butterflyuk

For me 2005 does not seem to have started as I hoped for. I was quite ok with staying in as previous years. When a friend came in the morning we said that next year we are definitely going out but I had not really thought it will change. Finished work late so it was dark already. I said to myself it's all down to expectations. I said to myself I am neither happy nor sad. This is just like another day. It was fine. I spent most evening on the phone. Some called me and some I called to wish a Happy New Year. Sent some texts and some texts were sent to me. It did not feel lonely like it used to feel a couple of years ago. I am trying to work out what has gone wrong since the midnight? Why am I feeling depressed now? Can't sleep. Haven't tried to. I feel sad and lost. I shouldn't feel like that. Things are going well at the moment. What do I want? What is missing? Am I asking for too much from people? I thought I had almost everything, temporarily of course. I want to be strong,(perhaps I am). I want to be emotionally independent. I do not want to need anyone. Most of all I do not want to feel like a loser. I don't think I am a loser but why do I feel like one?