butterflyuk

I didn't post after 29th August till the 7th September thinking that what does it matter? They are my thoughts only and who would notice them or miss them? Apart from two of my local friends no one else know about Blogger. To be honest I do not think a couple of my friends would understand why I would want to write about my life on the net. I don't think they would approve. I think "British" mentality of being private and a little aloof still prevails for a lot of people.

It is very hard for a lot of people to talk about their life, their inner most thoughts. In my experience men find it more hard to open up. Perhaps I am wrong. No doubt any man reading this will tell me. I can only sort things out in my head by talking. I tell what I feel. At times I think I should not be so much like an open book. Then again even if someone reads a book, read the words does not mean they understand what the writer actually wantes to say. For that, the reader has to read between the lines and understand the characters. I think analysing your own self is a key to accepting, loving your own self. Writing a blog is like talking to a therapist.

Any way, after coming from work and doing dinner/dishes I have been just too lazy to post for the last few days. I also had 300 odd emails to read from a work group I subscribe to. It is so strange but the monitor screen feels empty when the online friends are away. If you dont find a reason to go on line then you don't feel like turning the PC on.

I want to write about many things. This is not one of them but I digress according to the moods. My mood has changed after reading a blog. It has made me sad with compassion. This blog is a general reaction to that. It is a gift to have people/friends around to talk things over with and share but at certain times having someone who is detached, not involved in our lives, to observe and advise us is more helpful.

From work I went for a walk with the dog again. After that straight to the shops and petrol for the car. It was about 5 pm when I returned. After dinner I have been doing some paper work. My husband is in bed and the dog in her basket. I am feeling bad for not spending time with them. If I wasn't on my computer would I be giving them more attention? I am not sure but I feel that I am not being fair. I don't know where my guilt feelings come from. I had a wonderful childhood. I was very much loved, to the point of being spoilt. I do feel guilty for all sorts of things. In my defense about the computer I say that I work long hours so I have to go on PC in my "home" time. I also feel guilty if I felt I was not doing what was expected of me, my duties! I have to fulfill my obligations as I see them, which may be different than normal. I keep very late hours and only sleep for 5 odd hours trying to do everything.

Is spending too much time online really bad for you because you miss out on personal interaction? or should we see the PC as a life savior because without that lots of people will be a lot more lonely? Isn't interaction online a "normal" interaction?

Good night. A normal blog tomorrow I promise !