the subject be Irish, Jehovah witness, Indian, Pakistani, German, French, Obese people, bald people, short people or whatever - also laugh with us but there must be a limit when they don't find it funny. Perhaps we should imagine ourselves in the situation and think if we would like it happening to us. There must be some belief in the content of the joke for someone to think it?
I think jokes in small dozes are accepted and taken light heartedly but when it gets too much of a routine then it is not pleasurable especially if you are at the receiving end. What do you think? Am I being defensive?
Tuesday, October 24, 2006
Women & Age
I stumbled upon an article in the Daily Mail’s TV & Showbiz section that had an unflattering photo of Kim Cattrall – Samantha Jones in Sex and The City.
The article goes on to say “As steamy Samantha Jones in Sex And The City, she could have any man she wanted - whatever their age.
But now age appears to have caught up with Kim Cattrall, 50, seen here with wrinkled skin and thinning lips.
Photographed at the World Premiere of Director John Boorman's "The Tiger's Tail" in Dublin, it appears her days as sex-kitten Samantha Jones are long gone.”
I normally don’t bother reading gossips about showbiz stars but I am glad I saw this one just to remind myself how shallow and fickle some people are. Why are women subjected to looks and the body shape stereotype? No wonder the eating disorders manifest more in the Western world than other part of the world where the media promotes only the women of certain mould to be beautiful.
Why can’t we accept that women also get older and just like men? Why can’t we see beauty in aging – albeit a different beauty than youth?
I am not the one to age gracefully but I am also not the one to believe that external beauty is be all and end all. When I need it and if it was possible I will have minor treatments that make my aging slow down but I will not be obsessed with the desire to look young.
After saying all that I don’t think my mind sees me as I look now. It still sees me as I was ten years ago. Hypocrite or what?.........LOL
The article goes on to say “As steamy Samantha Jones in Sex And The City, she could have any man she wanted - whatever their age.
But now age appears to have caught up with Kim Cattrall, 50, seen here with wrinkled skin and thinning lips.
Photographed at the World Premiere of Director John Boorman's "The Tiger's Tail" in Dublin, it appears her days as sex-kitten Samantha Jones are long gone.”
I normally don’t bother reading gossips about showbiz stars but I am glad I saw this one just to remind myself how shallow and fickle some people are. Why are women subjected to looks and the body shape stereotype? No wonder the eating disorders manifest more in the Western world than other part of the world where the media promotes only the women of certain mould to be beautiful.
Why can’t we accept that women also get older and just like men? Why can’t we see beauty in aging – albeit a different beauty than youth?
I am not the one to age gracefully but I am also not the one to believe that external beauty is be all and end all. When I need it and if it was possible I will have minor treatments that make my aging slow down but I will not be obsessed with the desire to look young.
After saying all that I don’t think my mind sees me as I look now. It still sees me as I was ten years ago. Hypocrite or what?.........LOL
Monday, October 23, 2006
Missed Opportunities
If my blog was a person I would probably be saying sorry to it for neglecting it. I had a very busy week both at work and at home.
Poor Sickie has gone through a lot for the last month or so and on top of all that he has suffered a mini stroke -his second one in three years. He is taking it well but I feel so sorry for him. I haven’t mentioned mum and the dog for a bit but their problems are more to do with the age – both lovely old ladies I love most.
I have been pretty angry on a work situation where I have been trying to motivate 100 or so people to do things to help themselves but only 8 manage to stir themselves up into action. Most of the people are very keen on blaming others and finding faults of the people above them but when it comes to do something they crawl back in their holes. These people are so apathetic. They want everything handed to them on a plate.
It was also very disappointing that I was no where in the media despite giving several TV interviews and paper write ups. Could I put it down to luck? Or perhaps someone else was better! Still I know that I have done more than I was expected to do. Sometimes working in the background spoils your chances to be in the limelight but if no one did it then the whole thing will just collapse, won’t it?
Poor Sickie has gone through a lot for the last month or so and on top of all that he has suffered a mini stroke -his second one in three years. He is taking it well but I feel so sorry for him. I haven’t mentioned mum and the dog for a bit but their problems are more to do with the age – both lovely old ladies I love most.
I have been pretty angry on a work situation where I have been trying to motivate 100 or so people to do things to help themselves but only 8 manage to stir themselves up into action. Most of the people are very keen on blaming others and finding faults of the people above them but when it comes to do something they crawl back in their holes. These people are so apathetic. They want everything handed to them on a plate.
It was also very disappointing that I was no where in the media despite giving several TV interviews and paper write ups. Could I put it down to luck? Or perhaps someone else was better! Still I know that I have done more than I was expected to do. Sometimes working in the background spoils your chances to be in the limelight but if no one did it then the whole thing will just collapse, won’t it?
Happy New Year 2063 = 2006
Happy Diwali and a Happy New Year to all Hindu people.
Sometimes I wonder whether Girlie Friend No. 1 says things to wind me up or she actually believes some narrow minded, misguided conception that she utters. Today Hindu calendar turns a new year 2063. Girlie Friend No. 1 just cannot accept that the Hindu calendar is in front of the English one. To her either they have cheated and jumped the numbers or some how they are wrong.
What annoys me though is that most British calendars and diaries show Eid and Ramadan (Muslim festivals) but not Diwali which is a Hindu festival. It is same in the media. Is it the fact that the one who shouts the loudest gets heard?
Looking back I noticed that this is my 3rd Diwali posting on this blog so I won’t tell you any more stories like before. Perhaps next year!
Sometimes I wonder whether Girlie Friend No. 1 says things to wind me up or she actually believes some narrow minded, misguided conception that she utters. Today Hindu calendar turns a new year 2063. Girlie Friend No. 1 just cannot accept that the Hindu calendar is in front of the English one. To her either they have cheated and jumped the numbers or some how they are wrong.
What annoys me though is that most British calendars and diaries show Eid and Ramadan (Muslim festivals) but not Diwali which is a Hindu festival. It is same in the media. Is it the fact that the one who shouts the loudest gets heard?
Looking back I noticed that this is my 3rd Diwali posting on this blog so I won’t tell you any more stories like before. Perhaps next year!
Monday, October 16, 2006
Raffle
Too many things going on at the moment to find time and energy for writing a blog.
If you don't blog regularly then do you feel as if you have forgotten to do something and just can't figure out what it was? Or do you take blogging as something you do but if you don't it make no difference? Do you write so that you can read it as a record of what you were doing at that time in life or do you write to air your thoughts? Do you write because you want to open your heart and mind to someone who will not judge you and if they do they can not come to haunt you in future? Does writing your journal help you in some way? Which way?
Anyway, I spent the week end at an exhibition. While wrapping up the even everyone was trying get rid of the stuff they had on display so the last hour or so was just give away hour. Someone told me that the charity stall at the end was doing a raffle and giving away teddy bears so I should also go. I saw that there were loads of prizes still left including a number of teddy bears. I bought £5 worth of tickets. Instead of 2 for £1 they were giving 4 tickets now. I opened them all and won none of the raffles. He gave me a handful of tickets saying try these; there must be a winner in them. None! He must have felt sorry for me because he called his assistant and three of us dipped in the big bin full of folded tickets and started opening them. Did I get a number? NO sir. Eventually he gave up and said "never mind, at least we had a good go."
Can you believe my luck?
If you don't blog regularly then do you feel as if you have forgotten to do something and just can't figure out what it was? Or do you take blogging as something you do but if you don't it make no difference? Do you write so that you can read it as a record of what you were doing at that time in life or do you write to air your thoughts? Do you write because you want to open your heart and mind to someone who will not judge you and if they do they can not come to haunt you in future? Does writing your journal help you in some way? Which way?
Anyway, I spent the week end at an exhibition. While wrapping up the even everyone was trying get rid of the stuff they had on display so the last hour or so was just give away hour. Someone told me that the charity stall at the end was doing a raffle and giving away teddy bears so I should also go. I saw that there were loads of prizes still left including a number of teddy bears. I bought £5 worth of tickets. Instead of 2 for £1 they were giving 4 tickets now. I opened them all and won none of the raffles. He gave me a handful of tickets saying try these; there must be a winner in them. None! He must have felt sorry for me because he called his assistant and three of us dipped in the big bin full of folded tickets and started opening them. Did I get a number? NO sir. Eventually he gave up and said "never mind, at least we had a good go."
Can you believe my luck?
Sunday, October 08, 2006
Unveiling Jack
Everyone – regardless of religion, politics, social understanding or cultural knowledge are debating the hot topic of Muslim women covering their faces with a veil. I have lived in the places where Muslim women not only cover their faces but cover their whole body with a garment called Burka. There is a little mesh curtain on the face which can be lifted when necessary, generally in the company of other women. The veil is kept close outdoors and when men are around with the exception of the nearest blood relation.
When you are surrounded by a society doing a particular thing then it becomes a norm and you don’t take any notice of it. The other side of this would be the tribes in Africa where both men are women are topless. It won’t be acceptable in the normal day to day life down here would it?
I have had someone telling me that asking to take a veil off is like asking some one to take their item of clothing off. Would you like if someone told you what to wear she asked. She said would Jack Straw like to ask all the other women to stop wearing low cut tops or revealing cloths? Isn’t modesty better than temptation I was asked.
I am a middle ground person. I can see both sides of the arguments in most things. I personally would not follow either of those examples, veils or topless….LOL….but I say everyone to their own. I am an emotional and tactile person so I like to see the faces of people I am communicating with. I would not like anyone coming in my office with their face covered. It could become a security issue. I would not like to be served in a shop, helped on a reception desk or treated in a hospital by someone whom I cannot see. In the days and in the countries where the practice of veil started women stayed indoors and didn’t take any part in the outside world. It is not so now. If you want to be treated like everyone else then you have to act like everyone else.
That is where the problem lies. Even after acting like everyone else people with different colour sometimes are not accepted like everyone else. These women are not only the first generation elderly women who are too rigid to change. These are British born intelligent women who have taken a conscious decision to wear a veil. Is it just a religious reason? I think not. These are the reasons we need to understand and tackle.
I did not wish to write about veil or no veil because this argument is not going to end easily. What I am not sure is why Jack Straw has brought it about at this point in time? Jack Straw has his Blackburn constituents to thank for his presence in politics. He has been so close to the Muslim community for many years it is surprising that he will engage in such a controversial topic without thinking of his popularity. What is going on Jack? There has to be more than an act of voicing an opinion.
(These are my views and opinions and are not officially researched. Please tell me if you know different.)
When you are surrounded by a society doing a particular thing then it becomes a norm and you don’t take any notice of it. The other side of this would be the tribes in Africa where both men are women are topless. It won’t be acceptable in the normal day to day life down here would it?
I have had someone telling me that asking to take a veil off is like asking some one to take their item of clothing off. Would you like if someone told you what to wear she asked. She said would Jack Straw like to ask all the other women to stop wearing low cut tops or revealing cloths? Isn’t modesty better than temptation I was asked.
I am a middle ground person. I can see both sides of the arguments in most things. I personally would not follow either of those examples, veils or topless….LOL….but I say everyone to their own. I am an emotional and tactile person so I like to see the faces of people I am communicating with. I would not like anyone coming in my office with their face covered. It could become a security issue. I would not like to be served in a shop, helped on a reception desk or treated in a hospital by someone whom I cannot see. In the days and in the countries where the practice of veil started women stayed indoors and didn’t take any part in the outside world. It is not so now. If you want to be treated like everyone else then you have to act like everyone else.
That is where the problem lies. Even after acting like everyone else people with different colour sometimes are not accepted like everyone else. These women are not only the first generation elderly women who are too rigid to change. These are British born intelligent women who have taken a conscious decision to wear a veil. Is it just a religious reason? I think not. These are the reasons we need to understand and tackle.
I did not wish to write about veil or no veil because this argument is not going to end easily. What I am not sure is why Jack Straw has brought it about at this point in time? Jack Straw has his Blackburn constituents to thank for his presence in politics. He has been so close to the Muslim community for many years it is surprising that he will engage in such a controversial topic without thinking of his popularity. What is going on Jack? There has to be more than an act of voicing an opinion.
(These are my views and opinions and are not officially researched. Please tell me if you know different.)
Wednesday, October 04, 2006
Flu Jab
It is just outrageous that people who need to and want to be vaccinated against the flu virus cannot be immunised as per their wish. The surgeries either have a very limited supply or have not received the supply yet. Our Surgery is sending out specific invitations to the groups of people they believe are in the vulnerable category like the people over 65, asthma sufferers and the people with heart conditions. It sounds sensible but there are many other patients who don’t fall into these but nevertheless really needs the vaccine. It would have been better to pick the patients from their past records and risk factor rather than generalising with just the age and specific illnesses. Then again why create more work when you are seen to be doing something without putting too much effort in it? So are we prepared for the forthcoming suffering in not too distant future because we are bound to catch something or the other as soon as it gets colder and darker?
Sunday, October 01, 2006
Film - The Queen
For the last three weeks I haven’t seen the outside world, well at least the social one. Sure I have been going to work and so on but all the other time I have been in the house keeping the sick bay running smoothly. I felt it was fair for me to get out for a couple of hours even though the NHS’s biggest shareholder is still not able to open one eye. The swelling of the face and the other eye has gone down and he sleeps all the time so I went off to the cinema to see The Queen.
All the other casts are excellent except that of Prince Charles. I don’t think they have done justice to his role at all. Helen Mirren as The Queen is brilliant. It was an interesting hour and a half and a very good work of the director Stephen Frears. Screenwriter Peter Morgan had a tough task to make the film factually correct and he seems to have done it beautifully. I enjoyed the film although at the end it feels that there should be more to come.
All the other casts are excellent except that of Prince Charles. I don’t think they have done justice to his role at all. Helen Mirren as The Queen is brilliant. It was an interesting hour and a half and a very good work of the director Stephen Frears. Screenwriter Peter Morgan had a tough task to make the film factually correct and he seems to have done it beautifully. I enjoyed the film although at the end it feels that there should be more to come.
Friday, September 29, 2006
Wanted - A Travel Companion
The first woman space tourist has said to have paid $20 million for a trip on the Russian rocket. Her ten day adventure is going to be a very interesting reading. She is reported to have said that the smell in the space is similar to a burned almond cookie. That suits me fine. I love the smell of baked bread, cake and cookies and I’ll save on the price of air fresheners and potpourris.
Now The Virgin Group said they can bring the price down to £200, 0000 per ticket. It will be a two and half hour flight. Can someone find me a calculator please so I can find out how long it will take for me to pay off the loan for this trip? It seems that 200 people are already booked for the flight and 65,000 odd have registered their interest.
I say that I would love to have a go at this but if it was really possible would I? If it was affordable (which of course it isn’t going to be) would I do it? For myself, yes I would but there are other factors to worry about. What if something went wrong and my dependants are left without me? Would anyone give me travel insurance in case I lose my luggage?....LOL…Ok I am being a bit silly but if you had a choice would you like to travel to the space?
Now The Virgin Group said they can bring the price down to £200, 0000 per ticket. It will be a two and half hour flight. Can someone find me a calculator please so I can find out how long it will take for me to pay off the loan for this trip? It seems that 200 people are already booked for the flight and 65,000 odd have registered their interest.
I say that I would love to have a go at this but if it was really possible would I? If it was affordable (which of course it isn’t going to be) would I do it? For myself, yes I would but there are other factors to worry about. What if something went wrong and my dependants are left without me? Would anyone give me travel insurance in case I lose my luggage?....LOL…Ok I am being a bit silly but if you had a choice would you like to travel to the space?
Wednesday, September 27, 2006
Time Heals
Yesterday from the time I got up I felt miserable. The day didn't go well at all with several arguments for no valid point. I know you cannot please public and the customer is always right (even when they are wrong) but I just cannot let go unsubstantiated blame. I get very upset when I think I am being blamed for something that wasn't my fault. If I had unknowingly or in error done something wrong then I feel very bad and very guilty. I see both of these as my weakness but I haven't learnt to control them.
It was a very busy day as well and I had no time to think about anything else. Straight after work, sorting the dog walk and our evening meal out, I went with girlie friend 1 to the 2nd Yoga class of this term. The class went well and got me calmed down but later in the evening I couldn't stop myself getting tearful. I was trying to think why I was down and depressed. Then I remembered. It was the 3rd anniversary of my friend's death. I was ashamed that I forgot but did I? I think my subconscious didn't forget and that is why I was sad all day.
There was a time when the thought of not having my friend seemed absurd but when people are taken away from us we get used to living without them, don't we? Of course we don't forget them but the memories do fade with passing of time. Should we feel ashamed or guilty for letting the memory fade?
It was a very busy day as well and I had no time to think about anything else. Straight after work, sorting the dog walk and our evening meal out, I went with girlie friend 1 to the 2nd Yoga class of this term. The class went well and got me calmed down but later in the evening I couldn't stop myself getting tearful. I was trying to think why I was down and depressed. Then I remembered. It was the 3rd anniversary of my friend's death. I was ashamed that I forgot but did I? I think my subconscious didn't forget and that is why I was sad all day.
There was a time when the thought of not having my friend seemed absurd but when people are taken away from us we get used to living without them, don't we? Of course we don't forget them but the memories do fade with passing of time. Should we feel ashamed or guilty for letting the memory fade?
Monday, September 25, 2006
Non-political Rant
Manchester is crawling with political people. Hazel Blears grinning like a Cheshire cat and running around like one too. Well someone has to keep everybody in check! No doubt she will be featured again in the local free newspaper just like every other week. I like to ask her who is paying for the free booze and the food on offer in the evening but I doubt our path will ever cross.
Have you heard Gordon’s speech? Are you convinced he has got what it takes to be a new PM? Can he take on David Cameron like he says? Do you care? I don’t. Nothing is going to change one way or the other, is it?
Have you heard Gordon’s speech? Are you convinced he has got what it takes to be a new PM? Can he take on David Cameron like he says? Do you care? I don’t. Nothing is going to change one way or the other, is it?
Sunday, September 17, 2006
School Runs
As I have been attending to the patient I did not get any rest in the evenings or much sleep at nights. As a result I overslept on Saturday morning. I dreaded it to happen.
I was sleeping on the bottom of the bunk bed to keep as far away from the germs as possible. There is no alarm or a clock in that room. Normally I wake up early anyway or at least the dog gets me up in time. On Saturday even the dog was sleeping until the phone went. I sprang up from the bed and bumped my head on the bunk. The panic of getting to work in 15 minutes was greater than the pain from the bump on my head.
I think Mr.Bean would have been impressed with speed I got ready for work. Luckily the roads were just empty and I sailed through. That reminds me of the dreadful traffic I will face Monday morning. The same journey takes three times longer. Main reason of the traffic is people doing the school runs. If a different mode of transport was available to take children to school then the roads will be much less manic. I can understand working parents using the car to drop the kids off but some of the others are just lazy.
Whilst in Scotland I got on a bus that runs round the Isle of Arran. It was the time when schools were finishing for the day. I saw small children waiting at the bus stops with either the teachers or the classroom aids. The adults stayed till the children boarded the bus. On the other end at various stops one by one all children got off to be greeted by the parents waiting for them at the bus stops. It was all so very cute. I realise that Arran is a small, quiet and peaceful place and people are trustworthy. It will not work in the middle of a big city where not only the cars are stolen but also the pets and the children but I just wish they stayed in till I get to work!
I was sleeping on the bottom of the bunk bed to keep as far away from the germs as possible. There is no alarm or a clock in that room. Normally I wake up early anyway or at least the dog gets me up in time. On Saturday even the dog was sleeping until the phone went. I sprang up from the bed and bumped my head on the bunk. The panic of getting to work in 15 minutes was greater than the pain from the bump on my head.
I think Mr.Bean would have been impressed with speed I got ready for work. Luckily the roads were just empty and I sailed through. That reminds me of the dreadful traffic I will face Monday morning. The same journey takes three times longer. Main reason of the traffic is people doing the school runs. If a different mode of transport was available to take children to school then the roads will be much less manic. I can understand working parents using the car to drop the kids off but some of the others are just lazy.
Whilst in Scotland I got on a bus that runs round the Isle of Arran. It was the time when schools were finishing for the day. I saw small children waiting at the bus stops with either the teachers or the classroom aids. The adults stayed till the children boarded the bus. On the other end at various stops one by one all children got off to be greeted by the parents waiting for them at the bus stops. It was all so very cute. I realise that Arran is a small, quiet and peaceful place and people are trustworthy. It will not work in the middle of a big city where not only the cars are stolen but also the pets and the children but I just wish they stayed in till I get to work!
Friday, September 15, 2006
Infection/Allergy/Reaction
To continue with the theme of NHS usage I spent almost 50% of my time in the medical atmosphere this week. My Sickie decided that I was getting too comfortable with him being well for a while now and I needed reminding! I think he wants to prove my superstition that whenever I praise something, it goes bad.
He wasn’t happy just spending the customary waiting time and consultation time in the doctor’s surgery over a number of days. He had gone full blown “I’ll teach you a lesson” ill. His eye was like a lemon and half side of the face swollen and erupted. I had the pleasure of sitting in the A & E for four and a half hours after work last night. None of the coffee machines were working. I dare not move in case they call us while I was chasing a coffee machine. I myself felt ill with the crowd, the noise and the wait without an update or even a hint of how long we were expected to sit there. Being a good NHS user I hate to make fuss and take up the staff’s time by asking questions like “how long” or “when” or “have you forgotten us”?- That is what had actually happened.
When I asked, it was “we are very busy”, “we are dealing with emergency”, “and you will be seen as soon as possible”and lastly“we have a three hour wait”. When I said yes but we have been here for 4.5 hours they asked the name and realised that they can’t find his card. Of course he was seen straight away after that. Only problem was that in this oversized hospital they didn’t have the equipment or the expertise to check his eye.
In the dark of the night I drove him to the Eye Hospital. It was like a murder mystery tour event. We were let in by a remote switch after I buzzed the main door. Long lonely winding corridors ended into a deserted Reception area. There was not a soul about in the place. An old lift with a concertina door wasn’t working. There was no other choice. If he wanted to be seen he had to go up two flights of stairs to the first floor. He managed to stagger upstairs without having a heart attack on his painful problem legs was the evidence that the threat of losing the eye sight was more frightening. I wonder how a totally wheel chair bound person would go about.
Luckily there was the most cheerful and helpful crew of three upstairs. We waited there for another hour and a half being watched by the “eyes” in the white boxes marked “Human Tissues – for transplant”. The consultant said that his vision appears to be undamaged. We got home in the early morning with more medicine and appointments.
Unfortunately his other eye is also affected now and the face is like a second rated boxer who has lost the fight. One minute he is coherent and makes sense and the next minute he is deluded and fidgeting. I am worried that his progress over the last few months will be lost by this but tomorrow is another day……and another battle…..
He wasn’t happy just spending the customary waiting time and consultation time in the doctor’s surgery over a number of days. He had gone full blown “I’ll teach you a lesson” ill. His eye was like a lemon and half side of the face swollen and erupted. I had the pleasure of sitting in the A & E for four and a half hours after work last night. None of the coffee machines were working. I dare not move in case they call us while I was chasing a coffee machine. I myself felt ill with the crowd, the noise and the wait without an update or even a hint of how long we were expected to sit there. Being a good NHS user I hate to make fuss and take up the staff’s time by asking questions like “how long” or “when” or “have you forgotten us”?- That is what had actually happened.
When I asked, it was “we are very busy”, “we are dealing with emergency”, “and you will be seen as soon as possible”and lastly“we have a three hour wait”. When I said yes but we have been here for 4.5 hours they asked the name and realised that they can’t find his card. Of course he was seen straight away after that. Only problem was that in this oversized hospital they didn’t have the equipment or the expertise to check his eye.
In the dark of the night I drove him to the Eye Hospital. It was like a murder mystery tour event. We were let in by a remote switch after I buzzed the main door. Long lonely winding corridors ended into a deserted Reception area. There was not a soul about in the place. An old lift with a concertina door wasn’t working. There was no other choice. If he wanted to be seen he had to go up two flights of stairs to the first floor. He managed to stagger upstairs without having a heart attack on his painful problem legs was the evidence that the threat of losing the eye sight was more frightening. I wonder how a totally wheel chair bound person would go about.
Luckily there was the most cheerful and helpful crew of three upstairs. We waited there for another hour and a half being watched by the “eyes” in the white boxes marked “Human Tissues – for transplant”. The consultant said that his vision appears to be undamaged. We got home in the early morning with more medicine and appointments.
Unfortunately his other eye is also affected now and the face is like a second rated boxer who has lost the fight. One minute he is coherent and makes sense and the next minute he is deluded and fidgeting. I am worried that his progress over the last few months will be lost by this but tomorrow is another day……and another battle…..
Monday, September 11, 2006
Dentists
Do the dentists think they are Gods?
I am very happy with my dentist even though I have to take out a small mortgage when I see him because I think his work is good. The routine appointments are never made in the same quarter of the year you phone because his diary is always full.
Once I was stuck in the traffic so I phoned to say I would be late getting there and I was told that the appointment had to be cancelled, they can’t fit me in if I am late. On the other hand, never ever in my life I was seen on the time of my appointment when I was on or before time.
This time I had a work appointment straight after the dentist so I phoned to ask if I could be seen on time please. They said no. They said it is not possible because there could be an emergency. If that is the case then fine. I can accept that but every time when I was made to wait was there an emergency? They said oh the dentist runs behind most of the time. Aha…in other words more patients are taken up than it is possible to attend to them. What does it matter…the mortals have nothing worthwhile to do so they can sit around in the waiting room until the Gods can spare some time for them.
I got so frustrated that I would grit my teeth in anger but I had better not. If they wear out I will be sitting in the surgery once more!
I am very happy with my dentist even though I have to take out a small mortgage when I see him because I think his work is good. The routine appointments are never made in the same quarter of the year you phone because his diary is always full.
Once I was stuck in the traffic so I phoned to say I would be late getting there and I was told that the appointment had to be cancelled, they can’t fit me in if I am late. On the other hand, never ever in my life I was seen on the time of my appointment when I was on or before time.
This time I had a work appointment straight after the dentist so I phoned to ask if I could be seen on time please. They said no. They said it is not possible because there could be an emergency. If that is the case then fine. I can accept that but every time when I was made to wait was there an emergency? They said oh the dentist runs behind most of the time. Aha…in other words more patients are taken up than it is possible to attend to them. What does it matter…the mortals have nothing worthwhile to do so they can sit around in the waiting room until the Gods can spare some time for them.
I got so frustrated that I would grit my teeth in anger but I had better not. If they wear out I will be sitting in the surgery once more!
Sunday, September 10, 2006
Holiday incident
I often think about writing my blog but with one thing and the other it just doesn’t happen. It seems that the need for moaning and whinging in a blog is not on the top of the list for the time being.
The holiday was good. After a first couple of days I managed to wind down and relax. Not having to set the alarms or watch the clock felt very odd. My mobile wasn’t picking up good signals so that distraction was also out of the way.
On the first day after unpacking I went round the complex to see where everything was and if it was possible to encourage the Sickie to go out. I tied the dog outside the building on the railing to the steps and I went in. She is used to waiting outside the shops for me so there was nothing usual. Although I am a little more careful now that she is older and less confident.
When I came out of the place after a few minutes I saw a crowd gathered around the dog. My heart just sank for a few seconds thinking she was ill or dead. I managed to push people aside and I saw her. She was drenched with some liquid, covered in pieces of glass and trembling terribly.
People there said they were not very close so didn’t see exactly but think that some teenagers were messing around and dropped a glass full of soft drink on her from the top of the steps. The dog got splashed with the fizzy drinks all over her face and the back and the noise of breaking the glass startled her. Of course the kids ran away. It could have been an accident but the way the liquid was all on the dog’s face makes me doubt that. I took her back and washed her. Her eyes were watering for the rest of the day. The drink must have got in her eyes as well.
She was not happy at all to go on that side of the area after that. There was no point in upsetting her so I avoided that and took her for long walks on the beach on the opposite side of the place. We must have walked miles in the sand every day. It was a job in itself trying to shake the sand out of the dog’s paws and the coat every time we came back. The weather was hot and sunny all week. Although Sickie didn’t get out more than once he enjoyed the change of place too so I think the holiday was a success.
The drive back on the coastal route was amazing too.
The holiday was good. After a first couple of days I managed to wind down and relax. Not having to set the alarms or watch the clock felt very odd. My mobile wasn’t picking up good signals so that distraction was also out of the way.
On the first day after unpacking I went round the complex to see where everything was and if it was possible to encourage the Sickie to go out. I tied the dog outside the building on the railing to the steps and I went in. She is used to waiting outside the shops for me so there was nothing usual. Although I am a little more careful now that she is older and less confident.
When I came out of the place after a few minutes I saw a crowd gathered around the dog. My heart just sank for a few seconds thinking she was ill or dead. I managed to push people aside and I saw her. She was drenched with some liquid, covered in pieces of glass and trembling terribly.
People there said they were not very close so didn’t see exactly but think that some teenagers were messing around and dropped a glass full of soft drink on her from the top of the steps. The dog got splashed with the fizzy drinks all over her face and the back and the noise of breaking the glass startled her. Of course the kids ran away. It could have been an accident but the way the liquid was all on the dog’s face makes me doubt that. I took her back and washed her. Her eyes were watering for the rest of the day. The drink must have got in her eyes as well.
She was not happy at all to go on that side of the area after that. There was no point in upsetting her so I avoided that and took her for long walks on the beach on the opposite side of the place. We must have walked miles in the sand every day. It was a job in itself trying to shake the sand out of the dog’s paws and the coat every time we came back. The weather was hot and sunny all week. Although Sickie didn’t get out more than once he enjoyed the change of place too so I think the holiday was a success.
The drive back on the coastal route was amazing too.
Friday, August 25, 2006
My Family Holiday
Work tomorrow morning and going away straight after lunch time. Nothing packed yet. As usual I am trying to clear and clean every thing before tomorrow. That is just plain stupid isn’t it?
I booked this week off for certain reasons and now those reasons are not there so I could do without going but people say that I need to take time away from work. I have never had a day off not doing any work for a very long time. Going to see mum and taking weeks off doesn’t really count because it is strictly not a holiday and I am not doing nothing or my own thing. I did have some time in Dubai on the way back but that was part of the same package – kind of different location to the same package.
This is a traditional holiday. A time taken off for no special reason. Instead of anticipation, the thought of 7 days without work panics me. Just imagine how much I could cover and get up to date if I take a week off to catch up on work! Only positive thing for this week is that I will be giving Sickie and the doggie my full attention. In Sickie’s case it may not be a positive thing. He will soon get fed up of me.LOL.
At times I feel that people I care for shouldn’t ask for difficult things from me, especially when they know it is difficult for me. I hate to refuse a favour but there are some things that are just not done. Girlie friend no. 2 is asking for a favour but I don’t feel I could help out without making myself unhappy. There is no real need for that favour. If a friend is in trouble then I would do anything to help out. In this case it is just greed or indulgence and I don’t want to be a party to it. She is not the one to take no for an answer. Although I am easily manipulated at times I think once I reach my limit I could be very strong. I am proud of myself that I have not budged. She has just left the last text calling me a witch but who cares? Well I do but I am not giving in.
I feel a little depressed. I think when you are so tired and so empty because the world has taken it all out of you during the day and when you start thinking about how you couldn't do fair things to everyone you ideally want to do because it is not in your hands at times - that is when you feel down - at night when no one knows and you can hear all your thoughts.
Can you hear them too?
I booked this week off for certain reasons and now those reasons are not there so I could do without going but people say that I need to take time away from work. I have never had a day off not doing any work for a very long time. Going to see mum and taking weeks off doesn’t really count because it is strictly not a holiday and I am not doing nothing or my own thing. I did have some time in Dubai on the way back but that was part of the same package – kind of different location to the same package.
This is a traditional holiday. A time taken off for no special reason. Instead of anticipation, the thought of 7 days without work panics me. Just imagine how much I could cover and get up to date if I take a week off to catch up on work! Only positive thing for this week is that I will be giving Sickie and the doggie my full attention. In Sickie’s case it may not be a positive thing. He will soon get fed up of me.LOL.
At times I feel that people I care for shouldn’t ask for difficult things from me, especially when they know it is difficult for me. I hate to refuse a favour but there are some things that are just not done. Girlie friend no. 2 is asking for a favour but I don’t feel I could help out without making myself unhappy. There is no real need for that favour. If a friend is in trouble then I would do anything to help out. In this case it is just greed or indulgence and I don’t want to be a party to it. She is not the one to take no for an answer. Although I am easily manipulated at times I think once I reach my limit I could be very strong. I am proud of myself that I have not budged. She has just left the last text calling me a witch but who cares? Well I do but I am not giving in.
I feel a little depressed. I think when you are so tired and so empty because the world has taken it all out of you during the day and when you start thinking about how you couldn't do fair things to everyone you ideally want to do because it is not in your hands at times - that is when you feel down - at night when no one knows and you can hear all your thoughts.
Can you hear them too?
DVT
All this time it was the overweight people who are targeted to be prone to DVT on their air travels. Now the research says that short people are also more prone to the condition.
People shorter than 5 ft 3 in are five times more likely to develop DVT after flying. Obese people are ten times as likely to suffer. Well, it seems that I am doomed on duel account! The problem shorties have is that their legs don’t reach the floor, the research says. Mind you tall people 6ft 3in or above also suffer DVT four times more than normal.
So if this is established then why more is not being done to counter-act it? I must say that good airlines have improved slightly but it is still not enough. Sitting for long periods was the main cause for DVT the report says. I believe that not just sitting but the cramped sitting does it. If the airlines are to cut down on alcohol and excess offerings of food – especially available on the long flights the money could be spent on improving the seating without increasing the fares.
In the mean time I am off to a week in the North West………yes more North and more West than Manchester. I hope it doesn’t rain in Scotland.
People shorter than 5 ft 3 in are five times more likely to develop DVT after flying. Obese people are ten times as likely to suffer. Well, it seems that I am doomed on duel account! The problem shorties have is that their legs don’t reach the floor, the research says. Mind you tall people 6ft 3in or above also suffer DVT four times more than normal.
So if this is established then why more is not being done to counter-act it? I must say that good airlines have improved slightly but it is still not enough. Sitting for long periods was the main cause for DVT the report says. I believe that not just sitting but the cramped sitting does it. If the airlines are to cut down on alcohol and excess offerings of food – especially available on the long flights the money could be spent on improving the seating without increasing the fares.
In the mean time I am off to a week in the North West………yes more North and more West than Manchester. I hope it doesn’t rain in Scotland.
Sunday, August 20, 2006
Stop or Don't Stop
What a busy week I have had! I have been out socialising almost every evening and it is showing on my face today. The bags under the eyes are competing with those carried by the shoppers coming out of Laura Ashley linen department. I dare to think how loud my scales will scream when I try to weigh myself after eating out every night.
Last night I was driving back from an evening out. My hearing was 85% damaged by the noise made by the group of 25 women talking while enjoying their drink and food. The Italian restaurant had a pre warning so they sat us down in the basement room instead of upstairs public sitting area.
As I was nearer to the known area just after midnight I saw a group of young people outside a pub. On the road there was what seemed like a black coat or a jacket. I had my eyes on it while a couple of girls that looked in their late teens come in the middle of the road with a stop or slow down sign. One then picked up the coat like object which I notice was actually a little black dog. The lads in the group were shouting something. I was just about to stop when I saw a car parked haphazardly a little further and two dark men coming out towards to girls. Something didn’t seem right and I got a bit scared for some reason and carried on driving.
After coming home I felt very sad and guilty for not stopping to take the dog to the vets. I felt angry on the people and on the society that make me feel afraid to stop to help. Sometimes you could be too helpful for your own good. I recalled a couple of years ago when a boy was lying on the road and another one standing over him kind of crying. I stopped the car and got out asking if he was hurt. He got up making faces and they ran off laughing. They weren’t threatening or anything but just having joke which annoyed me no end.
I hate those people who allow their animals to roam around free. Still feeling sorry for the poor dog. It must be hurt to lie on the road like that although there was no blood at all. What do you do in incidents like this?
Last night I was driving back from an evening out. My hearing was 85% damaged by the noise made by the group of 25 women talking while enjoying their drink and food. The Italian restaurant had a pre warning so they sat us down in the basement room instead of upstairs public sitting area.
As I was nearer to the known area just after midnight I saw a group of young people outside a pub. On the road there was what seemed like a black coat or a jacket. I had my eyes on it while a couple of girls that looked in their late teens come in the middle of the road with a stop or slow down sign. One then picked up the coat like object which I notice was actually a little black dog. The lads in the group were shouting something. I was just about to stop when I saw a car parked haphazardly a little further and two dark men coming out towards to girls. Something didn’t seem right and I got a bit scared for some reason and carried on driving.
After coming home I felt very sad and guilty for not stopping to take the dog to the vets. I felt angry on the people and on the society that make me feel afraid to stop to help. Sometimes you could be too helpful for your own good. I recalled a couple of years ago when a boy was lying on the road and another one standing over him kind of crying. I stopped the car and got out asking if he was hurt. He got up making faces and they ran off laughing. They weren’t threatening or anything but just having joke which annoyed me no end.
I hate those people who allow their animals to roam around free. Still feeling sorry for the poor dog. It must be hurt to lie on the road like that although there was no blood at all. What do you do in incidents like this?
Sunday, August 13, 2006
Floods
Surat, an Indian city famous for textile and diamond business was flooded On Tuesday the 8th August 2006. The authorities released some water from overflowing dam that was becoming dangerous after days of torrential rain. 80% of the city was submerged in water. No electricity, gas, communication or transport links were working.
A very few places were dry but still cut off as they couldn’t go anywhere. Most places were under water starting from few inches of water to several feet of water. It is amazing how people pull together in difficult times and help each other out. Lot of people from surrounding dry areas didn’t wait for the Government aids. They brought food, water and cloths for people as soon as they could walk in the street water.
After four odd days water is receding. This is the first hand story of someone who had 3’ water in the house.
The cleaning procedure is going on and everyone is really tired. All the furniture (being wooden) is damaged. All big kitchen appliances couldn't be moved are useless now. Door frames are splitting and coming away. Luckily they had three/four hours warning so they shifted cloths, bedding and food upstairs. This is the minimum damage. Others have it worse. Oh don't forget the vehicles- car and motorbikes are also useless. Luckily there was only one snake swimming in the house when clearing the water but there are lots of rats and snakes around.
In the worse hit areas there were bodies on the trees. There was a 4 story apartment block that just collapsed like a pack of cards. Hospitals, Banks, offices, factories, everything is closed and some are still under water. Outside in the streets there is knee deep mud and gunge.
The most difficult part is the shortage of water. The Government aid had started long ago but was concentrated in worse areas. Helicopters were dropping food and water packages.
Trains, electricity and telephones have been restored in the safer areas. Surat having a big textile and diamond industry attracted millions of workers from other states. They are all going back home so the trains are overflowing. It is a total chaos.
It will take a very very long time for Surat to recover this. For now it is ruined. In the 90s, floods not as bad as this, had cause the Plague! Let’s hope it won’t be repeated.
India tries to walk two steps forward and the nature pushes her back four steps!
A very few places were dry but still cut off as they couldn’t go anywhere. Most places were under water starting from few inches of water to several feet of water. It is amazing how people pull together in difficult times and help each other out. Lot of people from surrounding dry areas didn’t wait for the Government aids. They brought food, water and cloths for people as soon as they could walk in the street water.
After four odd days water is receding. This is the first hand story of someone who had 3’ water in the house.
The cleaning procedure is going on and everyone is really tired. All the furniture (being wooden) is damaged. All big kitchen appliances couldn't be moved are useless now. Door frames are splitting and coming away. Luckily they had three/four hours warning so they shifted cloths, bedding and food upstairs. This is the minimum damage. Others have it worse. Oh don't forget the vehicles- car and motorbikes are also useless. Luckily there was only one snake swimming in the house when clearing the water but there are lots of rats and snakes around.
In the worse hit areas there were bodies on the trees. There was a 4 story apartment block that just collapsed like a pack of cards. Hospitals, Banks, offices, factories, everything is closed and some are still under water. Outside in the streets there is knee deep mud and gunge.
The most difficult part is the shortage of water. The Government aid had started long ago but was concentrated in worse areas. Helicopters were dropping food and water packages.
Trains, electricity and telephones have been restored in the safer areas. Surat having a big textile and diamond industry attracted millions of workers from other states. They are all going back home so the trains are overflowing. It is a total chaos.
It will take a very very long time for Surat to recover this. For now it is ruined. In the 90s, floods not as bad as this, had cause the Plague! Let’s hope it won’t be repeated.
India tries to walk two steps forward and the nature pushes her back four steps!
Raksha Bandhan - Brother's Day
You know about Father’s Day and Mother’s Day but have you heard of a Brother’s Day? Well it’s not exactly called a Brother’s Day but that is what it kind of means. It is a Hindu tradition and it is called a Raksha Bandhan Day. Raksha means protection and bandhan means a bond, a tie. It is a day of the full moon according to Hindu calendar in the month of Shravan. This year it fell on the 9th August.
On this day a sister ties a special silk thread called Rakhi on the wrist of her brother as a symbol of her love and affection for him. The brother in return gives her gifts and promises to protect her.
You know what I am like with my stories. There are a few for Raksha Bandhan but I like this one. When India was being invaded, state by state, by the Moghuls it was said that the Invaders used to claim the Queen of the loser and remarry her. One Queen sent a rakhi to the winner saying that all men apart from her husband were like brothers to her. The winner was so impressed by that gesture that he accepted her as a sister and left her unharmed.
The tradition started from ancient times. It is said that Lord Indra, King of deities was worried about losing the battle against the demons and his wife tied a talisman, charged with religious mantras on his wrist for his protection and power. Surely he won.
Rakhi used to be a symbol of protection tied by any one to the loved one but later on it just modified into a sacred festival between brothers and sisters. Rakhi holds immense significance in Indian cultural ethos. This loving gesture goes a long way in strengthening the family ties. The brother takes on the responsibility of protecting his sister by accepting the Rakhi.
During the time this extended not just to the blood relations but also to the spoken or spiritual brothers and sisters. During the middle ages many Rajput warriors have sacrificed their lives to protect the honour of the women who have taken them as brothers.
The ancient history of India tells us that when Alexander the Great come to India he was resisted by King Porus. As Alexander’s wife addressed Porus as brother the brave King never harmed Alexander. When Chittor in Rajastan was attacked the Queen Karnawati sent a rakhi to Emperor Humayun and he came for help going against his own soldiers.
In the present time sisters try to go to their brothers on the Rakhi day with sweets etc. to tie the Rakhi. Brothers give them gifts and money. Those who are too far away send them in the post. Rakhis are made of decorated soft silk threads in various colours and designs. No matter what it looks like but each comes with the sacred verse of unity and acts as a symbol of love and family commitment.
Now this is how it is supposed to be. How many brothers and sisters do have this bond between them? Isn’t it bad that we forget all these ancient traditions from different cultures and get so wound up in the material world that we become just selfish and self-centred?
On this day a sister ties a special silk thread called Rakhi on the wrist of her brother as a symbol of her love and affection for him. The brother in return gives her gifts and promises to protect her.
You know what I am like with my stories. There are a few for Raksha Bandhan but I like this one. When India was being invaded, state by state, by the Moghuls it was said that the Invaders used to claim the Queen of the loser and remarry her. One Queen sent a rakhi to the winner saying that all men apart from her husband were like brothers to her. The winner was so impressed by that gesture that he accepted her as a sister and left her unharmed.
The tradition started from ancient times. It is said that Lord Indra, King of deities was worried about losing the battle against the demons and his wife tied a talisman, charged with religious mantras on his wrist for his protection and power. Surely he won.
Rakhi used to be a symbol of protection tied by any one to the loved one but later on it just modified into a sacred festival between brothers and sisters. Rakhi holds immense significance in Indian cultural ethos. This loving gesture goes a long way in strengthening the family ties. The brother takes on the responsibility of protecting his sister by accepting the Rakhi.
During the time this extended not just to the blood relations but also to the spoken or spiritual brothers and sisters. During the middle ages many Rajput warriors have sacrificed their lives to protect the honour of the women who have taken them as brothers.
The ancient history of India tells us that when Alexander the Great come to India he was resisted by King Porus. As Alexander’s wife addressed Porus as brother the brave King never harmed Alexander. When Chittor in Rajastan was attacked the Queen Karnawati sent a rakhi to Emperor Humayun and he came for help going against his own soldiers.
In the present time sisters try to go to their brothers on the Rakhi day with sweets etc. to tie the Rakhi. Brothers give them gifts and money. Those who are too far away send them in the post. Rakhis are made of decorated soft silk threads in various colours and designs. No matter what it looks like but each comes with the sacred verse of unity and acts as a symbol of love and family commitment.
Now this is how it is supposed to be. How many brothers and sisters do have this bond between them? Isn’t it bad that we forget all these ancient traditions from different cultures and get so wound up in the material world that we become just selfish and self-centred?
Thursday, August 10, 2006
Thrill
The fireman in the dryer incident is still fresh in the media. What was the idea behind it? A dare, a thrill, a prank or just plain stupidity?
I thought we get more sensible, think more of consequences and we take fewer chances as we get older.
As a child I remember getting all excited about lots of small things. Every thing outside the routine was a thrill.
As I grew up getting a new dress in the latest fashion was a thrill. Getting on the bus with friends to the college and unexpectedly finding the boys we liked on the same bus was a thrill. As we started dating the romantic gestures from our respective boyfriends gave us thrills. Jumping out of the window, bunking the lessons and sitting in the cinema was a thrill. Going on holidays with friends was a thrill. Talking with girl friends about eloping with the young men of our dreams was a thrill.
Being proposed and saying yes was a thrill. Being the centre of someone’s whole existence was a thrill. Setting up a new home was a thrill. Surprising him with a special meal or a gift was a thrill.
All these were harmless fun thrills, more of an excitement than a turbulent blood vessel bursting thrill. Every now and then we have those exhilarating, trembling, buzzing and intense physical thrills that come with the frisson. There is nothing wrong with that. It is the human nature.
Then there are some who goes that little bit further for their thrills. Their thrills get a little too quick, too often and too dangerous. They seek the thrill so they take the chance but at times they forget that their pleasure could harm someone else. The thrills get more and more daring. Isn’t like a drug addiction? You need more and more to get the same effect.
How far would you go for a thrill? Would you drive miles to see a friend for a few minutes? Walking barefoot on the wet sand by the sea? A train ride to London theatre? Sitting on the grass on the Great Orme with a bottle of wine and a friend?
How much risk would you take for a thrill? A ride on the big one in Blackpool? A night in the haunted house? Crossing the road in the middle of the traffic? Driving fast on the motorway? A ride on the newest, the highest and the fastest rollercoaster? Riding a fast motorbike? Flying a plane? Parachute jump? Risking the most important thing in your life by doing something insignificant? Taking something that belongs to someone else although you don’t need it? (Believe me, not all thieves are the needy ones.)
Would you go for more and more thrills at any cost?
I thought we get more sensible, think more of consequences and we take fewer chances as we get older.
As a child I remember getting all excited about lots of small things. Every thing outside the routine was a thrill.
As I grew up getting a new dress in the latest fashion was a thrill. Getting on the bus with friends to the college and unexpectedly finding the boys we liked on the same bus was a thrill. As we started dating the romantic gestures from our respective boyfriends gave us thrills. Jumping out of the window, bunking the lessons and sitting in the cinema was a thrill. Going on holidays with friends was a thrill. Talking with girl friends about eloping with the young men of our dreams was a thrill.
Being proposed and saying yes was a thrill. Being the centre of someone’s whole existence was a thrill. Setting up a new home was a thrill. Surprising him with a special meal or a gift was a thrill.
