butterflyuk

Life has got busy lately that I have not had time to think about important people in my life. I must phone mum tomorrow. I am sure she will be counting the days. She will be thinking that on top of being busy either I am very happy or completely down in dumps. When I am sad or unsure I tend to ring more. Selfish, I know, but she is my basic comfort zone. Whatever it is, I know she will make it good, well at least with words. Only when I am major sad then I don't ring. When I am happy I ring often too. If my thoughts are occupied with something extra extra nice then I might forget to ring, which is again selfish. She says that she knows what is going on in my without even talking to me.

I have not been paying much attention to my dependents either. I am there in the same place but only physically. Every night I used to have a little hide and seek play with the dog but we haven't been doing that for a while now. I keep saying to myself that soon I will have less responsibilities and a little more time and I will make it up to them.

With me everything happens in my head, in my mind. That is were guilty feeling comes in. When my mind is occupied with something else, I may be doing everything as normal, be present physically but not really taking any notice of people around me. I have my own world. I have two separate existences, physical and mental. If I have to be accountable for anything I do then I cannot really be accused of a neglet to my responsibility. I am doing all that I should. Only that I know that I am not present there with my mind. At times it works well. When I am like that there are no arguments, differences, let downs, upsets, accusations... Nothing bothers me becasue I am really not there to see or hear all that. Only later on I feel that I should have been there with my mind otherwise what is the difference between having a paid outside help and someone emotionally involved?