Thursday, December 16, 2004
Expectations
If you don't want to be disappointed or don't want to be sad then lower your expectations. Can you justify this idea? I can. It works for me.
It depends on the type of person you are. For some one else, having a positive attitude or hoping for more than they really want to achieve works better. It is not that I have no ambition or I don't want to work towards it. The way I look at it is that if you hope too high and it does not materialise then you feel disappointed. If you didn't expect too much and if better happens then you have some thing to be happy about.
Sure you have to hope for the best and you have to look for the bright future but at the same time you have to accept the fact that hopes are just personal expectations and may not be based on reality.
I have learnt to protect my emotional status. I have lowered my expectations. Not the things I want from myself but what I want from the others. Sometimes I forget and expect more but I not necessarily get it. Generally I get hurt because what I expected was not on offer, it was only my perception.
The things that you have no control over should be accepted as what's put in front of you. Of course you want to make things better and you must try to do that but it should be recognised and accepted that you may not get what you want, what you hope for.
This applies to some one who is ill. No matter how much we like it to be different, an illness is something beyond our control, hell, it's beyond the control of the ill person too, may it be a physical illness or mental illness.
Around festive time there is a lot of stress anyway and we all want everything going well on those days. It is extra hard if we have guests because as a social animal we want to be same, we want to be accepted by them. I have stopped treating special days as special because I used to get very upset if things didn't go right on those days. Believe me things never went right or goes right on special days. So now I treat special days as ordinary days and don't worry about them.
I am not sure if this makes sense to other people but what I am saying is - you know the ill person is going to do something that will upset you and everyone so don't expect the ill person to behave like a well person, just expect trouble and don't give any importance to it, just ignore it. Don't make yourself ill by looking through your hope, wishes and expectations. Find a way of accepting the illness, you will after years of practice!
When people look at the calm waters of an ocean they do not see the constant currents and waves that go on deep under that calm surface.
Is lowering your expectations a bad thing?
It depends on the type of person you are. For some one else, having a positive attitude or hoping for more than they really want to achieve works better. It is not that I have no ambition or I don't want to work towards it. The way I look at it is that if you hope too high and it does not materialise then you feel disappointed. If you didn't expect too much and if better happens then you have some thing to be happy about.
Sure you have to hope for the best and you have to look for the bright future but at the same time you have to accept the fact that hopes are just personal expectations and may not be based on reality.
I have learnt to protect my emotional status. I have lowered my expectations. Not the things I want from myself but what I want from the others. Sometimes I forget and expect more but I not necessarily get it. Generally I get hurt because what I expected was not on offer, it was only my perception.
The things that you have no control over should be accepted as what's put in front of you. Of course you want to make things better and you must try to do that but it should be recognised and accepted that you may not get what you want, what you hope for.
This applies to some one who is ill. No matter how much we like it to be different, an illness is something beyond our control, hell, it's beyond the control of the ill person too, may it be a physical illness or mental illness.
Around festive time there is a lot of stress anyway and we all want everything going well on those days. It is extra hard if we have guests because as a social animal we want to be same, we want to be accepted by them. I have stopped treating special days as special because I used to get very upset if things didn't go right on those days. Believe me things never went right or goes right on special days. So now I treat special days as ordinary days and don't worry about them.
I am not sure if this makes sense to other people but what I am saying is - you know the ill person is going to do something that will upset you and everyone so don't expect the ill person to behave like a well person, just expect trouble and don't give any importance to it, just ignore it. Don't make yourself ill by looking through your hope, wishes and expectations. Find a way of accepting the illness, you will after years of practice!
When people look at the calm waters of an ocean they do not see the constant currents and waves that go on deep under that calm surface.
Is lowering your expectations a bad thing?
# posted by butterflyuk : 12/16/2004 01:15:00 am
Comments:
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You betcha. You're close, but there are some variables. Lowering your expectations just to emotionally pacify yourself is deceptive to yourself. Your real feelings were that you wanted that first expectation, so once it's out there it can't be changed. After that, if you choose to accept the lower standard you lose a little bit of yourself.
If it's someone that's not meeting them - get rid of them. If it's a job - walk out the door.
Afterall, you've only got one life to live here, sister.
M.
If it's someone that's not meeting them - get rid of them. If it's a job - walk out the door.
Afterall, you've only got one life to live here, sister.
M.
Only if things are so simple! Job etc. , yes, change and move on - but for people - it depends what you feel for them. At times your life is not just yours but it also belongs to some others you care for and are bonded to. For them you may be prepared to lose everything, not just some expectations.
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