butterflyuk

Let me start the New Year with the doggie talk. First thing in the morning on the 1st January 2007 I was prodded with a wet cold nose and a smelly lick on my face. It was the ruler of the house demanding to be attended to her needs. She hasn’t been eating properly and is losing weight. Although she is supposed to be on special food because of her bad kidneys the vet says it is better she eats something or anything rather than totally rejecting the renal food so I surrendered readily to her choice of left over turkey.

There was the usual contest. I shove down the medicine in her throat and she spits them out. After several attempts I won. Off we went for our walk at the back of the house. That little pond I mentioned long time ago where she used to have a special bread eating match with the ducks is being tidied up. Some of the re-generation money is being spent on the areas where the vandals have made their colonies, in the hope to deter them. There were slabs and concrete all over the place. They are building a nice path round the damn and some seats for the fishermen. The dog forgets that her legs do not keep with the rest of her body these days. I like her to have a bit of freedom so she was off the lead. Next thing I knew she was on her back in the little ditch between the slabs. She couldn’t get up despite frantically waving her legs about. I kept calm, unlike my normal reaction, and that worked because she stopped struggling until I got her up.

That gave me an insight to my short comings. Instead of frantically trying to get what I think I want, why don’t I stop struggling? Note I said “what I think I want”. In the end it might not be what I wanted anyway. Once I convince myself I don’t want whatever I was struggling for, it is easy to come out of it. But will that not be giving up? Will that not be crushing your real desires, wishes and hopes?