All these were harmless fun thrills, more of an excitement than a turbulent blood vessel bursting thrill. Every now and then we have those exhilarating, trembling, buzzing and intense physical thrills that come with the frisson. There is nothing wrong with that. It is the human nature.
Then there are some who goes that little bit further for their thrills. Their thrills get a little too quick, too often and too dangerous. They seek the thrill so they take the chance but at times they forget that their pleasure could harm someone else. The thrills get more and more daring. Isn’t like a drug addiction? You need more and more to get the same effect.
How far would you go for a thrill? Would you drive miles to see a friend for a few minutes? Walking barefoot on the wet sand by the sea? A train ride to London theatre? Sitting on the grass on the Great Orme with a bottle of wine and a friend?
How much risk would you take for a thrill? A ride on the big one in Blackpool? A night in the haunted house? Crossing the road in the middle of the traffic? Driving fast on the motorway? A ride on the newest, the highest and the fastest rollercoaster? Riding a fast motorbike? Flying a plane? Parachute jump? Risking the most important thing in your life by doing something insignificant? Taking something that belongs to someone else although you don’t need it? (Believe me, not all thieves are the needy ones.)
Would you go for more and more thrills at any cost?
Saturday, July 29, 2006
Real illusion
Reality is merely an illusion albeit a very persistent one. – Albert Einstein
An illusion is defined as:
An illusion is a distortion of a sensory perception.
An abnormal perception caused by a sensory misinterpretation of and actual stimulus, sometimes precipitated by strong emotion,
A misinterpreted perception that is caused by mistaking something present for something it is not.
Illusions commonly occur with information that is seen or heard.
An erroneous perception of reality. An erroneous concept or belief. The condition of being deceived by a false perception or belief.
So,
Is love an illusion of emotional control?
Is friendship an illusion of fulfilling common needs?
Is brave upfront an illusion of hidden fears?
Is denial an illusion of self deceit?
Is detachment an illusion of self preservation?
Who decides what is illusion and what if reality? An Acceptance of a perception varies from society to society and from culture to culture so if more people thought it was a reality could an illusion become a reality?
An illusion is defined as:
An illusion is a distortion of a sensory perception.
An abnormal perception caused by a sensory misinterpretation of and actual stimulus, sometimes precipitated by strong emotion,
A misinterpreted perception that is caused by mistaking something present for something it is not.
Illusions commonly occur with information that is seen or heard.
An erroneous perception of reality. An erroneous concept or belief. The condition of being deceived by a false perception or belief.
So,
Is love an illusion of emotional control?
Is friendship an illusion of fulfilling common needs?
Is brave upfront an illusion of hidden fears?
Is denial an illusion of self deceit?
Is detachment an illusion of self preservation?
Who decides what is illusion and what if reality? An Acceptance of a perception varies from society to society and from culture to culture so if more people thought it was a reality could an illusion become a reality?
Wednesday, July 19, 2006
Bugs me
The college where girlie friend no. 2 (I haven’t mentioned her for a long time!) and I go for the Yoga class is closing till September. As the last class had fallen on the day of the enrolment the college was buzzing even in the evening. Not being too familiar with the recent education system (oh not in my days phrase is trying to leap out) I was quite impressed that glasses of wine were floating around in the college foyer – something to do with the enrolment? Sadly our stubborn stop at the wine table was not looked on favourably by the Yoga lady so we followed her. As our usual area was taken up, the care taker had reluctantly agreed to let us practice Yoga in the back garden area.
What a lovely idea to do a class in the open air especially on a hot evening on the green grass – until we settle down to doing the postures! Unfortunately, the bugs don’t like me – no untrue, they like me a lot. No matter where I am or what I am doing if there is a flying insect I will get bitten. The worst incident was when I was bitten on the eye. My eye ended up like a shining lemon and I had to be under the eye hospital for a couple of weeks. Going back to the garden in the college, during the whole hour I seem to be performing a shimmy learnt in dance class centuries ago than performing Yoga. Needless to stay I opted out to sit through the relaxation part.
Why do the mosquitoes and the midges make a bee line to eat me, I used to ask mother when I was little. She used to say it’s because your blood is very sweet as you are my sweet girl. For years I was confused thinking I was diabetic! Why on the earth my blood would be sweet otherwise?
I remembered this and smiled when I read the article in the paper that said chemicals in the body which instantly repel mosquitoes have been identified by scientists. Prof John Pickett at the Royal society Summer Science Exhibition in South-West London said that gas chromatography electoantennography break human odour into its individual chemical components. Those of us who don’t get bitten by mosquitoes produce unattractive chemicals which mask their attractive odours. This knowledge will lead to new methods of controlling biting pests.
It is a little disheartening though that I am producing chemicals that attract bugs. What happened to my female Pheromones??????
What a lovely idea to do a class in the open air especially on a hot evening on the green grass – until we settle down to doing the postures! Unfortunately, the bugs don’t like me – no untrue, they like me a lot. No matter where I am or what I am doing if there is a flying insect I will get bitten. The worst incident was when I was bitten on the eye. My eye ended up like a shining lemon and I had to be under the eye hospital for a couple of weeks. Going back to the garden in the college, during the whole hour I seem to be performing a shimmy learnt in dance class centuries ago than performing Yoga. Needless to stay I opted out to sit through the relaxation part.
Why do the mosquitoes and the midges make a bee line to eat me, I used to ask mother when I was little. She used to say it’s because your blood is very sweet as you are my sweet girl. For years I was confused thinking I was diabetic! Why on the earth my blood would be sweet otherwise?
I remembered this and smiled when I read the article in the paper that said chemicals in the body which instantly repel mosquitoes have been identified by scientists. Prof John Pickett at the Royal society Summer Science Exhibition in South-West London said that gas chromatography electoantennography break human odour into its individual chemical components. Those of us who don’t get bitten by mosquitoes produce unattractive chemicals which mask their attractive odours. This knowledge will lead to new methods of controlling biting pests.
It is a little disheartening though that I am producing chemicals that attract bugs. What happened to my female Pheromones??????
Tendon
I went mad on exercising and started a daily “power” get fit programme. I wanted to make up for the months that I gave up the gym. The permanent “want to lose weight” was over shadowed by “want to get fit”. Whilst going to the gym every day and spending the time there very enthusiastically I damaged/inflamed my quadriceps tendons. Yoga class on top of that didn’t help because I bravely carried on with the painful knees making them worse. I blame the warrior posture!
One of my pet hates is the quick get rich scheme. I wonder with disgust why people fall for these ideas when I know perfectly well there is no such thing as quick fix for anything. On the other hand my senses were having a nap when I thought I can get fit quickly. Of course now I cannot go to the gym at all until I am better.
Have I learnt a lesson?
One of my pet hates is the quick get rich scheme. I wonder with disgust why people fall for these ideas when I know perfectly well there is no such thing as quick fix for anything. On the other hand my senses were having a nap when I thought I can get fit quickly. Of course now I cannot go to the gym at all until I am better.
Have I learnt a lesson?
Wednesday, July 12, 2006
Mumbai bombing
Another atrocious incident. So sad and unnecessary.
Yoga
Some months ago I joined the Yoga classes in the hope that I can turn a Tin (Wo)man into a bendy baby. As you guessed it never materialised. In the first lot of lessons I missed 6 out of 10 when I went away on the holiday. The second lot of lessons I intermittently managed 5 out of 10.
I am totally useless at the relaxation bit at the end of the lesson. When the teacher is saying imagine your body is getting heavier and heavier I feel like shouting “that’s the last thing I want to imagine! I want my body to be lighter not heavier!” I get my thoughts running amok in my brain. I start to shuffle around and can’t keep my eyes shut so I watch the rest of the class stretched out on the floor perfectly relaxed in the Yoga position. When the teacher says open your eyes slowly and get up in your own time I am the first one to spring up and start talking.
The last class was on Chakras and Affirmation. That made me realise that what I am being told in this class is what I experience when I am with one of my friends. I value the fact that I can talk about anything and everything without being judged or scrutinised. The surrounding is peaceful and elating on top of that. I feel calm and relaxed when I part from his company and I appreciate myself when he tells me to always be myself, accept and be happy with myself. His favourite words “sit and stare” are easier to follow than the meditation.
I am sure he has his faults and that he probably doesn’t follow his own advice all the time but I never said he wasn’t a human being, did I? and also I am there to point them out to him, aren't I?
I am totally useless at the relaxation bit at the end of the lesson. When the teacher is saying imagine your body is getting heavier and heavier I feel like shouting “that’s the last thing I want to imagine! I want my body to be lighter not heavier!” I get my thoughts running amok in my brain. I start to shuffle around and can’t keep my eyes shut so I watch the rest of the class stretched out on the floor perfectly relaxed in the Yoga position. When the teacher says open your eyes slowly and get up in your own time I am the first one to spring up and start talking.
The last class was on Chakras and Affirmation. That made me realise that what I am being told in this class is what I experience when I am with one of my friends. I value the fact that I can talk about anything and everything without being judged or scrutinised. The surrounding is peaceful and elating on top of that. I feel calm and relaxed when I part from his company and I appreciate myself when he tells me to always be myself, accept and be happy with myself. His favourite words “sit and stare” are easier to follow than the meditation.
I am sure he has his faults and that he probably doesn’t follow his own advice all the time but I never said he wasn’t a human being, did I? and also I am there to point them out to him, aren't I?
Saturday, July 01, 2006
World Cup - end of hope
Broken dream but a good try. What else can one say?
World Cup
Come on England, I am sure we can do it.
Andre Agassi
still the Ace. A great player and a lovely person. Goodbye. You will be missed. Sad result but still love you.
Thursday, June 29, 2006
Quiet and Calm
Why my life doesn’t run in the way other people have theirs with a mixture of things happening at the same time? Mine seems to go through the phases of things or that’s how it feels to me.
When I am lonely I have nobody but then times change and I have everybody. There are times when I have nothing to do and nowhere to go but then there are times when I have too many people and too many invitations. When I am down everything around me comes with more problems but then things are right and almost everything goes straight forward and smooth. I have no control over most things that happen around me.
Lately things are going good and steady. There are many people around me giving me happiness. There is nothing I have done to make that happen. I am just the same. They too are same so why am I getting more from them than I did in the previous phase? How is it that most things seem to go right – be it work or personal? It is a little frustrating because I know this will turn again and things just will not work out right even if I try harder than now.
I am a little lost -in a good way- by my Sickie being so well for a long while. I don’t want to say it or even think it just in case it is only a dream. I might have just imagined it and it will go away if I say it loudly. Mind you I must also remind myself that he is just better not cured so don’t take this for granted.
Mother and the dog are reasonably plodding along. Even if there were not I can accept the inevitable differently some times and panic about it the other times. Why?
It’s not about how I handle things when I am going through different moods (by the way I DO NOT suffer from mood swings etc....well no more than normal...lol).
I know changes are certain in the life cycle and happiness and sadness follow each other but what I am talking about is when everything remains same and even then the outcome turns out different. Why?
It’s perhaps strangely quiet and calm at the moment because no one is emotionally fighting with me! …. LOL…No doubt it will not last forever……….
When I am lonely I have nobody but then times change and I have everybody. There are times when I have nothing to do and nowhere to go but then there are times when I have too many people and too many invitations. When I am down everything around me comes with more problems but then things are right and almost everything goes straight forward and smooth. I have no control over most things that happen around me.
Lately things are going good and steady. There are many people around me giving me happiness. There is nothing I have done to make that happen. I am just the same. They too are same so why am I getting more from them than I did in the previous phase? How is it that most things seem to go right – be it work or personal? It is a little frustrating because I know this will turn again and things just will not work out right even if I try harder than now.
I am a little lost -in a good way- by my Sickie being so well for a long while. I don’t want to say it or even think it just in case it is only a dream. I might have just imagined it and it will go away if I say it loudly. Mind you I must also remind myself that he is just better not cured so don’t take this for granted.
Mother and the dog are reasonably plodding along. Even if there were not I can accept the inevitable differently some times and panic about it the other times. Why?
It’s not about how I handle things when I am going through different moods (by the way I DO NOT suffer from mood swings etc....well no more than normal...lol).
I know changes are certain in the life cycle and happiness and sadness follow each other but what I am talking about is when everything remains same and even then the outcome turns out different. Why?
It’s perhaps strangely quiet and calm at the moment because no one is emotionally fighting with me! …. LOL…No doubt it will not last forever……….
Tuesday, June 20, 2006
One Word
One Word
One word from you
And my world turned upside down
Vehement iceberg hit the rock
Creating a whirlpool whizzing around
One word from you
And my world started whirling around
Powerful currents pulling me strong
Whilst I float numb and bound
One word from you
And my world turned into a crown
Blinding diamond set in pure gold
The precious jewel I lost and found
One word from you
And my world was safe and sound
Protect it with love and care
Once resurrected from the ground
One word from you
And my world turned upside down
Vehement iceberg hit the rock
Creating a whirlpool whizzing around
One word from you
And my world started whirling around
Powerful currents pulling me strong
Whilst I float numb and bound
One word from you
And my world turned into a crown
Blinding diamond set in pure gold
The precious jewel I lost and found
One word from you
And my world was safe and sound
Protect it with love and care
Once resurrected from the ground
Friday, June 16, 2006
Friday Entertainment
Friday nights used to be my favourite nights some years ago because it was the night I didn’t have to think about getting up for work the next day. There were also comedy programmes on the TV I used to love to watch. Even though I now work Saturday mornings my week-end feeling on Friday night hasn’t gone away.
I don’t watch much television although it is always on behind me when I am on the PC. I didn’t want to use the PC tonight but I didn’t think there was anything particularly worth watching on the TV tonight either.
What’s the point in watching the football when your teams aren’t playing and as for Big Brother I still haven’t fathomed out why people watch it or what all the fuss it about. Mind you I don’t need to find the entertainment on the TV living where I live.
It is still light outside and all the off licences and food take away are buzzing on my road. There are about ten kids out there on the bicycles and on foot. They are playing football by kicking the ball across the two footpaths while two little ones are riding the bikes in a circle on the road. People driving passed are braking, slowing down and then carry on. People are watching but no one says anything. This is busy road and some one could get hurt. The youngest one looks about 8 and the oldest about 17.
Perhaps I should ask them to go and play on the motorway. OK OK this is my nasty side speaking.
I don’t watch much television although it is always on behind me when I am on the PC. I didn’t want to use the PC tonight but I didn’t think there was anything particularly worth watching on the TV tonight either.
What’s the point in watching the football when your teams aren’t playing and as for Big Brother I still haven’t fathomed out why people watch it or what all the fuss it about. Mind you I don’t need to find the entertainment on the TV living where I live.
It is still light outside and all the off licences and food take away are buzzing on my road. There are about ten kids out there on the bicycles and on foot. They are playing football by kicking the ball across the two footpaths while two little ones are riding the bikes in a circle on the road. People driving passed are braking, slowing down and then carry on. People are watching but no one says anything. This is busy road and some one could get hurt. The youngest one looks about 8 and the oldest about 17.
Perhaps I should ask them to go and play on the motorway. OK OK this is my nasty side speaking.
Monday, June 12, 2006
18 miles from home
That’s how far it was. Just up the motorway and you are there in no time at all. Was it a different world? Not quite perhaps but it was different enough. It was beautiful nevertheless.
I have been to see my friends at their new place. It is on a hill in a village in the country. Not a traditional permanent fixed abode – well it could be permanent and it is fixed but it is not a traditional house. There were miles of picturesque scenery and walks. It made a hot sunny day worth while. People were friendly, pubs were inviting and food was wholesome and tasty. What was most charming was a little happy face drawn and a thank you written on the bill for the dinner. I have been to different eateries - from little cafés to 5 star hotel restaurants – but not had a smiley thank you drawn on my bill. It was a nice gesture, wouldn’t you say?
Could I leave my rat race for such a life? It would be peaceful and stress free. I am a little, I stress, a little tempted to try it but was it beautiful because my friends were there? Was it beautiful because it was a time to chill out? Was it beautiful as an idea for a few days’ holidays? Was it beautiful enough to change the direction in life? We will wait and see.
I have been to see my friends at their new place. It is on a hill in a village in the country. Not a traditional permanent fixed abode – well it could be permanent and it is fixed but it is not a traditional house. There were miles of picturesque scenery and walks. It made a hot sunny day worth while. People were friendly, pubs were inviting and food was wholesome and tasty. What was most charming was a little happy face drawn and a thank you written on the bill for the dinner. I have been to different eateries - from little cafés to 5 star hotel restaurants – but not had a smiley thank you drawn on my bill. It was a nice gesture, wouldn’t you say?
Could I leave my rat race for such a life? It would be peaceful and stress free. I am a little, I stress, a little tempted to try it but was it beautiful because my friends were there? Was it beautiful because it was a time to chill out? Was it beautiful as an idea for a few days’ holidays? Was it beautiful enough to change the direction in life? We will wait and see.
Sunday, June 11, 2006
Spitting
Have you noticed this? You are just going about your business and so are other people on the road. If any of those other people are young men in a group of three or more one is bound to spit on the road. It’s not that they are eating something that was horrible or are eating a chewing gum that has gone tasteless – not that it is an excuse to spit it on the road. ~By the way, someone was fined in Bolton centre for spitting a chewing gum on the footpath – excellent! Do you have any idea why young people spit on the road? The excuse that they copy their sports idols or whatever is just lame. Spitting on a public road is so disgusting and unhygienic and should be acceptable.
Tuesday, June 06, 2006
Can't sleep
It’s 3.30 in the morning and I am up. Couldn’t sleep. Only went to bed three hours earlier! Perhaps because I am full of chest cold and cough and have got a bad headache. Perhaps because all sorts of things are going in my mind and none of those are the solutions to any of those things. There is nothing wrong. Everything seems to be ticking over steadily so why do I feel empty?
It seems that my life is no further forward than it was six months ago. Then again lots of things have happened in the last six months. I have had good fun and done some worthwhile things. Had a good time at the Conference only a couple of weeks ago. So why do I feel that I am just existing for the sake of existing? Am I the kind of person who needs constant external stimulation in life? It hasn’t been bad lately. Not had that many problems. Is that why I am feeling stale? Why can’t I just accept the life as it is and be content with it? Do I always have to have things going on and targets to achieve? I need to learn to let go the chase of getting somewhere and to someone who is not there. How do I do that?
It seems that my life is no further forward than it was six months ago. Then again lots of things have happened in the last six months. I have had good fun and done some worthwhile things. Had a good time at the Conference only a couple of weeks ago. So why do I feel that I am just existing for the sake of existing? Am I the kind of person who needs constant external stimulation in life? It hasn’t been bad lately. Not had that many problems. Is that why I am feeling stale? Why can’t I just accept the life as it is and be content with it? Do I always have to have things going on and targets to achieve? I need to learn to let go the chase of getting somewhere and to someone who is not there. How do I do that?
Friday, June 02, 2006
Am I losing interest?
Have I got nothing to write about? Have I got too much to write about hence don’t know what to write?
Am I happy with everything and don’t feel the need to empty my mind? Am I too unhappy that I can’t be bothered?
Have I got too much time to do other things than the PC? Have I got no time for myself to go on the PC?
Am I writing for others who are unknown to me? Am I writing for myself even though I know everything about me?
Is my life too full that I see no need to write? Is my life just empty so there is no need to write?
Am I losing interest? I am writing this so does it means I am still interested?
Am I happy with everything and don’t feel the need to empty my mind? Am I too unhappy that I can’t be bothered?
Have I got too much time to do other things than the PC? Have I got no time for myself to go on the PC?
Am I writing for others who are unknown to me? Am I writing for myself even though I know everything about me?
Is my life too full that I see no need to write? Is my life just empty so there is no need to write?
Am I losing interest? I am writing this so does it means I am still interested?
Sunday, May 28, 2006
Fire Alarm
I am back after nearly a week away. My attendance to the Conference this year was less stressful than the past. First of all my Sickie and the dog both are better so less worry to leave them alone and secondly I didn’t have any compulsory speech to deliver. As it turns out I probably spoke on more topics but at least it was by choice and in the spirit of the debate.
It was a very busy week as I am on a couple of other committees and was forever being called for the meetings. In the evening we had a bit of socialising and entertaining to do so the economy of the city didn’t get the additional boost with my shopping.
One evening we were rushing to get to a dinner Dance after the hard day’s work. There was only so much time to get ready. As I am always late my friends threatened to ring the alarm bells if I didn’t come out of my room in time for the taxi. As I got showered and did my hair and make up I heard the loud alarm going off. Surely that can’t be for me even though it was getting close to the agreed time. Surely they wouldn’t put up a stunt like that even though I couldn’t put it passed them to play a prank……No, it was real. It was the fire alarm. I heard one of my friends who stayed in the next room knocking on my door shouting for me to get out. I said I wasn’t ready. He was getting pretty angry and kept on knocking on the door. I had to put the dress on and rush out.
He got a couple of elderly ladies out from the neighbouring rooms and pushed us all to the stairs on the left. He was very much in control and knew what he was doing…or so it seemed. We went down the stairs, walked through the passage in the cellar, and went up a flight of stairs with the poor ladies puffed out of breath in a state of shock. Where do we arrive??? The same corridor we started from!! We could have come out of the rooms and walked two steps on the right we would have been there in a second! We were too panicked to strangle him at that moment in time.
So there we were, sixty odd guests, all fully or half dressed, with or without shoes, not knowing what was going on. I had left hand finger nails painted and right hand not painted, mascara on one eye and not the other, had a party frock on but no shoes and most of all was getting late for a great party.
As it transpired later that one of guests had tried to dry her hair in the bathroom with the door closed and that triggered the fire alarm.
Mind you at times like this you know who your friends are, even though they drag you through the longest way possible when the fire alarm goes off! His reason was that it was sign posted “fire exit” that way. We forgave him after he bought the fifth round to calm our nerves.
No wonder I am feeling flat, empty and living in a slow motion after all the adrenalin rush and high of an exciting week.
It was a very busy week as I am on a couple of other committees and was forever being called for the meetings. In the evening we had a bit of socialising and entertaining to do so the economy of the city didn’t get the additional boost with my shopping.
One evening we were rushing to get to a dinner Dance after the hard day’s work. There was only so much time to get ready. As I am always late my friends threatened to ring the alarm bells if I didn’t come out of my room in time for the taxi. As I got showered and did my hair and make up I heard the loud alarm going off. Surely that can’t be for me even though it was getting close to the agreed time. Surely they wouldn’t put up a stunt like that even though I couldn’t put it passed them to play a prank……No, it was real. It was the fire alarm. I heard one of my friends who stayed in the next room knocking on my door shouting for me to get out. I said I wasn’t ready. He was getting pretty angry and kept on knocking on the door. I had to put the dress on and rush out.
He got a couple of elderly ladies out from the neighbouring rooms and pushed us all to the stairs on the left. He was very much in control and knew what he was doing…or so it seemed. We went down the stairs, walked through the passage in the cellar, and went up a flight of stairs with the poor ladies puffed out of breath in a state of shock. Where do we arrive??? The same corridor we started from!! We could have come out of the rooms and walked two steps on the right we would have been there in a second! We were too panicked to strangle him at that moment in time.
So there we were, sixty odd guests, all fully or half dressed, with or without shoes, not knowing what was going on. I had left hand finger nails painted and right hand not painted, mascara on one eye and not the other, had a party frock on but no shoes and most of all was getting late for a great party.
As it transpired later that one of guests had tried to dry her hair in the bathroom with the door closed and that triggered the fire alarm.
Mind you at times like this you know who your friends are, even though they drag you through the longest way possible when the fire alarm goes off! His reason was that it was sign posted “fire exit” that way. We forgave him after he bought the fifth round to calm our nerves.
No wonder I am feeling flat, empty and living in a slow motion after all the adrenalin rush and high of an exciting week.
Friday, May 19, 2006
Inspiration
I have not been blogging as much as I did a little while ago.
Generally the reason is lack of time. Some times you just don't feel like it - may be because of the mood you are in or you are tired or your reasons for writing have changed.
Some times you just don't have anything to write about- so to speak. Of course there is always something going on in the world that you could write about but the inspiration to express yourself usually comes from life events and people in your life, don't you agree? May be I am mixing up inspiration with reaction. Generally you react and respond to people and events.
What is inspiration? The poets, writers, inventors talk about inspiration. Inspiration is an idea coming to your head on which you act. Something triggers them to think of the idea so is it not just a reaction?
Perhaps I am splitting hair for nothing.
I am going to a conference for a week so blog you again in a few days time. I hope you try harder than me to blog.
Generally the reason is lack of time. Some times you just don't feel like it - may be because of the mood you are in or you are tired or your reasons for writing have changed.
Some times you just don't have anything to write about- so to speak. Of course there is always something going on in the world that you could write about but the inspiration to express yourself usually comes from life events and people in your life, don't you agree? May be I am mixing up inspiration with reaction. Generally you react and respond to people and events.
What is inspiration? The poets, writers, inventors talk about inspiration. Inspiration is an idea coming to your head on which you act. Something triggers them to think of the idea so is it not just a reaction?
Perhaps I am splitting hair for nothing.
I am going to a conference for a week so blog you again in a few days time. I hope you try harder than me to blog.
Tuesday, May 16, 2006
Hole in Your Head
You have a hole in your head. O Boy it hurts so much. It gives you no end of pain. You have to do so much to keep it under control. Your complete attention is focused on that hole in your head. You can’t ignore it nor forget it because its presence is demanding. You are so used to that pain. You have no choice. It’s your head and it’s your hole. You have to put up with it.
One day the hole is gone. The pain is gone. You are cured and free. Only problem is you are lost without your pain. Your life is empty. There is Nothing to focus on. Nothing to keep you occupied. With that hole in your head at least you felt alive. Now you feel dead. You used to cry when it hurt and smile when it was better. Now you have no feeling. The hole in your head is gone.
This is like some relationships in our lives. You can’t live with them but you can’t live without them either!
You know that the people who drove you mad, made you climb the wall, annoyed you to death, drove you round the bend are better far away from you BUT can you let them go? Do you unknowingly secretly wish they come back in your life? You know very well that the same thing will start again but can you really push them away?
Why can't you close that chapter? Is it because you have feelings for them? Is it because you need emotional torture? Is it because you see them as a challenge? Is it because there is no one else to take their place? or is it your unknown, unproven past asrological connection with them?
One day the hole is gone. The pain is gone. You are cured and free. Only problem is you are lost without your pain. Your life is empty. There is Nothing to focus on. Nothing to keep you occupied. With that hole in your head at least you felt alive. Now you feel dead. You used to cry when it hurt and smile when it was better. Now you have no feeling. The hole in your head is gone.
This is like some relationships in our lives. You can’t live with them but you can’t live without them either!
You know that the people who drove you mad, made you climb the wall, annoyed you to death, drove you round the bend are better far away from you BUT can you let them go? Do you unknowingly secretly wish they come back in your life? You know very well that the same thing will start again but can you really push them away?
Why can't you close that chapter? Is it because you have feelings for them? Is it because you need emotional torture? Is it because you see them as a challenge? Is it because there is no one else to take their place? or is it your unknown, unproven past asrological connection with them?
Monday, May 15, 2006
Perfection
People are never perfect. All humans are imperfect. Some can come very close to being perfect but never completely.
Life can never be perfect. Even if we achieve everything we want, if it ever was possible, it will still not be perfect because our expectations will extend and our wants will change.
Can love be perfect? Can you have a perfect happiness? Can you have a perfect relationship? Knowing that nothing is perfect should you be looking for perfection? When everything is imperfect then does the imperfection becomes acceptable and normal hence imperfection becomes perfect?
When we feel incomplete we try to search for something or somebody to complete us. In time we find that we are still far away from being fulfilled. We blame everything and everyone and go on searching.
Perhaps we need to realise that each of us are responsible for our own fulfilment, our own perfect feeling. No one can provide that for us, we need to find that for ourselves.
Perhaps contentment is perfection. When we are content we have everything the way we want – perfectly.
……BUT how can we find our fulfilment without that perfect x, y, and z? Without x, y, z we fell incomplete but x, y, z are not perfect anyway so how can they give us perfection!!!!!
Perhaps we are looking for a perfect x, y, and z because the search makes the life move forward. If we did ever find the perfection we wouldn’t know what to do with it. Our lives will be finished. Perhaps our search for perfection is impetus for our life.
Life can never be perfect. Even if we achieve everything we want, if it ever was possible, it will still not be perfect because our expectations will extend and our wants will change.
Can love be perfect? Can you have a perfect happiness? Can you have a perfect relationship? Knowing that nothing is perfect should you be looking for perfection? When everything is imperfect then does the imperfection becomes acceptable and normal hence imperfection becomes perfect?
When we feel incomplete we try to search for something or somebody to complete us. In time we find that we are still far away from being fulfilled. We blame everything and everyone and go on searching.
Perhaps we need to realise that each of us are responsible for our own fulfilment, our own perfect feeling. No one can provide that for us, we need to find that for ourselves.
Perhaps contentment is perfection. When we are content we have everything the way we want – perfectly.
……BUT how can we find our fulfilment without that perfect x, y, and z? Without x, y, z we fell incomplete but x, y, z are not perfect anyway so how can they give us perfection!!!!!
Perhaps we are looking for a perfect x, y, and z because the search makes the life move forward. If we did ever find the perfection we wouldn’t know what to do with it. Our lives will be finished. Perhaps our search for perfection is impetus for our life.
Saturday, May 06, 2006
My Desert Safari
Some weeks have passed since I returned from my holiday. A friend asked me what I enjoyed most in Dubai. A couple of tours in Dubai have made an impression on my mind. Dune driving was one of those two.
Unfortunately I did not get a chance to drive in the sand. I bet it would be an adventure in itself just like a skid driving on ice. Mind you it is nothing like driving on ice. It is more like driving on the snow because the sand underneath keeps shifting. We booked on a Safari tour. The drivers are professional desert driving experts. An Arab gentleman in the traditional gear of white long robe and the head covering picked us up from the hotel in this jeep type car. I had no idea that the same car was our mechanical camel for the desert safari. When he saw the wheel chair he said no way. You can’t push a wheel chair on the sand! Not reading about it before I had no clue as to what the safari would entail. We arrived at a designated area. There were other similar cars waiting for us.
A fleet of six 4x4 Toyotas was prepared by reducing the air pressure in the tyres before we entered the desert. It was amazing how the leading car driver found his way round the desert area. It looked same everywhere with mountains of golden sand all over. Some were small hills and some were like small mountains. The skill of driving a car on the dunes is no lesser than any stunt driver. Riding in the car that went up and down the dunes was like riding on a rollercoaster. We were in the second car so it was a fun to watch the one in the front. The cars went up the dune at a high speed, slowed down on the summit and descended at an angle. When the cars were tilted sideways as they came down some dunes, they could easily have toppled over had it not been for the skill of the drivers. The sand was flying in the front and on the sides like brown clouds. I was getting the butterfly in my tummy when the car was going down the dune. It was a great sensation. I was a bit worried about my Sickie as the ride was so bumpy we bounced off the seat and landed again on it all the time. I tried to take the photos but holding the camera with one hand and hanging on to the handles in the car meant the photos were hit and miss – more miss than hit!
We stopped after our rollercoaster rides. We all got out of the cars except one of course. Most of us tried to walk around on the sand. It was so difficult! Just to walk a very small distance was extremely tiring as your feet sink deep in the sand. Walking bare foot on the sand is a lovely feeling like paddling on the sea shore. There were some wild little desert plants with odd flower here and there grown naturally.
Afterwards we were taken to a tent for some picnic and entertainment. A tasty barbecue was prepared and the night went ahead with a belly dancing show.
It was a trip to remember.
Unfortunately I did not get a chance to drive in the sand. I bet it would be an adventure in itself just like a skid driving on ice. Mind you it is nothing like driving on ice. It is more like driving on the snow because the sand underneath keeps shifting. We booked on a Safari tour. The drivers are professional desert driving experts. An Arab gentleman in the traditional gear of white long robe and the head covering picked us up from the hotel in this jeep type car. I had no idea that the same car was our mechanical camel for the desert safari. When he saw the wheel chair he said no way. You can’t push a wheel chair on the sand! Not reading about it before I had no clue as to what the safari would entail. We arrived at a designated area. There were other similar cars waiting for us.
A fleet of six 4x4 Toyotas was prepared by reducing the air pressure in the tyres before we entered the desert. It was amazing how the leading car driver found his way round the desert area. It looked same everywhere with mountains of golden sand all over. Some were small hills and some were like small mountains. The skill of driving a car on the dunes is no lesser than any stunt driver. Riding in the car that went up and down the dunes was like riding on a rollercoaster. We were in the second car so it was a fun to watch the one in the front. The cars went up the dune at a high speed, slowed down on the summit and descended at an angle. When the cars were tilted sideways as they came down some dunes, they could easily have toppled over had it not been for the skill of the drivers. The sand was flying in the front and on the sides like brown clouds. I was getting the butterfly in my tummy when the car was going down the dune. It was a great sensation. I was a bit worried about my Sickie as the ride was so bumpy we bounced off the seat and landed again on it all the time. I tried to take the photos but holding the camera with one hand and hanging on to the handles in the car meant the photos were hit and miss – more miss than hit!
We stopped after our rollercoaster rides. We all got out of the cars except one of course. Most of us tried to walk around on the sand. It was so difficult! Just to walk a very small distance was extremely tiring as your feet sink deep in the sand. Walking bare foot on the sand is a lovely feeling like paddling on the sea shore. There were some wild little desert plants with odd flower here and there grown naturally.
Afterwards we were taken to a tent for some picnic and entertainment. A tasty barbecue was prepared and the night went ahead with a belly dancing show.
It was a trip to remember.
Wednesday, April 26, 2006
Your Picture - Poem
Your Picture
Your picture on my mind wall
Flowing your charm like a waterfall
Making me fall for you over and again
Losing my heart, mind, body and soul
Time stood still in that beautiful hall
Passion burning like a big fireball
When you drew me close in your arms
I surrendered myself complete and whole
On Big Mountains and trees grown tall
Or a pretty little peaceful corner small
Walking together hand in hand
Once in a while when we are alone
Reciprocation of love I wish to enrol
Happy memories filling the hole
Looking at your picture on my mind wall
In my mind I am giving you a call
It brings smile to my face
Our special moments when I recall
Looking at your picture on my mind wall
I wonder if you too would ever recall
Your picture on my mind wall
Flowing your charm like a waterfall
Making me fall for you over and again
Losing my heart, mind, body and soul
Time stood still in that beautiful hall
Passion burning like a big fireball
When you drew me close in your arms
I surrendered myself complete and whole
On Big Mountains and trees grown tall
Or a pretty little peaceful corner small
Walking together hand in hand
Once in a while when we are alone
Reciprocation of love I wish to enrol
Happy memories filling the hole
Looking at your picture on my mind wall
In my mind I am giving you a call
It brings smile to my face
Our special moments when I recall
Looking at your picture on my mind wall
I wonder if you too would ever recall
Sunday, April 23, 2006
Head (& mind) of State
If famous and powerful people admit to their weakness would we still respect them and their authority? I am not saying whether the statement by Professor Justin Frank that the US President suffers from a serious mental illness is right or wrong. No doubt a denial and perhaps a threat of litigation would be coming forward from the White House but what would the world's reaction be?
Sir Winston churchill was reported to suffer from depression. It was said that he used to dictate letters to his secretaries half-dressed and roamed around in his rooms nude when awoke in the night. Was his patiality to alcohol and habit of smoking known in his political period? or the conviction that Churchill was among the most important men in modern history had come about after his death?
Physical illness does get some sympathy but if more people admitted to their mental illness would the stigma and fear be less than what we have now?
Sir Winston churchill was reported to suffer from depression. It was said that he used to dictate letters to his secretaries half-dressed and roamed around in his rooms nude when awoke in the night. Was his patiality to alcohol and habit of smoking known in his political period? or the conviction that Churchill was among the most important men in modern history had come about after his death?
Physical illness does get some sympathy but if more people admitted to their mental illness would the stigma and fear be less than what we have now?
Saturday, April 22, 2006
Catching up
Did I say I was back and was sane and well? Well half of that statement is right.
Let's not split hairs - forget the sane bit -but I am definitely not well. I am sure the air conditioning in Dubai is responsible for my stinking cold and the barking cough. I am guilty of all the holiday crimes possible. I do too much when I am on a holiday. I am not the one to sit on the beach or by the pool. I want to explore and experience the new places and make most of my time there. So I am more tired when I return from a holiday than before I went.
Being away for a month leaves you a lot to catch uo on. Starting with keeping Mr.Revenue happy with the PAYE returns, not forgetting the generous £250 reward for filing them! A lot to read up on and the ironing now has reached the ceiling. Mind you I still have enough gear to pass a month or two without needing them.
A meeting will take up all day tomorrow. another one on Monday evening after a full day at work. Tuesday evening is booked to take a friend to the hospital visiting someone.
So this is just a note to let you know that I am still playing a catching up game. Whether I win it or give up on it remains to be seen.
Let's not split hairs - forget the sane bit -but I am definitely not well. I am sure the air conditioning in Dubai is responsible for my stinking cold and the barking cough. I am guilty of all the holiday crimes possible. I do too much when I am on a holiday. I am not the one to sit on the beach or by the pool. I want to explore and experience the new places and make most of my time there. So I am more tired when I return from a holiday than before I went.
Being away for a month leaves you a lot to catch uo on. Starting with keeping Mr.Revenue happy with the PAYE returns, not forgetting the generous £250 reward for filing them! A lot to read up on and the ironing now has reached the ceiling. Mind you I still have enough gear to pass a month or two without needing them.
A meeting will take up all day tomorrow. another one on Monday evening after a full day at work. Tuesday evening is booked to take a friend to the hospital visiting someone.
So this is just a note to let you know that I am still playing a catching up game. Whether I win it or give up on it remains to be seen.
Saturday, April 15, 2006
Home Sweet Home
I am back. Poor and penniless but sane and well. Every time I go to see mum and return back home I feel low and depressed so this time I decided to outwit my brain. I thought I should take some time just chilling before coming home. This is to fool my brain in thinking that I have been on a week's holiday and now I am going back so no need to get upset! I think it has worked...So far.
We had a very good time in Dubai in spite of one or two hiccups. Anyone who likes a city break would like Dubai. No need to say any one who likes shopping would love Dubai! I managed to settle down my emotional rush and tension that had escalated by seeing the relatives and actually enjoyed the break. More about Dubai later on.
No matter how much you like to stay with the family or how much you like to go away on a holiday, there is no place like home. As soon as I saw the little houses and little roads of Manchester from the plane I felt calm and comfortable. All the thoughts of moving abroad disappeared. The offices were still there, the car was still there and the dog soon arrived. I said to myself I like being at home.
And then the reality struck. Half an hour later took the dog to the park and heard rude comments directed towards me. Three lads were showing off to the couple of girls with them so I ignored what they were saying and carried on texting on the mobile. During the night the dog got me up. Outside the door there was a 14/15 year old boy shouting and swearing and breaking glass bottles on our step. He was totally drunk.
Am I glad to be home? I suppose I still am.
We had a very good time in Dubai in spite of one or two hiccups. Anyone who likes a city break would like Dubai. No need to say any one who likes shopping would love Dubai! I managed to settle down my emotional rush and tension that had escalated by seeing the relatives and actually enjoyed the break. More about Dubai later on.
No matter how much you like to stay with the family or how much you like to go away on a holiday, there is no place like home. As soon as I saw the little houses and little roads of Manchester from the plane I felt calm and comfortable. All the thoughts of moving abroad disappeared. The offices were still there, the car was still there and the dog soon arrived. I said to myself I like being at home.
And then the reality struck. Half an hour later took the dog to the park and heard rude comments directed towards me. Three lads were showing off to the couple of girls with them so I ignored what they were saying and carried on texting on the mobile. During the night the dog got me up. Outside the door there was a 14/15 year old boy shouting and swearing and breaking glass bottles on our step. He was totally drunk.
Am I glad to be home? I suppose I still am.
Monday, March 27, 2006
Sick
I am sick as a parrot....puke puke puke.......
Thursday, March 23, 2006
A Week On
I've only been here a week but it feels like ages on one hand but on the other
hand I am upset that its only two more weeks left before I leave.
I am fine in day time and can think rationally but at night when everyone is
asleep I am again having panics thinking that my mum might not be here next
time I visit. I feel deep unhappiness that she is so sad without me and so concerned about me. I know that I will not have any love to match hers, (despite her nagging..LOL.) I wish I was strong like some people I know who can be in control,untouched and objective.
On the other brighter side we managed to get mum out of bed and take a few steps. That cheered her up as she started to hope that she will be able to take care of her basic needs herself. Family believes that seeing me has given her the will power and wish to get up.
I had better get off the PC before mum starts to nag again. I am trying to have a quick glance at messages and write a quick note while I am here. Hope to catch up properly on return.
hand I am upset that its only two more weeks left before I leave.
I am fine in day time and can think rationally but at night when everyone is
asleep I am again having panics thinking that my mum might not be here next
time I visit. I feel deep unhappiness that she is so sad without me and so concerned about me. I know that I will not have any love to match hers, (despite her nagging..LOL.) I wish I was strong like some people I know who can be in control,untouched and objective.
On the other brighter side we managed to get mum out of bed and take a few steps. That cheered her up as she started to hope that she will be able to take care of her basic needs herself. Family believes that seeing me has given her the will power and wish to get up.
I had better get off the PC before mum starts to nag again. I am trying to have a quick glance at messages and write a quick note while I am here. Hope to catch up properly on return.
Tuesday, March 21, 2006
Enough?
Perhaps not but I miss my dog, my home, my work, my life and you!
This visit feels different than the last one and the one before that one. It may be due to the fact that I/we are not going sight seeing or any where else in the country. My sole intention this time is to stay with mother every second possible. In the past we used to go on holidays together with the family. I feel aimless and lost without work. Although I am sure I can get used to that...LOL.
It's making me sad that everyone are not getting on. I notice that mum goes on about my sister-in-law. She is that one who will be looking after mum when we have gone. I wish they get on so that my mum's later life will not be unhappy but they both are strong personalities and will not give in. Oh well.......
This visit feels different than the last one and the one before that one. It may be due to the fact that I/we are not going sight seeing or any where else in the country. My sole intention this time is to stay with mother every second possible. In the past we used to go on holidays together with the family. I feel aimless and lost without work. Although I am sure I can get used to that...LOL.
It's making me sad that everyone are not getting on. I notice that mum goes on about my sister-in-law. She is that one who will be looking after mum when we have gone. I wish they get on so that my mum's later life will not be unhappy but they both are strong personalities and will not give in. Oh well.......
Monday, March 20, 2006
Space
It's 1 am on Tuesday here so all are in bed. I have sneaked out from the little arms of my lovely niece who sleeps with me. Mum is nagging me to go to bed because the PC is in her room. Although she is ill she is still talking non-stop in case there isn't time left to talk to me. She won't sleep till I go to bed. I don't think mum is happy but then again it is impossible to change things to make everything right. She just said she feels for her children not having an easy life. I thinks its just a mother's point of view. Everyone has to work hard to achieve what they want and not everyone achieve that despite hard work. We all try to find contentment in life but we all need different things to make us happy.
As for me, I have all the love I need here but here I am still up and missing something. I want this life here but I want that life there too. I can't cope with this love of my family now that I have got it. I am frightened of being too attached to it. I am floating in space in between what I have and what I am afraid of.
Don't know why I am writing this but now I have I may as well send it.
As for me, I have all the love I need here but here I am still up and missing something. I want this life here but I want that life there too. I can't cope with this love of my family now that I have got it. I am frightened of being too attached to it. I am floating in space in between what I have and what I am afraid of.
Don't know why I am writing this but now I have I may as well send it.
Saturday, March 18, 2006
Off we go
Did anyone wonder why I was quiet for a few days? I was preparing for my visit to the family. The stress of leaving the businesses and the dog was building up but on top of that what presents to take for everyone was driving me to insanity.
It will sound silly to you that gifts should take up so much of your energy but when you love someone you want to share all the things you enjoy and the airlines have weight restrictions. When I left my family years ago the technology was not so advanced. Making a call on the telephone was a major task. I didn’t see them for years because of many reasons including financial affordability. I have seen mum almost every two to three years in the last decade but I had hardly seen my dad when he was well. Only time I saw him was he was terminally ill.
Even when I was younger I used to save things for my brother and sister if they weren’t with me – be it toffees or toys. Now I feel that I am better off than they are and I want to give them the things they probably cannot afford. So here I am on the airport with two largest suitcases one could find, two hand luggage, a handbag and a wheelchair that Sickie insisted he wasn’t going to use. Everything has gone well except being frisked! We enter the security checks and as I pass the gate the alarms go off. The nice security man wanted to examine my handbag. He checked it some kind of metal thin rod with a square little cloth on the top end. It kept going off. I had to empty all the contents and have them checked individually. They all kept going off. It was never established what was causing them to go off. I suggested it was my magnetism but they said it must be some kind of chemical like a hair spray (which I do not use!).
So off we go to another planet…….well that’s how it feels. You all be good and behave. Keep me in your address book and do visit me.
It will sound silly to you that gifts should take up so much of your energy but when you love someone you want to share all the things you enjoy and the airlines have weight restrictions. When I left my family years ago the technology was not so advanced. Making a call on the telephone was a major task. I didn’t see them for years because of many reasons including financial affordability. I have seen mum almost every two to three years in the last decade but I had hardly seen my dad when he was well. Only time I saw him was he was terminally ill.
Even when I was younger I used to save things for my brother and sister if they weren’t with me – be it toffees or toys. Now I feel that I am better off than they are and I want to give them the things they probably cannot afford. So here I am on the airport with two largest suitcases one could find, two hand luggage, a handbag and a wheelchair that Sickie insisted he wasn’t going to use. Everything has gone well except being frisked! We enter the security checks and as I pass the gate the alarms go off. The nice security man wanted to examine my handbag. He checked it some kind of metal thin rod with a square little cloth on the top end. It kept going off. I had to empty all the contents and have them checked individually. They all kept going off. It was never established what was causing them to go off. I suggested it was my magnetism but they said it must be some kind of chemical like a hair spray (which I do not use!).
So off we go to another planet…….well that’s how it feels. You all be good and behave. Keep me in your address book and do visit me.
Wednesday, March 08, 2006
Flapping
I am flapping my wings in the direction of the Capital for some meeting. What could have been a work cum social pleasure is becoming a very stressful exercise with my going away to mum’s next week. Not just flapping the wings, I am flapping all over. Just like a headless chicken, with or without flu. Arranging everything for one whole month especially when Mr. Revenue will be ending the year while I am away is not an easy task. Nothing sorted, nothing packed and nothing I feel enthusiastic about. Worried about the dog, concerned about the offices and frustrated about most things but I suppose when I am on that plane I will start to enjoy – I hope – until Sickie starts to worry me about his health.
For now I shouldn’t be writing the blog. I should be getting the bag ready for tomorrow so bye for now. See you Saturday.
For now I shouldn’t be writing the blog. I should be getting the bag ready for tomorrow so bye for now. See you Saturday.
Friday, March 03, 2006
Operation Straddle
I am getting lazier and lazier or to be fair busier and busier to update my blog. I am planning to take a month off to visit mum who is not keeping well. There is a lot to sort out and arrange. There is a lot going on at work too.
On top of that I am recovering from a cramp from the other night’s meeting. Thanks to the person who parked his car next to mine in the hotel car park where the meeting was held! When I came out after all the delegates had gone I noticed that there was a gap of mere 2” to get in the driving seat. My wing mirror looked very cosy in the company of his wing mirror.
