Wednesday, September 27, 2006
Time Heals
Yesterday from the time I got up I felt miserable. The day didn't go well at all with several arguments for no valid point. I know you cannot please public and the customer is always right (even when they are wrong) but I just cannot let go unsubstantiated blame. I get very upset when I think I am being blamed for something that wasn't my fault. If I had unknowingly or in error done something wrong then I feel very bad and very guilty. I see both of these as my weakness but I haven't learnt to control them.
It was a very busy day as well and I had no time to think about anything else. Straight after work, sorting the dog walk and our evening meal out, I went with girlie friend 1 to the 2nd Yoga class of this term. The class went well and got me calmed down but later in the evening I couldn't stop myself getting tearful. I was trying to think why I was down and depressed. Then I remembered. It was the 3rd anniversary of my friend's death. I was ashamed that I forgot but did I? I think my subconscious didn't forget and that is why I was sad all day.
There was a time when the thought of not having my friend seemed absurd but when people are taken away from us we get used to living without them, don't we? Of course we don't forget them but the memories do fade with passing of time. Should we feel ashamed or guilty for letting the memory fade?
It was a very busy day as well and I had no time to think about anything else. Straight after work, sorting the dog walk and our evening meal out, I went with girlie friend 1 to the 2nd Yoga class of this term. The class went well and got me calmed down but later in the evening I couldn't stop myself getting tearful. I was trying to think why I was down and depressed. Then I remembered. It was the 3rd anniversary of my friend's death. I was ashamed that I forgot but did I? I think my subconscious didn't forget and that is why I was sad all day.
There was a time when the thought of not having my friend seemed absurd but when people are taken away from us we get used to living without them, don't we? Of course we don't forget them but the memories do fade with passing of time. Should we feel ashamed or guilty for letting the memory fade?
# posted by butterflyuk : 9/27/2006 10:00:00 pm
Comments:
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My best friend M
died 4 years back, I
miss her madly and in
a funny fucked sort of
way 'Ruth' is M (with
out the lezzie stuff,
mad stuff, blonde hair!)
Just a little person I loved
very much who was incredibly
manipultive but sweet.
But if I held onto the grief
at it's intense level I
would not be able to function.
Not a day goes by when I don't
think of M,or am reminded
of her in some small way.
I think the mind protects you
by lessening the pain over
time. It's not that we
forget, it's just we don't
feel the intensity.
Oh and little one asked me
if I was still alive when
the Romans were around today.
Cheers son.
died 4 years back, I
miss her madly and in
a funny fucked sort of
way 'Ruth' is M (with
out the lezzie stuff,
mad stuff, blonde hair!)
Just a little person I loved
very much who was incredibly
manipultive but sweet.
But if I held onto the grief
at it's intense level I
would not be able to function.
Not a day goes by when I don't
think of M,or am reminded
of her in some small way.
I think the mind protects you
by lessening the pain over
time. It's not that we
forget, it's just we don't
feel the intensity.
Oh and little one asked me
if I was still alive when
the Romans were around today.
Cheers son.
Incidently my friend was also M. He'd be angry if he knew I was sad for him. You are right. Of course they are not forgotten.
Oh tell the Lit'ln that his Mum wasn't but auntie Butterfly feels as if she was alive when the Romans were around!
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Oh tell the Lit'ln that his Mum wasn't but auntie Butterfly feels as if she was alive when the Romans were around!
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