Sunday, June 19, 2005
Self deceit
Girlie friend No. 1 advises me that I shouldn't open my inner self too much to the others. I shouldn't tell what my real feelings are as much as I do. I know she is saying that to help me not to be taken for granted. She has my good at heart that I don't allow myself to be used as emotional punch bag.
What I don't understand is why people are two faced and controlling. Why can't I say what I feel and think? Is saying what you feel - but it is not same as someone wants to listen to - called emotional blackmail? What is an emotional blackmail? The excuse of emotional blackmail is a get away clause in my view. Why do people feel that they need to put up a front and play games? Oh I love playing games so that is not the problem. My idea of a game is something mysterious, something to keep someone guessing, something to hide and find, something to make someone happy and some fun everyone. The games that add sparks and sparkles so they are good. What is bad is the game of deceit - to the others or even to yourself. I don't know why some people try to deceive their own heart and mind by denying the facts. No matter how much you convince yourself in the end you know deep down what the truth is or can you be so clever that you can deceive your heart and mind too?
What I don't understand is why people are two faced and controlling. Why can't I say what I feel and think? Is saying what you feel - but it is not same as someone wants to listen to - called emotional blackmail? What is an emotional blackmail? The excuse of emotional blackmail is a get away clause in my view. Why do people feel that they need to put up a front and play games? Oh I love playing games so that is not the problem. My idea of a game is something mysterious, something to keep someone guessing, something to hide and find, something to make someone happy and some fun everyone. The games that add sparks and sparkles so they are good. What is bad is the game of deceit - to the others or even to yourself. I don't know why some people try to deceive their own heart and mind by denying the facts. No matter how much you convince yourself in the end you know deep down what the truth is or can you be so clever that you can deceive your heart and mind too?
# posted by butterflyuk : 6/19/2005 10:32:00 pm
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Hallo. I totally agree re: the games playing. Unfortunately, the answer to the last question you pose is yes... I think. Or rather, I've met people that can go into so much denial of true feeling that it effects itself as deception to themselves as well. Denial - of good feelings or bad is always bad.
The first part of your post was great though. Made me think. This emotional blackmail stuff... It's a tricky one when you take it to extremes. I think most people term it emotional blackmail when you tell someone your feelings and you expect them to deal with them. For instance, I could fall for X and tell her that. That's fine, whether or not she feels the same way. But if I tell her that, and expect her to deal with it - either through talking to me about it, or helping me out of it, or etc. then it becomes emotional blackmail.
We can't help what we feel, but we do control over how we deal with those feelings. If they are our feelings alone, they should remain that way. Doesn't matter who knows about them.
I dunno, these are half-formed thoughts on the subject (obviously I will have to excrete a post about this stuff soon), so apologies for the ramble(s). And thanks for the thought-food :)
The first part of your post was great though. Made me think. This emotional blackmail stuff... It's a tricky one when you take it to extremes. I think most people term it emotional blackmail when you tell someone your feelings and you expect them to deal with them. For instance, I could fall for X and tell her that. That's fine, whether or not she feels the same way. But if I tell her that, and expect her to deal with it - either through talking to me about it, or helping me out of it, or etc. then it becomes emotional blackmail.
We can't help what we feel, but we do control over how we deal with those feelings. If they are our feelings alone, they should remain that way. Doesn't matter who knows about them.
I dunno, these are half-formed thoughts on the subject (obviously I will have to excrete a post about this stuff soon), so apologies for the ramble(s). And thanks for the thought-food :)
Hi, No need for the apologies. I love discussions and appreciate your input. I'll look out for your post on this subject and other observations.
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