Even Ally McBeal or Liz Hurley wouldn’t have got in the car with that little space so little old me with my extra padding stood no chance. There were over 125 cars in the car park and I didn’t feel like wasting the time for the night porter to find the owner to move it.
I got in from the passenger side and tried to straddle over. The right leg was fine but after that I was stuck. As my seat is pulled forward for my feet to reach peddles there wasn’t enough space to move about. I tried to pull my left leg over the gear stick and the high heels caught the CD switch and the hazard light switch. Now I had music to go with the flashing lights. Things would have been more civilised had I pushed the chair back before I started the operation. It would have helped if I had put the handbag away, taken the jacket off and taken the shoes off. The high heel of my shoe was scratching the cockpit veneer and the scratches were made on my heart at the same time. My leg had stopped reaching my head a number of years ago. For God’s sake I had only taken one lesson of Yoga last week. I couldn’t be expected to bend my now stuck leg over to my nose and down into the well of the driver’s seat with these tight trousers now even more tight with umpteen coffees and the buffet in my belly! I had to undo the chain so that I can reach the lever under the seat on the left hand side to push the chair back. Heaven! As soon as the seat moved back there was more space to bring the left leg in.
I tried to scan around while driving out to check if anyone had seen the suspicious behaviour but luckily it was too cold for people to be out.
On top of that I am recovering from a cramp from the other night’s meeting. Thanks to the person who parked his car next to mine in the hotel car park where the meeting was held! When I came out after all the delegates had gone I noticed that there was a gap of mere 2” to get in the driving seat. My wing mirror looked very cosy in the company of his wing mirror.
Even Ally McBeal or Liz Hurley wouldn’t have got in the car with that little space so little old me with my extra padding stood no chance. There were over 125 cars in the car park and I didn’t feel like wasting the time for the night porter to find the owner to move it.
I got in from the passenger side and tried to straddle over. The right leg was fine but after that I was stuck. As my seat is pulled forward for my feet to reach peddles there wasn’t enough space to move about. I tried to pull my left leg over the gear stick and the high heels caught the CD switch and the hazard light switch. Now I had music to go with the flashing lights. Things would have been more civilised had I pushed the chair back before I started the operation. It would have helped if I had put the handbag away, taken the jacket off and taken the shoes off. The high heel of my shoe was scratching the cockpit veneer and the scratches were made on my heart at the same time. My leg had stopped reaching my head a number of years ago. For God’s sake I had only taken one lesson of Yoga last week. I couldn’t be expected to bend my now stuck leg over to my nose and down into the well of the driver’s seat with these tight trousers now even more tight with umpteen coffees and the buffet in my belly! I had to undo the chain so that I can reach the lever under the seat on the left hand side to push the chair back. Heaven! As soon as the seat moved back there was more space to bring the left leg in.
I tried to scan around while driving out to check if anyone had seen the suspicious behaviour but luckily it was too cold for people to be out.
Sunday, February 26, 2006
Circle
Do you think there are some people put in your life just to make your life more difficult? No matter how hard you try you just wind each other up. Things so great for a while and then you start to argue again. You start to hurt each other again. You know you can’t live without each other but at the same time you can’t live with each other either. You love them dearly and kind of hate them too. No perhaps not hate but you are totally mad with them.
You think you are going to stop yourself going through this rollercoaster ride. You say enough is enough. You absolutely want to be close to them but you know that it is going to drive you mad if you do. You decide that you are going to detach yourself. You can’t just sever the attachment but you are going to take a step back. You are going to go as far as possible without completely disappearing.
You think you have walked away. You think you have cut that tie. You think you are getting on with your life. It is hard and sad but you have to get on with it. Then some little trickle and boom they are back in and you start all over again. The pain and the sadness come back again. The wish and want resurfaces again. The circle starts again.
Unless you are strong enough to stop it before that circle starts to rotate or strong enough to spin safely in it to enjoy the thrill. How do you know that you are?
You think you are going to stop yourself going through this rollercoaster ride. You say enough is enough. You absolutely want to be close to them but you know that it is going to drive you mad if you do. You decide that you are going to detach yourself. You can’t just sever the attachment but you are going to take a step back. You are going to go as far as possible without completely disappearing.
You think you have walked away. You think you have cut that tie. You think you are getting on with your life. It is hard and sad but you have to get on with it. Then some little trickle and boom they are back in and you start all over again. The pain and the sadness come back again. The wish and want resurfaces again. The circle starts again.
Unless you are strong enough to stop it before that circle starts to rotate or strong enough to spin safely in it to enjoy the thrill. How do you know that you are?
Wednesday, February 22, 2006
FEBRUARY 22
February 22
Happy Birthday to all of us born on this day.
February 22 is the 53rd day of every year in the Gregorian calendar. There are 312 days remaining in 2006.
What have I achieved in these first 53 days of the year? Nothing significant. I have let some people make me feel angry, sad, upset, hurt, resentful, rueful and less confident. I have decided that for the rest of the 312 days I am going to change that. I am going to be my own man (well really my own woman). I am determined to enjoy the rest of 312 days.
Not going to sit around looking at the horizon like last year. There is nothing there on horizon and if there is it needs to come towards me, not me to it.
It has been a satisfactory day. Work successful, interview with the news reporter successful, gym worthwhile, walking the dog enjoyable (without falling anywhere), spent some time at home with dearest Sickie and skyped with mum and brother – cheerful, lots of texts, calls and some presents for the birthday – house nice and tidy – successful. Now all duties and responsibilities take care of so this is my time without feeling guilty. To start the ball rolling I am going to go out for a meal and a little booze up with some girlie friends. When I return hopefully I will not go on to the lost winding path.
I will end the day with some Classic Quotes by George Washington, the First American President born on this day in 1732. Actually he wasn’t born on the 22nd February.
He was actually born on February 11, 1731. During Washington's lifetime, people in Great Britain and America switched from the Julian to the Gregorian calendar (something most of Europe had done in 1582). As a result of this calendar reform, people born before 1752 were told to add 11 days to their birth dates. Those born between January 1 and March 25, as Washington was, also had to add one year to be in sync with the new calendar.
But I am going to take credit of sharing my birthday with a famous man.
Classic Quotes by George Washington :
A slender acquaintance with the world must convince every man that actions, not words, are the true criterion of the attachment of friends.
--------------------
Associate with men of good quality if you esteem your own reputation; for it is better to be alone than in bad company.
--------------------
Be courteous to all, but intimate with few, and let those few be well tried before you give them your confidence.
---------------------
Friendship is a plant of slow growth and must undergo and withstand the shocks of adversity before it is entitled to the appellation.
Happy Birthday to all of us born on this day.
February 22 is the 53rd day of every year in the Gregorian calendar. There are 312 days remaining in 2006.
What have I achieved in these first 53 days of the year? Nothing significant. I have let some people make me feel angry, sad, upset, hurt, resentful, rueful and less confident. I have decided that for the rest of the 312 days I am going to change that. I am going to be my own man (well really my own woman). I am determined to enjoy the rest of 312 days.
Not going to sit around looking at the horizon like last year. There is nothing there on horizon and if there is it needs to come towards me, not me to it.
It has been a satisfactory day. Work successful, interview with the news reporter successful, gym worthwhile, walking the dog enjoyable (without falling anywhere), spent some time at home with dearest Sickie and skyped with mum and brother – cheerful, lots of texts, calls and some presents for the birthday – house nice and tidy – successful. Now all duties and responsibilities take care of so this is my time without feeling guilty. To start the ball rolling I am going to go out for a meal and a little booze up with some girlie friends. When I return hopefully I will not go on to the lost winding path.
I will end the day with some Classic Quotes by George Washington, the First American President born on this day in 1732. Actually he wasn’t born on the 22nd February.
He was actually born on February 11, 1731. During Washington's lifetime, people in Great Britain and America switched from the Julian to the Gregorian calendar (something most of Europe had done in 1582). As a result of this calendar reform, people born before 1752 were told to add 11 days to their birth dates. Those born between January 1 and March 25, as Washington was, also had to add one year to be in sync with the new calendar.
But I am going to take credit of sharing my birthday with a famous man.
Classic Quotes by George Washington :
A slender acquaintance with the world must convince every man that actions, not words, are the true criterion of the attachment of friends.
--------------------
Associate with men of good quality if you esteem your own reputation; for it is better to be alone than in bad company.
--------------------
Be courteous to all, but intimate with few, and let those few be well tried before you give them your confidence.
---------------------
Friendship is a plant of slow growth and must undergo and withstand the shocks of adversity before it is entitled to the appellation.
Friday, February 17, 2006
Mosquito Buzz
I have got a whistle that only dogs can hear - so they say. I bought it to stop myself look and sound like a fish-wife first thing in the morning when I am shouting for the dog to come back from her walk so that I can get to work on time. I try to blow my lungs into this whistle thing but I have been unsuccessful in looking like a cultured, sophisticated, and masterful and in command dog owner. The dog looks up to the whistle thing in my mouth from far away, squinting her eyes (probably cataracts coming on), realises that it is not a piece of food so carries on mooching on the ground.
Now we are blessed with a device that only certain age group can hear. I am all for trying out new things. I wonder if the local council will give grants or the bank manager will arrange an overdraft for the purchase. (Being sarcastic by the way).
I have a CCTV inside and outside so that I can watch the pea brains trying to destroy my property by writing on it, puking on it or kicking it.
It was suggested earlier that I could have bright spot lights and a tape recording that come on automatic when two legged dogs are watering my walls - in spite of coming out of the pub with toilets only four steps away.
Now to make my life dull and peaceful by taking all the stress and anxiety away on Friday and Saturday nights brought on by the young Salfordians' group hanging around the said property; a new device has been invented. I will have nothing to do if they stop sitting on my step drinking, breaking glass bottles, shouting, screaming, fighting, banging on the door, eating pie and chips and putting some in the letter box for solidarity and scattering rubish outside.
Mr. Howard Stapleton at the age of 12 wondered why he could not bear the noise from high frequency welding equipment in a London factory while other older workers didn't hear a thing. As a result we have this device called Mosquito that emits a high-frequency pulsing sound that is designed to irritate, annoy and disperse the gangs of youths hanging outside shops and places.
That is so unfair. What will the poor dears do if they can’t annoy other people while their parents are having a bit of social life in the pubs?
I did get off the right side of the bed in the morning, honest.
Now we are blessed with a device that only certain age group can hear. I am all for trying out new things. I wonder if the local council will give grants or the bank manager will arrange an overdraft for the purchase. (Being sarcastic by the way).
I have a CCTV inside and outside so that I can watch the pea brains trying to destroy my property by writing on it, puking on it or kicking it.
It was suggested earlier that I could have bright spot lights and a tape recording that come on automatic when two legged dogs are watering my walls - in spite of coming out of the pub with toilets only four steps away.
Now to make my life dull and peaceful by taking all the stress and anxiety away on Friday and Saturday nights brought on by the young Salfordians' group hanging around the said property; a new device has been invented. I will have nothing to do if they stop sitting on my step drinking, breaking glass bottles, shouting, screaming, fighting, banging on the door, eating pie and chips and putting some in the letter box for solidarity and scattering rubish outside.
Mr. Howard Stapleton at the age of 12 wondered why he could not bear the noise from high frequency welding equipment in a London factory while other older workers didn't hear a thing. As a result we have this device called Mosquito that emits a high-frequency pulsing sound that is designed to irritate, annoy and disperse the gangs of youths hanging outside shops and places.
That is so unfair. What will the poor dears do if they can’t annoy other people while their parents are having a bit of social life in the pubs?
I did get off the right side of the bed in the morning, honest.
Tuesday, February 14, 2006
Heart! we will forget him
Emily Dickinson (1830 – 1886)
Heart, we will forget him,
You and I, tonight!
You must forget the warmth he gave,
I will forget the light.
When you have done pray tell me,
Then I, my thoughts, will dim.
Haste! ‘lest while you’re lagging
I may remember him!
Despite tremendous talents and good education most of Emily’s life was spent in seclusion. Only a very few, around seven of her poems were published in her life time. Her poems are more attractive to me because they are short and to the point.
I love this poem. It is about the pain of getting over someone that she loves. She still loves him because she remembers the warmth of his heart and the light he showed to her mind.
First I thought the poem is dripping with the lost love - the perfect love she found in him but isn’t there any more and is not likely to be reached again. Then I thought it is full of pain of unrequited love. When we love someone in imagination it is easy to believe they are perfect and idealize them. She wants to forget him because loving someone who doesn’t love you causes lot of pain.
This is the clear battle between the mind and heart. The mind is forcefully convinced to forget him but if the heart doesn’t co-operate then she might weaken. If she remembers him again then she will feel that pain again.
After all said and done, it is still better to love and lost then not love at all. Let us make the most of what we have in present instead of what it was in the past or what we wish for the future.
HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY
XX
Heart, we will forget him,
You and I, tonight!
You must forget the warmth he gave,
I will forget the light.
When you have done pray tell me,
Then I, my thoughts, will dim.
Haste! ‘lest while you’re lagging
I may remember him!
Despite tremendous talents and good education most of Emily’s life was spent in seclusion. Only a very few, around seven of her poems were published in her life time. Her poems are more attractive to me because they are short and to the point.
I love this poem. It is about the pain of getting over someone that she loves. She still loves him because she remembers the warmth of his heart and the light he showed to her mind.
First I thought the poem is dripping with the lost love - the perfect love she found in him but isn’t there any more and is not likely to be reached again. Then I thought it is full of pain of unrequited love. When we love someone in imagination it is easy to believe they are perfect and idealize them. She wants to forget him because loving someone who doesn’t love you causes lot of pain.
This is the clear battle between the mind and heart. The mind is forcefully convinced to forget him but if the heart doesn’t co-operate then she might weaken. If she remembers him again then she will feel that pain again.
After all said and done, it is still better to love and lost then not love at all. Let us make the most of what we have in present instead of what it was in the past or what we wish for the future.
HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY
XX
Saturday, February 11, 2006
Upbringing
After a lot of whinging and putting a stone on in weight (on top of the few tonnes acquired previously) I have come to reiterate my belief that being emotionally open doesn't make me inferior to someone who may call themselves "strong" or "in control". By the way I defy an Indian saying which translates that worry and unhappiness is like a funeral pyre, it burns you to your bones. If I am unhappy I get fat! Most people can't eat when they are worried or sad. I am opposite - I comfort eat. Going back to one of the reasons of my raised emotion was that I was feeling guilty for me being myself - the way I am. Why should I?
I could be wrong but it seems to me that an English person born and brought up here is a little aloof, untouched, self-centered and self-preserving where emotions are concerned compared with some other cultures. Perhaps I am not explaining this very well. Sure people are self-preserving by nature. What I am trying to say is that I find that as a race English are less emotional or may be they are emotional but they do not show them.
Then again some of my friends who are born and brought up here but are open to show their emotions. I think it is the way people are brought up makes them open or "closed". People who have had a hard upbringing probably keeps their emotions in check. If there were problems in childhood when they grow up they probably keeps things to themselves as a learnt behaviour. Could they do it for self preservation in case letting their true self out might make them vulnerable? Do they think it is a sign of weakness to let go?
Even at a loved one's funeral the English try to stay composed. I am sure it takes a very strong will to stay in control when your world around you may have collapsed. I admire those people for their control but we call that their dignity. Why is it not dignified to let yourself go? What is wrong in being yourself?
OK, I digressed. My qualm was with the stone-faced, stone-hearted, self-controlled and self-preserving robots who are in fact frightened of someone seeing them for what they truly are. To hide their shortfall they make you feel weak for being a human.
I could be wrong but it seems to me that an English person born and brought up here is a little aloof, untouched, self-centered and self-preserving where emotions are concerned compared with some other cultures. Perhaps I am not explaining this very well. Sure people are self-preserving by nature. What I am trying to say is that I find that as a race English are less emotional or may be they are emotional but they do not show them.
Then again some of my friends who are born and brought up here but are open to show their emotions. I think it is the way people are brought up makes them open or "closed". People who have had a hard upbringing probably keeps their emotions in check. If there were problems in childhood when they grow up they probably keeps things to themselves as a learnt behaviour. Could they do it for self preservation in case letting their true self out might make them vulnerable? Do they think it is a sign of weakness to let go?
Even at a loved one's funeral the English try to stay composed. I am sure it takes a very strong will to stay in control when your world around you may have collapsed. I admire those people for their control but we call that their dignity. Why is it not dignified to let yourself go? What is wrong in being yourself?
OK, I digressed. My qualm was with the stone-faced, stone-hearted, self-controlled and self-preserving robots who are in fact frightened of someone seeing them for what they truly are. To hide their shortfall they make you feel weak for being a human.
Thursday, February 09, 2006
Free
I forgot to say thank you for my monopoly "Get out of Jail" free card. It was very cute and made me laugh.
I don't have any experience or knowledge of physical prison. No, I think that is a lie. Perhaps I do have an idea of the feeling of being physically imprisoned. There was a time when I had to stay in the house most of my days and nights but it was not impossible to walk out if I didn't worry about the consequences. That is not exactly same as being in a jail.
It is the mental prison that I find impossible to break. It is easy to get out of the prison imposed by the others but when you create a barrier for yourself it is very difficult to break free. In your mental prison you are the prisoner, you are the prison guard, you are the judge and you are the jury.
Then there is an emotional prison. You know you should keep things in prospective. You know you should not get tangled up in emotions. You know what is right and what needs doing. Someone else will do things completely differently but after all said and done you still want and wish what you hope for. Deep inside you know that you can't let go and that jail won't let you be free.
I don't have any experience or knowledge of physical prison. No, I think that is a lie. Perhaps I do have an idea of the feeling of being physically imprisoned. There was a time when I had to stay in the house most of my days and nights but it was not impossible to walk out if I didn't worry about the consequences. That is not exactly same as being in a jail.
It is the mental prison that I find impossible to break. It is easy to get out of the prison imposed by the others but when you create a barrier for yourself it is very difficult to break free. In your mental prison you are the prisoner, you are the prison guard, you are the judge and you are the jury.
Then there is an emotional prison. You know you should keep things in prospective. You know you should not get tangled up in emotions. You know what is right and what needs doing. Someone else will do things completely differently but after all said and done you still want and wish what you hope for. Deep inside you know that you can't let go and that jail won't let you be free.
Tuesday, February 07, 2006
Say Nothing
Isn’t it better to say nothing when you have nothing to say?
It is possible that you have so much to say that you just don’t know where to start it from and you say nothing.
It is also possible that saying anything is not going to make any difference to anything so it is better to say nothing.
It is also possible that whatever you are going to say has been said thousand times before so you say nothing.
It is also possible that all you want to say has been heard without saying so you say nothing.
It is also possible that whatever you say will be misinterpreted and misunderstood so you say nothing.
It is possible that all you said was just a waste and that despairs you so you say nothing.
It is possible that the blow you received has paralysed you and you can say nothing.
The truth is, any of these and all of these have been correct over the time and now you have learnt a lesson to say nothing.
You say everything you want to say by saying nothing. Can you hear it?
It is possible that you have so much to say that you just don’t know where to start it from and you say nothing.
It is also possible that saying anything is not going to make any difference to anything so it is better to say nothing.
It is also possible that whatever you are going to say has been said thousand times before so you say nothing.
It is also possible that all you want to say has been heard without saying so you say nothing.
It is also possible that whatever you say will be misinterpreted and misunderstood so you say nothing.
It is possible that all you said was just a waste and that despairs you so you say nothing.
It is possible that the blow you received has paralysed you and you can say nothing.
The truth is, any of these and all of these have been correct over the time and now you have learnt a lesson to say nothing.
You say everything you want to say by saying nothing. Can you hear it?
Sunday, January 29, 2006
Conditioning
While passing the elephants, I suddenly stopped, confused by the fact that these huge creatures were being held by only a small rope tied to their front leg.No chains, no cages. It was obvious that the elephants could, at anytime, break away from their bonds but for some reason, they did not. I saw a trainer near by and asked why these beautiful, magnificent animals just stood there and made no attempt to get away."Well," he said, "when they are very young and much smaller we use the same size rope to tie them and, at that age, it's enough to hold them. As they grow up, they are conditioned to believe they cannot break away. They believe the rope can still hold them, so they never try to break free."
When I read the story above I thought of my own beliefs, conditioning and habits. Sure the animals are just the victims of their teaching. They are not thinking of their chains and ropes in philosophical way but we humans can look at it in two ways.
At many times we have made ourselves believe that we are unable to do something, perhaps because we tried it previously and failed at it. We convinced ourselves that we are not capable of doing it. We get so used to thinking that way that we don’t even notice that we have the other option to try it again.
At also made me think that there are some bonds as light as the thin little rope on the elephant’s leg but we do not break them because we know the value of that tie. We associate ourselves with that bond and breaking those would make us lose our identity, our self respect, our world.
When I read the story above I thought of my own beliefs, conditioning and habits. Sure the animals are just the victims of their teaching. They are not thinking of their chains and ropes in philosophical way but we humans can look at it in two ways.
At many times we have made ourselves believe that we are unable to do something, perhaps because we tried it previously and failed at it. We convinced ourselves that we are not capable of doing it. We get so used to thinking that way that we don’t even notice that we have the other option to try it again.
At also made me think that there are some bonds as light as the thin little rope on the elephant’s leg but we do not break them because we know the value of that tie. We associate ourselves with that bond and breaking those would make us lose our identity, our self respect, our world.
Monday, January 23, 2006
Jail
Emotional Jail
Bowing the head in some untold shame
Each of my pores are oozing the pain
My face is covered with a thick veil
Hell is the proper name for my jail
Sentenced to hell for being so lame
Punished for emotions I couldn’t tame
There is no place for love in a game
Push it back down from where it came
I am sorry I have broken the chain
Released the monster I am to blame
The poisoned arrow missed the aim
So you condemned me to this jail
I can still hear you call my name
That little laugh calling me insane
Wish you a life of riches and fame
You stayed dry in my pouring rain
I love burning in emotional flame
Tell me who is mad and who is sane
Thursday, January 19, 2006
Being Open
Since I was a child I was encouraged to be open with expressing the feelings and emotions. Instead of having a face on like a swollen balloon if you say what the matter is then we can understand what you want – mum used to say when I sulked for something. Being emotional wasn’t seen as a flaw in my personality. It was accepted that I was sensitive and was moved easily. That didn’t mean I was weak or unreasonable.
What has changed then? While some of my friends don’t see me as somebody abnormal why one has always made me feel inferior for opening my heart and mind? Being emotional and saying what I was feeling has not done me any good in that friendship. The way I look at it – if you can’t be the real person you are with a friend then that friendship is not true. If you have to hold back and curtail then you are pretending. If someone cannot handle that then that is their fault and not yours, but it doesn’t work like that, does it? Some how some people have got a knack of making you feel that everything is your fault.
Is being open and letting others see what you are feeling bad? Do people take advantage of the knowledge and do you lose out because of that? How do you make yourself emotionally tougher?
What has changed then? While some of my friends don’t see me as somebody abnormal why one has always made me feel inferior for opening my heart and mind? Being emotional and saying what I was feeling has not done me any good in that friendship. The way I look at it – if you can’t be the real person you are with a friend then that friendship is not true. If you have to hold back and curtail then you are pretending. If someone cannot handle that then that is their fault and not yours, but it doesn’t work like that, does it? Some how some people have got a knack of making you feel that everything is your fault.
Is being open and letting others see what you are feeling bad? Do people take advantage of the knowledge and do you lose out because of that? How do you make yourself emotionally tougher?
Wednesday, January 11, 2006
Bungalow news
For the mates following the bungalow saga….
I should have known. As usual nothing goes right for me in the first go. We have come across some stumbling blocks over the survey report.
As couple of items were “worth investigating” from the survey report, I took the builders round to check things out. Their forecast was some more expense in the very near future. As the place is expensive enough in the first place there is not way I am forking out more for repairs as soon as I move in.
The seller, Uncle Fester look alike – from Adam’s Family – is digging his silly little heels that he won’t pay for the work to be done.
So it seems for the moment that the deal is off and I am £1200 lighter for all my sins.
Was the New Year supposed to bring me luck? I don’t think so. It has only been 9 days and I have lost a few things already! Then again you can’t lose something that you never had anyway…………
Unless of course Uncle Fester comes to his senses in the next few days before I go off that bungalow altogether.
I should have known. As usual nothing goes right for me in the first go. We have come across some stumbling blocks over the survey report.
As couple of items were “worth investigating” from the survey report, I took the builders round to check things out. Their forecast was some more expense in the very near future. As the place is expensive enough in the first place there is not way I am forking out more for repairs as soon as I move in.
The seller, Uncle Fester look alike – from Adam’s Family – is digging his silly little heels that he won’t pay for the work to be done.
So it seems for the moment that the deal is off and I am £1200 lighter for all my sins.
Was the New Year supposed to bring me luck? I don’t think so. It has only been 9 days and I have lost a few things already! Then again you can’t lose something that you never had anyway…………
Unless of course Uncle Fester comes to his senses in the next few days before I go off that bungalow altogether.
Sunday, January 08, 2006
Set it free
If you love something set it free
If it doesn’t come back it was never yours
If it returns it is yours forever -------- Doug Horton
So you are confident on your love. It can never get it better anywhere else. Let it fly away and find out for itself. It will soon learn its lesson and return back to you.
Mind you by the time it comes back you could have got over it and wouldn’t want it back anyway. I know I know you loved it in the first place and love is supposed to last forever. Ok, the love may still be there but the desire can die and the longing to be together can subside. The fun and laugh that had changed to sadness and depression by its implied rejection of you by wondering off is not significant to damage you? Should it be that easy to accept it when it returns as if nothing has changed? Some how I don’t think so.
In theory Doug Horton’s idea is an example of true love and confidence. It would work if you have accepted the other person’s weakness and lesser love for you. By allowing them to find their own way back you might get their total love back but what if you are not as strong and generous as to accept a second place? After all if they had found someone better would they have come back?
If it doesn’t come back it was never yours
If it returns it is yours forever -------- Doug Horton
So you are confident on your love. It can never get it better anywhere else. Let it fly away and find out for itself. It will soon learn its lesson and return back to you.
Mind you by the time it comes back you could have got over it and wouldn’t want it back anyway. I know I know you loved it in the first place and love is supposed to last forever. Ok, the love may still be there but the desire can die and the longing to be together can subside. The fun and laugh that had changed to sadness and depression by its implied rejection of you by wondering off is not significant to damage you? Should it be that easy to accept it when it returns as if nothing has changed? Some how I don’t think so.
In theory Doug Horton’s idea is an example of true love and confidence. It would work if you have accepted the other person’s weakness and lesser love for you. By allowing them to find their own way back you might get their total love back but what if you are not as strong and generous as to accept a second place? After all if they had found someone better would they have come back?
Wednesday, January 04, 2006
Rubber Bands
Relationships are like rubber bands. When it is the right size, right texture, right elasticity it holds love, affection, emotions, care, desires, journey, destination, bond, sacrifice and all those other things together. You can stretch the rubber band to its full capacity and fill in everything you want. But when you over stretch it then sooner or later it will break. When that band is broken everything it was holding together just scatters around. They mean nothing without that rubber band that was holding them. May be I am wrong. Those scattered things perhaps do mean something here and there but is not much useful without that full package that was holding them and connecting them with one another. How can you stop the rubber band to snap? How can you stop a relationship to break? How can you stop being over stretched? Should you accept less in that package in the first place so you keep it safe? That may mean that you are letting go some important thing from that package which could have been included. Should be a risk taker and try to fill in everything you can. You could enjoy the best things not many can but then be prepared for the outcome that you may have nothing left. It is hard to accept that you have nothing left and had you not been greedy then you would have had a package – may be a smaller one but a package nevertheless.
Saturday, December 31, 2005
HAPPY NEW YEAR
To everyone. Every year I wish that the new year brings in health, happiness and love. This year I will add a little bit of wealth and a lot of peace of mind to the wish list. None of the others have worked the previous year so no harm in asking for a few more!
Thursday, December 29, 2005
Shoe Sale
Girlie friend No.1 heard that a new shoe store has opened in the next town and they have sales on – as they would, on Boxing Day - like fifty thousand other shoe stores in the area.
Us, women have this bargain hunting instincts bred in us from somewhere. Some of us just can’t help it. As soon as we see the “reduced” signs the “purchase devil” takes over us. Whether we need the item concerned or not is not a question. We can always find a use for things. One never knows, one might needs it desperately one day and not be able to find it so might as well buy it while it is going cheap!
We run around like a possessed animal until those crispy notes walk out of our little mauve or any other cute indescribable coloured purse. To make us feel less guilty now a days we don’t carry crispy notes. We use credit or debit cards. These cards don’t feel like money. When you spend using those cards you don’t feel much guilty because you don’t see the money parting from your possession.
All though I have umpteen pairs of shoes and I was sure before I went to the shop that I wasn’t going to buy any GF 1 says “just try them, no harm in trying! I thought her argument was valid. We started trying a few pairs. I said I don’t have any boots so I will try some boots. Off she went and picked out these boots in lovely brown leather (not cute chocolate or aubergine colour just standard brown colour – my reasoning power was still active at that point).
The boots had some fur attached and some strips of leather going around it in trainer lace kind of pattern but on the leg rather than the foot. She couldn’t find size five and a half so got size 5. I tried to put my foot in it but it was tight. GF 1 by now getting impatient that I was not trying hard enough. Some how I managed to fit the foot into the boot – after all that is my size! but my feet swell up and so I buy 5 ½.
By now after trying several shoes and walking around in the shop my feet must have swollen up. I tried to take the boot off but it was kind of super glued to my foot. GF 1 says she will hold the boot and I should wiggle out of it. It was the same foot that had twisted ankle a little while ago and it still hurts if I bend the foot to the sides. I couldn’t wiggle out. She held my boot and started pulling it out. She has had my leg up in 90 degree causing me to slouch on my back on the large sitting stools. By now I was having a fit of giggles which in turn making her giggle. She kept instructing me to push push and pull pull as if she was a mid-wife. In the end the boot came off forcing her to go backward on to the wall nearly knocking all the shoes of the shelves.
I ended up buying two other pairs of shoes, not only because they were reduced from £45 to just £5 each but also to compensate for the disruption to the store!
Us, women have this bargain hunting instincts bred in us from somewhere. Some of us just can’t help it. As soon as we see the “reduced” signs the “purchase devil” takes over us. Whether we need the item concerned or not is not a question. We can always find a use for things. One never knows, one might needs it desperately one day and not be able to find it so might as well buy it while it is going cheap!
We run around like a possessed animal until those crispy notes walk out of our little mauve or any other cute indescribable coloured purse. To make us feel less guilty now a days we don’t carry crispy notes. We use credit or debit cards. These cards don’t feel like money. When you spend using those cards you don’t feel much guilty because you don’t see the money parting from your possession.
All though I have umpteen pairs of shoes and I was sure before I went to the shop that I wasn’t going to buy any GF 1 says “just try them, no harm in trying! I thought her argument was valid. We started trying a few pairs. I said I don’t have any boots so I will try some boots. Off she went and picked out these boots in lovely brown leather (not cute chocolate or aubergine colour just standard brown colour – my reasoning power was still active at that point).
The boots had some fur attached and some strips of leather going around it in trainer lace kind of pattern but on the leg rather than the foot. She couldn’t find size five and a half so got size 5. I tried to put my foot in it but it was tight. GF 1 by now getting impatient that I was not trying hard enough. Some how I managed to fit the foot into the boot – after all that is my size! but my feet swell up and so I buy 5 ½.
By now after trying several shoes and walking around in the shop my feet must have swollen up. I tried to take the boot off but it was kind of super glued to my foot. GF 1 says she will hold the boot and I should wiggle out of it. It was the same foot that had twisted ankle a little while ago and it still hurts if I bend the foot to the sides. I couldn’t wiggle out. She held my boot and started pulling it out. She has had my leg up in 90 degree causing me to slouch on my back on the large sitting stools. By now I was having a fit of giggles which in turn making her giggle. She kept instructing me to push push and pull pull as if she was a mid-wife. In the end the boot came off forcing her to go backward on to the wall nearly knocking all the shoes of the shelves.
I ended up buying two other pairs of shoes, not only because they were reduced from £45 to just £5 each but also to compensate for the disruption to the store!
Stove-slave
I have cooked for reasonably big numbers in my time. I don’t think I am a bad cook. Almost every other week-end I used to invite friends round for a mini party/get together. We used to meet up at my place, drink, cook and eat together. Then it all slowed down. Even normal day to day cooking was not accepted as normal food. I got myself busy with two, three jobs and lost interest in cooking. Can’t say I was interested in cooking as a hobby but cooking for people who enjoyed it was enough to make me want to cook. Now things are better and my food is being appreciated but I haven’t slotted myself in gear yet. Not having enough time to do everything doesn’t help either.
To take the easy option for Christmas and having less than two people to feed a full turkey wasn’t an option so I bought a 6” ready done piece of turkey from Marks & Spencer. By not eating on time it went more like a rat than a turkey. On top of that I was adamant that it will be eaten since it wasn’t my fault that it turned into a rat. By now I was so much under the influence of red wine that I tried to make instant gravy out of stock powder and couldn't understand why it wouldn't thicken!
Shall we leave the rest of the story now that you have got the jest of it?
I think I should stay away from this lovely phrase in this instant. Bringing up the word “stove-slave” in Christmas conversation might bring the memory of the rat shaped turkey and salty liquid for the gravy!
To take the easy option for Christmas and having less than two people to feed a full turkey wasn’t an option so I bought a 6” ready done piece of turkey from Marks & Spencer. By not eating on time it went more like a rat than a turkey. On top of that I was adamant that it will be eaten since it wasn’t my fault that it turned into a rat. By now I was so much under the influence of red wine that I tried to make instant gravy out of stock powder and couldn't understand why it wouldn't thicken!
Shall we leave the rest of the story now that you have got the jest of it?
I think I should stay away from this lovely phrase in this instant. Bringing up the word “stove-slave” in Christmas conversation might bring the memory of the rat shaped turkey and salty liquid for the gravy!
Monday, December 26, 2005
Perfect Christmas Day?
How was your Christmas? If you were hoping for a white Christmas then you got disappointed, unless of course thick white frost on the cars and on the grass first thing in the morning counts!
When I finished work at lunch time on Christmas Eve I was very relaxed. Even took up an invitation for the evening dinner which went really good. After coming back home at 10 pm my Christmas Eve night went all pear shaped. The same miserable mood continued through the Christmas morning.
A surprised phone call changed it all and I started to feel the festive spirit coming on. It does make me very mad that my happiness and sadness so much depend on other people! I would love to change that control back to myself but to be happy by yourself you have to be content and peaceful, don’t you?
What would be your perfect Christmas day someone asked? I said something like “Traditional lunch with family, afternoon walk with the dog, evening drinks with friends and a cosy night in front of the fire with someone special”.
Well two out of four isn’t that bad, is it? One of these two was possible because of you – my lovely friends – so my sincere thanks you.
Saturday, December 24, 2005
MERRY CHRISTMAS
To every one who may be here and who may not be here. It feels so strange tonight talking to every one but no one. Let’s admit it. There is no one actually there at the end of your blog but there is a possibility that the whole world could be reading it.
Therefore I have my strange feeling that by not talking to anyone I am talking to everyone.
Why just tonight, it should be any time. A blog is what ever one believes it to be. Just some writing, typing words on the keyboard and reading them on the monitor, a secret diary, saying aloud your thoughts, spreading your views, educating others, enlightening others, communicating to others or to me it is like a friend. It is like a therapist. Perhaps it is communicating to my own self. I said it feels strange tonight because I know I should not have this sad sinking feeling in me. The day has gone good. The evening has past pleasantly. Then why am I still sad? One reason I could say is it’s because I am feeling lonely. I could probably cure that by being in a company but that won’t take away my sadness. I could spend all the time in pleasant company but at the end of the day when I free from everything I have to be with myself. Myself won’t let me feel happy and content. My own self knows the truth. No matter how much I try to fool myself, it sees through me and haunts me when I am alone. It tells me that I am lonely – everyday- but some days it seems more unfair.
Therefore I have my strange feeling that by not talking to anyone I am talking to everyone.
Why just tonight, it should be any time. A blog is what ever one believes it to be. Just some writing, typing words on the keyboard and reading them on the monitor, a secret diary, saying aloud your thoughts, spreading your views, educating others, enlightening others, communicating to others or to me it is like a friend. It is like a therapist. Perhaps it is communicating to my own self. I said it feels strange tonight because I know I should not have this sad sinking feeling in me. The day has gone good. The evening has past pleasantly. Then why am I still sad? One reason I could say is it’s because I am feeling lonely. I could probably cure that by being in a company but that won’t take away my sadness. I could spend all the time in pleasant company but at the end of the day when I free from everything I have to be with myself. Myself won’t let me feel happy and content. My own self knows the truth. No matter how much I try to fool myself, it sees through me and haunts me when I am alone. It tells me that I am lonely – everyday- but some days it seems more unfair.
Saturday, December 17, 2005
Necklace made of Stars
Thank you some of my bloggy mates for sticking around even though I haven’t been making enough efforts to blog something sensible, interesting or even worth reading.
Yes we are back in that feeling empty, feeling sad, feeling angry on ourselves for feeling sad, wanting things that we can’t have mood. It could be that too many things to do, not getting any where near doing them, wasting time on useless things, lack of sleep and tiredness is bringing the demons that tug onto my feet very hard to drag me down. I am kicking them hard to get push them back in the hole them came out from.
Do we sometimes want something very badly knowing that we are not going to get it? So when there is a slight chance of getting a little bit it, we get panicked of losing that desire of wanting it badly? It is also possible that when we are near to getting some of it, the truth that we will not get it completely makes us sad?
It is similar to when I was three or four years old. At the end of the hot sunny day, after supper at night we used to sit on the outside veranda in almost dark. With my head in Grandma’s lap pestering her to tell me a story or sing me a song and with her telling me to watch the stars in the sky instead I used to fall asleep. On waking up I used to harass Grandma to bring them home so I can play with them. I wanted the stars so much because they were shiny and pretty. When I got, as my birthday gift, a necklace made of shiny white sparkling stones in the shape of stars as a child I was very excited. After that I didn’t ask for the stars again, not because I thought I had a few of them but because I realised that I can’t have them completely – I can only have little bits of them.
My habit of wanting the things I can’t have has still not left me. I still haven’t learnt that things are not always same as what you imagine them to be.
Yes we are back in that feeling empty, feeling sad, feeling angry on ourselves for feeling sad, wanting things that we can’t have mood. It could be that too many things to do, not getting any where near doing them, wasting time on useless things, lack of sleep and tiredness is bringing the demons that tug onto my feet very hard to drag me down. I am kicking them hard to get push them back in the hole them came out from.
Do we sometimes want something very badly knowing that we are not going to get it? So when there is a slight chance of getting a little bit it, we get panicked of losing that desire of wanting it badly? It is also possible that when we are near to getting some of it, the truth that we will not get it completely makes us sad?
It is similar to when I was three or four years old. At the end of the hot sunny day, after supper at night we used to sit on the outside veranda in almost dark. With my head in Grandma’s lap pestering her to tell me a story or sing me a song and with her telling me to watch the stars in the sky instead I used to fall asleep. On waking up I used to harass Grandma to bring them home so I can play with them. I wanted the stars so much because they were shiny and pretty. When I got, as my birthday gift, a necklace made of shiny white sparkling stones in the shape of stars as a child I was very excited. After that I didn’t ask for the stars again, not because I thought I had a few of them but because I realised that I can’t have them completely – I can only have little bits of them.
My habit of wanting the things I can’t have has still not left me. I still haven’t learnt that things are not always same as what you imagine them to be.
Monday, December 12, 2005
Office Parties
Came across some hilarious advice for the office parties. Please follow the rules.
Employees:
Keep one hand free during the evening so that you can shake hands.
Keep your drink in the left hand so you are not offering a wet, cold handshake.
Don’t bring the party lampshade or gag gifts for the boss.
Do keep your hands to yourself.
Do not use the furniture to dance on.
Use a stepladder to put up decorations – not a swivel chair.
Don’t make a pig of yourself just because the food and drink is free.
Don’t monopolize conversation but don’t be the office bore either.
Office party is not a good place for bragging about your achievements, correcting and ridiculing colleagues or blowing off steam.
Don’t wear your clubbing attire to the office party.
Remember – Office party is not a singles bar.
Don’t flirt even innocently. Jim from Accounts will look different in day light and when sober.
Don’t let your guard down in case you give your secrets away.
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Employers:
Think carefully before you rush to book the entertainment like Bernard Manning or a strip-0-gram for your party. When Bernard Manning performed for one company, the host hotel was deemed liable for the offence caused to Afro-Caribbean waitresses by Manning's racist jokes.
Be careful if you intend to provide a free bar. Whitbred Brewery was taken to tribunal after dismissing three employees who got drunk and had a fight after a seminar on improving behavioural skills.
Make it clear that photocopying body parts will not be tolerated neither will be carrying a mistletoe through out the entire evening.
Avoid staff performance reviews and bonuses at the office party so that the employees don’t misunderstand that they were offered higher salary in the spirit of the festivities.
***********************************************************************************
I am now fully equipped for an office party! As an employee as well as an employer.
Employees:
Keep one hand free during the evening so that you can shake hands.
Keep your drink in the left hand so you are not offering a wet, cold handshake.
Don’t bring the party lampshade or gag gifts for the boss.
Do keep your hands to yourself.
Do not use the furniture to dance on.
Use a stepladder to put up decorations – not a swivel chair.
Don’t make a pig of yourself just because the food and drink is free.
Don’t monopolize conversation but don’t be the office bore either.
Office party is not a good place for bragging about your achievements, correcting and ridiculing colleagues or blowing off steam.
Don’t wear your clubbing attire to the office party.
Remember – Office party is not a singles bar.
Don’t flirt even innocently. Jim from Accounts will look different in day light and when sober.
Don’t let your guard down in case you give your secrets away.
************************************************************************************
Employers:
Think carefully before you rush to book the entertainment like Bernard Manning or a strip-0-gram for your party. When Bernard Manning performed for one company, the host hotel was deemed liable for the offence caused to Afro-Caribbean waitresses by Manning's racist jokes.
Be careful if you intend to provide a free bar. Whitbred Brewery was taken to tribunal after dismissing three employees who got drunk and had a fight after a seminar on improving behavioural skills.
Make it clear that photocopying body parts will not be tolerated neither will be carrying a mistletoe through out the entire evening.
Avoid staff performance reviews and bonuses at the office party so that the employees don’t misunderstand that they were offered higher salary in the spirit of the festivities.
***********************************************************************************
I am now fully equipped for an office party! As an employee as well as an employer.
Thursday, December 08, 2005
Pre Christmas Time
Busy time………………must do everything before
Working flat out time…..End of the year
Stressful time…………..Queues and rushing
Getting rich time……….if selling
Getting poor time………when buying
Friendly time…………...Remember everyone once a year
Loving time…………….Being close time
Sulking time……………Looks like you wont get the present you wanted
Falling out time…………arguments after emotional change
Meeting time……………Family and friends
Drinking time…………...One for the road
Eating time…………….. Any excuse going out
Party time……………….How many in total
Dog Club Disco time……No dogs and no disco but still a good event
Blogging time……………very little !!!!!!
Working flat out time…..End of the year
Stressful time…………..Queues and rushing
Getting rich time……….if selling
Getting poor time………when buying
Friendly time…………...Remember everyone once a year
Loving time…………….Being close time
Sulking time……………Looks like you wont get the present you wanted
Falling out time…………arguments after emotional change
Meeting time……………Family and friends
Drinking time…………...One for the road
Eating time…………….. Any excuse going out
Party time……………….How many in total
Dog Club Disco time……No dogs and no disco but still a good event
Blogging time……………very little !!!!!!
Saturday, December 03, 2005
Hallucination simulator
Once I was advised never to try to recreate in my own mind the symptoms of auditory or visual hallucination a mentally ill person could be experiencing- no matter how much you want to understand and help them with what they are suffering from. Perhaps the advisor knew I was a Piscean and I empathise with the suffering and feelings of the people I am involved with so too much of it could be detrimental to me. May be the reason was some psychological point. I don't know.
This article tells us about a simulator that does just that for Schizophrenia. I think more of these kinds of examples and experiments should take place so that people in general can realise the trauma faced by the patients in undertaking simple normal tasks which are day to day activities for other people. Perhaps knowing how the ill people feel will make the well people be more considerate and accommodating with them. May be some of the well people will stop using, abusing, ridiculing and demeaning the mentally ill people. May be the ill people will be treated as important humans rather than shut behind closed doors. May be the carers of such ill people will be valued for their care instead of being excluded from fun and enjoyment other people take for granted.
This article tells us about a simulator that does just that for Schizophrenia. I think more of these kinds of examples and experiments should take place so that people in general can realise the trauma faced by the patients in undertaking simple normal tasks which are day to day activities for other people. Perhaps knowing how the ill people feel will make the well people be more considerate and accommodating with them. May be some of the well people will stop using, abusing, ridiculing and demeaning the mentally ill people. May be the ill people will be treated as important humans rather than shut behind closed doors. May be the carers of such ill people will be valued for their care instead of being excluded from fun and enjoyment other people take for granted.
Friday, December 02, 2005
White Van drivers
It seems like a long time since I last posted. Christmas pressure has started to build up. Last week has been really manic with everything going wrong because I have been juggling too many things at the same time and not being able to pay full attention to any of them. I was so pushed and stressed at one time that I made a mistake and lost a large sum of money. I managed to get the money back within minutes but that is not the point. Making the mistake for any reason is not an excuse. I am determined not to let things get me stressed up again when my mind gets too clouded.
This morning driving to work on a not so wide road with cars parked on both sides we were all queuing up behind a bus taking passengers on board. There was not much point in overtaking the bus because of the oncoming traffic. A white van over took two cars from behind me, went in front of the bus. Then the white van driver let the bus go forward and chased the bus, got in front of it and made it stop. He came out and hurled abuse to the bus driver. We all saw that he was out for making trouble but we all sat in our cars and just watched it without trying to help the bus driver. He then drove off. Unfortunately the van was obscure by the bus so I couldn’t take the registration number.
What a coincident that in the evening I had two white van drivers having a tussle with each other and putting other road users in danger. If they want to kill themselves then fine. Go ahead and do it but why subject other road users to their bad tempers?
I didn’t agree when the white van drivers were being stereotyped for their aggressive driving but now I am not surprised why they were.
Oh well tomorrow is another day. I will try to keep cool as long as the whole world doesn’t go out to wind me up.
This morning driving to work on a not so wide road with cars parked on both sides we were all queuing up behind a bus taking passengers on board. There was not much point in overtaking the bus because of the oncoming traffic. A white van over took two cars from behind me, went in front of the bus. Then the white van driver let the bus go forward and chased the bus, got in front of it and made it stop. He came out and hurled abuse to the bus driver. We all saw that he was out for making trouble but we all sat in our cars and just watched it without trying to help the bus driver. He then drove off. Unfortunately the van was obscure by the bus so I couldn’t take the registration number.
What a coincident that in the evening I had two white van drivers having a tussle with each other and putting other road users in danger. If they want to kill themselves then fine. Go ahead and do it but why subject other road users to their bad tempers?
I didn’t agree when the white van drivers were being stereotyped for their aggressive driving but now I am not surprised why they were.
Oh well tomorrow is another day. I will try to keep cool as long as the whole world doesn’t go out to wind me up.
Wednesday, November 30, 2005
Stress - tongue in cheek
HOW TO STAY STRESSED
The following provides you with a few reasons why...
STRESS HELPS YOU SEEM IMPORTANT.
Anyone as stressed as you must be working very hard and, therefore, is probably doing something very crucial.
