Monday, May 28, 2007
Not a good day
In a way lot has happened in the last 3 months but I will catch up with that as I go along. In a way, though, nothing has changed! How can that be?
I thought I was going through a bad patch of depression. Normally it is a day or two here or there but this time it continued for several weeks. Not that I have ever been diagnosed or have taken any medicine for it but I know myself that it is not how I should be feeling. All day I would be functioning normally but at the end of the day I felt as if I am completely empty. Nothing is there, nothing is real and nothing can change anything. Even if things could be changed I didn’t know to what.
At times I don’t realised how strong I am. I seem to go through situations and bounce back – just like my old doggie. At times I have noticed that people I have relied on for being stronger have broken before me. Or is it a case that looking at things from outside keeps you to keep your control and offer advice and help but when it comes to your own self it is hard to handle?
Anyway I came to find out that my brother has been ill and been depressed for a few days. I am not surprised that he is ill with extra stress he has taken but it never occurred to me that he will be suffering from a depression. Almost everyone suffers from depression once in life for something or the other but he has always given the impression that he can cope with stress. The biggest stress is of course my mum and my sister-in-law. My brother is torn between both of them. If they don’t back off – especially his wife – they are going to be sorry. I am very worried about him.
I dragged Sickie to the pictures tonight to cheer ourselves up. As he is always cold he had the zip of his jacket right up to his neck. As we sat down he wanted to take the zip down but it got stuck. I tried but I couldn’t do it either. All the time during the film he kept messing around with his jacket and still not managed to undo it. I just couldn’t concentrate on the film.
As we came out I noticed that the case of my mobile had disappeared. I only bought it yesterday so I went back to check under the seats. It was dark and scary in the empty auditorium. Eventually I got the steward with a torch and we found the case. It wasn’t worth the effort as it seems to be torn anyway.
Not a good day.
I thought I was going through a bad patch of depression. Normally it is a day or two here or there but this time it continued for several weeks. Not that I have ever been diagnosed or have taken any medicine for it but I know myself that it is not how I should be feeling. All day I would be functioning normally but at the end of the day I felt as if I am completely empty. Nothing is there, nothing is real and nothing can change anything. Even if things could be changed I didn’t know to what.
At times I don’t realised how strong I am. I seem to go through situations and bounce back – just like my old doggie. At times I have noticed that people I have relied on for being stronger have broken before me. Or is it a case that looking at things from outside keeps you to keep your control and offer advice and help but when it comes to your own self it is hard to handle?
Anyway I came to find out that my brother has been ill and been depressed for a few days. I am not surprised that he is ill with extra stress he has taken but it never occurred to me that he will be suffering from a depression. Almost everyone suffers from depression once in life for something or the other but he has always given the impression that he can cope with stress. The biggest stress is of course my mum and my sister-in-law. My brother is torn between both of them. If they don’t back off – especially his wife – they are going to be sorry. I am very worried about him.
I dragged Sickie to the pictures tonight to cheer ourselves up. As he is always cold he had the zip of his jacket right up to his neck. As we sat down he wanted to take the zip down but it got stuck. I tried but I couldn’t do it either. All the time during the film he kept messing around with his jacket and still not managed to undo it. I just couldn’t concentrate on the film.
As we came out I noticed that the case of my mobile had disappeared. I only bought it yesterday so I went back to check under the seats. It was dark and scary in the empty auditorium. Eventually I got the steward with a torch and we found the case. It wasn’t worth the effort as it seems to be torn anyway.
Not a good day.
# posted by butterflyuk : 5/28/2007 02:28:00 am
