butterflyuk

I said to someone yesterday that I treat all days as normal days, special days or not. A self-preservation tactic. I used to get very worked up and upset that my special days were not turning out like everyone else's. When other people were having a good time for example at Christmas, I used to get sad that I cannot join them. Trying to have a good time used to make time more stressful and unhappy.

Then I started to train my thinking. Self-instruction. I told myself that all days are same. If something nice happens then it is a good day. If it doesn't happen then nothings is lost. Nice things don't have to happen on a special day, on the day I am happy is a special day. I came to my expectation theory conclusion from this. If I didn't expect Christmas day to be spent a certain way, doing certain things, I will not be upset if those things didn't happen.

Why is it then that I feel sad tonight? Why do I feel that there is no one else in this world? Why do I feel that there is no one behind this screen?...LOL..Ok, that's silly I know....there can never be anyone behind a monitor screen!..But you know what I mean, don't you?