IT HELPS YOU TO MAINTAIN PERSONAL DISTANCE AND AVOID INTIMACY.
Anyone as busy as you are certainly can't be expected to form emotional attachments to anyone. And let's face it; you're not much fun to be around anyway.
IT HELPS YOU AVOID RESPONSIBILITIES.
Obviously you're too stressed to be given any more work. This gets you off the hook for all the mundane chores; let someone else take care of them.
IT GIVES YOU A CHEMICAL RUSH.
Stress might be considered a cheap thrill, and you can give yourself a "hit" anytime you choose. But be careful, you might get addicted to your own adrenaline.
IT HELPS YOU AVOID SUCCESS.
Why risk being "successful" when by simply staying stressed you can avoid all of that? Stress can keep your performance level low enough that success won't ever be a threat.
STRESS ALSO LETS YOU KEEP YOUR AUTHORITARIAN MANAGEMENT STYLE.
The authoritarian style of "Just do what I say!" is generally permissible under crisis conditions. If you maintain a permanently stressed crisis atmosphere, you can justify an authoritarian style all the time.
Are you worried now about how to stay stressed? You'll have no trouble if you practice the following clinically proven methods:
NEVER EXERCISE.
Exercise wastes a lot of time that could be spent worrying.
EAT ANYTHING YOU WANT.
Hey, if cigarette smoke can't cleanse your system, a balanced diet isn't likely to.
GAIN WEIGHT.
Work hard at staying at least 25 pounds over your recommended weight.
TAKE PLENTY OF STIMULANTS.
The old standards of caffeine, nicotine, sugar, and cola will continue to do the job just fine.
AVOID "WOO-WOO" PRACTICES.
Ignore the evidence suggesting that meditation, yoga, deep breathing, and/or mental imaging help to reduce stress. The Protestant work ethic is good for everyone, Protestant or not.
GET RID OF YOUR SOCIAL SUPPORT SYSTEM.
Let the few friends who are willing to tolerate you know that concern yourself with friendships only if you have time, and you never have time. If a few people persist in trying to be your friend, avoid them.
PERSONALIZE ALL CRITICISM.
Anyone who criticizes any aspect of your work, family, dog, house, or car is mounting a personal attack. Don't take time to listen, be offended, then return the attack!
THROW OUT YOUR SENSE OF HUMOR.
Staying stressed is no laughing matter, and it shouldn't be treated as one.
MALES AND FEMALES ALIKE - BE MACHO.
Never ever ask for help, and if you want it done right, do it yourself!
BECOME A WORKAHOLIC.
Put work before everything else, and be sure to take work home evenings and weekends. Keep reminding yourself that vacations are for sissies.
DISCARD GOOD TIME MANAGEMENT SKILLS.
Schedule in more activities every day than you can possibly get done and then worry about it all whenever you get a chance.
PROCRASTINATE.
Putting things off to the last second always produces a marvellous amount of stress.
WORRY ABOUT THINGS YOU CAN'T CONTROL.
Worry about the stock market, earthquakes, the approaching Ice Age, you know, all the big issues.
BECOME NOT ONLY A PERFECTIONIST BUT SET IMPOSSIBLY HIGH STANDARDS.
...and either beat yourself up, or feel guilty, depressed, discouraged, and/or inadequate when you don't meet them."
...and there you have it! Sure fire ways to stay nice and stressed out for years to come!
Just say "YES!" to stress!
The following provides you with a few reasons why...
STRESS HELPS YOU SEEM IMPORTANT.
Anyone as stressed as you must be working very hard and, therefore, is probably doing something very crucial.
IT HELPS YOU TO MAINTAIN PERSONAL DISTANCE AND AVOID INTIMACY.
Anyone as busy as you are certainly can't be expected to form emotional attachments to anyone. And let's face it; you're not much fun to be around anyway.
IT HELPS YOU AVOID RESPONSIBILITIES.
Obviously you're too stressed to be given any more work. This gets you off the hook for all the mundane chores; let someone else take care of them.
IT GIVES YOU A CHEMICAL RUSH.
Stress might be considered a cheap thrill, and you can give yourself a "hit" anytime you choose. But be careful, you might get addicted to your own adrenaline.
IT HELPS YOU AVOID SUCCESS.
Why risk being "successful" when by simply staying stressed you can avoid all of that? Stress can keep your performance level low enough that success won't ever be a threat.
STRESS ALSO LETS YOU KEEP YOUR AUTHORITARIAN MANAGEMENT STYLE.
The authoritarian style of "Just do what I say!" is generally permissible under crisis conditions. If you maintain a permanently stressed crisis atmosphere, you can justify an authoritarian style all the time.
Are you worried now about how to stay stressed? You'll have no trouble if you practice the following clinically proven methods:
NEVER EXERCISE.
Exercise wastes a lot of time that could be spent worrying.
EAT ANYTHING YOU WANT.
Hey, if cigarette smoke can't cleanse your system, a balanced diet isn't likely to.
GAIN WEIGHT.
Work hard at staying at least 25 pounds over your recommended weight.
TAKE PLENTY OF STIMULANTS.
The old standards of caffeine, nicotine, sugar, and cola will continue to do the job just fine.
AVOID "WOO-WOO" PRACTICES.
Ignore the evidence suggesting that meditation, yoga, deep breathing, and/or mental imaging help to reduce stress. The Protestant work ethic is good for everyone, Protestant or not.
GET RID OF YOUR SOCIAL SUPPORT SYSTEM.
Let the few friends who are willing to tolerate you know that concern yourself with friendships only if you have time, and you never have time. If a few people persist in trying to be your friend, avoid them.
PERSONALIZE ALL CRITICISM.
Anyone who criticizes any aspect of your work, family, dog, house, or car is mounting a personal attack. Don't take time to listen, be offended, then return the attack!
THROW OUT YOUR SENSE OF HUMOR.
Staying stressed is no laughing matter, and it shouldn't be treated as one.
MALES AND FEMALES ALIKE - BE MACHO.
Never ever ask for help, and if you want it done right, do it yourself!
BECOME A WORKAHOLIC.
Put work before everything else, and be sure to take work home evenings and weekends. Keep reminding yourself that vacations are for sissies.
DISCARD GOOD TIME MANAGEMENT SKILLS.
Schedule in more activities every day than you can possibly get done and then worry about it all whenever you get a chance.
PROCRASTINATE.
Putting things off to the last second always produces a marvellous amount of stress.
WORRY ABOUT THINGS YOU CAN'T CONTROL.
Worry about the stock market, earthquakes, the approaching Ice Age, you know, all the big issues.
BECOME NOT ONLY A PERFECTIONIST BUT SET IMPOSSIBLY HIGH STANDARDS.
...and either beat yourself up, or feel guilty, depressed, discouraged, and/or inadequate when you don't meet them."
...and there you have it! Sure fire ways to stay nice and stressed out for years to come!
Just say "YES!" to stress!
Thursday, November 24, 2005
Ankle
I have spent a horrendous day at work today. With my key worker off I had to make do with the Goby one. She has a heart of gold but the voice of a tin pot. If A. E. Bell was alive today he will revoke the copyright of inventing the telephone. Who needs a telephone with the voice like that? I am sure she can speak to her sister in New Zealand without any cost of a phone call. As the day goes by the volume increases nearly reaching 80 decibels or that’s how it feels.
I have been to the mortgage lender in lunch time but my ears were still ringing and my mind so unsure about leaving her alone to hold the fort that I couldn’t keep my concentration at the figures presented. When I returned the afternoon was equally stressful. I had not had any breakfast, lunch or my usual caffeine intake and I was very irritable when I finished.
While putting the food to cook and walking the dog round the block I remembered that I must put the rubbish out for the morning collection. I had my coat and gloves still on so I picked up the bin bag from the kitchen and started going down to the yard. Of course the dog had to be in front of me as going to yard means getting out again. As I wobbled down the concrete steps the sensor light went off. I was so clumsy with the coat, gloves, the bin bag, my hair hanging on my face and the dog under my feet that in the dark I missed the last step.
Got my ankle twisted and came out in sweat with the pain. I managed to come back up and like a sissy cried because of the pain, the annoyance and the frustration. I was all right once I got my build up out and eat some food but the Sickie who joined me in crying wouldn’t stop! I can’t even feel sorry for myself without worrying about him over reacting.
So now I am sat here with my leg up the computer desk with the ice pack on it and feeling cold. I hope it is not too bad as there is no way I can afford to be immobile.
I have been to the mortgage lender in lunch time but my ears were still ringing and my mind so unsure about leaving her alone to hold the fort that I couldn’t keep my concentration at the figures presented. When I returned the afternoon was equally stressful. I had not had any breakfast, lunch or my usual caffeine intake and I was very irritable when I finished.
While putting the food to cook and walking the dog round the block I remembered that I must put the rubbish out for the morning collection. I had my coat and gloves still on so I picked up the bin bag from the kitchen and started going down to the yard. Of course the dog had to be in front of me as going to yard means getting out again. As I wobbled down the concrete steps the sensor light went off. I was so clumsy with the coat, gloves, the bin bag, my hair hanging on my face and the dog under my feet that in the dark I missed the last step.
Got my ankle twisted and came out in sweat with the pain. I managed to come back up and like a sissy cried because of the pain, the annoyance and the frustration. I was all right once I got my build up out and eat some food but the Sickie who joined me in crying wouldn’t stop! I can’t even feel sorry for myself without worrying about him over reacting.
So now I am sat here with my leg up the computer desk with the ice pack on it and feeling cold. I hope it is not too bad as there is no way I can afford to be immobile.
George Best
George Best has been put back on the ventilator again. He has had many setbacks and come backs but it is looking very unsure to me this time round. He is a gifted man but was unable to look after himself. He seems to have enjoyed his life the way he wanted and may be he is paying for the consequences now. May be he was aware of the things to come but made a decision to take his chances. May be he was aware of the things to come but just could not help himself to alter his life style.
Some strong minded people get annoyed on the kind of people who cannot change their damaging habits. Just because you know something is bad for you, it is not always that easy to give that up. Who are we to judge? Every person carries a weakness – may it be physical, mental or emotional. When people are addicted to stimulating substances the addiction gets beyond their control. I respect very much those addicts who manage to control their habits but I always fear that any adverse pressure could push them back to their unhealthy comforts, their escapes.
If we only look at the social addiction we are very critical towards people with alcohol addiction. Obesity is the second weakness that makes well people slightly disgusted and uncaring thinking that the addict has brought it upon themselves. They think that those people should be strong and stop doing whatever they are doing wrong. Strangely smoking is more accepted than the other two even though it is worse on the health. I am not saying that smokers get away with it. What I mean by that is that the victims of alcohol and over weight are made to feel more ashamed than the smokers for their habits. It is not right to say if you don’t help yourself why should we help you? Unfortunately there are complex reasons and causes that make some people more addicted to their addiction than the others who can control their habits. I wish some how there was a way to stop people harming themselves but of course there is no magic cure.
In the meantime the others should be more understanding rather than saying we will not give you treatment if you are fat. I am talking about today’s news on refusing to treat obese people. When a question was asked Patricia Hewitt being a politician turned the answer back and said it is up to the primary care to decide how the tax payer’s money is being spent. We mustn’t forget that some of these obese people have also paid their tax and National Insurance Contributions. Alcohol and cigarettes are earning a lot of tax for the Government. Let us start from the basic and change people’s mentality that directs the nation towards healthy living.
Some strong minded people get annoyed on the kind of people who cannot change their damaging habits. Just because you know something is bad for you, it is not always that easy to give that up. Who are we to judge? Every person carries a weakness – may it be physical, mental or emotional. When people are addicted to stimulating substances the addiction gets beyond their control. I respect very much those addicts who manage to control their habits but I always fear that any adverse pressure could push them back to their unhealthy comforts, their escapes.
If we only look at the social addiction we are very critical towards people with alcohol addiction. Obesity is the second weakness that makes well people slightly disgusted and uncaring thinking that the addict has brought it upon themselves. They think that those people should be strong and stop doing whatever they are doing wrong. Strangely smoking is more accepted than the other two even though it is worse on the health. I am not saying that smokers get away with it. What I mean by that is that the victims of alcohol and over weight are made to feel more ashamed than the smokers for their habits. It is not right to say if you don’t help yourself why should we help you? Unfortunately there are complex reasons and causes that make some people more addicted to their addiction than the others who can control their habits. I wish some how there was a way to stop people harming themselves but of course there is no magic cure.
In the meantime the others should be more understanding rather than saying we will not give you treatment if you are fat. I am talking about today’s news on refusing to treat obese people. When a question was asked Patricia Hewitt being a politician turned the answer back and said it is up to the primary care to decide how the tax payer’s money is being spent. We mustn’t forget that some of these obese people have also paid their tax and National Insurance Contributions. Alcohol and cigarettes are earning a lot of tax for the Government. Let us start from the basic and change people’s mentality that directs the nation towards healthy living.
Monday, November 21, 2005
A Full Jar
A philosophy teacher was teaching a class. He picked up a large and empty jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls. He then asked if the jar was full. The class agreed that the jar was full.
The teacher then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. When he shook the jar the pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls. He then asked again if the jar was full. The class agreed again.
The teacher next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with a unanimous “yes”.
Now the teacher poured two glasses of wine in the jar, effectively filling the empty space between the sand. The students laughed.
The teacher said “The jar represents your life. The golf balls are the important things – your Values, your health, your family, your favourite passions, your pets – things that if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full.
The pebbles are the other tings that matter like your friends, your house, your garden, your car.
The sand is everything else, the small stuff.
If you fill up your life with sand first then there is no room for pebbles or the golf balls. Pay attention to the things that make your life rich. Take care of your golf balls and your pebbles first. Set your priorities – the rest is just the sand.
A student asked what the wine represented.
The teacher smiled and said, “I am glad you asked. It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem, there’s always room for a couple of glasses of wine with a friend.”
(Pinched from somewhere, can’t remember where, and tweaked.)
The teacher then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. When he shook the jar the pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls. He then asked again if the jar was full. The class agreed again.
The teacher next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with a unanimous “yes”.
Now the teacher poured two glasses of wine in the jar, effectively filling the empty space between the sand. The students laughed.
The teacher said “The jar represents your life. The golf balls are the important things – your Values, your health, your family, your favourite passions, your pets – things that if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full.
The pebbles are the other tings that matter like your friends, your house, your garden, your car.
The sand is everything else, the small stuff.
If you fill up your life with sand first then there is no room for pebbles or the golf balls. Pay attention to the things that make your life rich. Take care of your golf balls and your pebbles first. Set your priorities – the rest is just the sand.
A student asked what the wine represented.
The teacher smiled and said, “I am glad you asked. It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem, there’s always room for a couple of glasses of wine with a friend.”
(Pinched from somewhere, can’t remember where, and tweaked.)
Saturday, November 19, 2005
Can't be a..sed
Work has been manic now that Christmas is near. I am also trying for my employees to use up their annual holidays. They have been really good and not taken many holidays because I had taken on the second office in March and that made us busy.
On top of that I must meet the extra deadlines for some paperwork with the year end coming up.
The bungalow and the new mortgage are adding more work and the stress, more than I originally thought. The big fear is not having enough money to have a little easier life.
At the moment a friend and I seem to - how can I say it - looking in the opposite directions? It is not exactly like falling out, not like growing apart, not like sulking. It is like a “can’t be arsed” syndrome. (Sorry about my new found vocabulary!). That is upsetting me as much as I thought it would. Everything is getting on top of me. Not sure what the real reason is. Oddly enough not being in touch for a week or so is probably contributing more than any other reason.
I can cope with most of outside pressure and stress but when it comes to the matter of feelings and emotions I go overboard.
That brings me to some questions that I may know the answers to but not sure if the answers are right. I have probably asked them before but they are still there.
Why is it that you know that you will be better off, the life will be less dramatic, you will be more valued, more stable, less on rollercoaster up and down by walking away from someone but even then you just keep going back? Why you seem to be going through phases where you fight, quarrel, shout and blame each other but are happy and peaceful at other times? I am not talking about “that’s life” situations. I am talking about a pattern where you know that all the good times will soon change.
Why when you know you are not getting enough out of the relationship but you still hang on to it? Is it because there is no alternative? There is always an alternative if you look hard enough but you just don’t feel like looking. May be the alternatives are not much different? Why is it you seem to give a lot more than you get - all the time?
Is it that you must be getting something out of that relationship for you to want to carry on?
I always thought that love and affections are two way traffic. When you give some to someone they usually return some. When you know you are not getting much back then should it not stop you giving them? If you still want someone at any emotional cost is that an obsession? When you know the facts and see the outcome that is detrimental why do you still feel so sad to end it? Oh by the way the reason is not the fear of being alone - I can assure, so what are the other reasons and how do you overcome them?
Why does your happiness depend on someone else? Can you be strong and independent enough not to be affected by anyone else? Why do you let someone control your life? Can you make yourself happy and content all by yourself?
Then again at the moment I just want to drown in my low feeling. I can't be arsed to cheer up either.
On top of that I must meet the extra deadlines for some paperwork with the year end coming up.
The bungalow and the new mortgage are adding more work and the stress, more than I originally thought. The big fear is not having enough money to have a little easier life.
At the moment a friend and I seem to - how can I say it - looking in the opposite directions? It is not exactly like falling out, not like growing apart, not like sulking. It is like a “can’t be arsed” syndrome. (Sorry about my new found vocabulary!). That is upsetting me as much as I thought it would. Everything is getting on top of me. Not sure what the real reason is. Oddly enough not being in touch for a week or so is probably contributing more than any other reason.
I can cope with most of outside pressure and stress but when it comes to the matter of feelings and emotions I go overboard.
That brings me to some questions that I may know the answers to but not sure if the answers are right. I have probably asked them before but they are still there.
Why is it that you know that you will be better off, the life will be less dramatic, you will be more valued, more stable, less on rollercoaster up and down by walking away from someone but even then you just keep going back? Why you seem to be going through phases where you fight, quarrel, shout and blame each other but are happy and peaceful at other times? I am not talking about “that’s life” situations. I am talking about a pattern where you know that all the good times will soon change.
Why when you know you are not getting enough out of the relationship but you still hang on to it? Is it because there is no alternative? There is always an alternative if you look hard enough but you just don’t feel like looking. May be the alternatives are not much different? Why is it you seem to give a lot more than you get - all the time?
Is it that you must be getting something out of that relationship for you to want to carry on?
I always thought that love and affections are two way traffic. When you give some to someone they usually return some. When you know you are not getting much back then should it not stop you giving them? If you still want someone at any emotional cost is that an obsession? When you know the facts and see the outcome that is detrimental why do you still feel so sad to end it? Oh by the way the reason is not the fear of being alone - I can assure, so what are the other reasons and how do you overcome them?
Why does your happiness depend on someone else? Can you be strong and independent enough not to be affected by anyone else? Why do you let someone control your life? Can you make yourself happy and content all by yourself?
Then again at the moment I just want to drown in my low feeling. I can't be arsed to cheer up either.
Friday, November 18, 2005
Frosty Car
I went to bed very early last night and even then I couldn’t get up early this morning. As I was rushing through the breakfast for the dog and Sickie, getting the house work done and getting ready when I noticed my car – fully frozen!
With the cup of coffee that I hadn’t even touched yet, the dog lead in the other hand for her to have a quick walk around and the tin of De-icer I marched to the car park. There I am looking at what the dog is doing, trying to have a sip at my coffee and spraying like crazy on the car windows. The dog has the habit of eating her chicken breast breakfast and going outside picking up the stale half eaten pies left by the drunks the night before, so I was more than prepared to shout at her given the chance. A carer walked passed to go to the elderly neighbour’s house. I muttered to her, Morning! Isn’t this de-icer stuff useless, it’s not doing anything? She agreed wholeheartedly. That is when I looked at the can to see the brand and noticed it said “Cockpit Shine”! Not my fault. Both tins looked same. Both were blue and rusty!
It took me twice as long to clear that frost and now all my car windows have smudges and the streaks that need cleaning with a glass cleaner I suppose. At least the window cleaner spray doesn’t look similar to Cockpit shine!
Wednesday, November 16, 2005
My Bungalow
I should be ecstatically happy today. My offer to purchase a bungalow has been accepted by the seller. This bungalow is probably going to be “the home” for a long time to come as I don’t see any reason to move again. I suppose I said before that I live above my office and it has been getting increasing difficult for Sickie and the dog to go up and down the stairs. I am forever worried to leave them alone if I have to go out. My mum couldn’t visit me because of the stairs. I want to give them everything I can to make them happy.
My friends have gone crazy showing me the bungalows. I have only seen two others from inside. I didn’t want to fall in love with the interior and buy the place. To me the location was the priority. My bungalow is not the ideal location for most people. It is not in rural, picturesque or quiet area. In the bad days I used to feel cut off and lonely in this big house. My panic and anxiety used to get better with people walking passed the house. I did not want the new house in a remote and quiet place. My bungalow has the best of both worlds. In the front it is on a busy road. At the back it is peaceful, quiet and has a gorgeous view. I have an upstairs loft conversion room for me to escape from the “other two” when they drive me nuts. All main rooms have that beautiful view. I think I am going to love my new place.
Of course it could all go wrong and I may not get the bungalow. The contracts will not be exchanged until the end of January next year. Any thing could happen. I have also been looking at the finances and the hefty mortgage I will be paying. No chance of giving up the second office now. I have had this terrible headache all day – I should be ecstatically happy – but I have got a bad headache….LOL…but that’s me. I thrive in stress!
You are all invited to the house warming party when I move in.
My friends have gone crazy showing me the bungalows. I have only seen two others from inside. I didn’t want to fall in love with the interior and buy the place. To me the location was the priority. My bungalow is not the ideal location for most people. It is not in rural, picturesque or quiet area. In the bad days I used to feel cut off and lonely in this big house. My panic and anxiety used to get better with people walking passed the house. I did not want the new house in a remote and quiet place. My bungalow has the best of both worlds. In the front it is on a busy road. At the back it is peaceful, quiet and has a gorgeous view. I have an upstairs loft conversion room for me to escape from the “other two” when they drive me nuts. All main rooms have that beautiful view. I think I am going to love my new place.
Of course it could all go wrong and I may not get the bungalow. The contracts will not be exchanged until the end of January next year. Any thing could happen. I have also been looking at the finances and the hefty mortgage I will be paying. No chance of giving up the second office now. I have had this terrible headache all day – I should be ecstatically happy – but I have got a bad headache….LOL…but that’s me. I thrive in stress!
You are all invited to the house warming party when I move in.
Sunday, November 13, 2005
Hung Up - Madonna and Age
I can’t get this song out of my mind since last night. It’s very catchy and uplifting. It cheered me up. I needed that. Madonna was the guest on Parkinson’s programme on ITV1. She looked very slim, trim and fit although her hair just didn’t go with her face and made the face look even older.
The other thing to give her age away was her butterfly wings. Her triceps were waving way after her hands stopped waving. Mind you, who am I to criticise? I could easily take off with my butterfly wings- but then again my body was never a temple!
No matter how hard you try, without the knife and the needle, your body will not let you look same as you did some years ago. At times I scare myself if I accidentally see my reflection. When I look in the mirror I think it is someone else. It isn’t fair especially when you try to do the right thing by looking after your body, exercise and keep fit – I mean that for other people who do. I am too busy to do all that (LOL) but ageing gracefully is a myth I will not subscribe to either.
The other thing to give her age away was her butterfly wings. Her triceps were waving way after her hands stopped waving. Mind you, who am I to criticise? I could easily take off with my butterfly wings- but then again my body was never a temple!
No matter how hard you try, without the knife and the needle, your body will not let you look same as you did some years ago. At times I scare myself if I accidentally see my reflection. When I look in the mirror I think it is someone else. It isn’t fair especially when you try to do the right thing by looking after your body, exercise and keep fit – I mean that for other people who do. I am too busy to do all that (LOL) but ageing gracefully is a myth I will not subscribe to either.
Cats driving you mad
Now this article will make people paranoid even if they were not before. It's only fair to say that these intelligent people have their findings and reasons to back up their inventions but to me it sounds a little over the top.
I agree your cat will drive you mad by not obeying the master's commands, a flick of tail saying up yours to whatever you want it to do, taking over your best chair, hogging the fire on a winter's evening, digging the claws in your lap, bringing in unwanted guests and disgusting half dead "gifts" to you and sitting on your chest so that you can't breath first thing in the morning but causing you a mental illness????
Some years ago the dogs were in the spotlight for being dangerous and were portrayed as evil beasts tearing little children apart. Now poor cats get the blame for causing people Schizophrenia. All I would say it "Bull (or cat) S..t"!
I agree your cat will drive you mad by not obeying the master's commands, a flick of tail saying up yours to whatever you want it to do, taking over your best chair, hogging the fire on a winter's evening, digging the claws in your lap, bringing in unwanted guests and disgusting half dead "gifts" to you and sitting on your chest so that you can't breath first thing in the morning but causing you a mental illness????
Some years ago the dogs were in the spotlight for being dangerous and were portrayed as evil beasts tearing little children apart. Now poor cats get the blame for causing people Schizophrenia. All I would say it "Bull (or cat) S..t"!
Wednesday, November 09, 2005
Heap of Scrap - poem
Heap of Scrap
Life is a heap of scrap
Lost directions and a torn up map
Broken dreams and discarded plans
Victims falling in a dangerous trap
Starving desires sitting in the lap
A skeleton of happiness is having a nap
Leftover love and anorexic hope
A packet the tramp is trying to unwrap
The rich of life were filling the gap
Come and join at the sound of the clap
Look at the beggar dancing to the tune
Toss a few coins in that dusty cap
What a way to release an attached heart
In the mid air cut off the strap
Let it dangle and fall apart
Maze of your mind has no open flap
The moral of the story let us recap
Always try to keep your emotions on a tap
Life is a heap of scrap
Lost directions and a torn up map
Broken dreams and discarded plans
Victims falling in a dangerous trap
Starving desires sitting in the lap
A skeleton of happiness is having a nap
Leftover love and anorexic hope
A packet the tramp is trying to unwrap
The rich of life were filling the gap
Come and join at the sound of the clap
Look at the beggar dancing to the tune
Toss a few coins in that dusty cap
What a way to release an attached heart
In the mid air cut off the strap
Let it dangle and fall apart
Maze of your mind has no open flap
The moral of the story let us recap
Always try to keep your emotions on a tap
Monday, November 07, 2005
Uncharitable
I had a rough night. The next day at work was too hard. There was nothing left in the fridge or the cupboards and I had to stop at the supermarket for some stuff. I wasn't in the best of moods and wanted to get home quickly. At the end of the check-out were two big buckets staring at you and two little boys trying to pack the bags up for people. They were there on all the check-outs. There was no escape. Little men's army was cornering you to pay up or else you'll be cooking scrambled eggs when you get home. There was a grown up hovering around, presumably a teacher, asking if they were trying their best to reach their target of £60.
As it seemed they were "working" to collect some money for some charity or the other. As soon as Christmas is near everybody comes out with their sob stories. Don't take me wrong. I am all for helping the needy but at times don't you just get tired of everyone shoving their little buckets or bowls under your nose as soon as you turn your head? I have my "guilt tax" or "be good bribe" taken out of my salary. I am not sure where my money goes when put them in a bucket, bowl or a tub. I am not sure if I want to donate to save the ants or whatever they are saving.
I was in one of that uncharitable mood. In a total obnoxious way I started putting my shopping in the bags myself. My "nice" side had gone in the hibernation on that day. In my excuse I say that I wanted to pack things according to the rooms - kitchen, cellar or upstairs - and only I can do that. I didn't even look at the end of the counter. Without any eye contact with the little people I grabbed the things at the scanning point so they don't get their little hands on it. Some days you just don't feel like smiling, talking in silly little people tone and being nice.
At the end of the scanning and paying for the shopping I just couldn't bear to keep my nasty side up. I gave in and the words came out of my mouth involuntarily - "so you are working hard to collect some money boys? Here, I will put the change in the bucket. I didn't want you to pack the bags because I am in a hurry."
As it seemed they were "working" to collect some money for some charity or the other. As soon as Christmas is near everybody comes out with their sob stories. Don't take me wrong. I am all for helping the needy but at times don't you just get tired of everyone shoving their little buckets or bowls under your nose as soon as you turn your head? I have my "guilt tax" or "be good bribe" taken out of my salary. I am not sure where my money goes when put them in a bucket, bowl or a tub. I am not sure if I want to donate to save the ants or whatever they are saving.
I was in one of that uncharitable mood. In a total obnoxious way I started putting my shopping in the bags myself. My "nice" side had gone in the hibernation on that day. In my excuse I say that I wanted to pack things according to the rooms - kitchen, cellar or upstairs - and only I can do that. I didn't even look at the end of the counter. Without any eye contact with the little people I grabbed the things at the scanning point so they don't get their little hands on it. Some days you just don't feel like smiling, talking in silly little people tone and being nice.
At the end of the scanning and paying for the shopping I just couldn't bear to keep my nasty side up. I gave in and the words came out of my mouth involuntarily - "so you are working hard to collect some money boys? Here, I will put the change in the bucket. I didn't want you to pack the bags because I am in a hurry."
Thursday, November 03, 2005
Hindu Christ?
Here we go! I was only going on about religion and culture the other day. I said I have found Hindu religion to be open and tolerant but it seems that now they have started taking things differently. Royal Mail seem to have cause an upset by producing an objectionable 68 pence stamp. The latest postage stamps printed for Christmas has a Hindu couple holding Baby Christ and Hindus seem to have taken objection to that.
Rather than saying that the picture implies the conversion of Hindus by Christianity it could be said that it portrays Christ as a Hindu baby as he is held by a Hindu couple! Am I going to upset the other set of people by saying this?
To me a baby is a baby, people are people and God is God - what ever part of the world they come from.
Rather than saying that the picture implies the conversion of Hindus by Christianity it could be said that it portrays Christ as a Hindu baby as he is held by a Hindu couple! Am I going to upset the other set of people by saying this?
To me a baby is a baby, people are people and God is God - what ever part of the world they come from.
Tuesday, November 01, 2005
HAPPY DIWALI
From the Taxman
Now that is a novel idea, provided everyone has given their "correct" mobile number to the Taxman!
We have heard of the Company boss making his employees redundant by text messages so why not send the tax demands? Mobile phones are getting like a growth on people's body, extra limb! I am guiltier of that than anyone else. My phone hangs on my neck 17 hours a day. No wonder I am beginning to suffer from neck pain.
I was not supposed to talk about any other subject but to wish everyone Happy Diwali and a Happy Hindu New Year tomorrow. We talk about integration and complain about segregation but how many people know or care what a small part of our community is celebrating today?
I am not defending the ones who never try to get along or mix in but do we think why people of ethnic origin live in a ghetto? It is animal instinct. We all like to be in familiar surroundings. We all like to be acknowledged and treated the same. We all like to seek support and help in the time of need. We all like social recognition. You cannot expect people to give up or change their inbred generations long traditions and ideas that easily and that quickly. So turning the nose up to their culinary habits or their dress sense isn't going to encourage them to move into non-ethnic area, is it?
Just like we expect the "foreigners" to learn our ways and adapt our ways do they not like us to learn something from them? The argument that they are in "our country" is a weak one, isn't it? We need to look deep inside ourselves and ask did we or would we give up our identity when we go to live somewhere else in the world?
Again that is another subject at another time. I have celebrated Christmas in India and today I want to celebrate Diwali in England so here we are wishing everyone in the world happiness and peace.
Now that is a novel idea, provided everyone has given their "correct" mobile number to the Taxman!
We have heard of the Company boss making his employees redundant by text messages so why not send the tax demands? Mobile phones are getting like a growth on people's body, extra limb! I am guiltier of that than anyone else. My phone hangs on my neck 17 hours a day. No wonder I am beginning to suffer from neck pain.
I was not supposed to talk about any other subject but to wish everyone Happy Diwali and a Happy Hindu New Year tomorrow. We talk about integration and complain about segregation but how many people know or care what a small part of our community is celebrating today?
I am not defending the ones who never try to get along or mix in but do we think why people of ethnic origin live in a ghetto? It is animal instinct. We all like to be in familiar surroundings. We all like to be acknowledged and treated the same. We all like to seek support and help in the time of need. We all like social recognition. You cannot expect people to give up or change their inbred generations long traditions and ideas that easily and that quickly. So turning the nose up to their culinary habits or their dress sense isn't going to encourage them to move into non-ethnic area, is it?
Just like we expect the "foreigners" to learn our ways and adapt our ways do they not like us to learn something from them? The argument that they are in "our country" is a weak one, isn't it? We need to look deep inside ourselves and ask did we or would we give up our identity when we go to live somewhere else in the world?
Again that is another subject at another time. I have celebrated Christmas in India and today I want to celebrate Diwali in England so here we are wishing everyone in the world happiness and peace.
Clouds - Poem
Your memory in my heart
Fluffy white clouds in the blue sky
Your laughter in my memory
Sweet sound of sitar slowly rising high
Your happiness in my laughter
All the way to heaven it makes me fly
Your presence in my happiness
The ultimate devotion no one can deny
Your existence in my presence
Impossible miracle unable to supply
But Your presence in my existence
My only wish till the day I die
In the shape of fluffy white clouds
Your memory in my blue heart sky
Fluffy white clouds in the blue sky
Your laughter in my memory
Sweet sound of sitar slowly rising high
Your happiness in my laughter
All the way to heaven it makes me fly
Your presence in my happiness
The ultimate devotion no one can deny
Your existence in my presence
Impossible miracle unable to supply
But Your presence in my existence
My only wish till the day I die
In the shape of fluffy white clouds
Your memory in my blue heart sky
Monday, October 31, 2005
Bonfire Fines
Manchester yobs caught misusing fireworks will be fined £80 on the spot. Over16s seen throwing fireworks causing distress to others will be issued with this fixed penalty notices. Will it stop them?
Only yesterday I talked to one young person who has lost two fingers in lighting up a rocket, said he didn't think about his safety because he was too drunk!
Fire-fighters were attacked by a gang described a pack of wolves as they arrived to put out a makeshift bonfire. Not an ounce of common sense in those hooded heads! You need to save them from themselves.
I love to watch fireworks. I used to be really scared of them when I was younger. Not just the noise but I used to worry that after exploding they will fall on me! I find them very excitingly overwhelming. The smell in the air also is unique. I am hoping I can twist an arm or two to go with me on Saturday.
What has made me depressed tonight though is the news that a terribly injured horse has died after a suspected firework attack on a stud farm. Luckily seven others were rescued. Why would anyone want to hurt a harmless animal?
Only yesterday I talked to one young person who has lost two fingers in lighting up a rocket, said he didn't think about his safety because he was too drunk!
Fire-fighters were attacked by a gang described a pack of wolves as they arrived to put out a makeshift bonfire. Not an ounce of common sense in those hooded heads! You need to save them from themselves.
I love to watch fireworks. I used to be really scared of them when I was younger. Not just the noise but I used to worry that after exploding they will fall on me! I find them very excitingly overwhelming. The smell in the air also is unique. I am hoping I can twist an arm or two to go with me on Saturday.
What has made me depressed tonight though is the news that a terribly injured horse has died after a suspected firework attack on a stud farm. Luckily seven others were rescued. Why would anyone want to hurt a harmless animal?
Sunday, October 30, 2005
Communication
From the time of our birth till the time we die we communicate, with others, with ourselves and with nature. Sure we all can communicate one way or the other even with physical impairment or with language differences. Why is it then that we don't understand the others, the nature or even ourselves to the extent that would make everything clear and straight forward?
You could be communicating with someone for say 2 years almost every day. You think you know all about each other. You understand the words that are written or spoken but is that a "communication"? No I think not. When we have been communicating from the time we were born and we were taught by many in many different ways the art of communication, why are we still not so successful?
If people say different things and mean different things then that is their fault. Their communication had flaws and that is not your failure but when the correct words were spoken and you took them as what they meant then that should be taken as a communication success.
Unfortunately a communication success doesn't mean you understood what was said. For that you need to read between the lines - as they say. For that you need to understand the person, their heart and their mind. Now that is an impossible task. How can you? Leaving aside people's psychological and sociological reasons where they change their mind after saying the things they do, how can you know what you heard wasn't what you should have understood?
Communication means understanding. If you don't allow someone to understand you how can you expect them to know you? If they don't know you then misunderstanding will take place. Who do you blame at that time? -Communication! There was nothing wrong with the communication. What was wrong was you! You did not open your heart and mind to be read and understood so don't blame the communication.
You could be communicating with someone for say 2 years almost every day. You think you know all about each other. You understand the words that are written or spoken but is that a "communication"? No I think not. When we have been communicating from the time we were born and we were taught by many in many different ways the art of communication, why are we still not so successful?
If people say different things and mean different things then that is their fault. Their communication had flaws and that is not your failure but when the correct words were spoken and you took them as what they meant then that should be taken as a communication success.
Unfortunately a communication success doesn't mean you understood what was said. For that you need to read between the lines - as they say. For that you need to understand the person, their heart and their mind. Now that is an impossible task. How can you? Leaving aside people's psychological and sociological reasons where they change their mind after saying the things they do, how can you know what you heard wasn't what you should have understood?
Communication means understanding. If you don't allow someone to understand you how can you expect them to know you? If they don't know you then misunderstanding will take place. Who do you blame at that time? -Communication! There was nothing wrong with the communication. What was wrong was you! You did not open your heart and mind to be read and understood so don't blame the communication.
Tuesday, October 25, 2005
Adjustments
These days it seems that people are more selfish than they used to be. Can you expect or rely on anyone to be with you forever? I remember the couples, people who would do anything for each other. Of course there were disagreements and arguments but after all that was over or even while that was going on they still loved each other and would not imagine their lives without each other. My parents were my first icons until my papa passed away and mum couldn't do anything to stop that. No one could stop that. That is another subject.
Why then things appear to be different now? I am sure there are people still out there who want to spend their lives together no matter what. Generally I have seen that in my elderly customers. What changed for our generation that loyalty and support do not seem to take priority? Self takes the importance. Is it because we are more independent now? We all are self sufficient now? We don't need anyone now?
My opinion is that in the old days people married younger and they grew together, understood each other and accommodated each other. When we meet someone later in the life both of us have got our own strong views, expectations and requirements. We are set in out ways and it is difficult to change. On the other hand marrying younger has its down fall too so that is not the absolute answer for a successful relationship either.
If you are not happy in a relationship or not getting what you want from a relationship then what is the point of being together? It is better to walk away and leave each other in peace. Problem comes that in most relationship it is one party that wants the freedom more than the other. If both feel the same then that is settled but when one is more attached than the other one then the heartache starts. Where one partner threatens the other one that if I don't like something then I am off then it is obvious that the relationship is one-sided. Perhaps the other one tries to please for a while but when you try to act different to what you believe or want to then eventually it becomes a burden.
What is better - compromising and accepting less than you want or deserve to keep a relationship going because nothing is perfect or 100% or insist on fulfilling your requirement or need and reject or break a relationship that gives you less - in the hope that you will end up getting exactly what you want sooner or later?
Why then things appear to be different now? I am sure there are people still out there who want to spend their lives together no matter what. Generally I have seen that in my elderly customers. What changed for our generation that loyalty and support do not seem to take priority? Self takes the importance. Is it because we are more independent now? We all are self sufficient now? We don't need anyone now?
My opinion is that in the old days people married younger and they grew together, understood each other and accommodated each other. When we meet someone later in the life both of us have got our own strong views, expectations and requirements. We are set in out ways and it is difficult to change. On the other hand marrying younger has its down fall too so that is not the absolute answer for a successful relationship either.
If you are not happy in a relationship or not getting what you want from a relationship then what is the point of being together? It is better to walk away and leave each other in peace. Problem comes that in most relationship it is one party that wants the freedom more than the other. If both feel the same then that is settled but when one is more attached than the other one then the heartache starts. Where one partner threatens the other one that if I don't like something then I am off then it is obvious that the relationship is one-sided. Perhaps the other one tries to please for a while but when you try to act different to what you believe or want to then eventually it becomes a burden.
What is better - compromising and accepting less than you want or deserve to keep a relationship going because nothing is perfect or 100% or insist on fulfilling your requirement or need and reject or break a relationship that gives you less - in the hope that you will end up getting exactly what you want sooner or later?
Sunday, October 23, 2005
Strong Relationship
At what stage in a relationship you can say that the tie you have with the other person is solid? When you are together with heart and mind how long is it before you know the real person? When do you know the real person – when they allow you to know them or do you feel in your heart that you know them? Can you tell if the other person is not really what you think they are if they are with another face in front of you? If someone has portrayed to you a person they were before and as you were getting to know them can you tell if they were not that person that you thought they were? How can you know if someone has real feelings for you or not despite what they say?
When can you tell that a relationship is strong? If a relationship is strong then can a third person break it just by coming in the way? What is the level of strength required to keep a relationship together despite the interference of a third person? Why does anyone interfere in a relationship when they know it is joined up together? If the third person doesn’t want to replace anything in the relationship then why do they come in to break it?
When can you tell that a relationship is strong? If a relationship is strong then can a third person break it just by coming in the way? What is the level of strength required to keep a relationship together despite the interference of a third person? Why does anyone interfere in a relationship when they know it is joined up together? If the third person doesn’t want to replace anything in the relationship then why do they come in to break it?
Thursday, October 20, 2005
A Sicknote or a prize
The real test if someone is ill enough to take time off work is not to pay them for the missed time. Of course there are times when you just can not force yourself to get up and get ready to go to work (no, not the hangover mornings, LOL) but when you are self-employed I am sure you look at work differently to when you work for someone else.
It should not be necessary to take the bribery or should I call it an "encouragement" route some employers have to take. It is not something you have done above and over your duties for which you should be awarded a bonus or a prize.
In the countries where sickness payment is not so generous the absentees due to sickness is greatly reduced. In the jobs, mainly heavy manual labour, where payment is made by the days or hours worked the sickness leaves are not present at a noticeable rate. To put it bluntly when you have a family to feed you cannot afford to be ill. People should count themselves to be lucky that they have a job and an income. Sure they have to work very hard perhaps for the amount they receive but at least they are able to put food on the table and are contributing to the nation they live in.
I am not saying that those who are unfortunate enough to be ill should not be awarded their right but what I am saying is minor illness some times self inflicted should not be rewarded by no loss of pay what so ever. When self certification of sickness came in effect it became very easy to report in sick for up a week's sick as you don't need a doctor's note.
It is sad that companies have to resort to gimmicks like giving prizes to stop their employees claiming days off through sickness. On one side it is the fault of the employees for abusing the system but on the other hand perhaps it is the employer's fault for causing the low moral, stressful work places and the feeling of no appreciation to their workforce. One thing I know for sure that when it is your own business you have to carry on regardless of minor illness which never feels minor when you have it.
It should not be necessary to take the bribery or should I call it an "encouragement" route some employers have to take. It is not something you have done above and over your duties for which you should be awarded a bonus or a prize.
In the countries where sickness payment is not so generous the absentees due to sickness is greatly reduced. In the jobs, mainly heavy manual labour, where payment is made by the days or hours worked the sickness leaves are not present at a noticeable rate. To put it bluntly when you have a family to feed you cannot afford to be ill. People should count themselves to be lucky that they have a job and an income. Sure they have to work very hard perhaps for the amount they receive but at least they are able to put food on the table and are contributing to the nation they live in.
I am not saying that those who are unfortunate enough to be ill should not be awarded their right but what I am saying is minor illness some times self inflicted should not be rewarded by no loss of pay what so ever. When self certification of sickness came in effect it became very easy to report in sick for up a week's sick as you don't need a doctor's note.
It is sad that companies have to resort to gimmicks like giving prizes to stop their employees claiming days off through sickness. On one side it is the fault of the employees for abusing the system but on the other hand perhaps it is the employer's fault for causing the low moral, stressful work places and the feeling of no appreciation to their workforce. One thing I know for sure that when it is your own business you have to carry on regardless of minor illness which never feels minor when you have it.
Tuesday, October 18, 2005
Quake - suspicion or stupidity
Thousands dead and hundreds of thousands in trouble in Kashmir after the earthquake but the countries cannot stop playing games called politics!
India offers to help by sending her choppers but Pakistan insists that it will not allow Indian pilots or crew to fly them. For God's sake, there are people in desperate need of help. If both countries cannot find this tragic event to be a sign to forget their differences then at least put them aside for a while until there is something or someone left to fight for?
India offers to help by sending her choppers but Pakistan insists that it will not allow Indian pilots or crew to fly them. For God's sake, there are people in desperate need of help. If both countries cannot find this tragic event to be a sign to forget their differences then at least put them aside for a while until there is something or someone left to fight for?
Sunday, October 16, 2005
Exhibition
What a good day I've had. After the initial strong wish to see someone not seen recently I was unsure if I really wanted to go to the exhibition. Without my Captain Birds Eye friend now retired, I didn't have anyone else to tag along with me. I knew I would meet friends when I get there but it is like gate crashing a group. Close friends decide to go together and stay together and they are usually in couples so it is a little awkward to join in. As usual I was late leaving. I wanted to make sure everything was right at home. I was going to ring during the day to make sure Sickie didn't forget to eat his lunch and the dog was let out. Travelling wasn't too bad although it took longer than I expected.
As soon as I got there I met so many friendly faces and did so many different things that I didn't feel I was alone. I enjoyed it so much that I forgot my phone was turned off for one of the presentations and I didn't turn it back on. I didn't think about home or anyone else.
How selfish can you get? Is this an indication that your responsibilities, your routine or your care is limited to some boring or ordinary day to day living and the second something interesting and exciting comes along you forget the rest? I didn't even look at the time until it was time to come home. I know that Sickie and the dog have missed me. I feel guilty for not thinking about them for a whole day.
It was great to spend, in between all the hustle and bustle, a short but quality time with people I really wanted to be with. I was given the badge in a flashing red heart shape from the stall. Let's see if it still flashes till next time I see them.
As soon as I got there I met so many friendly faces and did so many different things that I didn't feel I was alone. I enjoyed it so much that I forgot my phone was turned off for one of the presentations and I didn't turn it back on. I didn't think about home or anyone else.
How selfish can you get? Is this an indication that your responsibilities, your routine or your care is limited to some boring or ordinary day to day living and the second something interesting and exciting comes along you forget the rest? I didn't even look at the time until it was time to come home. I know that Sickie and the dog have missed me. I feel guilty for not thinking about them for a whole day.
It was great to spend, in between all the hustle and bustle, a short but quality time with people I really wanted to be with. I was given the badge in a flashing red heart shape from the stall. Let's see if it still flashes till next time I see them.
Thursday, October 13, 2005
Dance
Very colourful, very noisy and very busy - that is how I will describe our night out to the dances. These events are more of the social gathering than anything else. Either you go in a group to spend fun time together or go to meet all those people you know but normally don't get to see.
I remembered some years ago when I went with a group of 12 young people. We all were connected through my friend who got killed in the car accident two years ago. He was a great fun to be with. We went on Saturday night - the busiest night. Although it was only three/four years ago I think I was much younger then. We had no hesitation, no worries and no care about anything but to have a good time. At the end when music went really high people were holding hands by crossing arms and pulling each other's weight while moving in a round circle. I remember screaming my head off when my friend with his 6' height moving so fast that I was swinging with my feet in the air. I was so scared that our hands might slip and I will be flung to the other end of the room - which of course I did not.
In my mind I apologised to him for going to the event without him but I am sure he would have wanted me to enjoy myself. I have to say thanks to the friends who went with me as I couldn't have gone without them. I have an exhibition to go to this week - end. More friends to see! Hurray!
