Sunday, November 28, 2004
Escapism or Coping Mechanism - Karma
How we react to major situations and circumstances depend, I believe, on our biological make up , our psychological growing - up bringing and later on- and our socio-economical surrounding. I don't believe we are ever prepared for major catastrophe in our lives. Even then some of us handle it much better than the others. When something very bad happens to us like losing an important person by death or a grave illness we go through different emotions and different reactions to handle that.
At times it is much harder to see someone you love in pain then bearing that pain yourself. When a diagnosis is made that your loved one has a very serious illness the first reaction is of course shock and disbelief. It could be a child born with major disability. It could be a terminal illness like cancer. It could be a mental illness. It could be someone losing a limb.
Other people could see the physical illness and you get some support at some stage in that period, if nothing else you get kind words and sympathy. It is much harder with mental illness. You cannot easily see it. Not many understand it and not many want to put up with it because the sufferer doesn't look ill as such. Some mental illness make the patient behave in such a manner that they themselves make you lose your sympathy. I may have said it before, a carer for the ill person suffers twice, once for the patient and once for their own self. Obviously I am talking about a spouse, parent, child or other close people and not a professional carer. One more observation I have made is that no matter how much you love someone say a friend who is ill, the reaction is different to someone you are responsible for day and night.
Another major difference in our reaction also comes from the length of the illness. It is not that you care more for a short but intense illness or less for long term illness but longer the illness goes on your coping style and behaviour changes.
In the early part of the illness you are shocked. Then you go into denial, disbelief that it could be happening. Then you try to find ways to cure it. You try to understand it and help to try and make it go away. Eventually you accept it. When you have put in all you have got but it has not changed then you go into despair. Anything you could do is not going to change the course of destiny. You feel totally powerless and go our of your mind that you are so incapable. You try to find blames, perhaps on yourself.
That is where the title of my blog comes in. The way I understand Karma is : you do all you can, everything in your power, your ultimate best, that is all you can do. The result is not in your hand so if you cannot change the situation, don't despair. Hindus believe that whatever you do, all your actions have a reaction. That includes your thoughts too. Karma means action and it also means the result of action. Whatever acts we acted or thoughts we thought they have created an impression in the universe. The universe gives us back what we have given to it. A wheel of life takes you into a circle until you are pure by thoughts, words and actions. If you have done something bad in the previous life, you might get it paid back to you this time. It is not different than what Christ said, " As ye sow, so shall ye reap" except of course the wheel of life principle.
So when you cannot find an answer why bad things are happening to you or when things are very good for you, rather than getting desperate or proud,you should see it as that is what destined to happen according to what you did in your past lives. Do good things in this life so you can have better life next time round. This is what most of Hindu people believe.
I also apply this to why you give to some people or take from some people, and I am not talking about material things, I am talking about connection with soul, love, friendship, unselfish things, the feelings, the emotions, favours, charitable actions. Is it possible that perhaps we had a connection before we met and we owed one another whatever we are trying to make good.
No doubt there are many arguments against it. I am not advocating wrong or right of any belief or religion. What I am trying to say is when you cannot explain the reasons and cannot change the circumstance, some people may find a way of coping with it by using this understanding. It may be escapism or it may be a coping mechanism, if it gives you some peace of mind then it is right for you.
Do tell me if you think differently, on or off the blog.
At times it is much harder to see someone you love in pain then bearing that pain yourself. When a diagnosis is made that your loved one has a very serious illness the first reaction is of course shock and disbelief. It could be a child born with major disability. It could be a terminal illness like cancer. It could be a mental illness. It could be someone losing a limb.
Other people could see the physical illness and you get some support at some stage in that period, if nothing else you get kind words and sympathy. It is much harder with mental illness. You cannot easily see it. Not many understand it and not many want to put up with it because the sufferer doesn't look ill as such. Some mental illness make the patient behave in such a manner that they themselves make you lose your sympathy. I may have said it before, a carer for the ill person suffers twice, once for the patient and once for their own self. Obviously I am talking about a spouse, parent, child or other close people and not a professional carer. One more observation I have made is that no matter how much you love someone say a friend who is ill, the reaction is different to someone you are responsible for day and night.
Another major difference in our reaction also comes from the length of the illness. It is not that you care more for a short but intense illness or less for long term illness but longer the illness goes on your coping style and behaviour changes.
In the early part of the illness you are shocked. Then you go into denial, disbelief that it could be happening. Then you try to find ways to cure it. You try to understand it and help to try and make it go away. Eventually you accept it. When you have put in all you have got but it has not changed then you go into despair. Anything you could do is not going to change the course of destiny. You feel totally powerless and go our of your mind that you are so incapable. You try to find blames, perhaps on yourself.
That is where the title of my blog comes in. The way I understand Karma is : you do all you can, everything in your power, your ultimate best, that is all you can do. The result is not in your hand so if you cannot change the situation, don't despair. Hindus believe that whatever you do, all your actions have a reaction. That includes your thoughts too. Karma means action and it also means the result of action. Whatever acts we acted or thoughts we thought they have created an impression in the universe. The universe gives us back what we have given to it. A wheel of life takes you into a circle until you are pure by thoughts, words and actions. If you have done something bad in the previous life, you might get it paid back to you this time. It is not different than what Christ said, " As ye sow, so shall ye reap" except of course the wheel of life principle.
So when you cannot find an answer why bad things are happening to you or when things are very good for you, rather than getting desperate or proud,you should see it as that is what destined to happen according to what you did in your past lives. Do good things in this life so you can have better life next time round. This is what most of Hindu people believe.
I also apply this to why you give to some people or take from some people, and I am not talking about material things, I am talking about connection with soul, love, friendship, unselfish things, the feelings, the emotions, favours, charitable actions. Is it possible that perhaps we had a connection before we met and we owed one another whatever we are trying to make good.
No doubt there are many arguments against it. I am not advocating wrong or right of any belief or religion. What I am trying to say is when you cannot explain the reasons and cannot change the circumstance, some people may find a way of coping with it by using this understanding. It may be escapism or it may be a coping mechanism, if it gives you some peace of mind then it is right for you.
Do tell me if you think differently, on or off the blog.
# posted by butterflyuk : 11/28/2004 08:56:00 pm
