butterflyuk

So today is nearly over. It was dreaded. Now I am thinking that it didn't really matter what day it was. This feeling of sadness and helplessness has nothing to do with a particular day. I feel those many times.

On this day last year I lost two lovely people. One was a friend, confidant, advisor, carer, boss, employee, assistant, entertainer, personal shopper, therapist, handyman and an information desk! He was some of these or all of these to some other people too. He cheered everyone up. You never ever imagine that someone a lot younger, fitter, healthier is going to die before you, without any warning.

Jay phoned in the middle of last night as he was feeling awful thinking of how we lost our friend in a car crash last year. We agreed that we will spend some time with his family today and go to the cemetery. It was not easy to look at his grave.It was not easy to look at is family. We were all saying how exceptionally good he was.

I think his short life was more useful and worth while than many who live very long, dull, selfish and uneventful life. Some religions believe that they will wait for the Day of judgment, one day we all will be united, some believe they will be reincarnated, the body dies but the soul remains. What does really happen when you die? and then again do I really want to know? Perhaps not.

Of course no one want to say anything bad about a deceased person but it seems to me that after someone dies we somehow put that person on a pedestal. Noone else match them. That is fine as long as we realize that our life is going to be spent with the ones who are here and not the ones we have lost.

I am not sure I make much sense of whatever I am thinking or saying. My body and mind both are tired. Perhaps I should leave this for another time.