I remembered some years ago when I went with a group of 12 young people. We all were connected through my friend who got killed in the car accident two years ago. He was a great fun to be with. We went on Saturday night - the busiest night. Although it was only three/four years ago I think I was much younger then. We had no hesitation, no worries and no care about anything but to have a good time. At the end when music went really high people were holding hands by crossing arms and pulling each other's weight while moving in a round circle. I remember screaming my head off when my friend with his 6' height moving so fast that I was swinging with my feet in the air. I was so scared that our hands might slip and I will be flung to the other end of the room - which of course I did not.
In my mind I apologised to him for going to the event without him but I am sure he would have wanted me to enjoy myself. I have to say thanks to the friends who went with me as I couldn't have gone without them. I have an exhibition to go to this week - end. More friends to see! Hurray!
Monday, October 10, 2005
Navratri - Hindu Nine Nights Dancing Festival
Last year I mentioned a Hindu Nine Day Dancing festival when I saw an English lady who was all done up in the Indian costume travelling on the train to go to the festival. This year the festival has started already. Unfortunately I haven’t found anyone to go with till now but two lots of friends are going with me tomorrow and the day after. Cool. If it was up to me I would go every day. I love dancing and I love meeting people.
It is called Navratri. Navratri means nine nights. It is a nine nights’ festival of worship, dance and music. It is celebrated to worship Goddess Durga who is believed to exist in many forms. People think Hindus have many Gods. I don’t believe that is correct. God is one but there are many different forms, reincarnations of the God. The different Gods and Goddesses of Hinduism represent different times, different functions and different reasons, different manifestations of the one Supreme power called God. People also have a misunderstanding that women are given insignificant place in the East. To the contrary Hinduism recognizes that Divine entity contains both masculine and feminine attributes. Therefore without giving proper honour to the female the religion is incomplete and hence there are Gods and Goddesses.
These Nine days are divided into three parts and are devoted to Durga (Goddess of Valour), Lakshmi (Goddess of wealth and Saraswati (Goddess of knowledge).
Over the nine days all over Gujarat, the state in the North West, in the street, in the social groups, in schools, specially arranged halls, in temples or even in houses Garbas are played.
Garbo is a name given to a particular dance originated in Gujarat state of India. Garbo is also a name given to the round earthen pot normally used to carry water but in Navratri the pot is made having holes all around it. Candles made of cotton buds and Ghee (clarified butter/oil) are lit inside the pot which gives light through the holes. It portrays the human body with inner light of God within. This Garbo pot is put in the centre and the ladies dance around it. This indicates the never-ending cycle of life according to Hindu religion - that is creation, maintenance and destruction.
There is another dance which is performed by using two sticks and that is called Raas or Dandya. That is performed in a pair and at all levels of society by men and women. This dance is associated with Lord Krishna and also with the harvest and crops – the agricultural functions.
It is said that over the nine days different forms of the Goddess killed the evil men
On the tenth day of the festival, Vijya dasmi or Dassera, effigies of Ravana is burnt to signify the victory of Lord Rama or winning of good over evil. Dassera is also believed to be auspicious for launching new activities or beginning of learning.
People also observe fasting over these days.
Well I will not be fasting but I will definitely enjoy the dancing. Next year I will plan to spend these days in India so that I can experience the festival completely.
It is called Navratri. Navratri means nine nights. It is a nine nights’ festival of worship, dance and music. It is celebrated to worship Goddess Durga who is believed to exist in many forms. People think Hindus have many Gods. I don’t believe that is correct. God is one but there are many different forms, reincarnations of the God. The different Gods and Goddesses of Hinduism represent different times, different functions and different reasons, different manifestations of the one Supreme power called God. People also have a misunderstanding that women are given insignificant place in the East. To the contrary Hinduism recognizes that Divine entity contains both masculine and feminine attributes. Therefore without giving proper honour to the female the religion is incomplete and hence there are Gods and Goddesses.
These Nine days are divided into three parts and are devoted to Durga (Goddess of Valour), Lakshmi (Goddess of wealth and Saraswati (Goddess of knowledge).
Over the nine days all over Gujarat, the state in the North West, in the street, in the social groups, in schools, specially arranged halls, in temples or even in houses Garbas are played.
Garbo is a name given to a particular dance originated in Gujarat state of India. Garbo is also a name given to the round earthen pot normally used to carry water but in Navratri the pot is made having holes all around it. Candles made of cotton buds and Ghee (clarified butter/oil) are lit inside the pot which gives light through the holes. It portrays the human body with inner light of God within. This Garbo pot is put in the centre and the ladies dance around it. This indicates the never-ending cycle of life according to Hindu religion - that is creation, maintenance and destruction.
There is another dance which is performed by using two sticks and that is called Raas or Dandya. That is performed in a pair and at all levels of society by men and women. This dance is associated with Lord Krishna and also with the harvest and crops – the agricultural functions.
It is said that over the nine days different forms of the Goddess killed the evil men
On the tenth day of the festival, Vijya dasmi or Dassera, effigies of Ravana is burnt to signify the victory of Lord Rama or winning of good over evil. Dassera is also believed to be auspicious for launching new activities or beginning of learning.
People also observe fasting over these days.
Well I will not be fasting but I will definitely enjoy the dancing. Next year I will plan to spend these days in India so that I can experience the festival completely.
Sunday, October 09, 2005
Him Indoors
I wrote this a long time ago. My house has got a kitchen downstairs, a Lounge and bedrooms upstairs. In bad old days I spent almost all my time in the kitchen. All my rooms were/are multi-functional so the kitchen also worked as an office. I was never short of work and that was a reason/excuse to avoid going upstairs till it was absolutely necessary. I wanted to stay out of the way. I only went to bed after the house was quiet and I was the only one awake. This is where my habit of “not going to bed till I drop” comes from.
Sickie on the other hand stayed upstairs all the time. Now I could call him “him indoors” male equivalent to “her indoors” but I preferred “Him upstairs”. That was his referred name. I couldn’t call him Sickie then. He never admitted he wasn’t well. He was fine, it was the others who were sick and they should take the medicine, he used to say. I could only call him Sickie now when he knows he is not completely well. He asked what Sickie is. I said the sick one so he commented that it sounds like the Sheek (chic) one! So may be I should refer to him as the Sheek one, LOL.
Sickie on the other hand stayed upstairs all the time. Now I could call him “him indoors” male equivalent to “her indoors” but I preferred “Him upstairs”. That was his referred name. I couldn’t call him Sickie then. He never admitted he wasn’t well. He was fine, it was the others who were sick and they should take the medicine, he used to say. I could only call him Sickie now when he knows he is not completely well. He asked what Sickie is. I said the sick one so he commented that it sounds like the Sheek (chic) one! So may be I should refer to him as the Sheek one, LOL.
Thursday, October 06, 2005
Tiny Brains
The dog has been ill. She has been on various drugs for arthritis including a strong pain killer for a couple of years. One of the side-effect of the pain killer is that the lining of stomach gets damaged. Now she is prescribed Zantac for her tummy. All this is pretty expensive but money is nothing compared to the quality of life, even for an animal. I am not too keen on giving her so many medicines so I tried to cut down but she has been sick many times during the last week. I had to take her back to the Vet.
She started shaking like a leaf from the moment we entered the car park and didn’t stop until we came out after spending £235. We stopped at a local playing field/park on the way back. We were having a nice walk and I was in my day dreaming mode. My thinking time is the dog walk time. The only time I clear my head is when I am walking the dog. The morning walk is manic because I am trying to do everything before going to work but the evening one is when it is the time just for us.
We weren’t doing anything that affected anyone else. The dog was mooching around, not annoying anyone. She wasn’t fouling the park or anything bad. Then I heard a shout and a football thrown in our direction. Some young men were playing football. I presumed they shouted for the ball so I kicked it in the direction of the man coming towards us and he even said thanks. After that we kept on walking to the end and back. All this time I wasn’t taking anything in from all the shouts and words coming from the football players.
As we passed them again I heard the abusive remarks being shouted at me. At first I wasn’t too sure and thought it was their own talk but then I realised that they were calling me names. They kicked the ball so hard towards the dog that it could have hurt her if it had hit her. I didn’t know them, I didn’t do anything wrong to them, I was minding my own business, I was actually nice to them then why on the earth they wanted to interfere with my peace? I couldn’t decide whether to go and talk to them to find out what their problem was or just ignore them. I was not in a mood to talk or argue. I said to myself that I was better than them in every way – intellectually, spiritually, socially, materialistically so I just ignored them.
Can anyone tell me what could be going in their collective tiny minds? Why would any one go out to harass someone not even bothering them? If this is the young mind that is going to shoulder the strength and future of the country then God help us!
She started shaking like a leaf from the moment we entered the car park and didn’t stop until we came out after spending £235. We stopped at a local playing field/park on the way back. We were having a nice walk and I was in my day dreaming mode. My thinking time is the dog walk time. The only time I clear my head is when I am walking the dog. The morning walk is manic because I am trying to do everything before going to work but the evening one is when it is the time just for us.
We weren’t doing anything that affected anyone else. The dog was mooching around, not annoying anyone. She wasn’t fouling the park or anything bad. Then I heard a shout and a football thrown in our direction. Some young men were playing football. I presumed they shouted for the ball so I kicked it in the direction of the man coming towards us and he even said thanks. After that we kept on walking to the end and back. All this time I wasn’t taking anything in from all the shouts and words coming from the football players.
As we passed them again I heard the abusive remarks being shouted at me. At first I wasn’t too sure and thought it was their own talk but then I realised that they were calling me names. They kicked the ball so hard towards the dog that it could have hurt her if it had hit her. I didn’t know them, I didn’t do anything wrong to them, I was minding my own business, I was actually nice to them then why on the earth they wanted to interfere with my peace? I couldn’t decide whether to go and talk to them to find out what their problem was or just ignore them. I was not in a mood to talk or argue. I said to myself that I was better than them in every way – intellectually, spiritually, socially, materialistically so I just ignored them.
Can anyone tell me what could be going in their collective tiny minds? Why would any one go out to harass someone not even bothering them? If this is the young mind that is going to shoulder the strength and future of the country then God help us!
Wednesday, October 05, 2005
IMAX
Girlie friend no. 1 had been very useful on that day at work when it was absolutely desperate to run between the two offices and not by anyone but by someone trusted and experienced in the field. She went out of way to make the trips for me. Very helpful despite her annoying quality at times of opening her mouth and getting the annoying words out of it.
As a thank you I said I will treat her to the pictures. It wasn’t necessary because that is what friends do, help each other, look out for each other but as she was to go on a holiday I thought it will give us a chance to spend some time together. The second motive was that I wanted to go to the pictures. Isn’t it frustrating that you can’t find anyone to do anything with? Well I can’t! Not even pictures. I have such a diverse interest and inquisitive nature that I want to do almost everything once every now and then. While most people have strong likes and dislikes, I don't. At times I think I will have to join some activity groups to get company to do things. Then again I never have time to do anything any way.
May be it is also unfair to say that I can’t find anyone to do things with because I want others to fit in with me and that is why it is difficult. I am surrounded by odd people though. How can anyone not like to go to the pictures? Someone didn’t want to go because there was not a single film that they would like to watch, someone thought it was waste of time and rather go for a meal, someone wanted to get the DVD out and watch it at home, Girlie friend 2 gets the migraine in the pictures, the famous girlie friend no. 1 falls asleep in the movies!! Odd people !
Nevertheless, movies I wanted to go to and movies we will go to. To cure her falling asleep I decided to go to the IMAX as the films are usually very short. I think that everyone must experience IMAX once in their life. I just love it. I like to watch all of them. I must say though that when you come out it doesn’t feel like you have been to a movie. Off we went to the Film Works at Manchester. I convinced GF 1 that she didn’t look a “Right Wally” in the 3D glasses (she did!). We watched The Magnificent Desolation- walk on the moon. I have never in my life seen anyone getting scared of an astronaut. Boy or boy, silly GF 1 turned her face away every time the image of someone came closer. She jumped up every time a little bit of moon earth fell. It would have been a comedy entertainment to watch her watch the 3D film.
After all that though, she said she liked it and I was right in saying that everyone must experience it once in their life and she want to go again.
As a thank you I said I will treat her to the pictures. It wasn’t necessary because that is what friends do, help each other, look out for each other but as she was to go on a holiday I thought it will give us a chance to spend some time together. The second motive was that I wanted to go to the pictures. Isn’t it frustrating that you can’t find anyone to do anything with? Well I can’t! Not even pictures. I have such a diverse interest and inquisitive nature that I want to do almost everything once every now and then. While most people have strong likes and dislikes, I don't. At times I think I will have to join some activity groups to get company to do things. Then again I never have time to do anything any way.
May be it is also unfair to say that I can’t find anyone to do things with because I want others to fit in with me and that is why it is difficult. I am surrounded by odd people though. How can anyone not like to go to the pictures? Someone didn’t want to go because there was not a single film that they would like to watch, someone thought it was waste of time and rather go for a meal, someone wanted to get the DVD out and watch it at home, Girlie friend 2 gets the migraine in the pictures, the famous girlie friend no. 1 falls asleep in the movies!! Odd people !
Nevertheless, movies I wanted to go to and movies we will go to. To cure her falling asleep I decided to go to the IMAX as the films are usually very short. I think that everyone must experience IMAX once in their life. I just love it. I like to watch all of them. I must say though that when you come out it doesn’t feel like you have been to a movie. Off we went to the Film Works at Manchester. I convinced GF 1 that she didn’t look a “Right Wally” in the 3D glasses (she did!). We watched The Magnificent Desolation- walk on the moon. I have never in my life seen anyone getting scared of an astronaut. Boy or boy, silly GF 1 turned her face away every time the image of someone came closer. She jumped up every time a little bit of moon earth fell. It would have been a comedy entertainment to watch her watch the 3D film.
After all that though, she said she liked it and I was right in saying that everyone must experience it once in their life and she want to go again.
Saturday, October 01, 2005
Miss myself
Is it very strange to miss someone? Of course it is not but I am sure it is strange to miss your own self, isn't it? I miss myself lately. Last few days I felt that I am away from me. How weird! What does it mean?
Things have been good - busy but good. Working as hard as always but spending time with some people I want to be with as well. That must make you feel better, mustn't it? Sickie has been well too. Then why do I feel far away from myself? If it is not me then who or what am I missing?
I am a very good actress because I don't think anyone can tell I am wandering around aimlessly inside my head. I might bump into myself in there sooner or later.
Things have been good - busy but good. Working as hard as always but spending time with some people I want to be with as well. That must make you feel better, mustn't it? Sickie has been well too. Then why do I feel far away from myself? If it is not me then who or what am I missing?
I am a very good actress because I don't think anyone can tell I am wandering around aimlessly inside my head. I might bump into myself in there sooner or later.
Monday, September 26, 2005
Come Along - 26.09.2005
Come along to me
When you can unlock the key
Come along to me
When the deaf listen to your plea
Come along to me
When your guilt sets you free
Come along to me
When the pearly gate loses its glee
Come along to me
When the memory starts to hurt
Come along to me
When the grave fills with the dirt
Come along me to me
When someone breaks your heart
Come along to me
When your life falls apart
Come along to me
When the wounds start to ooze
Come along to me
When your world you start to lose
Come along to me
When you start to lose the game
Come along to me
When you hang your head in shame
Come along to me
When there is no one else to blame
Come along to me
When you hear me call your name
Sunday, September 25, 2005
Sunny week-end
Another glorious week-end over, not that I have seen much of it. Saturday passed with work and household chores. I had been prompting the Sickie for two days that we will be going to the friends on Saturday evening. Very unusual for him that he actually said yes in the end. I am so used to him refusing at the last minute that I didn't even get ready to go till the end.
I had nearly forgotten what it is like to spend time socially as a family. Sickie was excellent. Behaved very well and stayed till late too. What's going on? I on the other hand had way too much to drink and eat. Talked non stop and didn't want to go home! By the way my apology to the ones who had suffered my late night under the influence text message - that was the bottle speaking. Strange how you remember things when you've had too much! If I can't sleep then why should others?
That is why I didn't see much of the sunny day today. My head and tummy were rebelling against the abuse.
Isn't it fabulous that we are still having Summer like days? If I had that magic ring that grandma told me about then I would ask for my own Sun. Not because I am selfish and want to keep the sunshine to myself only but to keep a couple of my friends happy by not having the bright sunlight all the time. I don't mind what the temperature is like or the weather is like as long as it is bright. I hate grey and gloomy days.
One of my friends like dark evenings - for whatever reason. Another one likes the rain. A few like the cold weather. Some people I speak to are quite upset that we don't seem to have the usual set seasons. Summer and then winter. Lots of people like the snow. Ok, snow is nice to look at but why would anyone want months of it, especially when they go climbing mountains? Danger could be an excitement I presume. For me a variety of weather is exciting when you are on holiday or want to do something different. For normal day to day living I would rather have my days bright and sunny.
I had nearly forgotten what it is like to spend time socially as a family. Sickie was excellent. Behaved very well and stayed till late too. What's going on? I on the other hand had way too much to drink and eat. Talked non stop and didn't want to go home! By the way my apology to the ones who had suffered my late night under the influence text message - that was the bottle speaking. Strange how you remember things when you've had too much! If I can't sleep then why should others?
That is why I didn't see much of the sunny day today. My head and tummy were rebelling against the abuse.
Isn't it fabulous that we are still having Summer like days? If I had that magic ring that grandma told me about then I would ask for my own Sun. Not because I am selfish and want to keep the sunshine to myself only but to keep a couple of my friends happy by not having the bright sunlight all the time. I don't mind what the temperature is like or the weather is like as long as it is bright. I hate grey and gloomy days.
One of my friends like dark evenings - for whatever reason. Another one likes the rain. A few like the cold weather. Some people I speak to are quite upset that we don't seem to have the usual set seasons. Summer and then winter. Lots of people like the snow. Ok, snow is nice to look at but why would anyone want months of it, especially when they go climbing mountains? Danger could be an excitement I presume. For me a variety of weather is exciting when you are on holiday or want to do something different. For normal day to day living I would rather have my days bright and sunny.
Friday, September 23, 2005
Oktoberfest, Munich
Oktoberfest
Munich, Germany
Visitors: 6 to 7 million
Beer: 1.5 million gallons
Roasted oxen: 88
Sausages: 219,443
Chickens: 459,279
Why do I not know any party of this kind where a million gallons of orange juice is consumed and hundred thousands of carrots and cauliflowers are eaten?
Why is enjoyment generally associated with losing control under the influence of alcohol and eating dead globe sharers?
By all means I am neither a tea total nor a pure vegetarian but I often wonder why it seems more exciting when the opposite is involved. Does eating and drinking pure sensible things make a difference on your personality? Old Hindu priests/sages most certainly thought so. They used to go to the jungle to meditate and pray. They believed that eating natural and unprocessed food like fruits and vegetables promotes calmer thoughts. It has to be true only up to a point I suppose. If there were no vegetarian murderers or trouble makers then I would have believed it but as that is not the case I will carry on eating what I do.
I would have made those statistics alter a little i.e. Chickens 459,280 had I gone. It isn't fair that just because I don't like beer and wouldn't eat an ox I wasn't allowed to go to the Beer Festival in Munich!
Munich, Germany
Visitors: 6 to 7 million
Beer: 1.5 million gallons
Roasted oxen: 88
Sausages: 219,443
Chickens: 459,279
Why do I not know any party of this kind where a million gallons of orange juice is consumed and hundred thousands of carrots and cauliflowers are eaten?
Why is enjoyment generally associated with losing control under the influence of alcohol and eating dead globe sharers?
By all means I am neither a tea total nor a pure vegetarian but I often wonder why it seems more exciting when the opposite is involved. Does eating and drinking pure sensible things make a difference on your personality? Old Hindu priests/sages most certainly thought so. They used to go to the jungle to meditate and pray. They believed that eating natural and unprocessed food like fruits and vegetables promotes calmer thoughts. It has to be true only up to a point I suppose. If there were no vegetarian murderers or trouble makers then I would have believed it but as that is not the case I will carry on eating what I do.
I would have made those statistics alter a little i.e. Chickens 459,280 had I gone. It isn't fair that just because I don't like beer and wouldn't eat an ox I wasn't allowed to go to the Beer Festival in Munich!
Sunday, September 18, 2005
The Magic Ring
When I was little Grandma used to tell me a story of the princess who had a magical diamond ring. By pressing the diamond the princess could get anything she wanted. She could make it happen whatever she wished.
When I said I wanted a ring like that Grandma said to me that if you are greedy and want too many little things that don't really mean that much to you then you would be wasting the power of the ring and when you want something really important it may be worn out. You must try your hardest to get the things you want and not use the ring because you may need something very important some day. (I found out that by being cute you can get what ever you want from Grandma and dad and you don't really need the ring.) That was at that age.
Even when I grew older I still wished I had that ring. That would have saved me staying up to revise for the exams to get the top grade, to win the competition in school/college- debates, drama, plays, dances, (I wasn't much for sports so there was no point in wishing), to get the undivided attention of the most handsome boy, to get bucketful of friends to have fun with, to have immeasurable love from the family. The ring would have been useful to make life easier but I did get all those things without the ring.
As I became an adult time and time again I wanted things that I couldn't get even though I worked hard. Wishing for things to happen that wasn’t under my control was the only thing I could do without the ring. I could still accept not having the ring because those wishes were for myself and therefore selfish.
Later on in my life I realized that there were many bad things that I would have liked to make better if I had the ring rather than getting the good things that I was missing. There is a big difference in those two wishes. I missed the ring very much when poor dad died an agonising death, when I miscarried the baby, when Sickie got sick, when my friend died nearly two years ago, when people I love are in pain and many other times when my friends or family are having terrible time, when people are cruel to other people and animals, when the nature is so unkind to some parts of the world and so on.
I do know there is no such thing as a magic ring but that doesn’t stop me wishing. Only if the wishes come true!
When I said I wanted a ring like that Grandma said to me that if you are greedy and want too many little things that don't really mean that much to you then you would be wasting the power of the ring and when you want something really important it may be worn out. You must try your hardest to get the things you want and not use the ring because you may need something very important some day. (I found out that by being cute you can get what ever you want from Grandma and dad and you don't really need the ring.) That was at that age.
Even when I grew older I still wished I had that ring. That would have saved me staying up to revise for the exams to get the top grade, to win the competition in school/college- debates, drama, plays, dances, (I wasn't much for sports so there was no point in wishing), to get the undivided attention of the most handsome boy, to get bucketful of friends to have fun with, to have immeasurable love from the family. The ring would have been useful to make life easier but I did get all those things without the ring.
As I became an adult time and time again I wanted things that I couldn't get even though I worked hard. Wishing for things to happen that wasn’t under my control was the only thing I could do without the ring. I could still accept not having the ring because those wishes were for myself and therefore selfish.
Later on in my life I realized that there were many bad things that I would have liked to make better if I had the ring rather than getting the good things that I was missing. There is a big difference in those two wishes. I missed the ring very much when poor dad died an agonising death, when I miscarried the baby, when Sickie got sick, when my friend died nearly two years ago, when people I love are in pain and many other times when my friends or family are having terrible time, when people are cruel to other people and animals, when the nature is so unkind to some parts of the world and so on.
I do know there is no such thing as a magic ring but that doesn’t stop me wishing. Only if the wishes come true!
Friday, September 16, 2005
Afternoon Tea
Tea might have come to England in the 16th century after Elizabeth I granted a charter to the East India Company to import goods from outside Europe but by jolly it was loved by England enough to add it into the daily diet, by those who could afford it, I must add.
My sincere thanks go to the Earl of Sandwich for inventing one of my staple food items but Duchess of Bedford was clever enough to incorporate them to her afternoon tea in the 1800. Tea in those days was an entertainment item and was important enough to have parties and dances revolving round it.
Unfortunately I didn't get to join the afternoon tea dance party today but to shut up Girlie friend No. 2 moaning that I haven't spent any quality time with her since she broke her ribs I took her to a Tea House. I made sure she knew that this was also a celebration tea for getting the ribs glued up together so that I don't get blackmailed for another outing.
There is a quaint little Tea Room at the Dam House in Astley, off East Lancs. Road. If you pass by there you must visit it. It may not be much to look at now but I fall in love with all the places where there is a story of blighted love. In this case Anne was the daughter of Protestant Mr. Mort. The target of her love James was Catholic whose family was forced by Mort family to leave the area. Anne pined to her death for James. Legend says that the Grey Lady (ghost of Anne) wanders around the area looking for her lover.
We of course didn't see or worry about Anne while gorged on the Afternoon Tea which consisted of seven different sandwiches, home made cherry scones with jam and cream and cakes. Ironically I chose coffee to wash down my high tea! All this for £5.50 FOR TWO!!!
Outside there is a beautiful setting of green area with trees and my favourite, a pond with ducks. Real peaceful and relaxing. The ducks even followed us all the way to the car.
I am all for the tradition of afternoon tea - only condition is that I must have coffee for my tea.
My sincere thanks go to the Earl of Sandwich for inventing one of my staple food items but Duchess of Bedford was clever enough to incorporate them to her afternoon tea in the 1800. Tea in those days was an entertainment item and was important enough to have parties and dances revolving round it.
Unfortunately I didn't get to join the afternoon tea dance party today but to shut up Girlie friend No. 2 moaning that I haven't spent any quality time with her since she broke her ribs I took her to a Tea House. I made sure she knew that this was also a celebration tea for getting the ribs glued up together so that I don't get blackmailed for another outing.
There is a quaint little Tea Room at the Dam House in Astley, off East Lancs. Road. If you pass by there you must visit it. It may not be much to look at now but I fall in love with all the places where there is a story of blighted love. In this case Anne was the daughter of Protestant Mr. Mort. The target of her love James was Catholic whose family was forced by Mort family to leave the area. Anne pined to her death for James. Legend says that the Grey Lady (ghost of Anne) wanders around the area looking for her lover.
We of course didn't see or worry about Anne while gorged on the Afternoon Tea which consisted of seven different sandwiches, home made cherry scones with jam and cream and cakes. Ironically I chose coffee to wash down my high tea! All this for £5.50 FOR TWO!!!
Outside there is a beautiful setting of green area with trees and my favourite, a pond with ducks. Real peaceful and relaxing. The ducks even followed us all the way to the car.
I am all for the tradition of afternoon tea - only condition is that I must have coffee for my tea.
Thursday, September 15, 2005
Specs.
What a strange day! Wet, cold and grey on top of that.
An elderly lady came in the office. She complained that her vision seem to have gone worse since last night when she broke her specs. She took them off and put them on the chair. Then forgot where they were and sat on them. Both lenses came off. Her helpful husband put the lenses back but she can’t see much out of the specs now. On inspection it was obvious that the poor chap had put them wrong way round! We showed her the way to the optician who could mend the wee glasses.
Talking a bit nearer to home, it appears that I will have to put with wearing the specs for reading sooner rather than later. I am already slightly short sighted and now this. I did put glasses on occasionally when my eyes were tired but now the text is getting a little blur. I find the spectacles as much nuisance as umbrellas. Once you master them they are the saviour but otherwise you either leave them behind or poke someone in the eye with them. Please don’t tell me to hang them on my neck. My neck is sore with my mobile dangling on it for 15 hours a day. It appears that my regular non stop thumping headaches are not entirely caused by my sight although it may have contributed to the monster. I feel that I have upset one of the guardian angels hovering above my head that kind of bangs a hammer on my skull all day along…LOL.
From now on I insist that wearing specs is a sign of being intelligent and has nothing to do with getting older!
An elderly lady came in the office. She complained that her vision seem to have gone worse since last night when she broke her specs. She took them off and put them on the chair. Then forgot where they were and sat on them. Both lenses came off. Her helpful husband put the lenses back but she can’t see much out of the specs now. On inspection it was obvious that the poor chap had put them wrong way round! We showed her the way to the optician who could mend the wee glasses.
Talking a bit nearer to home, it appears that I will have to put with wearing the specs for reading sooner rather than later. I am already slightly short sighted and now this. I did put glasses on occasionally when my eyes were tired but now the text is getting a little blur. I find the spectacles as much nuisance as umbrellas. Once you master them they are the saviour but otherwise you either leave them behind or poke someone in the eye with them. Please don’t tell me to hang them on my neck. My neck is sore with my mobile dangling on it for 15 hours a day. It appears that my regular non stop thumping headaches are not entirely caused by my sight although it may have contributed to the monster. I feel that I have upset one of the guardian angels hovering above my head that kind of bangs a hammer on my skull all day along…LOL.
From now on I insist that wearing specs is a sign of being intelligent and has nothing to do with getting older!
Monday, September 12, 2005
Sex at 40
In my young days we thought whatever we were doing was something unique and no one, especially your parents had ever done it before. The idea of older (even 40 was old then) people having sex was unbelievable. Television/cinema was more censored. People were modest and didn't behave so openly like they behave now. Your adventurous side was a little curtailed. Women were a little more controlled or not so open about their sexuality. No one talked about the big "O".
The society, media, attitude and acceptance have advanced very fast in the last few years. I am all in favour of advancement but there has to be a balance. Neither total control nor a total inhibition is good. At times I think that some self control, some respect and some privacy could make other people's life less embarrassing. Every thing is right at a right age. In my opinion children are growing up too soon. Experiencing every thing too early has its fall back.
On the other hand I am very proud that Women have advanced very fast lately in finding their equal places in work as well as play. The confidence has brought the women the freedom to decide what they want and to say what they want.
I was intrigued to read this article that middle-aged women in Greater Manchester enjoy better sex lives than their counterparts in the south. I am not sure if this has anything to do with the North and South divide but who cares? As long as Northern women are enjoying themselves I am very happy to live in the North.
The society, media, attitude and acceptance have advanced very fast in the last few years. I am all in favour of advancement but there has to be a balance. Neither total control nor a total inhibition is good. At times I think that some self control, some respect and some privacy could make other people's life less embarrassing. Every thing is right at a right age. In my opinion children are growing up too soon. Experiencing every thing too early has its fall back.
On the other hand I am very proud that Women have advanced very fast lately in finding their equal places in work as well as play. The confidence has brought the women the freedom to decide what they want and to say what they want.
I was intrigued to read this article that middle-aged women in Greater Manchester enjoy better sex lives than their counterparts in the south. I am not sure if this has anything to do with the North and South divide but who cares? As long as Northern women are enjoying themselves I am very happy to live in the North.
Thursday, September 08, 2005
Busy and Blogging
Busy again. The more I want to do, including blogging, the longer I stay up and the longer I stay up, the more I want to do.
What was that shooting about in Preston yesterday? There were delays everywhere. I chaired a very enjoyable and successful work meeting of about 100 last night. Got real stressed out getting to the venue because of the traffic. Returned home late and was so hyper that couldn’t sleep till 3 in the morning.
Tonight was supposed to be early night but got caught up in catching up with some blog reading. It’s a kind of addiction isn’t it?
It is also amazing that some blogs get dozens and dozens of comments so there must be many reading and writing them.
I remember locking up my daily diary every night after I wrote the entry when I was little. It was private and I used guard it like a treasure. Now here I am writing in the “space”, open and available without any lock and key. The universe has gone bigger and no one cares about who writes what, unless of course you are being sued for writing something like this fellow.
What was that shooting about in Preston yesterday? There were delays everywhere. I chaired a very enjoyable and successful work meeting of about 100 last night. Got real stressed out getting to the venue because of the traffic. Returned home late and was so hyper that couldn’t sleep till 3 in the morning.
Tonight was supposed to be early night but got caught up in catching up with some blog reading. It’s a kind of addiction isn’t it?
It is also amazing that some blogs get dozens and dozens of comments so there must be many reading and writing them.
I remember locking up my daily diary every night after I wrote the entry when I was little. It was private and I used guard it like a treasure. Now here I am writing in the “space”, open and available without any lock and key. The universe has gone bigger and no one cares about who writes what, unless of course you are being sued for writing something like this fellow.
Sunday, September 04, 2005
Guilty Conscience
I have been feeling a little down with various things including the news from US after Hurricane Katrina and particularly the discussion I have had about race, religion and culture but I found out about this news which made me laugh and brought me to today's subject title.
A thief stole cash from a post office. The pensioners would have not been able to collect their pensions with this happening but the robber returned and handed back the money! He then ran off of course.
What made him do that? Did he feel guilty? Did his guilty conscience made him do the right thing? What actually is a conscience? Where does it come from? Not everyone has the same extent of conscience so who is right?
We know that guilty conscience makes us put the wrong doing to right and if we don't it makes us unhappy. Conscience influences us to be good to the others and show remorse if we have hurt someone. If it is so then why do the hardened criminals not feel it or not feel it as much as normal people?
Is conscience a social, cultural teaching or is it a religious, spiritual learning? Do we obey our conscience to feel good for doing the right thing or we obey it be good in the creator's eyes?
Can we cheat our own conscience? Can we control it? Can we retrain it? I have heard of people asking for forgiveness for something on their death bed so it means that we cannot completely erase our conscience. In that case is its entity bigger than love, religion or even God?
A thief stole cash from a post office. The pensioners would have not been able to collect their pensions with this happening but the robber returned and handed back the money! He then ran off of course.
What made him do that? Did he feel guilty? Did his guilty conscience made him do the right thing? What actually is a conscience? Where does it come from? Not everyone has the same extent of conscience so who is right?
We know that guilty conscience makes us put the wrong doing to right and if we don't it makes us unhappy. Conscience influences us to be good to the others and show remorse if we have hurt someone. If it is so then why do the hardened criminals not feel it or not feel it as much as normal people?
Is conscience a social, cultural teaching or is it a religious, spiritual learning? Do we obey our conscience to feel good for doing the right thing or we obey it be good in the creator's eyes?
Can we cheat our own conscience? Can we control it? Can we retrain it? I have heard of people asking for forgiveness for something on their death bed so it means that we cannot completely erase our conscience. In that case is its entity bigger than love, religion or even God?
Wednesday, August 31, 2005
Supermarket
Out-of-date chickens were cooked at Asda in Trafford Park the newspaper yesterday said. An ex-rotisserie operator claims that this happened at least three times before. Asda said that some chicken quarters were found to be one day out of date. They were taken off the counter before they went on sale. Four staff members are suspended and a full investigation is taking place.
No wonder the number of people turning vegetarian is increasing!
No wonder the number of people turning vegetarian is increasing!
Tuesday, August 30, 2005
You To Me - Poem
You to me
You are the sun
To my sunflower
Your warmth and light
I turn to before I burn
You are the sky
To my earth
Your height and space
I plunge to before I fly
You are the fragrance
To my autumn buds
Your intoxication and euphoria
I surrender to in my trance
You are the water
To my ocean
Your depth and strength
I swallow before I shudder
You are the rain
To my rainbow
Your purity and virtue
I paint to release my pain
Your are the light
To my candle lamp
Your warmth and glow
I burn to enliven the night
CCTV
Every new invention to make life easier and safer soon becomes a necessity instead of being the item of comfort and luxury when it started. When I bought my first mobile phone, the analogue brick, people sneered that I was being a show off. Soon the advantages were obvious and within a blink of the eyes mobile phones became the next thing to the sliced bread.
Today my CCTV had a malfunction for a while and I felt as if I had blind folds on. At the same time these things puts more restrictions on life too. You become so used to having your comforts around that at times you forget that the very thing could land you in trouble.Mr. Stupid provided the proof of that.
Tonight's paper says that the burglars are more security conscious that ordinary householders. The survey says that 69% burglars rated CCTV as an effective security measure and 54% said they set their home alarm when they go out. Well that's rich, isn't it?
Mind you I think having a guard dog is probably the best security measure as long as it is not like my dog whom I have to guard and protect. Bless her, Who wants brain when you have got beauty!
Today my CCTV had a malfunction for a while and I felt as if I had blind folds on. At the same time these things puts more restrictions on life too. You become so used to having your comforts around that at times you forget that the very thing could land you in trouble.Mr. Stupid provided the proof of that.
Tonight's paper says that the burglars are more security conscious that ordinary householders. The survey says that 69% burglars rated CCTV as an effective security measure and 54% said they set their home alarm when they go out. Well that's rich, isn't it?
Mind you I think having a guard dog is probably the best security measure as long as it is not like my dog whom I have to guard and protect. Bless her, Who wants brain when you have got beauty!
Monday, August 29, 2005
The Last Bank Holiday
I say this was the last bank holiday for this year. Christmas holidays do not count. Christmas is Christmas, not a holiday. In good old days I used to be partial to August bank holidays because having none after that it felt more precious than the others. If it was up to me I would slide one in around October time to even things out. Mind you I think bank holidays disrupt everything. You work harder before and after to catch up on work and the whole world is out on the roads and in the shops.
Over the last decade I hated bank holidays because I was stuck in the house. Now that I am older and wiser (yes I am, well at least one out of those two) I have convinced myself not to get upset about not being able to go anywhere in holidays. Just when I have got used to staying in, Sickie upsets my apple cart by saying we will go on a cruise. The idea must have flown in or rather sailed in from some where and it may just fly out before we know it so I won't get excited until it happens if it ever does.
The older and wiser me has made most of the funfair I unexpectedly found at a park while walking the dog. I am not bothered if anyone sees a grown woman going on a ride by herself looked on by the dog tied to the hotdog stand. If the dog didn't need all four to keep her upright I am sure she would have put both her hands over her eyes saying "oh no....do you have to embarrass me???" I am also glad that she can't read and will never know she was attached to a hotdog stand.
Some of my friends will be proud of me to know that I have not done any work either on Sunday or today and I have chilled out. Although Sunday was more of the hangover day after spending a smashing Saturday night with great friends. Been for a drive with another friend today and the car somehow drove itself in a lovely pub for a diet coke and tasty grub. I am beginning to like bank holidays!
Over the last decade I hated bank holidays because I was stuck in the house. Now that I am older and wiser (yes I am, well at least one out of those two) I have convinced myself not to get upset about not being able to go anywhere in holidays. Just when I have got used to staying in, Sickie upsets my apple cart by saying we will go on a cruise. The idea must have flown in or rather sailed in from some where and it may just fly out before we know it so I won't get excited until it happens if it ever does.
The older and wiser me has made most of the funfair I unexpectedly found at a park while walking the dog. I am not bothered if anyone sees a grown woman going on a ride by herself looked on by the dog tied to the hotdog stand. If the dog didn't need all four to keep her upright I am sure she would have put both her hands over her eyes saying "oh no....do you have to embarrass me???" I am also glad that she can't read and will never know she was attached to a hotdog stand.
Some of my friends will be proud of me to know that I have not done any work either on Sunday or today and I have chilled out. Although Sunday was more of the hangover day after spending a smashing Saturday night with great friends. Been for a drive with another friend today and the car somehow drove itself in a lovely pub for a diet coke and tasty grub. I am beginning to like bank holidays!
Thursday, August 25, 2005
Hobnobbing GF
Girlie friend No. 1 is annoying me like a wasp in a glass jar. I am the one who has a respectable career. I am the one who works all hours God sent. I am the one who gets to go to big places, important meetings and dinner dances. I am the one who gets all the stress and the aggro in return. So I am the one who should be meeting interesting and famous people. No Sir! Not me. I do not.
Girlie friend messes about with animals a couple of evenings a week. In a little place unheard of by 99.9999% population of the city she gets to meet up, once a week, a television personality with their animal. The star in question is a very very popular face from a very very very popular very very very very long running serial. The star spends a couple of hours a week with the animal with the girlie friend and other animals. Now GF No. 1 (with another girl from the animal place) has been invited to some party by the star and she is gloating. GF 1 is a mad serial fan like millions of other British fans. She is grinning like a Cheshire cat every time I see her.
I am so jealous! I know I shouldn’t be and truthfully I am really happy for her getting a chance to meet other casts from the serial at the party. Hell I don’t even ever watch the serial. I wouldn’t have even known the star in question if I fell over them but it is the question of pride. I should be the one who knows who is who and what’s going on where! Aren’t I a vain? LOL
Girlie friend messes about with animals a couple of evenings a week. In a little place unheard of by 99.9999% population of the city she gets to meet up, once a week, a television personality with their animal. The star in question is a very very popular face from a very very very popular very very very very long running serial. The star spends a couple of hours a week with the animal with the girlie friend and other animals. Now GF No. 1 (with another girl from the animal place) has been invited to some party by the star and she is gloating. GF 1 is a mad serial fan like millions of other British fans. She is grinning like a Cheshire cat every time I see her.
I am so jealous! I know I shouldn’t be and truthfully I am really happy for her getting a chance to meet other casts from the serial at the party. Hell I don’t even ever watch the serial. I wouldn’t have even known the star in question if I fell over them but it is the question of pride. I should be the one who knows who is who and what’s going on where! Aren’t I a vain? LOL
Tuesday, August 23, 2005
Favours
You come to know that a person you care for and take as a friend with was being talked about unfairly by someone behind their back. You, out of loyalty and feelings, inform your friend about it. You got involved only because you wanted to stop people telling unfair things about your friend. You trusted your friend not to do anything that may hurt you because of this. You were doing them a favour, weren't you?
It seems to me that people will put you in a deep sh.t when it comes to their own welfare. I am not sure until I confront my friend but it appears that my favour is being used to smooth over my friend's situation and as a consequence I could end up with a problem. When will I learn?
On the other hand, could my faith on love and loyalty be upheld and my friend did not or do not take any action that may create trouble for me?
I hope whole heartedly that the latter is true.
It seems to me that people will put you in a deep sh.t when it comes to their own welfare. I am not sure until I confront my friend but it appears that my favour is being used to smooth over my friend's situation and as a consequence I could end up with a problem. When will I learn?
On the other hand, could my faith on love and loyalty be upheld and my friend did not or do not take any action that may create trouble for me?
I hope whole heartedly that the latter is true.
Friday, August 19, 2005
Fashion Show
God I am turning into a bad blogger. It is like everything else though. Firstly you have to get your priorities right and secondly you have to have a continuation of things. When you are busy doing other things you may not have time to give attention to your blog. If you have a few blog buddies then either you have time to read theirs or write your own. That brings me to my second point. If I leave something for a while then I get less interested in it to go back to it. It doesn't have to be an obsession or a habit to do things every day but it needs to be joined up otherwise I forget about it and move on. Anyway the reason I couldn't find time yesterday was that after work and after doing the "feed the family" bit I took girlie friend no. 2 with the broken ribs to a Style evening.
The local newspaper Manchester Evening News had organised an event in the Radisson Hotel and the tickets were dead dead cheap, almost free. The place was over crowded by ladies of all shapes, sizes and ages. Fashion shows suppose to cheer you up and give you more confidence that you know how to use cloths and accessories to your advantage. Anyone can look more attractive if they knew how to find their best features and hide the less desirable ones. No wonder all of us were there.
Although by portraying the young, tall and thin models as the ultimate beauty the society does not leave much chance for the normal women. We seem to have two classes, an imaginary desired specification of beauty which is sickly thin body and on the other side the nation is getting fatter and fatter. I think the fashion industry should make a moral decision to move away from this towards the image of health and fitness.
Oh well, it was an evening out and a boost in the recovery process of the girlie friends painful ribs.
The local newspaper Manchester Evening News had organised an event in the Radisson Hotel and the tickets were dead dead cheap, almost free. The place was over crowded by ladies of all shapes, sizes and ages. Fashion shows suppose to cheer you up and give you more confidence that you know how to use cloths and accessories to your advantage. Anyone can look more attractive if they knew how to find their best features and hide the less desirable ones. No wonder all of us were there.
Although by portraying the young, tall and thin models as the ultimate beauty the society does not leave much chance for the normal women. We seem to have two classes, an imaginary desired specification of beauty which is sickly thin body and on the other side the nation is getting fatter and fatter. I think the fashion industry should make a moral decision to move away from this towards the image of health and fitness.
Oh well, it was an evening out and a boost in the recovery process of the girlie friends painful ribs.
Monday, August 15, 2005
Cracked Mirror
If a mirror is cracked it should be thrown away. If you try and patch it up it doesn’t give a complete reflection like it did before.
I have always said that once you leave something and move on it is foolish to go back to it because you can never find it the way it was. It is even worse when it wasn’t easy in the first place.
If you patch up the personality differences I am sure over the time they will resurface. People don’t change completely no matter how much we like to think they do.
We still fall for the temptation of getting back to where we started from. Whatever kept us drawn to that person is still there and the opportunity to grab it again is not easy to let go. This is how the circle starts again. You start off smitten and elated. Hoping that whatever was wrong the first time is corrected and every thing will be rosy. Then the little arguments, differences and hurts start to reappear. You get upset and angry and you are back to where you left off the first time round.
Oh well…you might learn the second time round that this is how it is going to be and either you throw away the mirror when it is broken or get used to looking at the disfigured image the cracked mirror gives.
I have always said that once you leave something and move on it is foolish to go back to it because you can never find it the way it was. It is even worse when it wasn’t easy in the first place.
If you patch up the personality differences I am sure over the time they will resurface. People don’t change completely no matter how much we like to think they do.
We still fall for the temptation of getting back to where we started from. Whatever kept us drawn to that person is still there and the opportunity to grab it again is not easy to let go. This is how the circle starts again. You start off smitten and elated. Hoping that whatever was wrong the first time is corrected and every thing will be rosy. Then the little arguments, differences and hurts start to reappear. You get upset and angry and you are back to where you left off the first time round.
Oh well…you might learn the second time round that this is how it is going to be and either you throw away the mirror when it is broken or get used to looking at the disfigured image the cracked mirror gives.
Week end
Been away from Friday and completely relaxed after a long time. Luxurious hotel and beautiful surrounding. Lot of drink and good food. Staying up all night and heart opening conversation. Plenty of laughs and giggles. I think I got every thing I hoped for. Returned kind of floating on the clouds.
By the end of today though I am back on the earth.
By the end of today though I am back on the earth.
Tuesday, August 09, 2005
Anonymous blogging
Isn't it sad that in these days of freedom of speech etc. We have to curtail what we write even in our own private blog? I can understand if we are saying lies about someone without any evidence or degrading our employers or someone else. I don't see what is so wrong in putting down in words the way see the world.
The lady from Monster.com is right in saying that we could be recognized by some little personal details. I have some hilarious stories and observations connected with work but this is the reason I cannot tell them. May be one day when I retire I could write a book......After advancing my life by doing a Masters or PhD though.LOL.
The lady from Monster.com is right in saying that we could be recognized by some little personal details. I have some hilarious stories and observations connected with work but this is the reason I cannot tell them. May be one day when I retire I could write a book......After advancing my life by doing a Masters or PhD though.LOL.
Advancing Life
Blimey, you are away just for a few days and you end up getting insulting messages in your comments box! Yes, exactly, what a bl..dy cheek! Advancing my life! If I advanced my life any more it would go round the universe a third time! I never wanted to do Masters even when there was a right time so why would I want to do it now? I am probably earning more money than the idiot who wrote it anyway. As for knowledge there is much more about the purpose of life I want to understand that cannot be learnt in the books.
If he had read my blog he would have known that I have so much on my plate that I have no time for any more. May be my blog lacks the style and literary excellence so I am being directed to an improvement? Well, I am writing my thoughts in my blog. I don’t have to prove to anyone if it is readable or not. Aha, may be because the list of my interest says learning new things.
Aren’t I being touchy and defensive? I think it is the aftermath of Mr. Bug. Isn’t it amazing that when you body is down you mind also gets weaker? Last week I was watching Michael Palin’s Sahara. First I was upset thinking what the poor camels must be feeling being used without any choice. Then I choked while Michael was saying good byes to his travel companions. Then it was the last episode of Born and Bred. I never bothered with the previous series. This time I saw it by chance. Why should I be so upset about it? I am sure it was the bug making me soft.
