Thursday, June 29, 2006
Quiet and Calm
Why my life doesn’t run in the way other people have theirs with a mixture of things happening at the same time? Mine seems to go through the phases of things or that’s how it feels to me.
When I am lonely I have nobody but then times change and I have everybody. There are times when I have nothing to do and nowhere to go but then there are times when I have too many people and too many invitations. When I am down everything around me comes with more problems but then things are right and almost everything goes straight forward and smooth. I have no control over most things that happen around me.
Lately things are going good and steady. There are many people around me giving me happiness. There is nothing I have done to make that happen. I am just the same. They too are same so why am I getting more from them than I did in the previous phase? How is it that most things seem to go right – be it work or personal? It is a little frustrating because I know this will turn again and things just will not work out right even if I try harder than now.
I am a little lost -in a good way- by my Sickie being so well for a long while. I don’t want to say it or even think it just in case it is only a dream. I might have just imagined it and it will go away if I say it loudly. Mind you I must also remind myself that he is just better not cured so don’t take this for granted.
Mother and the dog are reasonably plodding along. Even if there were not I can accept the inevitable differently some times and panic about it the other times. Why?
It’s not about how I handle things when I am going through different moods (by the way I DO NOT suffer from mood swings etc....well no more than normal...lol).
I know changes are certain in the life cycle and happiness and sadness follow each other but what I am talking about is when everything remains same and even then the outcome turns out different. Why?
It’s perhaps strangely quiet and calm at the moment because no one is emotionally fighting with me! …. LOL…No doubt it will not last forever……….
When I am lonely I have nobody but then times change and I have everybody. There are times when I have nothing to do and nowhere to go but then there are times when I have too many people and too many invitations. When I am down everything around me comes with more problems but then things are right and almost everything goes straight forward and smooth. I have no control over most things that happen around me.
Lately things are going good and steady. There are many people around me giving me happiness. There is nothing I have done to make that happen. I am just the same. They too are same so why am I getting more from them than I did in the previous phase? How is it that most things seem to go right – be it work or personal? It is a little frustrating because I know this will turn again and things just will not work out right even if I try harder than now.
I am a little lost -in a good way- by my Sickie being so well for a long while. I don’t want to say it or even think it just in case it is only a dream. I might have just imagined it and it will go away if I say it loudly. Mind you I must also remind myself that he is just better not cured so don’t take this for granted.
Mother and the dog are reasonably plodding along. Even if there were not I can accept the inevitable differently some times and panic about it the other times. Why?
It’s not about how I handle things when I am going through different moods (by the way I DO NOT suffer from mood swings etc....well no more than normal...lol).
I know changes are certain in the life cycle and happiness and sadness follow each other but what I am talking about is when everything remains same and even then the outcome turns out different. Why?
It’s perhaps strangely quiet and calm at the moment because no one is emotionally fighting with me! …. LOL…No doubt it will not last forever……….
# posted by butterflyuk : 6/29/2006 12:27:00 am
