Monday, July 18, 2005
Cheating
Wedding vows in an Arya Samaj wedding– a branch of Hindu religion – say that I promise you that I will be faithful to you “with mind (i.e. thought), words and deeds”.
When people talk about cheating they do not see the bigger picture. What is called cheating? This question is not stupid. Of course everyone knows that having sex with someone else while being in a relationship to another is called cheating. If you look at the question in a spiritual light cheating sexually is not the worst cheating one could inflict to their partner. It is materialistic and self important outlook to look at bodily functions only and think that everyone in the world fit in one definition.
All depends on the basis of your relationship. When you are so close with someone and you understand each other completely then the question of cheating does not arise.
All relationships change over the time. People change over the time. Someone you fell in love with will not be exactly same over the time. Interests change, habits change and although they love each other more deeply and soundly they may not be as exciting as they once were. They may not be filling some gaps in the other’s personality or interest and I don’t mean sexually. Now if someone else comes along and fills in that gap should they not allow it? As I said before no one goes out saying to themselves that they want to cheat on their partner. Some times it happens, wrongly, but it does. Should they end their relationship even though they still love their partner?
If people are not in a happy relationship sometimes they still carry on together for the sake of children. Is that so bad? Should they be selfish and put themselves first and seek own happiness over the family’s?
Not all views expressed are always personal experiences but are the observations in life. What people say, do, discuss, believe or not believe is a different point of view and because you do not understand or accept their reasons, their psyche does not mean they are wrong and should go to a remote part of the world. The discussions are interesting and increases knowledge. As long as one party in a debate can convince the other that their view is right then fine, if not then both are entitled to see the world the way they see it without being judgmental.
A case study:
A man and a woman were in love. They had a very happy life together until the woman developed a chronic illness. He will do anything to cure her but it is not possible. He has put his all in looking after her. Hers is not a terminal disease so there is no time limit to this situation. The man loves and cares for his partner without doubt but as a human being he has his needs too. She cannot give him companionship, partnership, friendship or sex. If he gets it elsewhere would that be cheating?
Is just the sex that is sole property of your partner or is having other loving friendships, enjoy being in other people’s company, doing things together with other people, hiding other little things to keep the peace is also cheating? Why do we give so much importance to sex? Why have the values of today’s society changed so much to what it was 50 years ago? Is anyone teaching today’s young the moral values for them to follow when we are changing ourselves? These values are different for different societies, cultures and countries so who is right?
These thoughts were written after reading JIB's Sex, Lies and Videotape.
When people talk about cheating they do not see the bigger picture. What is called cheating? This question is not stupid. Of course everyone knows that having sex with someone else while being in a relationship to another is called cheating. If you look at the question in a spiritual light cheating sexually is not the worst cheating one could inflict to their partner. It is materialistic and self important outlook to look at bodily functions only and think that everyone in the world fit in one definition.
All depends on the basis of your relationship. When you are so close with someone and you understand each other completely then the question of cheating does not arise.
All relationships change over the time. People change over the time. Someone you fell in love with will not be exactly same over the time. Interests change, habits change and although they love each other more deeply and soundly they may not be as exciting as they once were. They may not be filling some gaps in the other’s personality or interest and I don’t mean sexually. Now if someone else comes along and fills in that gap should they not allow it? As I said before no one goes out saying to themselves that they want to cheat on their partner. Some times it happens, wrongly, but it does. Should they end their relationship even though they still love their partner?
If people are not in a happy relationship sometimes they still carry on together for the sake of children. Is that so bad? Should they be selfish and put themselves first and seek own happiness over the family’s?
Not all views expressed are always personal experiences but are the observations in life. What people say, do, discuss, believe or not believe is a different point of view and because you do not understand or accept their reasons, their psyche does not mean they are wrong and should go to a remote part of the world. The discussions are interesting and increases knowledge. As long as one party in a debate can convince the other that their view is right then fine, if not then both are entitled to see the world the way they see it without being judgmental.
A case study:
A man and a woman were in love. They had a very happy life together until the woman developed a chronic illness. He will do anything to cure her but it is not possible. He has put his all in looking after her. Hers is not a terminal disease so there is no time limit to this situation. The man loves and cares for his partner without doubt but as a human being he has his needs too. She cannot give him companionship, partnership, friendship or sex. If he gets it elsewhere would that be cheating?
Is just the sex that is sole property of your partner or is having other loving friendships, enjoy being in other people’s company, doing things together with other people, hiding other little things to keep the peace is also cheating? Why do we give so much importance to sex? Why have the values of today’s society changed so much to what it was 50 years ago? Is anyone teaching today’s young the moral values for them to follow when we are changing ourselves? These values are different for different societies, cultures and countries so who is right?
These thoughts were written after reading JIB's Sex, Lies and Videotape.
# posted by butterflyuk : 7/18/2005 12:48:00 am