I have a kind of phobia about loosing people I care about. I hate parting forever. I may not see people or talk to them all my life but as long as I know they are there then its ok. The thought of not be able to contact someone close to me ever again seems to send me in panic. I get this panic feeling that I don’t have enough time to tell them things or be with them and that I am all alone. This comes on only when I am run down or ill though. At that time logical thinking just disappears.
Luckily I am also very strong in other ways and at least I can see my weakness and admit it. It’s partly come from not having anyone near enough for support, loosing my dad and my best friend and worrying about Sickie. Yep let’s blame the others as usual. LOL.
Thank you girls for keeping me company even when I wasn’t writing.
.
If he had read my blog he would have known that I have so much on my plate that I have no time for any more. May be my blog lacks the style and literary excellence so I am being directed to an improvement? Well, I am writing my thoughts in my blog. I don’t have to prove to anyone if it is readable or not. Aha, may be because the list of my interest says learning new things.
Aren’t I being touchy and defensive? I think it is the aftermath of Mr. Bug. Isn’t it amazing that when you body is down you mind also gets weaker? Last week I was watching Michael Palin’s Sahara. First I was upset thinking what the poor camels must be feeling being used without any choice. Then I choked while Michael was saying good byes to his travel companions. Then it was the last episode of Born and Bred. I never bothered with the previous series. This time I saw it by chance. Why should I be so upset about it? I am sure it was the bug making me soft.
I have a kind of phobia about loosing people I care about. I hate parting forever. I may not see people or talk to them all my life but as long as I know they are there then its ok. The thought of not be able to contact someone close to me ever again seems to send me in panic. I get this panic feeling that I don’t have enough time to tell them things or be with them and that I am all alone. This comes on only when I am run down or ill though. At that time logical thinking just disappears.
Luckily I am also very strong in other ways and at least I can see my weakness and admit it. It’s partly come from not having anyone near enough for support, loosing my dad and my best friend and worrying about Sickie. Yep let’s blame the others as usual. LOL.
Thank you girls for keeping me company even when I wasn’t writing.
.
Monday, August 01, 2005
Breakfast with the doctor
I think I have got the bug. I have been feeling pretty Yucky since Thursday night and feel mega Yuck by tonight. A few packets of "all in one" capsules and a few bottles of cough mixture haven't managed to kill the bugs yet.
I would go and see the doctor but by the time you get the appointment you have normally cured yourself. If you do manage to get an appointment and get to the surgery feeling ill by the time your turn comes you will be too tired and fed up to complain or you've forgotten what you wanted to tell him.
If you are unwell and want the doctor's opinion but still want to go to work or you are self-employed and you have to work then you have had it. Your time does not matter. You will just fit in with the doctor and wait as he is a busy important person.
I am very pleased that a pilot scheme to tackle poor access to primary care has been planned. The scheme will include a walk-in service, breakfast and tea-time surgeries.
Health Secretary Patricia Hewitt declared that these new pilots are great news for people living in some of the most deprived and under doctored areas in the country.
Further proposals for improving care outside of hospitals will be included in a White Paper to be published in the autumn.
It is a great news for everyone not only for people living in the deprived are. But wait a minute. Did I not see this news a year ago? Well may be by next year the scheme will start, at least we are talking about it, what more do you want?
I would go and see the doctor but by the time you get the appointment you have normally cured yourself. If you do manage to get an appointment and get to the surgery feeling ill by the time your turn comes you will be too tired and fed up to complain or you've forgotten what you wanted to tell him.
If you are unwell and want the doctor's opinion but still want to go to work or you are self-employed and you have to work then you have had it. Your time does not matter. You will just fit in with the doctor and wait as he is a busy important person.
I am very pleased that a pilot scheme to tackle poor access to primary care has been planned. The scheme will include a walk-in service, breakfast and tea-time surgeries.
Health Secretary Patricia Hewitt declared that these new pilots are great news for people living in some of the most deprived and under doctored areas in the country.
Further proposals for improving care outside of hospitals will be included in a White Paper to be published in the autumn.
It is a great news for everyone not only for people living in the deprived are. But wait a minute. Did I not see this news a year ago? Well may be by next year the scheme will start, at least we are talking about it, what more do you want?
Friday, July 29, 2005
Chetak - the Horse
I remembered this while reading drD’s pony trekking experience with the pony called Queenie.
I think the pony I remember must be a twin brother of Queenie. The incident happened on the Mount Abu in India a long long time ago. A bunch of girls and boys decided to venture out on the hill station as they called them. As per Indian weather it was pretty cold up there on the mountain. I didn’t think there were many places to visit in Abu but it had an abundance of natural beauty. The real beauty of the place can only be seen by foot.
On the second day a suggestion was made that we should go for the horse riding. By the lakeside ponies of different shapes and sizes were brought to us. Some of the boys were experienced riders so they picked the ones they wanted. The handlers were carefully matching the remaining ponies with the girls. I volunteered to have the “strong headed” pony as they called him because I was so brave! As we all took our seats my pony started pushing his way ahead of the others. The handler instructed to go easy and make sure we stay near him which I sincerely intended to obey but my strong headed pony Chetak didn’t.
By the way the name Chetak was given after the great horse of King Pratap. In the 15th century King Pratap rode Chetak to a battle. The brave and faithful horse got injured alongside his master and lost one leg. The horse still galloped on three legs at a great speed to take his unconscious master to the safety. He died after completing his mission.
My Chetak perhaps wanted to make his namesake proud and walking slow was not his style. As he started to pick up the speed I started to panic. The handler started to shout commands to the horse and to me but both of us were our own people to do as we were told.
Some ponies on normal days were being used to ride around the lake for entertainment rather than mountain trekking. I was glad mine was too because as he heard the commotion and felt my panic he legged it. My Chetak fled with me on his back, totally stunned clinging to his neck.
So there we were galloping away circling the lake on a chilly early morning with me in my so cool tight jersey top and jersey tight pants with sweat pouring out of my face. The stupid horse jumped about so fast that my bra became undone. There were people, especially the boys watching with a confused look not knowing what was happening and there I was with my dignity being thrown about crying and wailing by now. I only had two choices. Either I hold myself to stop bouncing about or keep hold of the pony’s neck.
After the second round around the lake they managed to calm him down enough to stop.
I have never thought about riding a horse after that or have I visited Mount Abu again.
I think the pony I remember must be a twin brother of Queenie. The incident happened on the Mount Abu in India a long long time ago. A bunch of girls and boys decided to venture out on the hill station as they called them. As per Indian weather it was pretty cold up there on the mountain. I didn’t think there were many places to visit in Abu but it had an abundance of natural beauty. The real beauty of the place can only be seen by foot.
On the second day a suggestion was made that we should go for the horse riding. By the lakeside ponies of different shapes and sizes were brought to us. Some of the boys were experienced riders so they picked the ones they wanted. The handlers were carefully matching the remaining ponies with the girls. I volunteered to have the “strong headed” pony as they called him because I was so brave! As we all took our seats my pony started pushing his way ahead of the others. The handler instructed to go easy and make sure we stay near him which I sincerely intended to obey but my strong headed pony Chetak didn’t.
By the way the name Chetak was given after the great horse of King Pratap. In the 15th century King Pratap rode Chetak to a battle. The brave and faithful horse got injured alongside his master and lost one leg. The horse still galloped on three legs at a great speed to take his unconscious master to the safety. He died after completing his mission.
My Chetak perhaps wanted to make his namesake proud and walking slow was not his style. As he started to pick up the speed I started to panic. The handler started to shout commands to the horse and to me but both of us were our own people to do as we were told.
Some ponies on normal days were being used to ride around the lake for entertainment rather than mountain trekking. I was glad mine was too because as he heard the commotion and felt my panic he legged it. My Chetak fled with me on his back, totally stunned clinging to his neck.
So there we were galloping away circling the lake on a chilly early morning with me in my so cool tight jersey top and jersey tight pants with sweat pouring out of my face. The stupid horse jumped about so fast that my bra became undone. There were people, especially the boys watching with a confused look not knowing what was happening and there I was with my dignity being thrown about crying and wailing by now. I only had two choices. Either I hold myself to stop bouncing about or keep hold of the pony’s neck.
After the second round around the lake they managed to calm him down enough to stop.
I have never thought about riding a horse after that or have I visited Mount Abu again.
Thursday, July 28, 2005
Boredom: the desire for desires.
Boredom: the desire for desires.
-Leo Tolstoy.
Is Leo right? I am not too sure that being bored means a lack of desires.
I am bored. The second office is running reasonably well. My main, original office drives me to "banging head on the wall" frustration. Oh it's running ok. There is nothing wrong but I don't get any buzz out of it. Although I must thank God for the stability and a solid base it provides for my bread and butter.
I am still not on top of my paper work but that is the story of my life. I will be catching up on work even in my grave.
Girlie friend No. 1 has been a clever girl to find a gap in the market creating a niche business earning good. Being a part time worker she is available to harass me for lunches etc. and to drag me away from my work. I have been going out a lot more than I did.
Sickie and the Doggy have been less ill than they were. I have somehow accepted that mum is old and is not going to be much better. I feel guilty that I don't seem to think about her as much as before.
The weather has been kind. The health has been fine.
I have stopped the dead wood - the most annoying person letting me annoy any longer.
Everything appears to be under control so why I am feeling disconnected and aimless? Why am I bored and more to the point what do I do about it? I won't listen to Leo Tolstoy. I don't want to create a desire for desires. It is the desires that make you unstable and confused. It is the desires that make you unhappy when you can't achieve them.
I am not bored by shortage of things to do. I am absolutely busy to spare any time for any thing or any one. I think I am just bored of the empty space in my mind. I need to keep my mind occupied and interested.
Perhaps I should be happy being bored rather than being unhappy when not bored. What would you choose?
-Leo Tolstoy.
Is Leo right? I am not too sure that being bored means a lack of desires.
I am bored. The second office is running reasonably well. My main, original office drives me to "banging head on the wall" frustration. Oh it's running ok. There is nothing wrong but I don't get any buzz out of it. Although I must thank God for the stability and a solid base it provides for my bread and butter.
I am still not on top of my paper work but that is the story of my life. I will be catching up on work even in my grave.
Girlie friend No. 1 has been a clever girl to find a gap in the market creating a niche business earning good. Being a part time worker she is available to harass me for lunches etc. and to drag me away from my work. I have been going out a lot more than I did.
Sickie and the Doggy have been less ill than they were. I have somehow accepted that mum is old and is not going to be much better. I feel guilty that I don't seem to think about her as much as before.
The weather has been kind. The health has been fine.
I have stopped the dead wood - the most annoying person letting me annoy any longer.
Everything appears to be under control so why I am feeling disconnected and aimless? Why am I bored and more to the point what do I do about it? I won't listen to Leo Tolstoy. I don't want to create a desire for desires. It is the desires that make you unstable and confused. It is the desires that make you unhappy when you can't achieve them.
I am not bored by shortage of things to do. I am absolutely busy to spare any time for any thing or any one. I think I am just bored of the empty space in my mind. I need to keep my mind occupied and interested.
Perhaps I should be happy being bored rather than being unhappy when not bored. What would you choose?
Monday, July 25, 2005
In One Piece
I am very happy to say I am back in one piece. Didn't get blown up or shot down. I tried hard to stay away from the terrorists and equally from the protectors. I am not sure who I was more afraid of. Fortunately it wasn't cold. Even if it was dare I say I would have walked in London with just a blouse and the skirt, not even a jacket? No way am I wearing a coat ever again. All my rucksacks have been replaced by see-through carrier bags. I have also ordered a bullet proof helmet for my next visit.
Perhaps I shouldn't make jokes about a serious situation. It is such an unforgiving offence to kill an innocent person that one cannot help but feel bitter, sorry and disgusted. On the other hand if what the Police suspected would have been true then they would have been hailed a hero. It is a very difficult situation when the panic and paranoia are set inside the mind and the pressure is there on the Police to take action. In the times of conflict lots of unfair things happen.
Why can't people be tolerant to the others and live together in peace? If they did then innocent people won't be subjected to unnecessary suffering.
Perhaps I shouldn't make jokes about a serious situation. It is such an unforgiving offence to kill an innocent person that one cannot help but feel bitter, sorry and disgusted. On the other hand if what the Police suspected would have been true then they would have been hailed a hero. It is a very difficult situation when the panic and paranoia are set inside the mind and the pressure is there on the Police to take action. In the times of conflict lots of unfair things happen.
Why can't people be tolerant to the others and live together in peace? If they did then innocent people won't be subjected to unnecessary suffering.
Friday, July 22, 2005
C Ya
I am off to London for a meeting. Today's newspaper horoscope for my sign says that my Mercury is turning retrograde and that means unexpected delays and lost work. Lost work I can cope with, lost life I can't, so See you back on Monday....hopefully!!!!
Thursday, July 21, 2005
Old & Ill
I was too upset to do any work after watching last night's Panorama - Undercover Nurse. I missed the first part shown earlier but part 2 last night brought me to tears. I have been so proud of our NHS system in the past that I used to say that no one in our country goes without treatment and care regardless of whether they have money or not, whether they have a family or not. It was horrible to see those elderly, helpless people being subjected to such a neglect bordering on to cruelty.
All caring and public service sectors are short of funding and cut back of staff takes its toll. Due to the shortage of nurses the attention time for each patient gets reduced that is understandable. With over burdened, over worked and over stressed work force the morals are bound to be low but the attitude of some carers was just evil. When people have come to the end of their lives they need care and help. How can you forget that you will be old one day yourself?
When it is obvious that the ratio of elderly and non workers to the earning population in the U.K. is rising then it is urgent for the state to plan for the solution. There are going to be more and more elderly people in need of looking after. Besides encouraging us to take on a private medical insurance and the private pension what else is the Government doing?
It is too late to turn our society and culture into a caring family oriented society. I am talking about majority of people. Of course there are others who care for their relatives at the sacrifice of their own lives but you have to admit that young and old both do not seem to get the attention they deserve. You just have to be out in the late evenings to see how many children are roaming the streets. Where are their parents to make sure their offspring behave, not harass others and be safe themselves?
Don't take me wrong. British are the most charitable people but we care for the unknown in the world and the animals in the world more than we do for our own relatives. Demanding working lives and singular family units have dragged us away from our responsibilities of caring for the others.
When we get old and helpless we still want to be treated with dignity and respect. If we are to be sick we do not want to die in pain and agony. We do not want to be alone and neglected. How can we make sure we are not?
All caring and public service sectors are short of funding and cut back of staff takes its toll. Due to the shortage of nurses the attention time for each patient gets reduced that is understandable. With over burdened, over worked and over stressed work force the morals are bound to be low but the attitude of some carers was just evil. When people have come to the end of their lives they need care and help. How can you forget that you will be old one day yourself?
When it is obvious that the ratio of elderly and non workers to the earning population in the U.K. is rising then it is urgent for the state to plan for the solution. There are going to be more and more elderly people in need of looking after. Besides encouraging us to take on a private medical insurance and the private pension what else is the Government doing?
It is too late to turn our society and culture into a caring family oriented society. I am talking about majority of people. Of course there are others who care for their relatives at the sacrifice of their own lives but you have to admit that young and old both do not seem to get the attention they deserve. You just have to be out in the late evenings to see how many children are roaming the streets. Where are their parents to make sure their offspring behave, not harass others and be safe themselves?
Don't take me wrong. British are the most charitable people but we care for the unknown in the world and the animals in the world more than we do for our own relatives. Demanding working lives and singular family units have dragged us away from our responsibilities of caring for the others.
When we get old and helpless we still want to be treated with dignity and respect. If we are to be sick we do not want to die in pain and agony. We do not want to be alone and neglected. How can we make sure we are not?
Monday, July 18, 2005
Cheating
Wedding vows in an Arya Samaj wedding– a branch of Hindu religion – say that I promise you that I will be faithful to you “with mind (i.e. thought), words and deeds”.
When people talk about cheating they do not see the bigger picture. What is called cheating? This question is not stupid. Of course everyone knows that having sex with someone else while being in a relationship to another is called cheating. If you look at the question in a spiritual light cheating sexually is not the worst cheating one could inflict to their partner. It is materialistic and self important outlook to look at bodily functions only and think that everyone in the world fit in one definition.
All depends on the basis of your relationship. When you are so close with someone and you understand each other completely then the question of cheating does not arise.
All relationships change over the time. People change over the time. Someone you fell in love with will not be exactly same over the time. Interests change, habits change and although they love each other more deeply and soundly they may not be as exciting as they once were. They may not be filling some gaps in the other’s personality or interest and I don’t mean sexually. Now if someone else comes along and fills in that gap should they not allow it? As I said before no one goes out saying to themselves that they want to cheat on their partner. Some times it happens, wrongly, but it does. Should they end their relationship even though they still love their partner?
If people are not in a happy relationship sometimes they still carry on together for the sake of children. Is that so bad? Should they be selfish and put themselves first and seek own happiness over the family’s?
Not all views expressed are always personal experiences but are the observations in life. What people say, do, discuss, believe or not believe is a different point of view and because you do not understand or accept their reasons, their psyche does not mean they are wrong and should go to a remote part of the world. The discussions are interesting and increases knowledge. As long as one party in a debate can convince the other that their view is right then fine, if not then both are entitled to see the world the way they see it without being judgmental.
A case study:
A man and a woman were in love. They had a very happy life together until the woman developed a chronic illness. He will do anything to cure her but it is not possible. He has put his all in looking after her. Hers is not a terminal disease so there is no time limit to this situation. The man loves and cares for his partner without doubt but as a human being he has his needs too. She cannot give him companionship, partnership, friendship or sex. If he gets it elsewhere would that be cheating?
Is just the sex that is sole property of your partner or is having other loving friendships, enjoy being in other people’s company, doing things together with other people, hiding other little things to keep the peace is also cheating? Why do we give so much importance to sex? Why have the values of today’s society changed so much to what it was 50 years ago? Is anyone teaching today’s young the moral values for them to follow when we are changing ourselves? These values are different for different societies, cultures and countries so who is right?
These thoughts were written after reading JIB's Sex, Lies and Videotape.
When people talk about cheating they do not see the bigger picture. What is called cheating? This question is not stupid. Of course everyone knows that having sex with someone else while being in a relationship to another is called cheating. If you look at the question in a spiritual light cheating sexually is not the worst cheating one could inflict to their partner. It is materialistic and self important outlook to look at bodily functions only and think that everyone in the world fit in one definition.
All depends on the basis of your relationship. When you are so close with someone and you understand each other completely then the question of cheating does not arise.
All relationships change over the time. People change over the time. Someone you fell in love with will not be exactly same over the time. Interests change, habits change and although they love each other more deeply and soundly they may not be as exciting as they once were. They may not be filling some gaps in the other’s personality or interest and I don’t mean sexually. Now if someone else comes along and fills in that gap should they not allow it? As I said before no one goes out saying to themselves that they want to cheat on their partner. Some times it happens, wrongly, but it does. Should they end their relationship even though they still love their partner?
If people are not in a happy relationship sometimes they still carry on together for the sake of children. Is that so bad? Should they be selfish and put themselves first and seek own happiness over the family’s?
Not all views expressed are always personal experiences but are the observations in life. What people say, do, discuss, believe or not believe is a different point of view and because you do not understand or accept their reasons, their psyche does not mean they are wrong and should go to a remote part of the world. The discussions are interesting and increases knowledge. As long as one party in a debate can convince the other that their view is right then fine, if not then both are entitled to see the world the way they see it without being judgmental.
A case study:
A man and a woman were in love. They had a very happy life together until the woman developed a chronic illness. He will do anything to cure her but it is not possible. He has put his all in looking after her. Hers is not a terminal disease so there is no time limit to this situation. The man loves and cares for his partner without doubt but as a human being he has his needs too. She cannot give him companionship, partnership, friendship or sex. If he gets it elsewhere would that be cheating?
Is just the sex that is sole property of your partner or is having other loving friendships, enjoy being in other people’s company, doing things together with other people, hiding other little things to keep the peace is also cheating? Why do we give so much importance to sex? Why have the values of today’s society changed so much to what it was 50 years ago? Is anyone teaching today’s young the moral values for them to follow when we are changing ourselves? These values are different for different societies, cultures and countries so who is right?
These thoughts were written after reading JIB's Sex, Lies and Videotape.
Friday, July 15, 2005
Old & Senile
The dog’s bed is in the corner between the sideboard and the stairs banister. She is so lazy that any treat that is very hard to chew she will not eat. She was checked out by the Vets. (I believe about half of his BMW Sports was bought by the money I hand over to him!) There is nothing wrong with her teeth despite the age. To encourage her to chew (= self cleaning the teeth) I used buy her bones etc. but they just got spread around the lounge as a death trap for the Sickie so I stopped buying them. The last hesitant purchase was the pig’s ears. That pig’s ear disappeared so I thought she accepted it to be worthy of the chewing efforts. No Sir! The said pig’s ear turned up while cleaning from under her duvet in the corner of the sideboard as she watched me.
Later tonight I saw her holding the pig’s ear in her mouth walking around the room. She wouldn’t eat it so I tried playing snatch off game but she wasn’t happy. She went to the stairs a few times but didn’t go down - probably remembered the fall from the last three stairs she had earlier today. It was weird the way she kept going round the room making whining sounds. I thought she is old and going a bit senile.
I had left a pile of papers and files on the floor in a corner near my desk. Suddenly I heard her scratching the papers and she kept looking in my direction as if to see if I was looking. I pretended not to look in the corner as now it dawned on me what she was doing.
So now I have all my papers scratched and scattered about and a pig’s ear hidden under the pile of some files for a rainy day when I forget to feed her! She wouldn't hide it under the duvet because she knew that I knew it.
There was another old lady I had to deal with yesterday - in episode II.
Later tonight I saw her holding the pig’s ear in her mouth walking around the room. She wouldn’t eat it so I tried playing snatch off game but she wasn’t happy. She went to the stairs a few times but didn’t go down - probably remembered the fall from the last three stairs she had earlier today. It was weird the way she kept going round the room making whining sounds. I thought she is old and going a bit senile.
I had left a pile of papers and files on the floor in a corner near my desk. Suddenly I heard her scratching the papers and she kept looking in my direction as if to see if I was looking. I pretended not to look in the corner as now it dawned on me what she was doing.
So now I have all my papers scratched and scattered about and a pig’s ear hidden under the pile of some files for a rainy day when I forget to feed her! She wouldn't hide it under the duvet because she knew that I knew it.
There was another old lady I had to deal with yesterday - in episode II.
Thursday, July 14, 2005
That is When - Poem
Your eyes twinkled when you looked at me
But I saw a tear that washed me away
That’s when I loved you
Your dreams had shiny soft colours
But my nightmares broke your sleep
That’s when I loved you
Your steps in my direction were strong
But my path was covered in thorns
That’s when I loved you
You spoke soft sweet nothings in my ears
But my screams turned you deaf
That’s when I loved you
You vowed to stay next to my soul
But I sent you in the wilderness
That’s when I loved you
You were there in my every heart beat
But my heart turned into a stone
That’s when I loved you
But I saw a tear that washed me away
That’s when I loved you
Your dreams had shiny soft colours
But my nightmares broke your sleep
That’s when I loved you
Your steps in my direction were strong
But my path was covered in thorns
That’s when I loved you
You spoke soft sweet nothings in my ears
But my screams turned you deaf
That’s when I loved you
You vowed to stay next to my soul
But I sent you in the wilderness
That’s when I loved you
You were there in my every heart beat
But my heart turned into a stone
That’s when I loved you
Wednesday, July 13, 2005
Quote?
"I hate all the patients and prefer them when they are anaesthetized" said Doctor Henry Williamson in Born and Bred episode tonight. (or said something to that effect). funny.
Wigan
In my What ifs and Just in case mood I decided to take the time off today after working the first hour in the office. I may as well live a little in case my time was up sooner.
Arranged with the Girlie friend No. 1 to experience the trains rather than driving. She hates Manchester in day times so she suggested Wigan.
She made a right choice for once. We had a bomb scare of our own in Manchester. Don't laugh.....It turned out to be an abandoned suitcase. Is this situation getting us scared and paranoid? Perhaps yes but the police said it was the location of the suitcase that made them suspicious.
The train ride to Wigan and then the shops, lunch and more shops. GF No. 1 wanted to sneak in and out the Ann Summers shop with no one noticing us but she had not realised that her beet root red face was hardly un-noticeable. She is so 60's! She hated me for not keeping a low profile and for making a small talk to the shop assistant who was addressing the customers "babe" and was being very helpful.
Apart from just two business calls almost all day I just chilled and did not even think about work. So losing a day's work and a £150 odd lighter I returned in one piece all relaxed or may be just tired.
The Sickie wasn't with it at all. Not sure who and what he was shouting and swearing at. Might have been me but I wasn't listening.
Arranged with the Girlie friend No. 1 to experience the trains rather than driving. She hates Manchester in day times so she suggested Wigan.
She made a right choice for once. We had a bomb scare of our own in Manchester. Don't laugh.....It turned out to be an abandoned suitcase. Is this situation getting us scared and paranoid? Perhaps yes but the police said it was the location of the suitcase that made them suspicious.
The train ride to Wigan and then the shops, lunch and more shops. GF No. 1 wanted to sneak in and out the Ann Summers shop with no one noticing us but she had not realised that her beet root red face was hardly un-noticeable. She is so 60's! She hated me for not keeping a low profile and for making a small talk to the shop assistant who was addressing the customers "babe" and was being very helpful.
Apart from just two business calls almost all day I just chilled and did not even think about work. So losing a day's work and a £150 odd lighter I returned in one piece all relaxed or may be just tired.
The Sickie wasn't with it at all. Not sure who and what he was shouting and swearing at. Might have been me but I wasn't listening.
What if
Girlie friend No. 2 was the one who was jumping around with the excitement of arranging a dinner disco for the gang of us, amongst other patrons, at a hotel that has different theme nights. She even arranged several taxis to transport us there.
The day before the show night She had a black out in the school were she worked. She fell to the floor breaking three ribs as a result. When I went down to hers in the evening with some flowers She looked very bad. It seemed that the pain killers the A & E had given were causing the side effects and were not reducing the pain at all.
After arranging for my dog, her dog and the cat and my sickie I drove her to the Casualty department of our hospital. After hours of wait and subsequent x-rays etc.I managed to return home in the early hours of the morning. They kept her in till lunch time.
In the mean time the Sickie woke up in the middle of the night, had forgotten I was at the hospital and frantically kept ringing my mobile. As I came out of hospital and turned the phone on I had 24 missed calls and he had phoned the police that I must have been kidnapped. (Friends later on tried to convince him that there was never a worry of that happening Since there is a doubtless possibility that the kidnappers will bring me back even if they have to pay on the top!)
At the hotel that night the starter was served. Guess what it was. Spare ribs! We managed to have a good time despite her numerous phone calls to tell us to have a good time. After the midnight some of the others trotted off to Manchester. I had to decline their offer of taking me straight to work the next morning and go home.
GF 2's incident made me think of the future. The bombing in London added concerns to the thoughts. If something happened to me there would be a chaos here. No one knows anything. The Sickie, the house, the dog, the businesses, everything will collapse in a heap. The Sickie can't even do the alarms or find the keys to let the staff in. I must get rid of the businesses and find a little bungalow where he can live without the hassle of living in the apartment on top of office. No business = no stress....Right?
Am I getting too old for thinking like this? I never used to have "what ifs" and "just in case"...thoughts before!
The day before the show night She had a black out in the school were she worked. She fell to the floor breaking three ribs as a result. When I went down to hers in the evening with some flowers She looked very bad. It seemed that the pain killers the A & E had given were causing the side effects and were not reducing the pain at all.
After arranging for my dog, her dog and the cat and my sickie I drove her to the Casualty department of our hospital. After hours of wait and subsequent x-rays etc.I managed to return home in the early hours of the morning. They kept her in till lunch time.
In the mean time the Sickie woke up in the middle of the night, had forgotten I was at the hospital and frantically kept ringing my mobile. As I came out of hospital and turned the phone on I had 24 missed calls and he had phoned the police that I must have been kidnapped. (Friends later on tried to convince him that there was never a worry of that happening Since there is a doubtless possibility that the kidnappers will bring me back even if they have to pay on the top!)
At the hotel that night the starter was served. Guess what it was. Spare ribs! We managed to have a good time despite her numerous phone calls to tell us to have a good time. After the midnight some of the others trotted off to Manchester. I had to decline their offer of taking me straight to work the next morning and go home.
GF 2's incident made me think of the future. The bombing in London added concerns to the thoughts. If something happened to me there would be a chaos here. No one knows anything. The Sickie, the house, the dog, the businesses, everything will collapse in a heap. The Sickie can't even do the alarms or find the keys to let the staff in. I must get rid of the businesses and find a little bungalow where he can live without the hassle of living in the apartment on top of office. No business = no stress....Right?
Am I getting too old for thinking like this? I never used to have "what ifs" and "just in case"...thoughts before!
Monday, July 11, 2005
Fate
A close friend who attends meetings almost every day and uses the same underground line had no meetings on that particular day. So lucky!
Another colleague was to be in the building near the bus explosion but the venue changed to Birmingham just for that day. So lucky!
Of course there are so many cases elsewhere who were just so lucky.
Our Streaky and all of you blog pals in London I am so glad you are all ok.
Unfortunately all those who were involved in this atrocity were not so lucky. I believe in fate. No matter what you do or what you plan, whatever is meant to happen does happen. You have no control over it. Call it fate, destiny, luck or chance, it's all same, something we do not see or cannot change.
I suppose there are arguments against this belief. May be it is an easy way out. Something to console yourself with.
This is what I say to my Sickie. He was attacked and beaten up for dead in an unprovoked incident by 3 yobs under the influence of alcohol and drugs. After many years he still suffers from the effect of the assault. He is worried about every thing especially my going out. This is what I say to him. If you are meant to die you would die no matter what you do to protect yourself. Mind you that does not mean you do not take care and look after yourself.
Do you think there is something like fate or destiny?
Another colleague was to be in the building near the bus explosion but the venue changed to Birmingham just for that day. So lucky!
Of course there are so many cases elsewhere who were just so lucky.
Our Streaky and all of you blog pals in London I am so glad you are all ok.
Unfortunately all those who were involved in this atrocity were not so lucky. I believe in fate. No matter what you do or what you plan, whatever is meant to happen does happen. You have no control over it. Call it fate, destiny, luck or chance, it's all same, something we do not see or cannot change.
I suppose there are arguments against this belief. May be it is an easy way out. Something to console yourself with.
This is what I say to my Sickie. He was attacked and beaten up for dead in an unprovoked incident by 3 yobs under the influence of alcohol and drugs. After many years he still suffers from the effect of the assault. He is worried about every thing especially my going out. This is what I say to him. If you are meant to die you would die no matter what you do to protect yourself. Mind you that does not mean you do not take care and look after yourself.
Do you think there is something like fate or destiny?
Thursday, July 07, 2005
London Blasts
One minute you are going about your business and the next you are subjected to the terror from your worse nightmare. It is scary even to imagine how terrible it must be to be trapped in the underground not knowing what was happening. We have enough natural disasters happening in the world without killing innocent people like this.
It makes me think that the human race is shameful. We are the only animals who kill for selfishness and not just for survival.
My best wishes to the London bloggers. I hope you and yours are safe.
It makes me think that the human race is shameful. We are the only animals who kill for selfishness and not just for survival.
My best wishes to the London bloggers. I hope you and yours are safe.
Tuesday, July 05, 2005
The Pearl of Love - Poem
My heart is like an ocean
Blue waters calm but deep
Amongst the treasure in within
The pearl of love I hide to keep
Precious illusion all shattered
Scattered little pieces of dreams
Pick up all the broken promises
Wrap them in the silent screams
While wishing for the future
I’m reminiscing the past
When our bodies were joined
With a single beating heart
Your devotion was beyond compare
No storm then kept us apart
Uncover the pearl of love again
Hidden in the bottom of the heart
Blue waters calm but deep
Amongst the treasure in within
The pearl of love I hide to keep
Precious illusion all shattered
Scattered little pieces of dreams
Pick up all the broken promises
Wrap them in the silent screams
While wishing for the future
I’m reminiscing the past
When our bodies were joined
With a single beating heart
Your devotion was beyond compare
No storm then kept us apart
Uncover the pearl of love again
Hidden in the bottom of the heart
Monday, July 04, 2005
Slaughterhouse
Feeling absolutely sick after a chance glimpse of this programme on BBC 2 while changing the channel. The man was teaching the young butchers how to cut a pigs throat. I only saw it for a fraction of a second. That's it, no more bacon butties or cooked breakfasts...It is so different getting the meat pre-packed from the supermarkets. When it comes out of a packing just as a piece of food item, it is nothing like the live animal and you don't think about it being alive once. I seem to go through the phases of going vegetarian especially when I see something like this but then the weakness of tempting tastebuds takes over.
I have a dinner disco on Friday night so I suppose my weakness will take over for sure. I wish there was no guilt and punishment on the other side of all pleasures.
I have a dinner disco on Friday night so I suppose my weakness will take over for sure. I wish there was no guilt and punishment on the other side of all pleasures.
Sunday, July 03, 2005
Music and emotions
Sometimes it worries me to find how much effect some songs, some music has on me. When I listen to some songs I feel overwhelmed with emotions and I don’t understand why. It is not just due to a connection to any memory relating to that particular music. Even if there is no personal story or incident to connect that piece of music it still creates a strange heavy emotion in me. At times I wonder if anyone else has that feeling. When I asked they said if they liked the music or something like that but not admitted to having a strange emotion. What is wrong with me then? Why does no one else feel this? Then I said to myself that nothing is wrong with me. The person, who created that music, wrote and sang that song must have felt the same too. It’s the others who didn’t understand that music completely to feel the same way.
Then I realised that music is an expression of one’s deepest inside of heart and mind. It is an expression of one’s deepest emotion to the world. It is a mood that has been passed on to the others. The more emotional you are the more it affects you. The more open, expressive and sensual you are the more it takes over you. You know that listening to the happy music uplifts your mood. Many times when I am sad, a little depressed, I put on a melancholy music. I don’t know why I do that because it makes me more depressed! My choice is first the lyrics and then the tunes. Apart from dance music I am not that keen on just instrumental music. Even my bed time CD is named "sleepy" has Sade songs.
Music most certainly alters our mood, our emotion and our wellbeing. That is why the therapy to reduce stress and anxiety included relaxing music. Music affects our senses and the combination of smell of pleasing fragrance, listening to soothing music; deem light affecting visionary senses puts us in a receptive state for other sensory pleasures.
Only it makes me think that no wonder the majority of youth of our society is brain dead while they are subjecting themselves to the head banging noise through their personal stereos and I pods.
One exception to the effect of music on me is my Sickie’s 24 hour 7days a week of loud music that drives me mad although I loved those songs sometimes in the past and might still love them if I wasn’t punished with them 24/7. Still if his head is full of the music then he might not get other rubbish going in it!
Then I realised that music is an expression of one’s deepest inside of heart and mind. It is an expression of one’s deepest emotion to the world. It is a mood that has been passed on to the others. The more emotional you are the more it affects you. The more open, expressive and sensual you are the more it takes over you. You know that listening to the happy music uplifts your mood. Many times when I am sad, a little depressed, I put on a melancholy music. I don’t know why I do that because it makes me more depressed! My choice is first the lyrics and then the tunes. Apart from dance music I am not that keen on just instrumental music. Even my bed time CD is named "sleepy" has Sade songs.
Music most certainly alters our mood, our emotion and our wellbeing. That is why the therapy to reduce stress and anxiety included relaxing music. Music affects our senses and the combination of smell of pleasing fragrance, listening to soothing music; deem light affecting visionary senses puts us in a receptive state for other sensory pleasures.
Only it makes me think that no wonder the majority of youth of our society is brain dead while they are subjecting themselves to the head banging noise through their personal stereos and I pods.
One exception to the effect of music on me is my Sickie’s 24 hour 7days a week of loud music that drives me mad although I loved those songs sometimes in the past and might still love them if I wasn’t punished with them 24/7. Still if his head is full of the music then he might not get other rubbish going in it!
Saturday, July 02, 2005
Comfortably Numb
The song by Pink Floyd tonight on Live 8 is playing on in my head. I think I have become comfortably numb too but from time to time the numbness wears off. Then again it's all empty in my head. Got the deadwood (blog of 28 April 2005) out of the head, not getting annoyed by the most annoying person in the world, nodding to everything the Sickie says without listening to it, mother is too far for me to help, the dog is too old to worry about, everyone else seem to be there one minute and gone the next to reappear again so I am in that state of numbness that doesn't let you feel the world. Is there any point to anything?
Thursday, June 30, 2005
BMA & euthanasia
Manchester has hosted the British Medical Association Conference this week. Today the delegates voted for a neutral position on a motion relating to euthanasia.
OK it is the role of the medical profession to safeguard the health of the patient and it is a doctor's basic oath to save life but a person's human right is more important and should take a priority.
When the life is not worth living and if someone is suffering unbearable constant pain to which there is no end then they should be allowed to die with dignity and assistance. The support in making the decision and the assistance should be from the medical profession.
I agree that the misuse or misguided implementation to euthanasia could happen if it was not regulated strongly. We rely on the medical expertise to save our lives so why should we not expect to use the same expertise to end a life if there was a good reason for it and if it was the wish of that patient. Leaving the decision to the society and the Parliament is probably the safe option for the doctors but I believe that the doctors should take more resposibilities in pushing for an early end to this issue. I am glad though that the Conference has decided not oppose it.
If I end up with a physical incurable painful illness, I most certainly would not want to carry on living. If it comes to that then it will be up to you to see that I am not left to suffer and am allowed to end my life peacefully. (This does not include my current looniness by the way! Ok I shouldn't joke about a thing like this but I did.)
OK it is the role of the medical profession to safeguard the health of the patient and it is a doctor's basic oath to save life but a person's human right is more important and should take a priority.
When the life is not worth living and if someone is suffering unbearable constant pain to which there is no end then they should be allowed to die with dignity and assistance. The support in making the decision and the assistance should be from the medical profession.
I agree that the misuse or misguided implementation to euthanasia could happen if it was not regulated strongly. We rely on the medical expertise to save our lives so why should we not expect to use the same expertise to end a life if there was a good reason for it and if it was the wish of that patient. Leaving the decision to the society and the Parliament is probably the safe option for the doctors but I believe that the doctors should take more resposibilities in pushing for an early end to this issue. I am glad though that the Conference has decided not oppose it.
If I end up with a physical incurable painful illness, I most certainly would not want to carry on living. If it comes to that then it will be up to you to see that I am not left to suffer and am allowed to end my life peacefully. (This does not include my current looniness by the way! Ok I shouldn't joke about a thing like this but I did.)
Tuesday, June 28, 2005
Colorful Salford
Some time ago when Salford City Council announced that the new Salford colour is magenta all the road workers were bemused. They declared that they will not be wearing pink uniforms. It did sound a little odd to choose pink as the colour of the city. By God it did work though. A little splash of magenta here and there stands out and looks actually good. One would never miss a magenta rubbish bin on the edge of the footpath, would one? Well....Just because you notice it does not mean you have to use it! Only if the Council can change the colour of the yobs' brains too.
Now Salford Council has a brilliant idea of using the shocking adverts to attract a positive interest. Another success. Most people believe that the adverts are unusual and they do draw attention and discussion.
It doesn't do much good to have a competition with Manchester which is what Salford seems to be doing but over the years Manchester has stolen the unique identity from Salford so now it is a pay back time. A Salfordian friend of mine actually hits me if I use Manchester as her address...It has to be Salford, Lancs. As Salford was it's own city before Manchester she says.
The best thing will be to join forces and help each other out to promote the North West, a peace seeker, fairness believer, Share and support your family attitude holder, middle of the road, negotiator me says. Let's show those southerners! Oops...Where did this competitor me come from???
Now Salford Council has a brilliant idea of using the shocking adverts to attract a positive interest. Another success. Most people believe that the adverts are unusual and they do draw attention and discussion.
It doesn't do much good to have a competition with Manchester which is what Salford seems to be doing but over the years Manchester has stolen the unique identity from Salford so now it is a pay back time. A Salfordian friend of mine actually hits me if I use Manchester as her address...It has to be Salford, Lancs. As Salford was it's own city before Manchester she says.
The best thing will be to join forces and help each other out to promote the North West, a peace seeker, fairness believer, Share and support your family attitude holder, middle of the road, negotiator me says. Let's show those southerners! Oops...Where did this competitor me come from???
Sunday, June 26, 2005
Illusion
Your mind can create the world your heart desires!
This is what I have said and stressed in the past. If you think of something and make yourself believe in it then it becomes a reality for you albeit in your own mind-world only. May be it is an illusion. An illusion is not bad. It is not same as delusion. You do know the actual reality. Your created world is just an escape for you. You believe what you wish it to be rather than the actual reality that you may not like. There is no harm in it as long as no one is hurt or damaged by it. There is no harm in it as long as you know it is only an escape for a short while. There is no harm in to as long as you know the reality. It some how gives you more strength to face the actual reality that may be permanently there and is difficult to deal with.
No doubt this is not what most people agree with. People call it "living in the dream world". People say it is false, untrue and unhealthy. People say you should see what is actually there and not see things through the rose coloured glasses.
So when you break your illusion and break your rose tinted spectacles what happens? You see the sad or ugly reality. You knew it was there but your smoke screen of hope and wishes had made it milder. Now it is bare and strong.
Your mind is empty because your dream has gone. You feel lonely and empty. Who benefited by breaking your dream? No one.
The reason for causing you this unhappiness is that some people cannot dream. May be they do not need to because they have a world that their hearts desire.
Would you create a world that makes you happy?
This is what I have said and stressed in the past. If you think of something and make yourself believe in it then it becomes a reality for you albeit in your own mind-world only. May be it is an illusion. An illusion is not bad. It is not same as delusion. You do know the actual reality. Your created world is just an escape for you. You believe what you wish it to be rather than the actual reality that you may not like. There is no harm in it as long as no one is hurt or damaged by it. There is no harm in it as long as you know it is only an escape for a short while. There is no harm in to as long as you know the reality. It some how gives you more strength to face the actual reality that may be permanently there and is difficult to deal with.
No doubt this is not what most people agree with. People call it "living in the dream world". People say it is false, untrue and unhealthy. People say you should see what is actually there and not see things through the rose coloured glasses.
So when you break your illusion and break your rose tinted spectacles what happens? You see the sad or ugly reality. You knew it was there but your smoke screen of hope and wishes had made it milder. Now it is bare and strong.
Your mind is empty because your dream has gone. You feel lonely and empty. Who benefited by breaking your dream? No one.
The reason for causing you this unhappiness is that some people cannot dream. May be they do not need to because they have a world that their hearts desire.
Would you create a world that makes you happy?
Thursday, June 23, 2005
The Heatwave
If someone measured the work undertaken by the workers of the country over the last few days I am sure it would show up less than half of the normal amount. These hot days are tiring and lethargic. We have gone through gallons of cokes and litres of ice-creams at work. Heat is supposed to make you want to eat less! It would have been more economical to install an air-conditioner rather than try to keep every one cooler by feeding and watering them!
After I won the first few bets I couldn't get anyone to bet with me that the next customer walking in the office would say "isn't it hot?" before saying anything else.
I was very helpful by offering to do all the outside trips today. The out of office meetings and sorting out that was left for the last 5 years was scheduled for today all of a sudden.......Until they cottoned on that the air-conditioning in the car was the real reason for my offer of help.
I have been whinging about the heat today. The forecast is for rain and thunder for tomorrow so I will moan about that tomorrow. No really...I am not obsessed about the weather, I am only behaving like the next English person.
After I won the first few bets I couldn't get anyone to bet with me that the next customer walking in the office would say "isn't it hot?" before saying anything else.
I was very helpful by offering to do all the outside trips today. The out of office meetings and sorting out that was left for the last 5 years was scheduled for today all of a sudden.......Until they cottoned on that the air-conditioning in the car was the real reason for my offer of help.
I have been whinging about the heat today. The forecast is for rain and thunder for tomorrow so I will moan about that tomorrow. No really...I am not obsessed about the weather, I am only behaving like the next English person.
Tuesday, June 21, 2005
Quote
Love is giving someone the ability to destroy you but trusting them not to.
Sunday, June 19, 2005
Self deceit
Girlie friend No. 1 advises me that I shouldn't open my inner self too much to the others. I shouldn't tell what my real feelings are as much as I do. I know she is saying that to help me not to be taken for granted. She has my good at heart that I don't allow myself to be used as emotional punch bag.
What I don't understand is why people are two faced and controlling. Why can't I say what I feel and think? Is saying what you feel - but it is not same as someone wants to listen to - called emotional blackmail? What is an emotional blackmail? The excuse of emotional blackmail is a get away clause in my view. Why do people feel that they need to put up a front and play games? Oh I love playing games so that is not the problem. My idea of a game is something mysterious, something to keep someone guessing, something to hide and find, something to make someone happy and some fun everyone. The games that add sparks and sparkles so they are good. What is bad is the game of deceit - to the others or even to yourself. I don't know why some people try to deceive their own heart and mind by denying the facts. No matter how much you convince yourself in the end you know deep down what the truth is or can you be so clever that you can deceive your heart and mind too?
What I don't understand is why people are two faced and controlling. Why can't I say what I feel and think? Is saying what you feel - but it is not same as someone wants to listen to - called emotional blackmail? What is an emotional blackmail? The excuse of emotional blackmail is a get away clause in my view. Why do people feel that they need to put up a front and play games? Oh I love playing games so that is not the problem. My idea of a game is something mysterious, something to keep someone guessing, something to hide and find, something to make someone happy and some fun everyone. The games that add sparks and sparkles so they are good. What is bad is the game of deceit - to the others or even to yourself. I don't know why some people try to deceive their own heart and mind by denying the facts. No matter how much you convince yourself in the end you know deep down what the truth is or can you be so clever that you can deceive your heart and mind too?
Friday, June 17, 2005
Attacked by The Bin
Thank you for the "Big Brother" emails but I still don't understand why you love it!
Something is wrong with me. I have been going to bed a lot earlier than ever. Not speaking to the most annoying person in the world for a few days, that must be it. Peace and quiet! Or is it depression setting in me in the absence of all the arguments?
Another reason is that my fingers are hurting. I was putting the rubbish out.
The wheelie bin was open. I was holding the edge of it while trying to stamp on a big cardboard box to squash it and put it in the bin. I think that Council has some grudge on me for writing too many complaint letters to them so they have jinxed my bin. The lid fell down with a great force straight on to my hand. No one believes me that the lid had a great force but I insist. If it is not that then I have very delicate fingers but they don't believe that either! Well I am not soft or making excuses to take time off. My fingers do hurt. Nevertheless today is a day of leisure and I am going for a lunch with a girlie friend No. 1. My fingers don't hurt when I hold the knife and the fork!!!!
Something is wrong with me. I have been going to bed a lot earlier than ever. Not speaking to the most annoying person in the world for a few days, that must be it. Peace and quiet! Or is it depression setting in me in the absence of all the arguments?
Another reason is that my fingers are hurting. I was putting the rubbish out.
The wheelie bin was open. I was holding the edge of it while trying to stamp on a big cardboard box to squash it and put it in the bin. I think that Council has some grudge on me for writing too many complaint letters to them so they have jinxed my bin. The lid fell down with a great force straight on to my hand. No one believes me that the lid had a great force but I insist. If it is not that then I have very delicate fingers but they don't believe that either! Well I am not soft or making excuses to take time off. My fingers do hurt. Nevertheless today is a day of leisure and I am going for a lunch with a girlie friend No. 1. My fingers don't hurt when I hold the knife and the fork!!!!
Tuesday, June 14, 2005
Meeting
I arranged a meeting for tonight. 120 letters went out. I can't believe I am so stupid - I forgot to book the venue till it was too late! Done it umpteen times before and well organised - TILL NOW!
Anyway I have managed to get the Lounge to ourselves with private meeting board stuck on the door but it's not the best room for a meeting, is it? Still my excuse will be that it is closest to the BAR!
Anyway I have managed to get the Lounge to ourselves with private meeting board stuck on the door but it's not the best room for a meeting, is it? Still my excuse will be that it is closest to the BAR!
Monday, June 13, 2005
TV tonight- Jackson and Big Brother
Just watching the convoy of Jako going to the Court where the Jury is to deliver the verdict on the child abuse trial. Let's wait and see what comes out of it but my instinct says he is absolutely weird and not a criminal.
I have never watched Big Brother longer than 22 seconds a couple of times. I would love someone to tell me what's it all about. Why would anyone like it as much as they seem to do!
I have never watched Big Brother longer than 22 seconds a couple of times. I would love someone to tell me what's it all about. Why would anyone like it as much as they seem to do!
A Scratch
I caught up on a lot of house work today. The most annoying person had annoyed me again so I was really angry. It helped very much when I decided to cut the big bushes - little trees - of weeds with a hacksaw. Well..I don't have a garden so no point in buying any gardening tools. The weeds in the patch of land next to my car parking place was obstructing the view of the car. Three idiots were hanging around my car last night, one behind the bushes and two on the either side. I'm sure they were up to no good. I am trying to keep my car as lovely as it is for as long as possible.
I did manage to cut the dog's hair, ready for the hot weather. As soon as she saw the scissors in my hands she must have remembered the humiliation of the last year. She hide behind the chair where Sickie was sitting having his drink. Just before that the Sickie was arguing that he doesn't want to have a shower. Both of them looked at me with as much contempt as a prisoner would look at the prison officer but the dog wasn't spared.
Later on I dragged the Sickie to go to the pictures..More contempt and more arguments but I won. As usual we were late. The sickie missed the last step of the stairs and his ankle was jerked so he was in even worse mood. As I am driving towards the disabled parking spot that I had noticed in the car park another car from the left give way drove out. I screeched with the emergency brakes and she, the other driver did too. I did hear a little knock so I came out to look at my car. In the mean time Sickie put his thumb up to the driver and her boyfriend saying it's ok so they drove away. There was a scratch or two just above the bumper and on the bumper. I know it isn't a lot but it will still cost me to have it sprayed.
Some repair was going on so we had to walk a little further to the entrance and Sickie had to stop a few times. His face looked all ashened and tired. It wasn't worth sitting in the film because he was all upset and kept going on about the accident. What with him missing the step, walking to the entrance and the accident was more than he can cope with so we came back home. He interferes in everything without thinking like he let those people go before we could assess the damange to the car and causes more hassle for me.
Mind you tonight I am bothered about a scratch or two but at least I have the car - last night I was worried about the whole car with those three lingering near it.
I did manage to cut the dog's hair, ready for the hot weather. As soon as she saw the scissors in my hands she must have remembered the humiliation of the last year. She hide behind the chair where Sickie was sitting having his drink. Just before that the Sickie was arguing that he doesn't want to have a shower. Both of them looked at me with as much contempt as a prisoner would look at the prison officer but the dog wasn't spared.
Later on I dragged the Sickie to go to the pictures..More contempt and more arguments but I won. As usual we were late. The sickie missed the last step of the stairs and his ankle was jerked so he was in even worse mood. As I am driving towards the disabled parking spot that I had noticed in the car park another car from the left give way drove out. I screeched with the emergency brakes and she, the other driver did too. I did hear a little knock so I came out to look at my car. In the mean time Sickie put his thumb up to the driver and her boyfriend saying it's ok so they drove away. There was a scratch or two just above the bumper and on the bumper. I know it isn't a lot but it will still cost me to have it sprayed.
Some repair was going on so we had to walk a little further to the entrance and Sickie had to stop a few times. His face looked all ashened and tired. It wasn't worth sitting in the film because he was all upset and kept going on about the accident. What with him missing the step, walking to the entrance and the accident was more than he can cope with so we came back home. He interferes in everything without thinking like he let those people go before we could assess the damange to the car and causes more hassle for me.
Mind you tonight I am bothered about a scratch or two but at least I have the car - last night I was worried about the whole car with those three lingering near it.
Saturday, June 11, 2005
Playing with the black powder
Since Fridays are quieter days at work I get a chance to catch up on those little jobs that get neglected in the beginning of the week. The printer was printing only half side of the paper so I thought I will change the cartridge. I got the new role of cartridge out and placed it in the printer. Trial print came out just the same as before, half done so I replaced the whole casing - the drum.
The new casing needed a cartridge. I said to myself that the cartridge I put in the old roller was new so I may as well take that out and place it in the new roller. Someone mentioned it that the fittings are a little tight so when I couldn't slide the cartridge out I strongly pulled it out.
To my horror the place got covered with dry black ink powder. You couldn't imagine so much ink powder could fit in a 10" of a roller. The black powder went every where. On my cloths, my shoes, all over the desk and on the floor. Luckily every thing was dry so I was able to Hoover it all up. It took nearly 2 hours before every speck was sucked up. The grey floor covering looked two toned so I had to mop it all over and spread the colour evenly!
I was so good.....All the way through I did not moan or fuss at all. I kept smiling all the time. My colleagues did ask if I was taking a happy pill but just ignore them they are only jealous of my new found control.
I have got a terrible headache today though. Not sure if the cloud of ink that I breathed in caused it or the tantrum I bottled up and couldn't perform at the time had done it.
The new casing needed a cartridge. I said to myself that the cartridge I put in the old roller was new so I may as well take that out and place it in the new roller. Someone mentioned it that the fittings are a little tight so when I couldn't slide the cartridge out I strongly pulled it out.
To my horror the place got covered with dry black ink powder. You couldn't imagine so much ink powder could fit in a 10" of a roller. The black powder went every where. On my cloths, my shoes, all over the desk and on the floor. Luckily every thing was dry so I was able to Hoover it all up. It took nearly 2 hours before every speck was sucked up. The grey floor covering looked two toned so I had to mop it all over and spread the colour evenly!
I was so good.....All the way through I did not moan or fuss at all. I kept smiling all the time. My colleagues did ask if I was taking a happy pill but just ignore them they are only jealous of my new found control.
I have got a terrible headache today though. Not sure if the cloud of ink that I breathed in caused it or the tantrum I bottled up and couldn't perform at the time had done it.
Thursday, June 09, 2005
Formatting the brain
Why do I do it? Why do I walk on the path I know isn't going to take me any where? The road that has many bumps and makes me fall time and time again, gets me tired without achieving any thing at all. I know it all and still keep going the same way.
I also don't understand why there are arguments, fighting and misunderstanding with someone while I have no problem with any one else in the whole world. Knowing this is how it is why can't I just leave it and walk away? Why is it always me who has to back down and compromise?
Would it not be good if one could wipe out the things from the brain? Kind of brain washing or reformatting the brain. Start with the new operating system - now that would be good, won't it? Take out the information that hurts and download some happy data to replace it. That sounds okay to me.
I also don't understand why there are arguments, fighting and misunderstanding with someone while I have no problem with any one else in the whole world. Knowing this is how it is why can't I just leave it and walk away? Why is it always me who has to back down and compromise?
Would it not be good if one could wipe out the things from the brain? Kind of brain washing or reformatting the brain. Start with the new operating system - now that would be good, won't it? Take out the information that hurts and download some happy data to replace it. That sounds okay to me.
Wednesday, June 08, 2005
Quote
The only person worthy of your tears is the one who doesn't make you cry.
Sunday, June 05, 2005
Moses Gate
All last week I have been feeling low and sad. I have been going about my life as usual, laughing and joking and every thing is same to the others but I know I am not settled inside my mind. I feel detached and away from everything.
I seem to be getting out of breath and getting irritable. I don't feel like doing anything but that is not possible so I try to get on with things but then take a long time to complete. I had a busy morning today so I decided I wasn't going to do anything in the afternoon and just chill out.
I needed to go to Bolton and it was a lovely hot day so we decided to stop at one of our - mine and the dog's - favourite places, Moses Gate country Park. I like it there because it is a balanced, middle of the road place. Very near the connecting roads, it is not too busy but not too lonely. It is a little artificial but totally natural too. A visit there could be a quick one or you can go for long walks if you feel up to it. It is clean; it has a pond and no shops nearby to tempt me. The best of all you find a Mr. whippy van parked - Open for business - there most of the days. What more could you ask for? The dog likes it because it is outdoors and it has grass!
We - me and the dog - walked round the pond and then I sat on the bench in the sun watching the ducks and Swans...Heaven!
On the way back as I drove off I felt something dragging under the car. It seemed that some how I had ended up with a plant pot wedged under my car. I stopped and tried to remove it but it was too far to reach. There was nothing I could use to push it out. I had no choice but to drive away. I thought it will just roll out with the speed. It didn't. I thought I will stop somewhere and ask for a broom handle or something to push the stupid plant pot out. The petrol station on the way looked busy so I didn't like to stop and ask so I carried on. Everyone I passed by were looking to what this racket was. I never thought a plastic plant pot could hold out for so long while being dragged on the road surface. You wouldn't think having a plant pot under your car could make you so embarrassed and irritable. Eventually six odd miles later I managed to lose it.
So much for chilling out!
I seem to be getting out of breath and getting irritable. I don't feel like doing anything but that is not possible so I try to get on with things but then take a long time to complete. I had a busy morning today so I decided I wasn't going to do anything in the afternoon and just chill out.
I needed to go to Bolton and it was a lovely hot day so we decided to stop at one of our - mine and the dog's - favourite places, Moses Gate country Park. I like it there because it is a balanced, middle of the road place. Very near the connecting roads, it is not too busy but not too lonely. It is a little artificial but totally natural too. A visit there could be a quick one or you can go for long walks if you feel up to it. It is clean; it has a pond and no shops nearby to tempt me. The best of all you find a Mr. whippy van parked - Open for business - there most of the days. What more could you ask for? The dog likes it because it is outdoors and it has grass!
We - me and the dog - walked round the pond and then I sat on the bench in the sun watching the ducks and Swans...Heaven!
On the way back as I drove off I felt something dragging under the car. It seemed that some how I had ended up with a plant pot wedged under my car. I stopped and tried to remove it but it was too far to reach. There was nothing I could use to push it out. I had no choice but to drive away. I thought it will just roll out with the speed. It didn't. I thought I will stop somewhere and ask for a broom handle or something to push the stupid plant pot out. The petrol station on the way looked busy so I didn't like to stop and ask so I carried on. Everyone I passed by were looking to what this racket was. I never thought a plastic plant pot could hold out for so long while being dragged on the road surface. You wouldn't think having a plant pot under your car could make you so embarrassed and irritable. Eventually six odd miles later I managed to lose it.
So much for chilling out!
Thursday, June 02, 2005
The Kite - poem
The Kite
A colourful delicate kite
Flying high in the air
A breeze pulling her here
And a cloud pushing her there
Swaying badly losing her flair
Lack of the string leaving her bare
Without a string steady and strong
Despairing flight can only prolong
Lacking direction and control
Without a link she is sure to fall
Need someone to bond and belong
Or her journey cannot be long
And then you came along
And then you came along
Singing the most beautiful love song
Knowing you will not do her wrong
She is gliding like a silky sarong
Circling high above the heaven
Touched by your reassuring love
Gust of the wind may crash your kite
So take care and hold on tight
You can take her to unknown height
She will give you a love divine
Round your finger pulling her line
You declared “Stay off she is mine”
“I want her, she is mine”.
A colourful delicate kite
Flying high in the air
A breeze pulling her here
And a cloud pushing her there
Swaying badly losing her flair
Lack of the string leaving her bare
Without a string steady and strong
Despairing flight can only prolong
Lacking direction and control
Without a link she is sure to fall
Need someone to bond and belong
Or her journey cannot be long
And then you came along
And then you came along
Singing the most beautiful love song
Knowing you will not do her wrong
She is gliding like a silky sarong
Circling high above the heaven
Touched by your reassuring love
Gust of the wind may crash your kite
So take care and hold on tight
You can take her to unknown height
She will give you a love divine
Round your finger pulling her line
You declared “Stay off she is mine”
“I want her, she is mine”.
Sunday, May 29, 2005
Impotent emotions
When you end up in a situation where you have no control over changing anything and you are stuck in the middle of something - you know you can't get to the other end, you accept that - but that doesn't stop you wanting to be there - that kind of feeling I call an impotent emotion. Impotent emotions are very frustrating.
Impotent emotions are also be varied in kind. Something major or something small and simple.
It could be something big in life. When someone close to you dies and you miss them then your emotions are impotent. There is nothing you can do to change them or change the situation.
When someone close in family is giving birth to twins while you couldn't have any children. You are happy for them, wish them all the best but inside you are sorry for yourself. No it is not called jealousy because you don't begrudge them. You don't wish they didn't have it or take it away from them. You really are happy for them but it's just that you would like it to happen to you too. Those are impotent emotions.
When you see your child suffering with illness and know you cannot make them better.
When you give your all to someone but get nothing back.
when you can go on once in a life time holiday and you would desperately like to do but you cannot because you have responsibilities. It is no good telling someone to go ahead and do whatever they want. No good telling them nothing is impossible and to take a chance, life is too short etc. etc. The problem is not just doing something or taking a chance. The problem is convincing your own mind that it was right and fair while knowing that you are hurting someone. A person with impotent emotions like that can never be happy. Whatever they do they will be sorry and upset about the other thing.
Do you know what I mean by impotent emotions?
Impotent emotions are also be varied in kind. Something major or something small and simple.
It could be something big in life. When someone close to you dies and you miss them then your emotions are impotent. There is nothing you can do to change them or change the situation.
When someone close in family is giving birth to twins while you couldn't have any children. You are happy for them, wish them all the best but inside you are sorry for yourself. No it is not called jealousy because you don't begrudge them. You don't wish they didn't have it or take it away from them. You really are happy for them but it's just that you would like it to happen to you too. Those are impotent emotions.
When you see your child suffering with illness and know you cannot make them better.
When you give your all to someone but get nothing back.
when you can go on once in a life time holiday and you would desperately like to do but you cannot because you have responsibilities. It is no good telling someone to go ahead and do whatever they want. No good telling them nothing is impossible and to take a chance, life is too short etc. etc. The problem is not just doing something or taking a chance. The problem is convincing your own mind that it was right and fair while knowing that you are hurting someone. A person with impotent emotions like that can never be happy. Whatever they do they will be sorry and upset about the other thing.
Do you know what I mean by impotent emotions?
Thursday, May 26, 2005
Don't know
Tired, fed up and depressed. Don't know why. Perhaps for not doing exercise for a month? Perhaps because there is nothing to look forwards to? Perhaps putting on weight in the last couple of weeks? Perhaps there is no connection to anything? Perhaps jealousy for something? Perhaps not getting fuss and attention? Perhaps there are things offerred but I can't take them but I want to? Perhaps I feel guilty for not thinking about mum as much as before? Perhaps I wish people don't ask for things I don't want to give but don't want to hurt them by refusing. Perhaps I wish I get everything I ask for. Perhaps sickie is tiring me out by asking "any good news?" ten times a day while I don't have any good news to give. Perhaps I want to scream loud but I can't. Perhaps because I can't make anyone understand how I feel. Perhaps it's just hormones.
Champions League
Well there you have it. Liverpool got the European Cup after the worrying start.
If they had lost then a wet lettuce would have come back and would have made me miserable. Now that they have won a gloating git will come back and make me mad......I just can't win!
There was no point in texting me with the seat allocation because it wasn't possible to spot anyone on the TV. I did suggest that I was unlikely to miss
if there was a streaker on the pitch but the challenge wasn't taken up...LOL.
If they had lost then a wet lettuce would have come back and would have made me miserable. Now that they have won a gloating git will come back and make me mad......I just can't win!
There was no point in texting me with the seat allocation because it wasn't possible to spot anyone on the TV. I did suggest that I was unlikely to miss
if there was a streaker on the pitch but the challenge wasn't taken up...LOL.
Monday, May 23, 2005
Football
I have been put through this agonizing nail biting situation by the most annoying person in the world. We have been waiting for his flight and the game tickets to be delivered. He is a football mad and to him, Liverpool team is more important than his life. He gets downright rude about my team because I don't support the same but today I hope he gets tickets to Istanbul so that we all can have an easy life. I haven't heard since Saturday so I wonder if he has started to walk to get there!
He says I don't understand and I never will what it is like to be a "real" fan. Nothing else in life is worth that moment when you see your team win. Well...He is probably right. I can not understand how a sport can take priority to everything else in the universe. I am sure there are other moments in life which are more pleasurable, exciting and satisfying. Everyone to their own I suppose.
On the same token I must admit that I don't actually know much more about football than hot and sweaty men in shorts running around. That's good enogh for me!
He says I don't understand and I never will what it is like to be a "real" fan. Nothing else in life is worth that moment when you see your team win. Well...He is probably right. I can not understand how a sport can take priority to everything else in the universe. I am sure there are other moments in life which are more pleasurable, exciting and satisfying. Everyone to their own I suppose.
On the same token I must admit that I don't actually know much more about football than hot and sweaty men in shorts running around. That's good enogh for me!
Saturday, May 21, 2005
Hobnobbing with celebrities
Oh I almost forgot to tell you that we had the casts of a famous TV serial staying in the same hotel we were in. I don't watch a lot of television but it's always switched on behind me when I am on my PC so I pick up bits and pieces.
We were having a drink one evening and my colleague pointed out that this man looked familiar but didn't have the courage to ask him. I volunteered to be a nosey dare devil. When he was passing by I asked him if he was someone I thought he was or he was someone else. Perfect language. He understood perfectly and said he was someone I thought he was. So I asked him his name, how embarrassing! He thought he was more famous than that! I asked him what serial I have seen him in, how insulting he thought has been in many comedies but this time a serial that I had not seen yet. Anyway I have now promised to watch it every time he is on. He was amongst 18 odd other crew members, some of whom also turned out to be the faces I remember seeing on the telly. We saw and had a chat with them every evening. How cool !
We didn't have time to go and watch them filming the show otherwise who knows we could have been recruited as extras if they needed any. I did take the photos on my mobile but erased them by mistake except one. Shame I forgot to ask for autographs.
We were having a drink one evening and my colleague pointed out that this man looked familiar but didn't have the courage to ask him. I volunteered to be a nosey dare devil. When he was passing by I asked him if he was someone I thought he was or he was someone else. Perfect language. He understood perfectly and said he was someone I thought he was. So I asked him his name, how embarrassing! He thought he was more famous than that! I asked him what serial I have seen him in, how insulting he thought has been in many comedies but this time a serial that I had not seen yet. Anyway I have now promised to watch it every time he is on. He was amongst 18 odd other crew members, some of whom also turned out to be the faces I remember seeing on the telly. We saw and had a chat with them every evening. How cool !
We didn't have time to go and watch them filming the show otherwise who knows we could have been recruited as extras if they needed any. I did take the photos on my mobile but erased them by mistake except one. Shame I forgot to ask for autographs.
Friday, May 20, 2005
I'm home honey
I am back. It went well but now I am feeling down. Feeling empty, flat and lost. Running on adrenalin for days, all the buzz and the stress, the crowd and the companionship, lot of work and lot of social life and now back to the real world, or was that the real world? Perhaps that was the real world but this is reality.
Although I enjoyed it very much I feel very frustrated. I wish for once I could reach out and get something I want. I don't and afterwards I get angry that I didn't.
This time I didn't have my best friend to support me, look out for me and do everything I wanted to do. I missed him very much. I had to be in the group who was more extreme in ideas than me and I had no ally. I know I could have done things on my own but as you know it is difficult to do things on your own on the social front.
I didn't get to meet and spend time with the people I would have loved to because of the group I was with. They don't like the people I like. All politics - to feather their own nests.
Enjoyed horsing around with a new person in the group, talking, arguing, eating, drinking, running around in breaks to see who can run faster (I know, so childish!), dancing and laughing. It helped to take my attention away from the people I really wanted to be with.
I wonder if the people I wanted to be with were also thinking the same about wanting to be with me? It would be a shame otherwise. If they did want to be then why did they not try harder?
When I come back from these things I seem to go through these detached emotions. It feels as if nothing is real. No one really loves any one, no one truly cares for any one, every one is just selfish and uses other people, out of all these people circling around me, no one is really mine. On returning from the last social night back in my room I felt as if there was no one in the world and I was all alone. Then again wine had a lot to do with it I suppose.
At home sickie had just one meal from what I had cooked. This time it was longer than a couple of days to starve himself. There were people watching over him but perhaps didn't realize because he will always say he is ok if asked.
I had better start the diet and excercise again. It will take a month to recover from all the food and wine from this one week.
I am glad you are here. I feel safe being here.
Although I enjoyed it very much I feel very frustrated. I wish for once I could reach out and get something I want. I don't and afterwards I get angry that I didn't.
This time I didn't have my best friend to support me, look out for me and do everything I wanted to do. I missed him very much. I had to be in the group who was more extreme in ideas than me and I had no ally. I know I could have done things on my own but as you know it is difficult to do things on your own on the social front.
I didn't get to meet and spend time with the people I would have loved to because of the group I was with. They don't like the people I like. All politics - to feather their own nests.
Enjoyed horsing around with a new person in the group, talking, arguing, eating, drinking, running around in breaks to see who can run faster (I know, so childish!), dancing and laughing. It helped to take my attention away from the people I really wanted to be with.
I wonder if the people I wanted to be with were also thinking the same about wanting to be with me? It would be a shame otherwise. If they did want to be then why did they not try harder?
When I come back from these things I seem to go through these detached emotions. It feels as if nothing is real. No one really loves any one, no one truly cares for any one, every one is just selfish and uses other people, out of all these people circling around me, no one is really mine. On returning from the last social night back in my room I felt as if there was no one in the world and I was all alone. Then again wine had a lot to do with it I suppose.
At home sickie had just one meal from what I had cooked. This time it was longer than a couple of days to starve himself. There were people watching over him but perhaps didn't realize because he will always say he is ok if asked.
I had better start the diet and excercise again. It will take a month to recover from all the food and wine from this one week.
I am glad you are here. I feel safe being here.
Saturday, May 14, 2005
Out of Sight
But make sure NOT out of mind..
After driving everyone round the bend about what to wear and trying umpteen things last night I went to the first boutique I laid my eyes on and just bought a dress within 15 minutes - the quickest purchase of my life.
So now all the food is cooked and packed, the house is clean, the offices are sorted, the dog is bathed, the car is checked and the bag is packed - only thing left is to write the speeches. That's the most important reason that I am going for! but a girl has to look good when facing a few hundred people.
Hope I have lots to catch up on when I return on Friday so have fun but do miss me!
After driving everyone round the bend about what to wear and trying umpteen things last night I went to the first boutique I laid my eyes on and just bought a dress within 15 minutes - the quickest purchase of my life.
So now all the food is cooked and packed, the house is clean, the offices are sorted, the dog is bathed, the car is checked and the bag is packed - only thing left is to write the speeches. That's the most important reason that I am going for! but a girl has to look good when facing a few hundred people.
Hope I have lots to catch up on when I return on Friday so have fun but do miss me!
Wednesday, May 11, 2005
Cat Walk
I have been running around like a headless chicken trying to sort everything out for my six days absence. I need to arrange everything for both offices and of course for the house too. I must get the presentations ready as doing them the night before causes too much stress.
When going away for a day is a major task it is very worrying for my sickie that I am going for 6 days. He has been very good though. He understands, at the moment, that it is important for me to go. Mind you how long that understanding will last is a question I haven't thought about. Mind you I should be grateful that he is having more good days than bad.
I am getting my clothes together for packing. Day cloths are ok, not a lot to think about trouser suits but the evening things need sorting out. I haven't worn my evening stuff too many times lately so I have been trying them out. I am sure that my clothes have been shrinking while they were in the wardrobes and suitcases. Outfits that were just perfect wont even get pass the extremities of the body now. Surely no one could put that much weight on! My mind still thinks I am young and the same size as before.
The house looks like a backroom in the Dry cleaners. Clothes hanging on chairs, doors, banisters - anywhere there is space. The Sickie has been sitting there and drinking while I have been parading with different outfits. Some of them where the bottom fits but the top doesn’t, some where the top fits but the bottom doesn't. Normally it is very difficult to get the sickie interested in anything what so ever but today he has been giving his opinion on what looks better and what doesn't.
As the drinking went further the opinions went muddled. The same outfit was good first wasn't after and the one that was rubbish was excellent now. No point in buying new ones when you have got dozens and dozens of them in the wardrobes. I think he is getting better without letting me know because his attempt to humour was that the name cat walk should be changed to Baby elephant walk especially for me. Not a surprise that he was kicked out of the room after that.
One thing was conclusive as far as I am concerned that I wasn't too big, just that the garments were too small.
When going away for a day is a major task it is very worrying for my sickie that I am going for 6 days. He has been very good though. He understands, at the moment, that it is important for me to go. Mind you how long that understanding will last is a question I haven't thought about. Mind you I should be grateful that he is having more good days than bad.
I am getting my clothes together for packing. Day cloths are ok, not a lot to think about trouser suits but the evening things need sorting out. I haven't worn my evening stuff too many times lately so I have been trying them out. I am sure that my clothes have been shrinking while they were in the wardrobes and suitcases. Outfits that were just perfect wont even get pass the extremities of the body now. Surely no one could put that much weight on! My mind still thinks I am young and the same size as before.
The house looks like a backroom in the Dry cleaners. Clothes hanging on chairs, doors, banisters - anywhere there is space. The Sickie has been sitting there and drinking while I have been parading with different outfits. Some of them where the bottom fits but the top doesn’t, some where the top fits but the bottom doesn't. Normally it is very difficult to get the sickie interested in anything what so ever but today he has been giving his opinion on what looks better and what doesn't.
As the drinking went further the opinions went muddled. The same outfit was good first wasn't after and the one that was rubbish was excellent now. No point in buying new ones when you have got dozens and dozens of them in the wardrobes. I think he is getting better without letting me know because his attempt to humour was that the name cat walk should be changed to Baby elephant walk especially for me. Not a surprise that he was kicked out of the room after that.
One thing was conclusive as far as I am concerned that I wasn't too big, just that the garments were too small.
Sunday, May 08, 2005
River - Poem
Rivers
A stream of hidden tears
Flowing steady for the years
Wasted sacrifice is destined
Merging in dried up rivers
Wasn’t her beauty profound?
Singing birds flying around
Delicate fish so transparent
Fragrant flowers did surround
But the rule must be obeyed
Her path cannot be swayed
To enrich the dried up river
Tranquil stream must be erased
Her journey was remembered
For the happiness she shared
With the drop in Deep ocean
Her love can be compared
A stream of hidden tears
Flowing steady for the years
Wasted sacrifice is destined
Merging in dried up rivers
Wasn’t her beauty profound?
Singing birds flying around
Delicate fish so transparent
Fragrant flowers did surround
But the rule must be obeyed
Her path cannot be swayed
To enrich the dried up river
Tranquil stream must be erased
Her journey was remembered
For the happiness she shared
With the drop in Deep ocean
Her love can be compared
Thursday, May 05, 2005
New colours
Feel so fed up tonight that I went in for a change of colours on my blog. Unfortunately didn't quite get to finish it so here we are half done. Hope it is not too painful to your eyes. Isn't it amazing the way nature provides us with the most wonderful colours? The flowers, birds, fish and so many things are naturally so beautiful it makes you feel humble. I will try to comlete my template another day.
Wednesday, May 04, 2005
Election
Election campaign this time has not felt like what it should do. It has been more like a name calling petty squabble. Tory haven't been saying anything that makes sense to me anymore but then again "Our Tony" hasn't done me or my colleagues any favours in his term. My cross belongs to our Tony but not next to his name, it will be more like over his name.
Just been arguing with that most annoying person in the world (bless him! - yes we still "talk") over voting. In my opinion Not voting to show your protest is stupid. It doesn't send any messege to anyone unless whole of the population did not vote in protest. It only puts the wrong people in power. Although I wasn't there when women were not allowed to vote, it makes me very angry just to think about it. When people in the different parts of the world would give their limbs and lives to exercise their right to vote it is betrayal to human rights not to vote.
So I am going to take my sickie for his annual outing to the polling station. Next year I am going to put the dog on the electoral register too. She has some strong political views. She wants dedicated parks with the signs "Please keep your humans on the lead all the time".
Just been arguing with that most annoying person in the world (bless him! - yes we still "talk") over voting. In my opinion Not voting to show your protest is stupid. It doesn't send any messege to anyone unless whole of the population did not vote in protest. It only puts the wrong people in power. Although I wasn't there when women were not allowed to vote, it makes me very angry just to think about it. When people in the different parts of the world would give their limbs and lives to exercise their right to vote it is betrayal to human rights not to vote.
So I am going to take my sickie for his annual outing to the polling station. Next year I am going to put the dog on the electoral register too. She has some strong political views. She wants dedicated parks with the signs "Please keep your humans on the lead all the time".
Tuesday, May 03, 2005
Limbo Dancers
Friday was very busy at work and that was good because it kept me busy enough not to think nonsense. In the evening I went to see a friend's new house and met lovely new people in his life. Had a glass or two of wine and enjoyed the company but I couldn't have much sleep that night just like Thursday night.
Not sure if it was lack of sleep or not but Saturday lunch time when I finished work I started with the eye infection AGAIN! I thought I will have a short walk with the dog and go to the chemist before settling down for the rest of the day at home as I had not spent any time with the sickie. My friend wanted to cheer me up but I couldn't go too far so we agreed to meet at the town hall.
Our Town Hall has a massive car park behind the council offices. All around, there is grass and at the end a playing field. Normally I never go there. To me park is a proper garden to walk the dogs - not a car "park" but she insisted that people walk the dogs there all the time.
As we got there the main gates of the car park were locked but a little side gate was open. We went in and walked round. The dogs played and we chatted about my mood!
It had been raining earlier for a short while but it was bright and dry now.
As we were ready to go home we went back to the little gate. Terror! A great big pad lock was hanging on it. We couldn't believe it. We shouted and banged on the gates but there was not a soul about. There was no way out. All around the area there was a tall metal fence.
I could have killed her. She was the one who brought us here! If we phoned 999 someone could come to rescue us. Oh how I hated her to get me in problem especially when I looked terrible with my silly eyes! I mean...Getting the police officers and fire fighters at rescue while not looking your best is just unimaginable, isn't it? What if we were in the papers? Nop, could'nt take that chance!
We went to the front to the main gates. No way we can climb the top but there was about 9" gap under the gates. It will have to be that. This muggins volunteered. I will go first she said. Took the jacket off. Took off my mobile that was hanging round my neck. Gave both to her with the dog lead to hold. I couldn't decide whether to go face down or crawl on my back. I thought if I get stuck under the gate, face down will not look very glamourous! So off I went on my back. As I was lying on the ground I was saying "I am sure my head won’t fit under the gates". I was worried about hurting my skull!
The cheeky cow said "your head isn't the biggest part of your body - you know!" Lucky for her I was half way under the fence. Whilst standing there- laughing- she started to take my photos on the mobile. So now she has got my photos on her mobile phone. Me crawling on the ground, in middle of a public place, under a 20' metal fence!! After pulling the dogs out it was her turn. The crafty woman was clever enough not to give me the mobiles. She stuck them in her jeans pockets despite my threat to kill her if she damaged my mobile.
We, especially me, were filthy! Don't forget it had been raining earlier. I was wearing a light fuchsia pink track bottom with a white T shirt. I was the one who was first out so the ground was nearly dry with my cloths! She escaped with only a little dirt.
After coming out she still wouldn't give me the camera phones! She was trying to take picture of my bottom! She said it looks like as if I have been groped. I was screaming, giggling and running around in circle so that she can't take the picture.
If the CCTVs were on and if anyone sees them they will class us mental. Two grown women frolicking like teenagers! We will be banned from the Council offices forever.
Since Saturday she has blackmailed me into going shopping and going for a meal. God knows how long these photos are going to be used as criminal evidence!
Not sure if it was lack of sleep or not but Saturday lunch time when I finished work I started with the eye infection AGAIN! I thought I will have a short walk with the dog and go to the chemist before settling down for the rest of the day at home as I had not spent any time with the sickie. My friend wanted to cheer me up but I couldn't go too far so we agreed to meet at the town hall.
Our Town Hall has a massive car park behind the council offices. All around, there is grass and at the end a playing field. Normally I never go there. To me park is a proper garden to walk the dogs - not a car "park" but she insisted that people walk the dogs there all the time.
As we got there the main gates of the car park were locked but a little side gate was open. We went in and walked round. The dogs played and we chatted about my mood!
It had been raining earlier for a short while but it was bright and dry now.
As we were ready to go home we went back to the little gate. Terror! A great big pad lock was hanging on it. We couldn't believe it. We shouted and banged on the gates but there was not a soul about. There was no way out. All around the area there was a tall metal fence.
I could have killed her. She was the one who brought us here! If we phoned 999 someone could come to rescue us. Oh how I hated her to get me in problem especially when I looked terrible with my silly eyes! I mean...Getting the police officers and fire fighters at rescue while not looking your best is just unimaginable, isn't it? What if we were in the papers? Nop, could'nt take that chance!
We went to the front to the main gates. No way we can climb the top but there was about 9" gap under the gates. It will have to be that. This muggins volunteered. I will go first she said. Took the jacket off. Took off my mobile that was hanging round my neck. Gave both to her with the dog lead to hold. I couldn't decide whether to go face down or crawl on my back. I thought if I get stuck under the gate, face down will not look very glamourous! So off I went on my back. As I was lying on the ground I was saying "I am sure my head won’t fit under the gates". I was worried about hurting my skull!
The cheeky cow said "your head isn't the biggest part of your body - you know!" Lucky for her I was half way under the fence. Whilst standing there- laughing- she started to take my photos on the mobile. So now she has got my photos on her mobile phone. Me crawling on the ground, in middle of a public place, under a 20' metal fence!! After pulling the dogs out it was her turn. The crafty woman was clever enough not to give me the mobiles. She stuck them in her jeans pockets despite my threat to kill her if she damaged my mobile.
We, especially me, were filthy! Don't forget it had been raining earlier. I was wearing a light fuchsia pink track bottom with a white T shirt. I was the one who was first out so the ground was nearly dry with my cloths! She escaped with only a little dirt.
After coming out she still wouldn't give me the camera phones! She was trying to take picture of my bottom! She said it looks like as if I have been groped. I was screaming, giggling and running around in circle so that she can't take the picture.
If the CCTVs were on and if anyone sees them they will class us mental. Two grown women frolicking like teenagers! We will be banned from the Council offices forever.
Since Saturday she has blackmailed me into going shopping and going for a meal. God knows how long these photos are going to be used as criminal evidence!
Thursday, April 28, 2005
Dead wood
There was a little tree in my garden. I looked after it. I watered it and fed it. It was meant to give joy and pleasure. The tree never grew as it was expected to grow. I did all I could to nourish it but it was drying out. It was very painful to see the efforts being wasted especially when, at the time of planting it, I was told that the tree was rare and will grow to be very beautiful.
From time to time new shoots would come up giving me hope that the tree is going to survive. I give extra attention and hope more. A little later the shoots would die and I would be heart broken as to the future of this tree. It was getting more and more obvious that there is no chance of this tree to survive. It had already turned into a dead wood.
About time I gave up hope and accepted that the tree was never going to be all lush and green. It was time to cut the losses and cut the dead wood from my garden. I can only feel satisfied that I gave it my best shot but in the end the tree probably wasn’t worth saving. Unfortunately the place the dead wood occupied is marked. It will always remind me of what it could have been but ultimately wasting efforts on the unworthy dead wood was costing me my peace and happiness. It had to go. Some things aren’t just meant to be.
Some friendships are like this dead wood. If the friendship, instead of giving you support and joy, gives you tears and sadness it is a burden. Your loyalty to that friendship is silly especially when the only connection you have is by correspondence.
It has taken me a long time to convince myself but I have got rid of the dead wood friendship from my head today.
From time to time new shoots would come up giving me hope that the tree is going to survive. I give extra attention and hope more. A little later the shoots would die and I would be heart broken as to the future of this tree. It was getting more and more obvious that there is no chance of this tree to survive. It had already turned into a dead wood.
About time I gave up hope and accepted that the tree was never going to be all lush and green. It was time to cut the losses and cut the dead wood from my garden. I can only feel satisfied that I gave it my best shot but in the end the tree probably wasn’t worth saving. Unfortunately the place the dead wood occupied is marked. It will always remind me of what it could have been but ultimately wasting efforts on the unworthy dead wood was costing me my peace and happiness. It had to go. Some things aren’t just meant to be.
Some friendships are like this dead wood. If the friendship, instead of giving you support and joy, gives you tears and sadness it is a burden. Your loyalty to that friendship is silly especially when the only connection you have is by correspondence.
It has taken me a long time to convince myself but I have got rid of the dead wood friendship from my head today.
Wednesday, April 27, 2005
Superwoman
If I didn't know for a fact that they cannot survive without me I might start thinking that my dog and my sickie are in a cahoot to bump me off for my Insurance policy. They seem to be whispering behind my back and stop as soon as I am there...Joking..
It has been a wet day. I was going to be a little late tonight so I rushed home in lunch to take the dog out to the park. On the end side of the park there is a little building which is always locked. Its entrance must be on the main road but the back of the building falls into the park. As the area is very uneven the building is very much lower than the path at the park. Around the building there is about 2' wide alley. when the building was in use they could come out of the back door for keeping rubbish bin etc. There is no way out of this ditch except jumping over to the park or the back door when it's open.
In her little old mind the dog still thinks she is a puppy. ( hmmm I wonder who else is just like that - someone too close to home??) She jump down into the ditch to explore. Only thing I could see is a tail waving like a flag as she tried one end to the other to come out. she tried to jump over but fell a couple of times. Oh these blooming bones...They hurt with arthritis, especially when you fall, she thought! I looked around but all sane people were in their homes. I was getting late for work and if the dog kept falling she could damage herself. I had to help.
The superwoman didn't have time to spin to change the costume, she just jumped in with both feet - and the handbag. I lifted the dog and pushed her up and out. Good, she is safe. Now I just need someone to get me out of there.
The edge of the ground above was a lot higher than I first thought. I could barely reach the top of the path in the park. After cursing and swearing and tears of frustration and panic rolling down my cheeks I scrambled up after sliding down a few times. MY cloths were covered in mud and dirt, hands and knees were scraped and the heart was pounding as if it's been on the treadmill test. As I was trying to climb over, the idiot of the dog was trying to lick my face and bark at me thinking it was a game!
At home The Sickie nearly pushed me down the stairs as he fell on me while I was trying to get him to the bathroom. No wonder he is more wobbly after all that drink. He was stressed in case anything happened to me in the park! Obviously he doesnt know it's him who is killing me (softly!)
I am going to make myself the beneficiary of my insurance policy..HA!
It has been a wet day. I was going to be a little late tonight so I rushed home in lunch to take the dog out to the park. On the end side of the park there is a little building which is always locked. Its entrance must be on the main road but the back of the building falls into the park. As the area is very uneven the building is very much lower than the path at the park. Around the building there is about 2' wide alley. when the building was in use they could come out of the back door for keeping rubbish bin etc. There is no way out of this ditch except jumping over to the park or the back door when it's open.
In her little old mind the dog still thinks she is a puppy. ( hmmm I wonder who else is just like that - someone too close to home??) She jump down into the ditch to explore. Only thing I could see is a tail waving like a flag as she tried one end to the other to come out. she tried to jump over but fell a couple of times. Oh these blooming bones...They hurt with arthritis, especially when you fall, she thought! I looked around but all sane people were in their homes. I was getting late for work and if the dog kept falling she could damage herself. I had to help.
The superwoman didn't have time to spin to change the costume, she just jumped in with both feet - and the handbag. I lifted the dog and pushed her up and out. Good, she is safe. Now I just need someone to get me out of there.
The edge of the ground above was a lot higher than I first thought. I could barely reach the top of the path in the park. After cursing and swearing and tears of frustration and panic rolling down my cheeks I scrambled up after sliding down a few times. MY cloths were covered in mud and dirt, hands and knees were scraped and the heart was pounding as if it's been on the treadmill test. As I was trying to climb over, the idiot of the dog was trying to lick my face and bark at me thinking it was a game!
At home The Sickie nearly pushed me down the stairs as he fell on me while I was trying to get him to the bathroom. No wonder he is more wobbly after all that drink. He was stressed in case anything happened to me in the park! Obviously he doesnt know it's him who is killing me (softly!)
I am going to make myself the beneficiary of my insurance policy..HA!
Saturday, April 23, 2005
St. Georges Day
As I work till 1 pm on Saturdays last night on my way back I bought two little flags, one for each office. When I gave one to my staff he walked away with it thinking it was for his car! I have never had a flag in my car before so I felt inspired to try that too. This morning, in my St. Georges Day outfit of white pants and red top, I got in my car with that flag flying at the window. As I drove off and picked up the speed all I could hear was the wafting sound and the flag was waving crazy. I thought to myself I don't like this, it's distracting. The next thing I saw was the silly flag flying away in the breeze like a kite. Luckily it didn't land on someone's windscreen so I kept driving with the stick still sticking out of my window. The day had not started well.
When I am working (which is every day) I am a chain-coffee drinker. As there is no time or facility at the other office for making endless cups I take a big flask with me. As I picked up the plastic bag with my case and walked in the office my white pants were stained and the floor had stained with the dripping black coffee. I checked the car and seat was also wet with the coffee. (My lovely car...sob sob). The lid probably wasn't tight enough. So it was Mrs. Mop at work first thing in the morning which made everything else late.
I needed to get back home straight from work because the carpet man was coming to fix the carpet on top of the Brand new floor tiles that those "skilled tradesmen" had ruined. I didn't want a carpet but had no choice to cover up the glue marks that came up because of the unskilled job of the skilled tradesmen.
On the way there is a Co-op Super store that sells spicy potato curlies NOT FRIED but roasted - very tasty. I got a take away pack of potato curlies with other shopping. As I bagged and kept them on side the bag fell and all my curlies went on the floor. I didn't have time to go and get another one so I frantically carried on packing other things. As I picked up the bag of apples it split from the bottom. Honest it wasn't my fault, the bag just gave in. As I saw one cashier picking up the fries and another one running after the apples I could see a dozen or so eyes looking at me saying you are NOT fit to let loose on this planet!
Got home eventually and carpet is fitted in the office after a few hiccups when I tried to shake the big mats outside. There was a cloud of dust coming out of the mats and as people passing by started to disappear in the cyclone of dust I left it for tomorrow.
The rest of the evening was incident free apart from the argument with the most annoying person in the world, bless him.
When I am working (which is every day) I am a chain-coffee drinker. As there is no time or facility at the other office for making endless cups I take a big flask with me. As I picked up the plastic bag with my case and walked in the office my white pants were stained and the floor had stained with the dripping black coffee. I checked the car and seat was also wet with the coffee. (My lovely car...sob sob). The lid probably wasn't tight enough. So it was Mrs. Mop at work first thing in the morning which made everything else late.
I needed to get back home straight from work because the carpet man was coming to fix the carpet on top of the Brand new floor tiles that those "skilled tradesmen" had ruined. I didn't want a carpet but had no choice to cover up the glue marks that came up because of the unskilled job of the skilled tradesmen.
On the way there is a Co-op Super store that sells spicy potato curlies NOT FRIED but roasted - very tasty. I got a take away pack of potato curlies with other shopping. As I bagged and kept them on side the bag fell and all my curlies went on the floor. I didn't have time to go and get another one so I frantically carried on packing other things. As I picked up the bag of apples it split from the bottom. Honest it wasn't my fault, the bag just gave in. As I saw one cashier picking up the fries and another one running after the apples I could see a dozen or so eyes looking at me saying you are NOT fit to let loose on this planet!
Got home eventually and carpet is fitted in the office after a few hiccups when I tried to shake the big mats outside. There was a cloud of dust coming out of the mats and as people passing by started to disappear in the cyclone of dust I left it for tomorrow.
The rest of the evening was incident free apart from the argument with the most annoying person in the world, bless him.
Friday, April 22, 2005
Could It Be Magic- poem
Magic
The night was full of magic
Seduction in your smile was magic
Your words tasted of warm nectar
Having you so close was magic
That look in your eyes was magic
Your gaze fixed on me was magic
Intoxicating body, mind and soul
Your touch and caress was magic
Holding hands all night was magic
Quiet whisper in my ear was magic
Sensual dancing, rhythm in music
The effect you had on me was magic
Your crazy desire for me was magic
My ardent madness for you was magic
So different but so much alike
You and me being together was magic
The night was full of magic
Seduction in your smile was magic
Your words tasted of warm nectar
Having you so close was magic
That look in your eyes was magic
Your gaze fixed on me was magic
Intoxicating body, mind and soul
Your touch and caress was magic
Holding hands all night was magic
Quiet whisper in my ear was magic
Sensual dancing, rhythm in music
The effect you had on me was magic
Your crazy desire for me was magic
My ardent madness for you was magic
So different but so much alike
You and me being together was magic
Sunday, April 17, 2005
Liverpool
I feel tired tonight. After my two nights outing I had a lot to catch up on but only thing I have done today is to watch the two Scottish "skilled Tradesmen" (as they like to be called) lay new tiles on the office floor. I put a bet with them that they will not finish the floor in one day and they said they will. Well they almost finished it except that all the edges are not done. They will have to finish that tomorrow. The excuse was that it was a waste of time to do the edges today because they have to walk on the tiles they had already laid and that will squeeze the adhesive out!
My ex colleague/friend was magificent as a leading lady in the play. She remembered all the lines and sung very well too. After the play we met for a drink and soon be meeting again for a meal.
Last night's dinner dance was in Liverpool. After searching for the place for a long time we parked the car in a car park and walked up to the building which turned out to be a wrong one. It took a veeeeery long walk in high heels and an evening gown to find the correct venue. Every thing was excellent, the place, the meal and the company except the music. Mind you we still managed to dance till closing.
It was great to see all the people and some in particular. Everyone said I looked very beautiful so who am I to argue? I got the full attention and a lot of fuss which I enjoyed very much. Thank you to whom it may concern - keep up the good work....LOL.
As I mentioned to one of the stewards that my car was parked further away she offered to drive me back to it and bring it to the venue. She was very kind as I am sure this was not in her job description. I will never forget her huffing and puffing as she did about 25 point turns to get her car out of the street parking (no power steering) as if she was maneuvering a battle tank instead of a car, bless her. She talked non stop which I had great difficulty in understanding but I nodded to agree whatever it was. After all she was saving me walking a mile after the dance.
Back to work in 8 hours I am afraid...Good night.
My ex colleague/friend was magificent as a leading lady in the play. She remembered all the lines and sung very well too. After the play we met for a drink and soon be meeting again for a meal.
Last night's dinner dance was in Liverpool. After searching for the place for a long time we parked the car in a car park and walked up to the building which turned out to be a wrong one. It took a veeeeery long walk in high heels and an evening gown to find the correct venue. Every thing was excellent, the place, the meal and the company except the music. Mind you we still managed to dance till closing.
It was great to see all the people and some in particular. Everyone said I looked very beautiful so who am I to argue? I got the full attention and a lot of fuss which I enjoyed very much. Thank you to whom it may concern - keep up the good work....LOL.
As I mentioned to one of the stewards that my car was parked further away she offered to drive me back to it and bring it to the venue. She was very kind as I am sure this was not in her job description. I will never forget her huffing and puffing as she did about 25 point turns to get her car out of the street parking (no power steering) as if she was maneuvering a battle tank instead of a car, bless her. She talked non stop which I had great difficulty in understanding but I nodded to agree whatever it was. After all she was saving me walking a mile after the dance.
Back to work in 8 hours I am afraid...Good night.
Thursday, April 14, 2005
Chris Issak
I have "Wicked Game" by Chris Issak playing in the background for the sixth time. Some days I just love it. What do you think? No one else has ever told me that they get this strange feeling in their heart with some songs. well I do, should I look for a shrink?
Refurbishment
This week has been a really busy one. I have no idea if I am coming or going as they say. The refurbishment of my office was to last two days. As the manual skilled workers go - I dare not call them builders/carpenters - their counting skills has not developed future than two fingers. When they say two days they normally mean two days over three different weeks. I was gullible enough - yet again - to believe the work will complete in the specified time.
Two lovely Scottish men are strolling around my property with tapes and tools to justify an empty look in their eyes. On various occasions they seem to be disagreeing with their own drawings and with each other. From what I can make out of their accent they are saying "this is wee bit more work than we first thought". I have given up getting frustrated by their non ending tea breaks as I want to be in a good mood for my two consecutive social nights.
Tomorrow I am going to a theatre to watch an ex colleague peform as the leading lady in an amateur operatic play. She has worked hard and I am sure she will be a star.
On Saturday I will attend a big dinner dance for something else. I am looking forward to seeing so many people I haven't seen for a while and especially one person in particular. It is going to be great. I hope I am not worn out by working till lunch and running after the builders to dance the night away. I can't wait for Saturday evening!
Two lovely Scottish men are strolling around my property with tapes and tools to justify an empty look in their eyes. On various occasions they seem to be disagreeing with their own drawings and with each other. From what I can make out of their accent they are saying "this is wee bit more work than we first thought". I have given up getting frustrated by their non ending tea breaks as I want to be in a good mood for my two consecutive social nights.
Tomorrow I am going to a theatre to watch an ex colleague peform as the leading lady in an amateur operatic play. She has worked hard and I am sure she will be a star.
On Saturday I will attend a big dinner dance for something else. I am looking forward to seeing so many people I haven't seen for a while and especially one person in particular. It is going to be great. I hope I am not worn out by working till lunch and running after the builders to dance the night away. I can't wait for Saturday evening!
Monday, April 11, 2005
Weapons of kitchen destruction
For many years going away from home for even a few hours was an impossible thought but things have been changing slowly. When it is necessary to take up a chance to break free for a day or two for work, it also gives an opportunity to relax and enjoy a little. It is worrying to leave the sickie and the dog behind on their own but I have learnt to become a bit selfish (with a guilty feeling though).
So I ran around trying arrange a substitute at work No. 2 and additional help at my own office so that I can take an afternoon train. Everyone was given their duties and instructions. Food was cooked for 3 days although I was only going for a day and a half. All labeled and the instruction on how to operate the microwave was written.Only thing I left out was a map to find the kitchen! All the phone numbers were listed in each room. My schedule was on time. Taxi was to arrive at 2 pm.
As the lounge and the bedrooms are upstairs and the kitchen downstairs I thought I will boil some eggs to keep upstairs in case the sickie didn't feel hungry enough to go downstairs. I put the eggs to boil in one of those Corning/Pyrex glass pan and went upstairs to check the emails. The phone rang, the staff had some questions, the dog wanted a fuss after seeing my overnight case and it went on and on.... All of a sudden we heard a loud bang. I ran downstairs thinking someone had broken the window or broken in the office.
All from the office were running around trying to trace the sound. As I went in the kitchen, I remembered the eggs. Well, the water in the pan had evoparated and the eggs had exploded! The pan was empty and burned black. There was no sign of the eggs anywhere ....No that's not correct...there were bits of eggs everywhere. About 18 feet long kitchen was completely covered by the morsels of the eggs.
Oh God how am I going to clean this kitchen?....Not to worry, help was at hand.The four legged vacuum cleaner rushed around to suck all that food off the floor! Normally the dog is not allowed the dairy products (delicate tummmy) so she thought it was her birthday trying to scoff off as much as she could before she got lifted by the collar and shouted at. I had never seen a dog's tongue working as fast before. As the dog was shoved into the office her protest to this injustice was obviously ignored. Not only the floor but the ceiling had specks of eggs. Perhaps I should have lifted the dog to lick the ceiling off. On top of the fridge, top of the microwave, inside the kettle - you name it and the eggs had got it covered.
The rest is a history. My calm exterior and perfect timing went out long before I did. I was still cleaning up when the taxi arrived.
Who needs chemical warfare when eggs are around...Especially when I am cooking!
To top it all when I returned late night the next day no food was eaten. The sickie said "I don't feel like eating when you are not here". Oh well, not eating for a day or two hasn't done anyone any harm. The dog didn't say exactly the same. She was crafty enough to eat the tasty meat that gets mixed with the biscuit's but leaving the boring biscuits - she is not daft.
So I ran around trying arrange a substitute at work No. 2 and additional help at my own office so that I can take an afternoon train. Everyone was given their duties and instructions. Food was cooked for 3 days although I was only going for a day and a half. All labeled and the instruction on how to operate the microwave was written.Only thing I left out was a map to find the kitchen! All the phone numbers were listed in each room. My schedule was on time. Taxi was to arrive at 2 pm.
As the lounge and the bedrooms are upstairs and the kitchen downstairs I thought I will boil some eggs to keep upstairs in case the sickie didn't feel hungry enough to go downstairs. I put the eggs to boil in one of those Corning/Pyrex glass pan and went upstairs to check the emails. The phone rang, the staff had some questions, the dog wanted a fuss after seeing my overnight case and it went on and on.... All of a sudden we heard a loud bang. I ran downstairs thinking someone had broken the window or broken in the office.
All from the office were running around trying to trace the sound. As I went in the kitchen, I remembered the eggs. Well, the water in the pan had evoparated and the eggs had exploded! The pan was empty and burned black. There was no sign of the eggs anywhere ....No that's not correct...there were bits of eggs everywhere. About 18 feet long kitchen was completely covered by the morsels of the eggs.
Oh God how am I going to clean this kitchen?....Not to worry, help was at hand.The four legged vacuum cleaner rushed around to suck all that food off the floor! Normally the dog is not allowed the dairy products (delicate tummmy) so she thought it was her birthday trying to scoff off as much as she could before she got lifted by the collar and shouted at. I had never seen a dog's tongue working as fast before. As the dog was shoved into the office her protest to this injustice was obviously ignored. Not only the floor but the ceiling had specks of eggs. Perhaps I should have lifted the dog to lick the ceiling off. On top of the fridge, top of the microwave, inside the kettle - you name it and the eggs had got it covered.
The rest is a history. My calm exterior and perfect timing went out long before I did. I was still cleaning up when the taxi arrived.
Who needs chemical warfare when eggs are around...Especially when I am cooking!
To top it all when I returned late night the next day no food was eaten. The sickie said "I don't feel like eating when you are not here". Oh well, not eating for a day or two hasn't done anyone any harm. The dog didn't say exactly the same. She was crafty enough to eat the tasty meat that gets mixed with the biscuit's but leaving the boring biscuits - she is not daft.
Saturday, April 09, 2005
Connection
It is difficult to believe that some people you don't even know can be a great help and support without knowing that they are. While some others, you open your heart and mind to, just do not understand you or if they do then they deliberately try to make you feel guilty for your feelings for an easy life for themselves.
I think it's all down to connection. With some people you just feel at ease and feel connected. They just know instinctively what you are saying. They can make a difference by just being there.
Why is it so though? Is it that they have something special in them? Is it because their personality matches yours? Is it some kind of counseling training? Is it that there is a similarity because of star signs, I mean planetary activities? Is it because they have gone through something similar?
Whatever it is, I am glad you are there. Thank you.
I think it's all down to connection. With some people you just feel at ease and feel connected. They just know instinctively what you are saying. They can make a difference by just being there.
Why is it so though? Is it that they have something special in them? Is it because their personality matches yours? Is it some kind of counseling training? Is it that there is a similarity because of star signs, I mean planetary activities? Is it because they have gone through something similar?
Whatever it is, I am glad you are there. Thank you.
Deaf Dumb & Blind - poem
Deaf Dumb & Blind
You were right
I must have been blind
I always saw the rainbow
Beautiful colours in my mind
Raindrops were somewhat kind
You were right
I must have been blind
The dreams that I dreamt
Were in the dark day-light
The sun was always out of sight
You were right
I must have been deaf
Heard the chirping songs
After the Birds had flown
Music made me so alone
You were right
I must be "permanently deaf"
Just heard what I wanted to hear
Words you spoke weren’t clear
My echo was the most to fear
You were wrong
I must have been dumb
Since my words were ignored
New definitions were imposed
Self preservation got prioritised
I was blind, I was deaf, I was dumb
What I offered was all my all
Kneeling down to avoid the fall
When I looked up The God had gone
What I worshiped was just a stone
You were right
I must have been blind
I always saw the rainbow
Beautiful colours in my mind
Raindrops were somewhat kind
You were right
I must have been blind
The dreams that I dreamt
Were in the dark day-light
The sun was always out of sight
You were right
I must have been deaf
Heard the chirping songs
After the Birds had flown
Music made me so alone
You were right
I must be "permanently deaf"
Just heard what I wanted to hear
Words you spoke weren’t clear
My echo was the most to fear
You were wrong
I must have been dumb
Since my words were ignored
New definitions were imposed
Self preservation got prioritised
I was blind, I was deaf, I was dumb
What I offered was all my all
Kneeling down to avoid the fall
When I looked up The God had gone
What I worshiped was just a stone
Monday, April 04, 2005
Northern Men
Bolton Evening News the other day had an article which said that the Northern men are lacking in sexuality compared to Southern men and put their inadequacies on to the women. This was following an exhibition at the G Mex on Erotica. Apparently the same exhibition in London got overwhelming response but in Manchester it was like a wet lettuce!
To stand up for Northern men I would say it is the opposite. Northern men dont need exhibitions to prove their sexuality that's why they didn't attend the event!
On the other hand I am off to London for a meeting so London men have an opportunity to give me the evidence if they don't agree....LOL..
See you back on Wednesday.
To stand up for Northern men I would say it is the opposite. Northern men dont need exhibitions to prove their sexuality that's why they didn't attend the event!
On the other hand I am off to London for a meeting so London men have an opportunity to give me the evidence if they don't agree....LOL..
See you back on Wednesday.
Thursday, March 31, 2005
Being Emotional
Is it so bad to be emotional? All my life I have felt strong emotions and feelings about the things, people, events and such things that mattered to me. I have always said that I prefer to experience feelings to the full rather than shy away from them.
I have always received abundant love from my mum, brother and sister but they are not in this country. I am a people's person and feel happy when connected although I like my independence. When the circumstances allowed and a few friendship that I managed to create has provided me with an excellent emotional support. Apart from suffering from extreme sadness for the bad things that happens in life and having panic attacks when facing the fear of losing important people in life, I have enjoyed euphoric happiness and good emotions too. At times I have connected to the friends who also feel similar things and at time a little less neverthless I have never been made to feel guilty for my emotions till now.
Why is it that some friendships are so on a rollercoaster from day 1? Why is it that I still can't get off a rollercoaster? If someone doesn't understand or can't handle emotions then that must be their shortcoming and not my fault. How long can this go on where everything that's said just snowballs into more and more emotions?
Why are some people more emotional than others? I didn't chose to be like this. I can perhaps control them and not show them but I can't stop feeling them. If I don't say what I feel and control my feelings to suit others then that makes me a false person - that is not me so I can't be happy with myself. People have to take me for myself if they want to know real me but perhaps life would have been much more easier if I wasn't made the way I was made....LOL...come on tell me you understand what I am saying and please someone do tell me you are like this too and I am not an alien...LOL..
I have always received abundant love from my mum, brother and sister but they are not in this country. I am a people's person and feel happy when connected although I like my independence. When the circumstances allowed and a few friendship that I managed to create has provided me with an excellent emotional support. Apart from suffering from extreme sadness for the bad things that happens in life and having panic attacks when facing the fear of losing important people in life, I have enjoyed euphoric happiness and good emotions too. At times I have connected to the friends who also feel similar things and at time a little less neverthless I have never been made to feel guilty for my emotions till now.
Why is it that some friendships are so on a rollercoaster from day 1? Why is it that I still can't get off a rollercoaster? If someone doesn't understand or can't handle emotions then that must be their shortcoming and not my fault. How long can this go on where everything that's said just snowballs into more and more emotions?
Why are some people more emotional than others? I didn't chose to be like this. I can perhaps control them and not show them but I can't stop feeling them. If I don't say what I feel and control my feelings to suit others then that makes me a false person - that is not me so I can't be happy with myself. People have to take me for myself if they want to know real me but perhaps life would have been much more easier if I wasn't made the way I was made....LOL...come on tell me you understand what I am saying and please someone do tell me you are like this too and I am not an alien...LOL..
Monday, March 28, 2005
Bank Holiday
I worked Saturday morning so the bank holiday week-end perhaps wasn't as long as it has been for some. Most public holidays get me off balance and confused. I work double hard before the holiday and when I go back everything is off the schedule. During the holiday I get depressed because most of my people are doing their own family/personal things and I try to do - in a day or two - all those left over chores gathered for months. This time it was different. This week-end was dedicated to the friends.
Although I advised everyone I talked to on Saturday night about the clocks going forward when I woke up late on Sunday morning I forgot about it myself! Not to worry. With the little change of plan I forgot the hour that I had forgotten anyway.
Went for a nice walk with the dogs and a friend who was sneezing and spluttering all over the green with a real bad cold.
Then for a drink and a lunch with another friend at the Quay House.. Had a great table with the view of the water and giggled our way through a big lunch.
Returned home to a waiting, very dear friend with his add-on, who at last seem happy and stable. It makes me so happy when I see my friends peaceful and settled.
Watched DVD's and got take away with two more friends who had been away for a couple of months.
The week-end is over and the stress has already began. Just sorting the staff rota out and the next two weeks are going to be very bad. One is coming back from a week's sick leave and another one just phoned in sick!
I have just realized that all the bundles of paperwork I brought with me from work on Saturday is still sitting here on my desk unopened! I am panicking now. This work should have been done and a cloud of gloom starting to build up but I am feeling more sad about not receiving an email or a call or a text that I should have by now. It's always me who makes the first move with this friend. Not this time. If they value the friendship then they should nurture it too, don't you think?
Why is it that I can't let it go? No matter how hard words I use or how much I pretend I don't care or how much I think logically, deep inside I still wait and still want - knowing that perhaps it is not worth it anyway. A friendship shouldn't be so difficult, should it? Then again is it worth losing it by being stubborn and proud?
Although I advised everyone I talked to on Saturday night about the clocks going forward when I woke up late on Sunday morning I forgot about it myself! Not to worry. With the little change of plan I forgot the hour that I had forgotten anyway.
Went for a nice walk with the dogs and a friend who was sneezing and spluttering all over the green with a real bad cold.
Then for a drink and a lunch with another friend at the Quay House.. Had a great table with the view of the water and giggled our way through a big lunch.
Returned home to a waiting, very dear friend with his add-on, who at last seem happy and stable. It makes me so happy when I see my friends peaceful and settled.
Watched DVD's and got take away with two more friends who had been away for a couple of months.
The week-end is over and the stress has already began. Just sorting the staff rota out and the next two weeks are going to be very bad. One is coming back from a week's sick leave and another one just phoned in sick!
I have just realized that all the bundles of paperwork I brought with me from work on Saturday is still sitting here on my desk unopened! I am panicking now. This work should have been done and a cloud of gloom starting to build up but I am feeling more sad about not receiving an email or a call or a text that I should have by now. It's always me who makes the first move with this friend. Not this time. If they value the friendship then they should nurture it too, don't you think?
Why is it that I can't let it go? No matter how hard words I use or how much I pretend I don't care or how much I think logically, deep inside I still wait and still want - knowing that perhaps it is not worth it anyway. A friendship shouldn't be so difficult, should it? Then again is it worth losing it by being stubborn and proud?
Friday, March 25, 2005
Good Friday
Was it good? I suppose it was for some. Not naming names but lending a friend your name to get some happiness they wanted is one good deed that makes a day good - I know it was good for that friend. Just because you can't get something doesn't mean you can't help someone else get it.
My day was a cleaning day though. Where does all the dust, dirt and mess come from? I am sure my house was built on a giant hidden dust magnet. Dust just comes flying into my place. At times I feel I should just stand there with a duster and Mr. Sheen or a vacuum cleaner ready to get the dust before it gets in! Other times I think why did they not name a dusty house a clean house? No, I have got better use for that one. why don't we call skinny people ugly people and fat people good looking people? Yep...I like that one better.
Then again with all the dust and the mess gone I will have more time over the week end to get some exercise and the world might not need to change the vocabulary.
Just watching - rather listening while typing this - "50 Ways to look great naked" on Five. Blimey...if there are 50 tips to remember we had better cover up head to toes.
My day was a cleaning day though. Where does all the dust, dirt and mess come from? I am sure my house was built on a giant hidden dust magnet. Dust just comes flying into my place. At times I feel I should just stand there with a duster and Mr. Sheen or a vacuum cleaner ready to get the dust before it gets in! Other times I think why did they not name a dusty house a clean house? No, I have got better use for that one. why don't we call skinny people ugly people and fat people good looking people? Yep...I like that one better.
Then again with all the dust and the mess gone I will have more time over the week end to get some exercise and the world might not need to change the vocabulary.
Just watching - rather listening while typing this - "50 Ways to look great naked" on Five. Blimey...if there are 50 tips to remember we had better cover up head to toes.
Wednesday, March 23, 2005
My words
"Net writing" whether it is an email or a blog, is easier than traditional writing or talking to someone about private thoughts. It is easy to blog something since there is no face in front of you.
I have no knowledge or training on any kind of special writing so when I put my thoughts on a blog or put my feelings in a (kind of) poem I am not sure if it would sound stupid or reasonable. Nevertheless lot of my 2004 "poems" are on here. I feel embarrassed to call them poems as I know that they are not worthy of it. Only three people in real life get to read them.
One thinks the poems are excellent but says the same for everything about me.
Second one says they are beautiful but how much can I believe? Could be just being nice to me.
Third shows the sign of disapproval and comes out with (oh no, not another one!)
So Raine - It was very encouraging to know you liked it, thank you very much.
(Am I stretching too far?) If you are interested and have time the followings are also my own words and my own sentiments in my blog.
Faceless Face
Love for Outdoors
But
lOVE
Because
Silly heart
Nice
House of Cards
Fools
You
In my Life
I Wish You Say
Why
Life Stinks
Divided Soul
Dear Departed
One Year Today
Special one
No one else
I have no knowledge or training on any kind of special writing so when I put my thoughts on a blog or put my feelings in a (kind of) poem I am not sure if it would sound stupid or reasonable. Nevertheless lot of my 2004 "poems" are on here. I feel embarrassed to call them poems as I know that they are not worthy of it. Only three people in real life get to read them.
One thinks the poems are excellent but says the same for everything about me.
Second one says they are beautiful but how much can I believe? Could be just being nice to me.
Third shows the sign of disapproval and comes out with (oh no, not another one!)
So Raine - It was very encouraging to know you liked it, thank you very much.
(Am I stretching too far?) If you are interested and have time the followings are also my own words and my own sentiments in my blog.
Faceless Face
Love for Outdoors
But
lOVE
Because
Silly heart
Nice
House of Cards
Fools
You
In my Life
I Wish You Say
Why
Life Stinks
Divided Soul
Dear Departed
One Year Today
Special one
No one else
Tuesday, March 22, 2005
Moth
All work and no play
Turning Butterfly
into a dull moth!
But she will soon get bored and come out to play
so be ready with the new games!
Turning Butterfly
into a dull moth!
But she will soon get bored and come out to play
so be ready with the new games!
Sunday, March 20, 2005
MY LOVE- poem
My Love
I can see down below the stars
His eyes searching all around
Breaking heaven’s golden bars
To the earth I would fly down
Been together days minutes years
But I left him with his own tears
About time I broke the ties
Well, one of us had to be wise
Death descended one gloomy day
From my love, I was whisked away
Now he is building a Taj Mahal
Waiting for my return, with his all
Tell him I have nothing to give
On his earth now I cannot live
must stay in the heaven above
but I’ll be watching over my love
Tell him there is no need to cry
my love for him will never die
Her soul is speaking these words to the one who loves her beyond death. The death in this sense could not just be a death of the mortal body. It could be an ultimate end of a relationship or an end of an emotion – love, hate, sympathy, lust, desire…..any emotion ! Although human body, the relationship, the desire is dead and can never be brought to life again, the connection it had cannot completely be wiped off.
I can see down below the stars
His eyes searching all around
Breaking heaven’s golden bars
To the earth I would fly down
Been together days minutes years
But I left him with his own tears
About time I broke the ties
Well, one of us had to be wise
Death descended one gloomy day
From my love, I was whisked away
Now he is building a Taj Mahal
Waiting for my return, with his all
Tell him I have nothing to give
On his earth now I cannot live
must stay in the heaven above
but I’ll be watching over my love
Tell him there is no need to cry
my love for him will never die
Her soul is speaking these words to the one who loves her beyond death. The death in this sense could not just be a death of the mortal body. It could be an ultimate end of a relationship or an end of an emotion – love, hate, sympathy, lust, desire…..any emotion ! Although human body, the relationship, the desire is dead and can never be brought to life again, the connection it had cannot completely be wiped off.
Thursday, March 17, 2005
The Second Job
There....I have done it again. Be prepared for the mega moaning...I have taken a charge on a second office.
After closing my additional offices I was to have some time for myself and pay attention to my main office but you, as the sufferer of my whinging know,I was bored, felt useless and unwanted. I had still not caught up on my own work, I had just reduced the working hours of my staff and an offer of this assignment came along.
I have been there a week. It feels like a hard work but once I rearrange every thing it will be easier. As usual though everything comes at the same time. As soon as I accepted the assignment one employee went off sick, the dog stated limping and the people started demanding more making me feel guilty for not giving my undivided attention. Some stated redirecting their attention away.
In between arguments, contra arguments, fighting, sulking, lack of sleep and extra stress a week has passed. As you can see I am feeling a bit more stronger and in control. Not sure how long this job is to last. It also means I will be completely tied down and will not have any personal time (again) but it will pass the time quickly. Off goes the gym and the keep fit classes - didn't last too long, did they?
After closing my additional offices I was to have some time for myself and pay attention to my main office but you, as the sufferer of my whinging know,I was bored, felt useless and unwanted. I had still not caught up on my own work, I had just reduced the working hours of my staff and an offer of this assignment came along.
I have been there a week. It feels like a hard work but once I rearrange every thing it will be easier. As usual though everything comes at the same time. As soon as I accepted the assignment one employee went off sick, the dog stated limping and the people started demanding more making me feel guilty for not giving my undivided attention. Some stated redirecting their attention away.
In between arguments, contra arguments, fighting, sulking, lack of sleep and extra stress a week has passed. As you can see I am feeling a bit more stronger and in control. Not sure how long this job is to last. It also means I will be completely tied down and will not have any personal time (again) but it will pass the time quickly. Off goes the gym and the keep fit classes - didn't last too long, did they?
A Thought
Friendship is like a relationship between the eyes and the hands
when the hand gets hurt
the eyes cry
and
When the eyes cry
the hand wipes
when the hand gets hurt
the eyes cry
and
When the eyes cry
the hand wipes
Tuesday, March 15, 2005
Meaningless questions
Why is it so difficult to let a "ship" (relationship, friendship ..Whatever) go sometimes even though you know it is giving you a heartache?
You are the same person but why do different people see you differently and who is right?
Why are some ..........ships so stormy but we can't let it end? Is it good to have a .........ship like rollercoaster or a steady non rocking one that doesn't change ?
Why do people say something they don't mean but don't say things you know they don't mean but still want them to say?
Why do people think they understand you but don't understand what you are trying to say?
Why one minute you feel you have everything and the next makes you wonder if ever anything was there?
Why sometimes you feel nothing is real and everything is just a pretend?
Why the feelings and emotions are so extremely different in people?
Why do life seems so meaning less and useless even though every thing is in it?
Why am I writing silly questions like these which means nothing to anyone?
You are the same person but why do different people see you differently and who is right?
Why are some ..........ships so stormy but we can't let it end? Is it good to have a .........ship like rollercoaster or a steady non rocking one that doesn't change ?
Why do people say something they don't mean but don't say things you know they don't mean but still want them to say?
Why do people think they understand you but don't understand what you are trying to say?
Why one minute you feel you have everything and the next makes you wonder if ever anything was there?
Why sometimes you feel nothing is real and everything is just a pretend?
Why the feelings and emotions are so extremely different in people?
Why do life seems so meaning less and useless even though every thing is in it?
Why am I writing silly questions like these which means nothing to anyone?
Monday, March 14, 2005
Crufts 2005
This year I did not attend THE event of the dog world. Personally I do not like the showing of dogs. Of course I like to appreciate the beauty of a good looking dog but the show world to me is obsessed with the idea of perfection of the breed standard. Many breeds are manipulated to achieve a perfect sample of the animal. During the day many handlers appear to be stressed and the dogs appear to be tired and bored with all the waiting in the cages and the noise and the hoards of people. I absolutely hate the obsession of the handlers to incessantly keep grooming the poor dogs.
I do love to go to the biggest show in the country though mainly for the agility and obedience trials and secondly for the doggy shopping. I have been watching the show on the TV tonight. One of the best thing is the dance show at the end. This time the dance to music involved all her four dogs. It was magic. Isn't it a wonderful feeling when your dog understands your every expression, every move and is so willing to obey the command and so willing to please you. You just need to take time to teach them.
There are no bad dogs - there are only bad owners.
I do love to go to the biggest show in the country though mainly for the agility and obedience trials and secondly for the doggy shopping. I have been watching the show on the TV tonight. One of the best thing is the dance show at the end. This time the dance to music involved all her four dogs. It was magic. Isn't it a wonderful feeling when your dog understands your every expression, every move and is so willing to obey the command and so willing to please you. You just need to take time to teach them.
There are no bad dogs - there are only bad owners.
Sunday, March 13, 2005
Dog v Ducks - II
You guessed what happened next Raine.
When I feed the ducks I hold the dog on the lead. When the last piece of bread was thrown in water I took the lead off and started walking up the hill away from the pond. Next thing I heard was the splash in water. When the dog saw the bread quite near floating in water she went to get it. The edges are very muddy and slippery so she must have slide in. The dog looked surprised, shocked and startled. She wasn't expecting it. She was splashing about to get out of there. Near the edges the water is only a couple of feet deep. All the ducks were kind of running (!) about to get out of the way. They were quacking like mad as if shouting "you stupid idiot"! I was surprised that the big moody swan didn't charge at her hissing like a dragon like he (has to be he) normally does to every moving thing.
Well, a black hairy blob made of black smelly mud came out as if nothing has happened and shook about covering me with spots of mud. As I was dragging her back home she sheepishly looked back in the direction of the ducks. The ducks were perhaps holding their stomach laughing their heads off saying "serves you right monster".
I had to rush back home and put her in the bath. Giving the dog a bath is another story in itself. Of course clean the bathroom and get ready myself for the meeting with dear Mr. Revenue. Not surprising that I was late. I had to get the taxi to save car parking time. I did not dare to ask if the cab fare was tax deductiable under the dog bathing expenses.
When I feed the ducks I hold the dog on the lead. When the last piece of bread was thrown in water I took the lead off and started walking up the hill away from the pond. Next thing I heard was the splash in water. When the dog saw the bread quite near floating in water she went to get it. The edges are very muddy and slippery so she must have slide in. The dog looked surprised, shocked and startled. She wasn't expecting it. She was splashing about to get out of there. Near the edges the water is only a couple of feet deep. All the ducks were kind of running (!) about to get out of the way. They were quacking like mad as if shouting "you stupid idiot"! I was surprised that the big moody swan didn't charge at her hissing like a dragon like he (has to be he) normally does to every moving thing.
Well, a black hairy blob made of black smelly mud came out as if nothing has happened and shook about covering me with spots of mud. As I was dragging her back home she sheepishly looked back in the direction of the ducks. The ducks were perhaps holding their stomach laughing their heads off saying "serves you right monster".
I had to rush back home and put her in the bath. Giving the dog a bath is another story in itself. Of course clean the bathroom and get ready myself for the meeting with dear Mr. Revenue. Not surprising that I was late. I had to get the taxi to save car parking time. I did not dare to ask if the cab fare was tax deductiable under the dog bathing expenses.
Friday, March 11, 2005
Dog v Ducks -1
For years I went to bed late around 2 AM and got up at 6.30 AM. I thought I managed fine but people were disapproving. Lately I have been trying to get to bed early and getting up a little later as I don't have to rush around to three offices which I used to after seeing to the breakfast and a bit of cooking to save time in the evening. Since then though Instead of feeling better I was feeling worse. Instead of getting rid of the effect of lack of sleep I ended up with an eye infection, which still hasn't gone completely.
The other morning I got up early as I knew I didn't want to be late for an appointment. After sorting out the sickie and the house and the office I took the dog out. I love to feed the ducks in the pond at the back so it serves two purpose. The dog isn't too keen on the ducks being fed as she thinks throwing bread towards the duck constitutes a play as in throwing the ball. Her argument leans toward jelousy that she should be the only one I play with. As soon as I pick up the bag with broken up bread and head towards the pond she starts to test her tonsils. Normally She is a very gentle, loving and quiet dog but first thing in the morning at the pond she puts the late night pubs in Doncaster to shame with the noise that measures of 240 decibel sound pressure pitching at 40,000 Hz. If I don't take the bread then she is good as gold. Luckily the flats around the ponds have elderly residents so most of them perhaps don't hear her shouting.
To put myself in a good mood for the meeting I decided to feed the ducks. Even the ducks know the black hairy noise machine so despite all the threatening barking they come in our direction for food.
Eyes are tired so continue this later.
The other morning I got up early as I knew I didn't want to be late for an appointment. After sorting out the sickie and the house and the office I took the dog out. I love to feed the ducks in the pond at the back so it serves two purpose. The dog isn't too keen on the ducks being fed as she thinks throwing bread towards the duck constitutes a play as in throwing the ball. Her argument leans toward jelousy that she should be the only one I play with. As soon as I pick up the bag with broken up bread and head towards the pond she starts to test her tonsils. Normally She is a very gentle, loving and quiet dog but first thing in the morning at the pond she puts the late night pubs in Doncaster to shame with the noise that measures of 240 decibel sound pressure pitching at 40,000 Hz. If I don't take the bread then she is good as gold. Luckily the flats around the ponds have elderly residents so most of them perhaps don't hear her shouting.
To put myself in a good mood for the meeting I decided to feed the ducks. Even the ducks know the black hairy noise machine so despite all the threatening barking they come in our direction for food.
Eyes are tired so continue this later.
Thursday, March 10, 2005
Superstition
No disrespect to any race or culture but I thought that old wife's tales and superstitious beliefs were the result of ingorance and lack of education.
In old days Red Indians were scared of guns believing that it was the White man's magic or In Africa people wouldn't want their photos taken because that meant capturing someone's soul or In Asia they believed that looking in the mirror can bring upon an evil look on us. The reason for these untrue ideas was that people did not know the Science and did not have the knowledge and education.
Now in 2005 when we are talking about cloning and trips to the moon how can we believe that some writing on a stone is causing the bad luck on a city? See thisarticle. Carlisle has suffered floods, foot and mouth, job losses, bad football results and some other problems. So have some other cities. There does not seem to be anything in particular that has happened in Carlisle that can relate to the stone inscribed with a Scottish curse alone. Now the Council wants to destroy the stone. If an art effect is not pleasing then fine but not because a piece of article has brought about all the disasters. Who will they blame when things go wrong afterwards? Who can other places blame when they suffered the same or worse disasters?
We all have some ideas and beliefs that may not be proven or rational. We may have been unwittingly conditioned in believing them. We may have had co-incidents that led us to believe them. As long as we know there is no proof of these convictions and use them as some kind of comforting escape then it up to us as individuals I suppose.
In old days Red Indians were scared of guns believing that it was the White man's magic or In Africa people wouldn't want their photos taken because that meant capturing someone's soul or In Asia they believed that looking in the mirror can bring upon an evil look on us. The reason for these untrue ideas was that people did not know the Science and did not have the knowledge and education.
Now in 2005 when we are talking about cloning and trips to the moon how can we believe that some writing on a stone is causing the bad luck on a city? See thisarticle. Carlisle has suffered floods, foot and mouth, job losses, bad football results and some other problems. So have some other cities. There does not seem to be anything in particular that has happened in Carlisle that can relate to the stone inscribed with a Scottish curse alone. Now the Council wants to destroy the stone. If an art effect is not pleasing then fine but not because a piece of article has brought about all the disasters. Who will they blame when things go wrong afterwards? Who can other places blame when they suffered the same or worse disasters?
We all have some ideas and beliefs that may not be proven or rational. We may have been unwittingly conditioned in believing them. We may have had co-incidents that led us to believe them. As long as we know there is no proof of these convictions and use them as some kind of comforting escape then it up to us as individuals I suppose.
Sunday, March 06, 2005
Shoes Galore
For the last 3 to 4 years I have been so busy running three offices as well as doing other jobs simultaneously that I had no time for anything. In the effort to keep my mind busy I compeletely neglected my body. I came to realize that just like my cloths my shoe size had gone up too. Perhaps my extra weight was so hard to carry that my poor feet had to spread themselves for balancing reasons?
Despite reducing my work commitments I haven't caught up on my clearing out process and that stresses me out. In middle of Friday night I decided that I had to clean up my hall cloak-cupboard, in particular my shoes. I may have lost my style and fashion now but for the tribute to my "city girl with it" days I had to try on all the shoes for the last time. After putting them in the rows of - may keep them, must not keep them, definitely keep them, ask friends if I should keep them - the job was nearly done. Then the indecisive piscean streak of mine started playing up, changing the category of certain pairs. When I severely repriminded myself a decision on 25 pairs was confirmed. They were staying. That left me with 38 pairs of definite outcasts pairs and 12 confused to their status pairs. I can't pronounce that my shoes are anywhere in the league of Carrie Bradshaw shoes, I mean they were not all Prada, Manolo Blahniks or Gucci, neverthless it was a shame to just throw them away.
I put the 38 pairs in a see through plastic bin bag to give them to anyone who want them. One suggestion was to put the bag out with the paper recycle bag in case they want to dispose the shoes too. All this carried on till Saturday lunch time. Paper people came and gone but the shoes bag stayed in its designated place. Then I had to go out so I left the bag there, outside, near the front door, so that I can put it in the car when I take the dog to the park.
When I returned the shoes bag had disappeared. I thought someone had taken them for a Mother's Day present. Sorry but I wouldn't put it passed some people to do that. If they can nick the flowers from your plants, forget the flowers, they nick the plants (don't forget I live on a main road) then what's a bag of shoes?
Only someone knocked on the door later on to tell me that load of shoes were scattered around at the back. Behind the row of houses there is an elderly accommodation, a car park and an unused piece of land. It is a short cut to the green and the pond behind the houses so we get yobs messing around all the time. Some idiot thought it was fun to throw the shoes all over the place.
Of course the old people living at the back expected me to be a model citizen and as a pillar of society I could not leave my shoes decorating the place! It matters not that there are broken bottles, used syringes and all the rubbish under the sun. With help of the dog I collected the beloved shoes and shoved them in the car to take them to the Safeway's recycling bins.
No way you can put your shoes in the recycle bin just like that! You have to bag each pair separately which I had not. In went the bag back to the boot of the car. Drove to the shopping precinct where I knew was a charity shop. I went in the shop to ask if they will accept all shoes in one bag (by now they were in two bags). On the affirmative answer I proceeded to do some shopping and went back to the car. I got one bag of shoes out and brought to the charity shop. Life is not really that simple, is it? The good ladies at the shop had locked up in the meantime (at 4.30 pm) and gone.
There is no way I am taking these trouble makers back home. I left the bag near the shop door. Back in the car it came to me that when I picked up the shoes from the back I just put them in the bags as I found them. It is possible that one bag may not have the pairs of shoes. I had to take the other bag of shoes to the shop from the car. Lo and behold the first bag from outside the charity shop had gone too. By now I had enough and left the other bag out there whether it is good to anyone or not.
If I am on the CCTV at the precinct I have my defence, I was suffering from "shoes separation anxiety". If anyone is wearing one gold coloured party shoe with diamonds and beads tell them the other one is perhaps in the charity shop. Oh also tell them the previous owner has now been reduced (rather expanded) to the comfort variety in black.
Despite reducing my work commitments I haven't caught up on my clearing out process and that stresses me out. In middle of Friday night I decided that I had to clean up my hall cloak-cupboard, in particular my shoes. I may have lost my style and fashion now but for the tribute to my "city girl with it" days I had to try on all the shoes for the last time. After putting them in the rows of - may keep them, must not keep them, definitely keep them, ask friends if I should keep them - the job was nearly done. Then the indecisive piscean streak of mine started playing up, changing the category of certain pairs. When I severely repriminded myself a decision on 25 pairs was confirmed. They were staying. That left me with 38 pairs of definite outcasts pairs and 12 confused to their status pairs. I can't pronounce that my shoes are anywhere in the league of Carrie Bradshaw shoes, I mean they were not all Prada, Manolo Blahniks or Gucci, neverthless it was a shame to just throw them away.
I put the 38 pairs in a see through plastic bin bag to give them to anyone who want them. One suggestion was to put the bag out with the paper recycle bag in case they want to dispose the shoes too. All this carried on till Saturday lunch time. Paper people came and gone but the shoes bag stayed in its designated place. Then I had to go out so I left the bag there, outside, near the front door, so that I can put it in the car when I take the dog to the park.
When I returned the shoes bag had disappeared. I thought someone had taken them for a Mother's Day present. Sorry but I wouldn't put it passed some people to do that. If they can nick the flowers from your plants, forget the flowers, they nick the plants (don't forget I live on a main road) then what's a bag of shoes?
Only someone knocked on the door later on to tell me that load of shoes were scattered around at the back. Behind the row of houses there is an elderly accommodation, a car park and an unused piece of land. It is a short cut to the green and the pond behind the houses so we get yobs messing around all the time. Some idiot thought it was fun to throw the shoes all over the place.
Of course the old people living at the back expected me to be a model citizen and as a pillar of society I could not leave my shoes decorating the place! It matters not that there are broken bottles, used syringes and all the rubbish under the sun. With help of the dog I collected the beloved shoes and shoved them in the car to take them to the Safeway's recycling bins.
No way you can put your shoes in the recycle bin just like that! You have to bag each pair separately which I had not. In went the bag back to the boot of the car. Drove to the shopping precinct where I knew was a charity shop. I went in the shop to ask if they will accept all shoes in one bag (by now they were in two bags). On the affirmative answer I proceeded to do some shopping and went back to the car. I got one bag of shoes out and brought to the charity shop. Life is not really that simple, is it? The good ladies at the shop had locked up in the meantime (at 4.30 pm) and gone.
There is no way I am taking these trouble makers back home. I left the bag near the shop door. Back in the car it came to me that when I picked up the shoes from the back I just put them in the bags as I found them. It is possible that one bag may not have the pairs of shoes. I had to take the other bag of shoes to the shop from the car. Lo and behold the first bag from outside the charity shop had gone too. By now I had enough and left the other bag out there whether it is good to anyone or not.
If I am on the CCTV at the precinct I have my defence, I was suffering from "shoes separation anxiety". If anyone is wearing one gold coloured party shoe with diamonds and beads tell them the other one is perhaps in the charity shop. Oh also tell them the previous owner has now been reduced (rather expanded) to the comfort variety in black.
Thursday, March 03, 2005
Blind leading the blind
A college nearby has been advertising in the local newspaper for the last 3 weeks. There are a couple of taster courses for adults that caught my eyes. It is perfect having just an introduction to the subject to see if you would like to study it.
For the last two weeks I have been trying to get some information about the courses. I have been passed from one department to the other, one site to the other, one person to the other without getting any information at all. They took my number and said someone will contact me but no one has.
Today I heard on the radio that the college had an open day (well more like an evening as it was between 6pm and 9pm). I thought I may as well get down there because if I am standing in front of their face they will have to reply.
All the streets nearby were turned into parking zones. Bumper to bumper and on the pavements and round the corners and everywhere. As I went in there were 3 Miss Marple type ladies standing by the tables with all the leaflets. They were very keen to greet me with a smile and asked if the younger one didn't come with me. In the college thousands of "younger ones", tagged along with the parents, were being dragged around. There were more staff members than the students, smiling through their teeth. I think there were one or two higher up people from the Education department whom the smiling zombies were trying to impress.
As I was directed to the person dealing with Adult courses I could see that although she was making an eye contact and listening to me her eyes were scanning where the superiors were and tried extra hard to extend the corners her mouth when the bosses were close enough.
Again I was passed between three people before someone admitted that they do not know if, where or when these courses are to take place. They were utterly surprised that the courses were being advertised in the paper for the last 3 weeks.
In the end I filled out a form showing my interest and leaving my phone number again on the understanding that someone will contact me. This is the institute that advertises 99% pass rate. I have failed them miserably. I wasted two hours for nothing.
For the last two weeks I have been trying to get some information about the courses. I have been passed from one department to the other, one site to the other, one person to the other without getting any information at all. They took my number and said someone will contact me but no one has.
Today I heard on the radio that the college had an open day (well more like an evening as it was between 6pm and 9pm). I thought I may as well get down there because if I am standing in front of their face they will have to reply.
All the streets nearby were turned into parking zones. Bumper to bumper and on the pavements and round the corners and everywhere. As I went in there were 3 Miss Marple type ladies standing by the tables with all the leaflets. They were very keen to greet me with a smile and asked if the younger one didn't come with me. In the college thousands of "younger ones", tagged along with the parents, were being dragged around. There were more staff members than the students, smiling through their teeth. I think there were one or two higher up people from the Education department whom the smiling zombies were trying to impress.
As I was directed to the person dealing with Adult courses I could see that although she was making an eye contact and listening to me her eyes were scanning where the superiors were and tried extra hard to extend the corners her mouth when the bosses were close enough.
Again I was passed between three people before someone admitted that they do not know if, where or when these courses are to take place. They were utterly surprised that the courses were being advertised in the paper for the last 3 weeks.
In the end I filled out a form showing my interest and leaving my phone number again on the understanding that someone will contact me. This is the institute that advertises 99% pass rate. I have failed them miserably. I wasted two hours for nothing.
Wednesday, March 02, 2005
Go alone
I hate everything and everyone today. Taking the theme of my previous posting, if you love someone then would you not want to be with them every time it is possible? O.K. May be love is a strong word. Even if you like someone or care for someone you would want to take a chance to be in their company, wouldn't you?
Usually I don't have any opportunity to do anything I want to, I mean just normal things like hanging out together,go out, have a meal, drink, chat and relax. Surely there are thousands of people out there who want to do the same things I want to do.
I am going to be away just for one day and it would have been nice to add on some social activity with the business. Can I find anyone who would fit in with me? A Big fat NO! When people talk of "care and affection and enjoy being with you" is all just that, talk. Mind you, partly it's my fault too. I only want to be with people I want to be with, not just anybody. It seems that they are just too out of my reach. Perhaps I choose wrong friends.
It is not going to stop me though. I will still do all that I want to, on my own. Only problem is, that for me, enjoyment is company, doing things together, planning it, talking about it, reminisce about it afterwards. It's not same when you are alone.
Life is nothing but a trade, a give and take. Noone does anything for nothing - so it seems. People just want fun. I am afraid I cannot do just that. I have to find deeper meanings from it. why can't I be sensible and enjoy materialistic pleasure like others? Take things as they are? Why do I fall for the face in front of me? I mustn't take everything at face value. I mustn't believe everything people say. There seems to be a big difference between saying and doing.
Like my mum say, "you came in this world alone and you will go from here alone so why get upset yourself for being alone? You be strong, you don't need anyone." ----but I do mum I do.
Usually I don't have any opportunity to do anything I want to, I mean just normal things like hanging out together,go out, have a meal, drink, chat and relax. Surely there are thousands of people out there who want to do the same things I want to do.
I am going to be away just for one day and it would have been nice to add on some social activity with the business. Can I find anyone who would fit in with me? A Big fat NO! When people talk of "care and affection and enjoy being with you" is all just that, talk. Mind you, partly it's my fault too. I only want to be with people I want to be with, not just anybody. It seems that they are just too out of my reach. Perhaps I choose wrong friends.
It is not going to stop me though. I will still do all that I want to, on my own. Only problem is, that for me, enjoyment is company, doing things together, planning it, talking about it, reminisce about it afterwards. It's not same when you are alone.
Life is nothing but a trade, a give and take. Noone does anything for nothing - so it seems. People just want fun. I am afraid I cannot do just that. I have to find deeper meanings from it. why can't I be sensible and enjoy materialistic pleasure like others? Take things as they are? Why do I fall for the face in front of me? I mustn't take everything at face value. I mustn't believe everything people say. There seems to be a big difference between saying and doing.
Like my mum say, "you came in this world alone and you will go from here alone so why get upset yourself for being alone? You be strong, you don't need anyone." ----but I do mum I do.
Tuesday, March 01, 2005
Definition of Love
Why do some people do this? Why do we need someone to love us in the way we love them? If you love someone totally then it shouldn't matter what you get in return. Your love shouldn't depend upon their feelings for you. Love doesn't have a stop or pause switch.
Why does it break your heart then when they do not respond in the same way. You know they love you "in their own way". what is this "in their on way"? Why not the same way you do? If not then does it change your love for them? Would you be better off with someone who loves you the same way you love them? Is there any connection between love and romance? How long does love last? Can you spend whole life on the memory of love that you may have received? Can you truly love more than one person? or is there a measure for different kinds of loves to say one is more or less than the other?
Is there anything like the "love" that is portrayed in love stories? Are these love stories just the imagination of someone's mind? Is the love real love when you sacrifice your own happiness for the person you love? Does that kind of unconditional love exist? I know it exist from my mother. It exist from my dog. Does it exist between a man and a woman? Was Shakespeare wrong in writing Romeo and Juliet? What is the definition of love?
Why does it break your heart then when they do not respond in the same way. You know they love you "in their own way". what is this "in their on way"? Why not the same way you do? If not then does it change your love for them? Would you be better off with someone who loves you the same way you love them? Is there any connection between love and romance? How long does love last? Can you spend whole life on the memory of love that you may have received? Can you truly love more than one person? or is there a measure for different kinds of loves to say one is more or less than the other?
Is there anything like the "love" that is portrayed in love stories? Are these love stories just the imagination of someone's mind? Is the love real love when you sacrifice your own happiness for the person you love? Does that kind of unconditional love exist? I know it exist from my mother. It exist from my dog. Does it exist between a man and a woman? Was Shakespeare wrong in writing Romeo and Juliet? What is the definition of love?
Saturday, February 26, 2005
Faceless Face - poem
Face
There is a silhouette
Across the hazy horizon
My eyes keep staring
At the end of the ocean
The face keeps changing
Is it you, is it not?
The strong circling waves
Erases recognition
Trying to identify
A face cleverly disguised
Hide and seek game begins
To undermine my devotion
A spark of a smile
Absorbs in my mind
But the glint on your face
Conceals your emotion
Hole in my heart
Oozes tortured memories
Revealed face on the bottom
Mirrors my affection
Water is on fire
Sand castle burns away
But on the shore it etches
A face filled with passion
Dive in the sea of my love
Explore to find the treasure
What’s hidden is your face
Just looks different in reflection